That left Elizabeth and Matilda alone with their mother. Elizabeth was still standing by the door, staring at the Viscountess as if she was a completely different person.
“Elizabeth…” the Viscountess rose to meet her, holding a hand out in hopes that her daughter would accept it. Elizabeth backed away instead and Matilda didn’t have to see her mother’s face to know it was filled with hurt.
“Don’t touch me,” Elizabeth hissed, her voice scathing. “All this time, I thought you had become like that because of what happened. I thought I had disappointed you, Mother, and I could hardly bear to look at you knowing what I did to you. But to think that you were the one who started this entire mess in the first place…?” She looked away in disgust and left it at that. She needn’t say any more words because what she’d already said had cut deep and so she left the room, in a less boisterous manner than her father did.
When her mother faced Matilda, Matilda met her with steady eyes. The truth of the entire matter was beginning to sink in. Her father’s actions, her mother’s actions, why everything happened the way it did. Matilda faced her mother not entirely knowing how she should react to it herself.
“Matilda, you understand me, don’t you?” she asked as she slowly came closer. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but you at least understand why I thought the way I did, do you not? You and I had always been able to understand each other, even when no one else could.”
“No, Mother.” Now, it was Matilda’s turn to get to her feet. “I do not understand you. I don’t understand how you could deliberately set out to ruin your daughter’s life for your own selfish needs. And when your terrible plan turned out to be much more terrible than you thought it would, you said nothing. You allowed the pain to continue while you selfishly sat there.”
That stunned her but Matilda went on, “Do you know what is the worst thing about all this? You may have been the cause of this mess but even when you realized the error of your ways, you said nothing. You did nothing. When Elizabeth needed you, when I needed you, when we begged you to say something, to help us, to console us, to be there for us, you did nothing.”
“I couldn’t bring myself to face the truth of what I’d done, Matilda. I just … couldn’t.”
“And it was that weakness that created all of this. You couldn’t face a life on your own. You couldn’t face Father being unfaithful and us raising our own families. You allowed that weakness to consume you and we suffered because of it. I cannot forgive you for this, Mother. I doubt I ever will.”
That was the last lance to pierce her heart. The Viscountess sank into the seat that stood by as if her feet could no longer work. Matilda wondered briefly if she had known that was behind her or if she would have fallen to the ground in her shock. She shook the thought away.
She had more to say, more scathing words that would undoubtedly tear her mother to shreds. She wanted to say them and though they sat on the tip of her tongue, she couldn’t. Despite all the hurt, pain and anger she was feeling in that moment, she couldn’t bring herself to hurt her mother any more than she was already hurting. So she left her behind.
Matilda made her way to her bedchambers, sat on the bed, and cried until she ran out of tears.
Chapter 33
For the first time, Timothy was there first. The cold stone bench he sat upon felt as if it would burn through his trousers and with every breath, he could see the puff of air appear and disappear before his eyes. He focused on it in an effort to distract himself from the worry that consumed him ever since he left the Roburg manor earlier today.
He could only imagine what Matilda was going through. He’d seen enough after Lady Roburg’s explanation and, though she had done a good job of holding it in, he could see that her mother’s words were tearing into her bit by bit. And why wouldn’t it? Timothy could hardly believe it himself and had been half hoping he could add liar to the list of horrible things about the Duke of Dunstead. But it was not to be.
He had tried to tell her, without saying the actual words, that he was here for her when she needed it and he hoped she understood what that meant. True to his word, he came to their meeting spot the moment the town fell asleep. He couldn’t be sure if he had been waiting for hours as it felt like. He had simply taken to watching his breath appear and disappear as he stared out in the direction he expected her to come from.
Finally, he saw her. She didn’t hurry over like he expected her to, only walked as if she was going on a casual stroll. Timothy rose in anticipation and as she drew nearer, he realized that she wasn’t aware of his presence. Her eyes were on the ground ahead of her and her mind was clearly very far away.
“Matilda,” he called to her and her eyes snapped up to him. He watched them widened in surprise and then, finally, she rushed over.
“Timothy? How are you here already?”
“Are you here because you knew I would be?”
She nodded. “I expect you to want to talk about what happened earlier today and truthfully, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my thoughts to myself. I didn’t expect you to be waiting here for me.”
“I came as soon as I thought it was safe to.” Timothy took her hand in his and they both sat. He felt the usual tug of need rise in him but this was not the time. “Are you all right?”
Matilda nodded. Then, after a moment, she shook her head. When she looked at him, he realized what he had thought was true. She had been hurting terribly from her mother’s revelation and the evidence of it was in the slight swelling of her eyes. She had been crying. “To think everything we’ve been through was all because of my mother … I can hardly wrap my head around it. That’s not the lady I know.”
“Grief can make us do crazy things,” he murmured and she nodded.
“I’m trying to understand her. She must have been heartbroken when she learned of my father’s infidelity but to go to such lengths to ensure that no one left her side? I believed her to be stronger than that. I had always looked up to her and now I know she wasn’t who I thought she was all along.”
Timothy wasn’t sure what to say but soon he realized he didn’t need to say anything. Matilda only wanted to talk. “I suppose I was right about one thing, though. The entire ordeal was what had turned her into such a lifeless shell. But it wasn’t because of what she was seeing her daughters go through but because of her own guilt. What would have happened if you hadn’t said anything, Timothy? Would she have taken that to her grave?”
“There’s no use dwelling on questions of ‘what if’. What matters is that we know the truth now.”
Matilda sighed loudly. Timothy expected her to cry some more, but no tears came. “There is a lesson to be learned from all this. About honesty.” She looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the entire truth from the start. Even though I had my reasons for hiding it at first, when you came to me about what you had learned, I should have told you that it wasn’t me. I shouldn’t have led you to believe that I was Jackson’s mother any longer.”
Timothy shook his head. “I must admit, I was angry at being deceived. I wasn’t thinking at the time that you must have had your reasons. I could only think that you knew the truth and you deliberately kept it from me. The way I confronted you in your own home was terribly discourteous.”
“And you know how I feel about being polite,” she said. A twitch of a smile appeared and disappeared in a wink. “I did plan on telling you the truth. Elizabeth encouraged me to.”
“She did?”
Matilda nodded. “She did not like to see me suffer any longer because of her actions and she wanted to see me happy. She wanted us to have our happy ending and so she told me I should tell you everything and we can all deal with the aftermath together. Isn’t she lovely?”
Timothy couldn’t help smiling at that. No matter the topic, Matilda always found a way to praise her sister. The love she had for her family was heart-warming. “She is lovely. I must give her my thanks next I see her.”
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“I think she’d make you prove just how thankful you are if you were to do something like that,” Matilda said, her tone light.
“Oh? How so?”
“I truly do not know but I cannot wait to find out.” She sighed and the cheery mood that had been building dissipated in light of it. “I’m happy the truth is out. Perhaps my family can finally heal now that we know everything. And perhaps there is a chance for us to finally be together.”
Timothy looked away. It had slipped his mind. With everything that had been going on, Timothy hadn’t once thought about the fact that he was keeping a secret himself. For a moment, he hesitated on mentioning it but Matilda beat him to it. She pulled away from him, searching his face. “You have something you’d like to say?”
That surprised him.
How did she know something is on my mind? Can she read me that well?
“I have something I need to tell you.”
“Well, what is it?”
“I am betrothed to another lady.”
Matilda didn’t move or say anything. In fact, she didn’t even blink. Timothy held his breath. Now that he said the words out loud, he was sure to receive the brunt of her anger. Perhaps he could have found a more pleasing way of saying it but it was already out and she was already digesting the information.
“Pardon me?” she murmured softly.
“It is an arranged marriage,” Timothy explained. “It was agreed upon between my father and the Earl of Ferbriand, who is my father’s close friend.”
“You are engaged to Lady Nancy of Ferbriand?”
“Yes,” he said with a nod. “I am. The betrothal has not been made official as yet since I am yet to agree upon a suitable wedding date. I’ve been putting it off by giving excuses because I do not want to marry her. At first, I had no issues with it. She is a lovely lady—”
“Oh, is she?”
Timothy bit his tongue. And perhaps he could have done well without saying that little bit. He rerouted his thoughts. “She is the daughter of my late father’s close friend and I wanted to respect his memory by honoring his promise.” He took both her hands in his. She was eerily quiet, which frightened him. “But when I met you, I wondered if it was possible to marry someone who does not fill me with fiery passion the way you do. And as I grew to know and understand you, I began to see that I couldn’t possibly marry someone I do not love.”
Matilda’s expression remained still. “Yet you are still engaged to her.”
“I do not want to be. I want to be with the lady I truly love. I want to be with you, Matilda.”
He finally saw a glimmer of emotion before her eyes grew dewy and soft. “You love me, Timothy?”
“With everything in me. Why, I even punched a Duke in the face for you. Twice, I might add.”
“You punched the Duke of Dunstead in the face? How … dashing.”
“Is that how you view it? Well, I suppose I should go around punching more men in your honor, now should I?”
“I would love that,” she teased as she brought herself closer. “And I suppose I should mention that I love you too, should I?”
“That would be nice to hear, yes.”
“Well, there you go. I love you. With all my heart.”
He couldn’t contain himself after that. He pulled her closer and pressed his lips against hers. Since the moment he saw her this morning, he couldn’t stop thinking that it had been so long since they’d last kissed like this. Since he’d last been able to taste her like he was doing right now. With her confession echoing in his mind, her professing her love for him, Timothy could hardly contain himself any longer.
She tastes so good.
He pressed her onto her back, resting himself above her. Matilda didn’t break the kiss. If anything, she kissed him even harder as if she couldn’t contain her own passion for him any longer either. She gripped his hair, her other hand sliding down his chest and it spurred him on, igniting his groin. Timothy ran a hand over her dress until it settled above her breast.
Even covered with layers of clothing, she stills feels perfect under my touch. How can one lady be so utterly alluring?
She didn’t gasp or pull away, she only bent her body as if to meet it. The warm curve of her body beneath his hand drove him insane. He could no longer think straight, though he knew he had to. This was neither the time nor the place. She was a lady, the woman he loved, and she deserved so much better than this.
I don’t want to pull away but …
Timothy broke the kiss. “Marry me.”
“What?” Matilda was breathless, and lying down, her fleshy breasts rose above the top of her dress. Timothy’s gaze fell to it and his trousers grew tighter.
“Marry me,” he repeated.
Matilda’s eyes widened and they searched his own as if trying to find the truth behind them. She sat up, forcing him up as well. “Timothy, I hope you hear what you are saying.”
“Of course, I do. Did you not hear me the first time? I love you, Matilda. Do you want me to tell you again? I love you. I will shout it from the mountaintops if that’s what you want from me.”
“No, no.” She huffed a laugh but it faded quickly under the truth of his words. “You truly want to marry me?”
“Miss Matilda Jones, I want to spend every second of my life with you.”
“How poetic.” And her smile was back, coy and teasing but filled with happiness. “In that case, I will surely marry you, Timothy.”
There was something about hearing her say the words, hearing her tell him that she would marry him, that made him jump to his feet. The sudden movement shocked them both, but Timothy was too ecstatic to think twice about it. He was jumping for joy the next second and he rushed back to Matilda the moment he heard her laugh.
“Are you that happy?” she asked him.
“Did my little embarrassing dance not show that I am? In that case, would you like to see it again?”
“Perhaps another time,” she said, laughing once more. “You are betrothed though.”
“I had already planned to tell Lord Ferbriand that I do not plan to marry his daughter. Even if you had turned me down, I don’t think I could subject myself, or her, to a loveless marriage.”
“How sweet and gallant of you.” She pecked him on the cheek. “I truly hope the Earl doesn’t throw a fit when you deny his daughter.”
“He will,” Timothy said, “but there’s no going around it.”
Matilda only smiled and kissed him again. He wanted to take her, to lie her down as they had been before, but he knew there would be no stopping himself if he did. So he only brought her close, letting the thoughts of their lives together once they were married bring him solace. Soon, he’d be able to give her everything she ever wanted. Soon, when she was truly his, he would become the happiest man on earth.
Chapter 34
At the rate he was going, Jonathan believed he would pace a hole into the floor soon enough. He couldn’t stop himself however and he continued to walk back and forth as his thoughts consumed him. Ever since he’d witnessed the scene between Timothy and the Duke of Dunstead, he knew what was left of his aspirations were turning into dust.
Not to mention the fact that Timothy had sent a letter ahead announcing his intention to call upon them and that he would like to speak to the family as a whole. Jonathan knew what that meant. Timothy would break the news to them that he no longer planned to marry his sister. His relationship with Miss Jones had developed so much that he was willing to break the promise he had made to his father.
Jonathan did not know what to do and he could hardly think! Not with the rage that was consuming him. He gnawed ceaselessly on his bottom lip, working on that hole in the floor as he tried to think of a plan to ensure that Timothy married Nancy.
Appealing to his sense of honor wouldn’t work. Using their friendship wouldn’t work either. He had taken a punch in the face simply because he had mentioned the very thing everyone else was thinking about Mi
ss Jones. Perhaps… perhaps his father would be the one to sway him.
Jonathan came to a stop as a shadow of an idea began to dawn on him. His father was a terrifying man and it was no secret that Timothy respected him. Maybe he would be able to convince Timothy to stick to the betrothal, especially if he was given a reminder of how much such a union would benefit him.
With renewed vigor, Jonathan turned to the door. His father was undoubtedly in his study but before he could make his way there, he overheard the butler announcing the Duke of Brentminster.
Lord Ferbriand appeared a moment later, all grins. “Ah, Timothy has arrived. Jonathan? What are you doing standing out in the hallway like that?”
The Scandalous Secret 0f The Tempting Duchess (Steamy Historical Regency Romance) Page 24
