After the Hurt

by Shana Gray

  Olivia’s reaction was totally irrational. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He looked at her, fully realizing she was nuts. He’d suspected she was a bit off before; it was one of the reasons he’d chilled with her. But he hadn’t known she was this bad. This chick is off her rocker.

  “Get out, Olivia. I’m not interested in any more of your bullshit.” He took her elbow, picked up the coat she had tossed on the chair, and shoved it into her arms. “You are leaving.”

  “Tank, no—”

  “Come on.” He escorted her out of the apartment and down the stairs to the back door.

  She turned on him. Her lips curled into a snarl, eyes lit with rage. “You’ll regret this, Tank. You will never be anything without me.”

  “Yeah, yeah, Olivia. We are over. Done.” Tank left no room for argument. He ushered her out the door and made sure it was locked. He breathed a big sigh of relief. One complication down.

  —

  Tank usually slept like a log. He’d never had a problem with sleep. Thanks to Pepper, he’d tossed and turned all night, finally managing to doze off around 4:00 a.m. He didn’t do well on less than six hours of sleep, so the day was shot before it even began. Who was on his mind the minute his eyes popped open this morning? Yeah. Her. Definitely a sign of trouble. For him.

  His cock was remembering her too. The normal morning hard-on needed some taking care of this time. Thanks to that redheaded witch. Tank rolled out of bed. A cold shower should do the trick. He stepped under the spray but knew even the icy blast wouldn’t take the edge off. He needed more than that. Running his hand down his chest, and over his belly, he reached down and held his aching dick.

  Immediately the image of her on her knees in front of him filled his mind. Water sluicing down her body. Her red hair, wet and slicked to her breasts and shoulders, becoming more vivid as he stroked himself. She looked up at him with his cock in her mouth and her full lips sealed around him. Tank groaned and let the memory come back like a freight train. He’d kept her out of his sexual thoughts for so long, there was no way he could do it now. Especially knowing she was just across town in a hotel somewhere.

  He pumped his hand up and down, his dick bringing himself to the point of release.

  His thigh muscles bunched and he pressed his free hand to the tiled wall. Water ran down him, cooling his heated skin but not easing the ache in his balls. Tank tightened his grip and pumped his hand, letting the vision of Pepper aid in his pleasure. His cock was deep in her mouth and goddamn if she didn’t have a smile on her lips while she sucked him dry.

  He stroked harder.

  She seemed so real, Tank almost felt the moist heat of her mouth, the tightness of her lips, and the velvety softness of her tongue as she ran it from the root of his cock up the underside to the tip before taking him in deep.

  He groaned. Tension built in his hips and balls to an almost painful peak.

  Tank squeezed his eyes shut, not really wanting to eradicate her from his memory; it felt too damn good imagining her blowing him again. She came into such clear focus that he had a hard time acknowledging she was a fantasy and not really before him on her knees with her arms wrapped around his hips, her long fingernails digging into his ass. She seemed so real, he swore Pepper was here with him.

  He worked his hand with such ferocity, his orgasm bowled down on him and his knees buckled. He struggled to keep his footing on the wet tiles as he came and let out a roar that echoed from the rafters.

  When he opened his eyes he felt the aching sense of disappointment and loneliness. His heart still pounded in his chest but he missed her. Tank staggered to get his feet under him. Chilled and no longer able to withstand the icy water raining from the shower, he turned up the heat.

  He placed both his hands on the wall and dropped his head, letting the now scalding water beat down on his head and neck for a few moments. He soon stood, keeping his feet wide, and grabbed the shaving cream, lathered up, and quickly shaved his head. He’d been debating whether to let it grow back.

  Done, he turned off the water and grabbed a towel, slinging it around his hips. Damn that witch for taking up so much space in his brain and making his body crave her. Tank sighed and tried to push the anger away. Being angry wasn’t in his nature. It actually took a huge amount of energy for him to be angry, it went so against his grain. Yesterday had been all about anger, and women were the cause.

  He needed coffee to shake the cobwebs and give him his morning energy boost. He felt a little calmer now and was able to effectively switch his train of thought to the day ahead. He padded down the hall to the kitchen, and while he waited for the coffee to brew, he checked his phone for emails. The one he’d been expecting from Christian Hunt was there and it was what he was hoping for. Good. This new business development might have some legs after all. The thought of expanding the concept of Octagon from Toronto to Texas excited him. He liked the idea of taking the brand into America. And he needed an American to make that happen.

  He quickly dressed, realizing his extra time in the shower was going to make him late for breakfast with his sister, which brought to mind the reason he was late.

  Tank still couldn’t believe Pepper was back. Then Olivia’s unwanted visit just topped off his outstanding evening. He rushed out of the apartment and into his Hummer, and as he wheeled through the aftermath from last night’s snowstorm, he figured today had to be better. The city streets were bogged down in icy slush, congesting the traffic even more than usual. He was going to be late for Meg. He gritted his teeth, not really wanting to spew obscenities but, for Christ’s sake, if people couldn’t drive on the shitty roads they should stay the hell off them. Tank slammed his hand on the steering wheel as his frustration level rose again.

  Goddamn Pepper for coming back and turning his world upside down.

  It was easier to blame her for tying him all up in knots and throwing him off his axis. Tank always made it a point to arrive early and now he was well past being late.

  Of course there wasn’t a parking spot close to the hotel restaurant where he and Meg had chosen to meet, so he had to cruise around until he found one he could squeeze his Hummer into. Finally parked, he jogged the half block back to the hotel, grimacing as his shoes filled with frigid slush. Inside the warm restaurant, he stomped his feet, looked around for his sister while shaking the snow off his coat. He finally saw her at a table off to the side and smiled when she waved at him. As was usually the case when around her, he relaxed a bit. She had a way of calming him with her cool and even presence. Meg was one of the most even-keeled women he knew.

  He wove through the tables and as he approached, Meg tried to rise, fumbling with her cane and trying to hide her lingering pain. Tank pressed her shoulder. “Stay; don’t get up.”

  He leaned down and gave her a big hug, careful not to squeeze too hard. He still felt like she would snap in two if he hugged her tight. Tank knew she was tough, but physically she’d taken a beating and was still frail as a bird. She was bouncing back much quicker in recent weeks, though. He was pretty sure she’d be back to normal soon and have no need of her cane. He was thankful to still have her, and she’d come a long way since being hit by a drunk driver early last year. His sister was tenacious as a wolverine and wouldn’t let anyone baby her. If they tried she swiftly put them in their place.

  Meg settled back in her chair. “Everything okay? It’s not like you to be late.”

  The image of Pepper flashed through his mind as he sat, but he was thankful for the waitress’s perfect timing. She made a welcome distraction as he indicated with a nod for her to pour his coffee. “Fine. The roads suck and haven’t been plowed yet.”

  Meg’s brow furrowed and she looked toward the window. “Oh no, did it start back up? It was clear when I arrived.”

  Tank placed his hand over hers. “No, it’s stopped, but don’t worry, if you don’t feel comfortable driving, we can leave your car here and I’ll take you home.”

 
; She swung her baby blue eyes back to him and smiled. “Thanks, bro, I’ll be okay.”

  The clarity shining in her eyes didn’t seem to hide any deeper concern, so Tank took her at her word. He wasn’t about to interfere in her healing process as she built her confidence back up. He’d chauffeured her for a while. But, like she did with every other challenge in life, she fought back and was behind the wheel faster than anyone had expected. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t worry about her driving in the snow, though.

  “Did you order?” Tank picked up the menu but didn’t look at it.

  Her straight, white-blonde hair swayed at her chin when Meg shook her head. “No. I thought I’d wait to see what you felt like having.”

  Tank gazed at her. His baby sister, so good, honest, and tough. A hell of a lawyer too. It was hard to believe he’d almost lost her. Her lying in a hospital bed, near death, had made him feel so helpless. Then things got even worse. Pepper’s mother was diagnosed with cancer and was prescribed two years of chemo, and then boom, six weeks later she was gone. He’d never seen anything like it. She’d gone down so fast that the doctors had no clue what caused it until a few hours after her death, when they were notified by Public Health that it had been listeria. Then further investigation revealed the onions on a sandwich had been contaminated. God, it had been such a mess.

  Meg’s accident, Pepper’s mom getting cancer—it had all happened over such a short period of time, it seemed like it had happened all at once. Those months had taken a toll on everyone. Thankfully, Meg had pulled through, unlike Pepper’s mom. The hard fact was, Pepper blamed herself after taking her mom out to the mall and sharing a sandwich. He tried to help Pepper through the guilt, but she’d been inconsolable, putting distance between herself and everyone. It was hard watching her disconnect. But the last straw had been when she took off with no warning. Not to mention without a trace.

  “What are you thinking about?” Meg’s voice brought him back to the present. “You seem deep in thought.”

  He waved his hand and then picked up his mug. “Nothing, just rehashing last night.”

  “Yes! That’s right. How was the party? A hit?”

  He took a swig of coffee. Nectar of the gods. “Yep, the party went well. Everyone was thrilled. So, how are things? Getting new cases?”

  Meg took no bullshit and her career as a lawyer was beginning to reflect it. He was proud of her comeback and teased her relentlessly about her cane, joking that perhaps she didn’t really need it and just carried it to instill fear in her opponents. Of course she rejected that notion.

  “Doing fine. But you know I don’t like to talk work when I’m not at work.” She studied the menu and asked him, “What do you think?”

  He glanced at the menu and put it down. “You choose. You always do anyway.”

  “Well then, let’s see.” She sucked on her finger.

  “Pepper’s back,” Tank blurted out and then immediately regretted it. What had possessed him to say anything? He mentally kicked himself, knowing Meg would want him to tell her every detail.

  She froze and her eyes rose slowly to meet his. “ ‘Pepper? As in, Pepper Chapman?”

  He nodded.

  “When?”

  “Last night.”

  “Oh my gosh.” Meg stared at him, her mouth in the shape of an O. She dropped her menu onto the table. “Why, the party, what—”

  “Relax, don’t stress it. Everything’s okay.” Tank wished he’d kept his mouth shut now, but he hadn’t. While Meg and Pepper had respected each other, they were total opposites. He’d been sad they’d never become great friends and hoped that over time it would happen. But after Pepper’s disappearing act, he doubted it would ever be possible. The one thing he was glad of was that neither had made him choose sides, never making him feel like a man stuck in the middle.

  “What does she want? How is she? What made her come back?”

  He shrugged. Meg firing off a million questions was completely normal. “I don’t know. There was no time to talk to her; I wanted to get her out of the restaurant before the party,” he said, keeping his voice neutral, not wanting Meg to get any inkling something more was going on. How could there be more of anything, anyway? Like them getting back together. Could that be a possibility? Wait a minute—what was he thinking? There was no future for them. He’d decided that a long time ago. He was nuts for even letting that completely bizarre thought enter his head. He sighed, remembering he’d told Pepper she was nuts for distancing herself from everyone. Shortly after that she’d bolted.

  “Frankie, you be careful now.” Meg put a stop to his random thoughts.

  She was the only one he let call him by his given name or any form of it. On the odd occasion, Pepper had, but that didn’t count because it was usually during sex. He cleared his throat and pushed the titillating image out of his head.

  “We knew she’d come back. It was just a shock to actually see her.”

  “I’ll bet it was. So, how is she?” Her sharp gaze analyzed him. She reached for her coffee and sipped before continuing, “Make sure you let me know what’s going on. You never had me draw up those buyout papers, you know.”

  “I know; I should’ve done it as soon as she left. If I’d had a check ready she’d be on her way.”

  But was that what he really wanted? For Pepper to leave him again now that she was back? He took a sip of coffee and accepted that he was feeling more and more confused. He really didn’t know why she’d come back, either. She’d said she had no money, so all indications were she was back for her share of the business. Her lack of communication while she’d been gone had peeved him, and it was something he’d get to the bottom of. She’d all but dropped off the face of the planet and never looked back.

  He glanced at Meg and smiled. Her face softened. “Frankie, she had a horrible shock. She lost her mom so quickly, and she does blame herself, you know that. It’s amazing what people do when distraught.” Meg’s voice was tender. Was she feeling sorry for Pepper?

  His Meg, always the one to see both sides and not be afraid to point it out. But he wasn’t in any frame of mind to see both sides. He didn’t say anything, just stared into his cup, his thoughts racing. Tank regretted saying anything about Pepper at all now; he didn’t really want to talk about her over breakfast. “Her mom was like a mother to me too. I was sad about all that happened; Pepper knew that. There was no reason for her to shut me out.” Tank looked at Meg. He was here to spend time with his sister and not think or talk about Pepper. But it was damn hard. “Enough talk. Let’s order breakfast. Do you know what you want? Eggs Benedict?”

  Chapter 4

  Pepper carefully folded the few clothes she had and packed them in her duffel bag. If she was lucky, her AWOL luggage would have turned up overnight. Her packing habits had totally changed on her trip. Gone was the two-hundred-odd pounds of luggage she’d haul for shoes, accessories, endless outfits of clothes, and makeup. She smiled, remembering how important she’d once thought all that crap had been. Not anymore. She’d learned to keep it simple and that it’s not the stuff you have in life that’s important. It’s the people and memories. Over the course of the last six months, she’d shed her baggage, both literally and figuratively.

  Bali was a dream realized, a destination she and her mom had had at the top of their to-visit list. So going there had made her feel closer to her mom, and she’d hoped it would help with her overwhelming feelings of guilt over her death. At first Pepper had stayed at high-end beach resorts, but as her credit card maxed out, she knew she had to make some changes. The day she’d found a gorgeous secluded beach had been her turning point. Clutching her mom’s ashes to her chest, Pepper had waded out until the water was up to her neck. Part of her wanted to keep going. Just her and her mom, forever together in the calming turquoise water. Pepper had sobbed, her tears mingling with the warm sea. To let the waters close over her head seemed the only answer, and she’d almost done it too. But when the sun shone down
from between a couple of fluffy white clouds and cast its warming light on her and the tranquil lagoon, Pepper hesitated. It was as if it was a sign, like she was being shown that the beauty of the world was still something she could have, even without her mom, and that she should not take life for granted or waste it away. So she’d backed up until the water lapped softly at her knees.

  She scattered her mother’s ashes that day. Said goodbye and decided to take life as it came. Live in the moment. Pepper took a handful of beach sand and wrapped it in a tissue. She would keep it always. And that little jar of beach sand was in her lost suitcase. Of all the things she never wanted to lose, it was that. She’d also bought a tie for Tank, knowing how much he loved the wild and wacky ones. So getting her luggage back was important.

  The remainder of her stay in Bali had been both magical and heart-wrenching. After spending time with locals, Pepper appreciated how they survived with so little, yet were so unbelievably happy. It really made her sit up and take notice. Pepper quickly realized money had nothing to do with happiness, yet everything to do with it. If that made any sense at all. You could be happy with no money, but in dire straits, money was needed. Especially for the sick and ailing, and to help those who needed it most, as she discovered when she gravitated to a volunteer position at a hospice.

  Finally, Pepper saw the splendor of the world with a new set of eyes. Putting a screeching halt on herself, she reassessed her situation. In retrospect, even though she and her mom were fast friends and had done a lot together, Pepper realized she should have put more importance on her mother. They’d lived an hour away from each other, which wasn’t exactly on opposite sides of the country. But she’d believed her mom would always be there. They’d had all the time in the world, or so Pepper thought. She should have been with her mom for the first two chemo treatments. She knew that now. Pepper regretted not being there, and she wished, oh how she wished, she had chosen another restaurant for lunch that day. If she had, her mother wouldn’t have contracted listeriosis. So many if’s and what-if’s. But the hardest thing she had to accept was not being by her side when she passed.