After the Hurt

by Shana Gray

  “Careful.” It was the first thing Tank had said since they’d driven away from the hotel.

  “I’m fine.” She stood aside on the landing and held open the heavy fire door for him, glad he’d grabbed her bags. He led the way down the hall and stopped at the first door. She knew their old apartment lay behind it. Tank dropped her bags on the floor and she winced. There wasn’t anything breakable in them, but still.

  “I have to get the key to the loft.”

  “Did you finish it?” Pepper was excited and anxious to see just how the renovations looked.

  “Yes; it’s small, but comfortable.”

  She hung in the doorway when Tank stepped into the apartment. She wouldn’t go in unless he asked.

  “Well, are you going to stand there or come in?”

  Pepper smiled and stepped over the threshold into his home. What would have been their home had she not run away. All his familiar scents wafted around her. Pepper steadied herself as the heartbreaking wrench of homelessness gripped her. It drove home the fact that she was an orphan, she had no remaining parents or family, except distant relatives in Europe. So she was truly all alone. Tank was all she had left.

  She moved around the apartment, trying not to get lost in nostalgia. She glanced at Tank and saw him watching her. She wondered now if he’d tell her not to be so nosy. But he didn’t, so she carried on. She loved what he’d done with the space. A gorgeous stone fireplace had been built between the panoramic windows. Its magnificence centered smack in the middle of the hip-to-ceiling windows, so the view beyond was a spectacular backdrop. It only succeeded in reminding her how much they’d fallen in love with this old place. Far better than he had, she’d instantly seen past the dust and grime to the hidden potential of the building.

  “I like that you put a fireplace here. It really is dramatic with the windows on either side.” He didn’t say anything. A photo caught her eye and she stepped forward to look at it. “Who’s this?”

  He walked up behind her, his energy palatable. A tingle rippled down her spine and every nerve lit with acute awareness for him. It stole the breath from her lungs. When he reached over her shoulder to pick up the frame, his hand brushed across her. It was all Pepper could do to not sag against his chest.

  “Nobody.”

  She blinked and focused on the picture he’d taken. Tank was in the photo with a few other people. It looked like some black-tie affair. She caught a glimpse of his funky bow tie. She recognized a few faces but not the smiling petite woman beside him. The woman’s fingers curled around Tank’s arm in a possessive grip.

  “Who’s that?” A curl of jealousy slithered in around her heart. Was this his girlfriend? She might have to accept that he’d moved on, but it didn’t mean she had to like it.

  “That’s none of your business.” His voice was flat.

  Pepper leaned back slightly until the hard planes of his chest pressed against her shoulder blades. She thought it would be easy to step away, but it wasn’t. The thrill of feeling him was too delicious and she couldn’t move. It took a great amount of willpower not to turn and face him. Instead, she moved away from his intoxicating heat and walked to the window. Lake Ontario glittered in the distance. It looked cold and uninviting, its wintery chop a far cry from the tranquil turquoise lagoons of the South Pacific she’d grown to love.

  The differences in the distillery district were dramatic. They’d been wise to purchase this building and property. It was probably worth a fortune now. When a drawer shut, Pepper turned to see what Tank was doing. He stood beside a monster-size antique armoire she’d bought years ago.

  “That was mine.”

  “Possession is nine-tenths of the law.”

  She shook her head and wandered to the kitchen. He was testy and she understood why. Maybe with a little bit of time, he might warm up to her. Maybe only as friends, though. Could she live with that to keep him in her life? Maybe he’d already moved on without her. Based on that photo, it was likely. Wow, that hurt. Of all the things she’d stressed about, him loving someone else hadn’t even been on her radar. Put it out of your mind.

  “I’m a little hungry. Do you mind if I get something?” She was pretty sure there wouldn’t be any food in the loft until she went shopping. Glancing out the window, she grimaced, not looking forward to poking her nose back into the cold. Plus, eating here would keep them together for a little bit longer.

  “Help yourself.” Tank stayed in the other room, checking his cellphone and typing messages. “You’ll have to do some shopping. There’s no food in the apartment,” he said while he tapped away.

  She nodded. “I’ll manage, thanks.” She grabbed Brie, artisanal bread, and meat from the fridge and made two sandwiches. The sandwiches looked so appetizing she almost salivated. Pepper reached for a couple of plates, noticing the antique set they’d bought together was not there. “Did you pack away our dishes? If you’re not using them, I’d like them back.”

  They were too valuable to get tossed. If he didn’t want them, then she’d claim them right back. They’d spent a lot of time collecting a variety of pieces that went well together.

  She heard a sigh from the other room.

  “Tank? Did you hear me?”

  “Yeah, sure.” He walked into the kitchen.

  Well, one thing hadn’t changed. Pepper hated it when he said that. It was such a nonanswer and it pissed her off. She handed him a sandwich and he put the plate down on the granite counter. “They were mine too, along with a lot of other stuff, you know.”

  He wasn’t paying attention and frowned at his phone. She took a bite, continuing to go through the cupboards looking for their plates. “Wow, you really cleaned it all out, didn’t you?” She swung around to look at him in question. “This can’t be stuff you bought.”

  She wondered if that woman in the picture had made these changes. God, this sucked.

  His phone pinged and he looked down at it, frowning, and his jaw twitched before he looked back at her. She wondered who had texted him and pissed him off, glad that someone else was adding to his frustration and not just her.

  “You probably want a shower and to rest.” He took a key off the wooden plaque with blacksmith nails acting as hooks and held it out to her.

  “The loft key?”

  “Yes.”

  She took the key from him. “When did you finish the renovations?”

  “A few months after you left.”

  Pepper couldn’t figure out why that upset her. So what if he’d renovated without her. It was good he had, right? It meant she had somewhere to stay. Plus, the bonus of it being close to him. She bit into her sandwich again and hardly tasted it. His doing the reno was just another reminder how much she’d missed. Her thoughts drifted to his sister. It had been nice to see Meg today, even though she had been a little distant. “Meg looks good. Is she doing okay?”

  “Yes, she’s done remarkably well, considering.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.” She took another bite; this time it was too delicious to ignore and she savored it.

  “I’m not going to eat this. Why don’t you wrap it up? It might come in handy a little later. I have to get to a meeting.” He pulled out plastic wrap and she did as he suggested.

  If he wanted to get to his meeting, then she should get settled in the apartment. A burst of excitement filled her. She was looking forward to seeing her new “temporary” home. Tank was leaning against the counter, looking expectant.

  “Okay, I understand. You have to leave. I’m hurrying.”

  He was directly in her path to the front door. She’d have to pass dangerously close to him. He maintained eye contact with her, and as she passed him she couldn’t help herself from trailing her fingertips across his chest, never breaking eye contact.

  The cerulean depths didn’t show any of his feelings. But Pepper didn’t miss the imperceptible tightening of his jaw muscles. He’d never hid his feelings from her in the past, and it saddened her that he
did so now. Even still, it didn’t stop the jolt of desire that ripped up her arm to tear through her heart and settle with simmering heat in her belly. She almost stumbled and caught herself, her fingers finding purchase on his powerful shoulder.

  Tank’s arm snaked out. He caught her around the waist. Other than that swift movement, he was a stone statue. His quick intake of breath told her he was just as moved by their nearness as she. For a few breathless moments they stared into each other’s eyes, neither letting go of the other. She glanced quickly at his mouth, then back to his eyes. She was at a loss for words.

  “Don’t you worry. No one will bother you.” His voice was soft and low, melting around her like hot honey.

  “W-what?” Pepper furrowed her brow, not understanding what he was referring to.

  “This is the only key, other than the spare. So try not to lose it, eh?”

  “Oh, yes.” She blinked, registering what he was talking about after being distracted by the strength of his arm around her.

  Did his head dip closer to her or was she imagining it? His gaze settled on her lips and she moistened them. Her girlie parts responded to him with frightening speed, and Pepper softened in his arms. Before she could blink twice, Tank pulled her flush against him. Face-to-face, hip to hip, breast to chest. Her heart tripped over itself. All she had to do was lean in and their lips would touch. Pepper slid her palms up the hard planes of his chest muscles and splayed her fingers, pressing slightly so she could feel him. It had been so damn long since she had.

  “Don’t get used to the idea of living here too long, Pepper,” he whispered. She strained to hear him, his voice low and tantalizing. “Your claims will be dealt with, but you’ll never live in the same place with me. Ever.”

  “Ever?” She gazed into his hooded eyes, the blue of them smoky and dark. Her mouth went dry.

  “You heard me.”

  She heard, but his body spoke differently. His cock pressed against her belly, and oh how she wanted to rip his pants open and push him to the floor. But he held her tight and she was too chicken to make the first move. When he didn’t let her go, she wondered if he was contemplating the same. He held her firm, tight to him. They were fused together so she felt every beat of his heart.

  “Never say never.” She felt like she was babbling and had lost control of her faculties. His nearness upset her balance, and she clung to him, trying to right herself.

  He loomed above her. Pepper’s insides liquefied into hot, aching desire. The way he towered over her, so powerful, big, and male, had her trembling and feeling utterly feminine. A feeling she’d lost without him in her life. Oh, God. Will he kiss me?

  But he didn’t. She blinked, slightly confused when she found herself standing outside the radius of his heat. Tank had set her aside just as fast as he’d snapped her against his chest. Her immediate sense of loss was acute. Pepper struggled for a moment, gathering her wits, and was surprised by the temper that flared inside her. How could he bring out the worst in her so quickly, right on the heels of desire? She’d had time to reflect on this while she’d been away, and it did make her wonder. She’d been so volatile after her mom died, and it seemed to have spilled over into so many aspects of her life back then. Just how many people had she alienated when they’d only been trying to help?

  Pepper stepped back and brushed her hair from her eyes but didn’t break eye contact with him. He had to be first. She wasn’t going to let him think she would be putty in his hands. But I want to be. Her heart was shredding and she felt sick. She needed to sort out her confusing emotions, all over again, and get her balance back. Oh shit, she just didn’t know what to think right now.

  “Will you help with my bags?” Her voice was small, and she thought she sounded defeated. Exhaustion overwhelmed her. When she was upset sleep was her healing balm. She needed sleep, now.

  “Please?” He raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest.

  He wanted her to say “please”? That just about did it and she glowered at him. Damn him for looking so impossibly attractive! He leaned a shoulder against the wall. A casual smile curved his lips, and that darned dimple in his cheek winked at her. She’d manhandled her bags around the world without any help; she could schlep them a few more feet.

  “That’s okay. Thanks anyway.” She dragged the suitcase to prop open the heavy door and organized the sandwich plate, the sandwich she’d wrapped up, and her duffel, but it all went tumbling around her. Sandwich fixings scattered over the wide-board wooden floor. “Shit.”

  “You’re the most stubborn woman,” Tank stated flatly and picked up a bag.

  “No. Leave it alone. I don’t need your help.” Pepper pushed him aside and he tripped over the duffel bag on the floor behind him. Pepper’s eyes nearly popped out of her head when he went flailing. She hadn’t meant to push him so hard or expected him to trip over the duffel bag.

  He caught himself quickly. “Jesus, woman!”

  Pepper remained silent and turned her back to Tank. She felt stupid for pushing him. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and she busied herself with kicking her suitcase into the hall. “I can handle it.”

  “Could’ve fooled me.”

  She didn’t need to turn around to know he was looking at her. She could feel it. The heat of his gaze burned between her shoulder blades like a fiery sun. Warmth radiated across her back, over her shoulders, and settled in her breasts. Being so close to him was lethal. It didn’t matter how hard she tried to ignore her attraction for him; she couldn’t. Their pheromones were perfectly harmonized. Could he sense it too?

  She had to stop being so weak. Sucking in a soft breath, she faced him and stood. Pulling the duffel’s strap over her head, it gave her a free hand to balance the bag on her hip and free up her other hand. The muscle at the corner of his mouth twitched. Was he trying not to laugh?

  “I’ll be back.”

  “Thanks for the warning.”

  Pepper flashed him a withering look and dragged the suitcase along the floor and in front of the only other door at the end of the hall. She bent over and let the strap fall from around her neck. Sliding the key into the lock, she pushed the door open and used the bag to prop it. Pepper trudged back down the hall for the wrapped sandwich, then picked up the remains of the other. Tank still lounged with his shoulder against the wall, legs crossed and the toe of one shoe balanced on the scarred wooden floor. He watched her with a half-smile on his lips.

  She wanted to kick his smart-ass foot out from under him and watch him topple in a heap. “Hmph,” she muttered. “Thanks for the help.”

  “Anytime.”

  She nearly exploded out of her skin when his hand whipped out and grabbed her wrist, once again scattering food all over the floor. She flashed him a look of annoyance, and the next thing she knew he had her pulled against his wall of a chest. Her breath froze and his arms gripped her like iron bands.

  “You need an attitude adjustment.” His voice was low, husky, and totally sexy. She melted. “And I know just how to do it.”

  Tank lowered his face until she could see every flick of light reflected in his eyes. He was mere inches away and his clean, spicy scent washed over her. Pepper’s eyelids fluttered with the impact of his closeness and she inhaled, taking in his essence and breathing him in until he seeped into every fiber of her being. Memories flooded back and Pepper opened her eyes to meet his gaze. Had she pushed him a little bit too far? No way would she ever be afraid of him, but she was troubled by what he thought of her.

  She didn’t want to pull away. Her fingertips rested on his biceps and she curled them into his corded muscles, hoping it hurt, like his grip was hurting her. His hold on her brought a rush of pleasure. And she didn’t care if he marked her with purple dots of bruising. It would be like a brand, making her his. Again. Tank’s lips tightened, but he didn’t lessen the pressure, his gaze pinning her to the spot.

  “You’re hurting me.”

  “You never compla
ined before.” His voice was soft, totally belying the power exuding from him.

  “Yes, but that was when we were together,” she whispered, pointing out the obvious and waiting to see what he would say. Good lord, how she wanted him back. She needed him, and the both wild and tender sex they used to have, in her life. He was the only man who had ever fully unwrapped her, delving deep down inside to discover who she really was. With no judgment. Until recently.

  “Hmm, I see.”

  His quiet words were enough to wet her panties for him and she moaned. He oozed confidence unlike anything she’d experienced before and her insides churned. She couldn’t tell if he was mad, but she knew damn sure he was turned on. His cock pressed against her—hard, thick, and demanding—making her legs wobble. “That was then. This is now,” she peeped, feeling the urgent need to fill the quiet with useless talk.

  “Really? Why don’t we test it?”

  After taking her hand in his, he snaked his arm behind her back, pushing it up until a flash of pain made her eyes widen. Desire rolled on top of itself until she was shaking. He dragged her closer. They were flush, shoulder to hip. Pepper felt every delicious muscle and bulge of him.

  A small “Oh!” came from her parted lips seconds before his mouth crashed down on hers. When his tongue touched her lips she opened, letting him delve deep, probing and seeking, sweeping around her mouth as if he wanted to be inside her.

  Pepper melted into him, opening wider so he could have his way. God help her, she couldn’t stop herself. She wanted no barriers, to have him slide inside, fill her with his passion. Finally, he showed a glimmer of the Tank she knew and she received him. His fire rolled over her like a thunderclap. He plundered her, and any hesitation or reservation she may have had was stripped away.