After the Hurt

by Shana Gray

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  The last person he expected at his door was Pepper. It took every bit of control not to show his surprise. Seeing her standing there looking so damn sexy, and vulnerable, to boot, was dangerous. The surge of protectiveness that punched him in the gut had him close to hauling her into his arms. It surprised the hell out of him. Her hesitation at disturbing him seemed genuine and it was a bit confusing. One thing was certain: She was chipping away at the icy block that lodged itself in his chest.

  The past six months had frozen his heart into a chunk of ice. Nothing had been able to cast a warming glow on it. Other than for his sister, he’d shut off his emotions. It wasn’t worth the angst or pain. But warmth bloomed in him at her sheer vulnerability, not to mention the sexuality that surrounded Pepper as if she had her own magnetic field drawing him relentlessly. It concerned the fuck out of him. She might not have been intentionally trying to soften him up, but something was happening. He still hadn’t figured her out; it was simply her presence that seemed to brighten his dark world. Like the sun had started to come out again. Just being here, close by, on the other side of the wall, she had made a beeline to his heart. He smiled, a silly stupid grin that he had no control over.

  After he’d basically tossed Olivia out, Pepper had been on his mind. What was she doing? Had she gone out or called old friends? Or was she all alone in the loft? That thought was far too enticing and it took all his control to not walk down the hall and knock on her door. Instead, he’d distracted himself with cooking, music, and wine. He’d floated through the evening, buzzing on the booze and glad there was a wall between them.

  Then as if he’d summoned her by will, conjured the temptress up, here she was on his doorstep. It was almost more than he could stand and Tank curled his fingers around the top of the door for support.

  Against his better judgment, and as if he was in a sensual fog, he heard himself invite her in, assuring her he was alone. Why? Leading her into the kitchen, he made sure the counter was between them and turned, clearing his throat.

  Tank shifted his feet, hoping to ease the ache in his groin, which did nothing to ease the ache in his heart. He didn’t like how quickly he was responding to Pepper, not at all. He tried to think of something that would dampen his mood. Glad the island hid his growing arousal, he silently cursed the light fabric of his pants, knowing how clearly they would outline his hard-on. Somehow he had to get her out of his system. But how, other than banging her? He knew that would only make him want her more. Pepper wasn’t one to love and leave. Once tasted, always craved. She was like a rose, all heady scent and beautiful but with some nasty, hooky thorns that held and hung on, best avoided unless you wanted to be ripped to shreds. And yep, he’d been torn. When she left.

  “Have you eaten?” he asked, starting up small talk.

  “Yes, I had pasta downstairs. It was good.”

  He nodded, smelling wine on her breath. Tank looked through a bunch of keys, giving them much more attention than the task deserved. He selected one, slowly removing it from the ring.

  “Would you like some wine?” He reached for the bottle of Caymus, surprised by his invitation. Once the words were out, there was no taking them back. Had he just set something in motion he might regret? Or not…

  “Um, sure.” She smiled and he felt another little drip of melting ice in his chest.

  “Were you drinking white or red?”

  “White, but if you’re having scotch I’d rather that.”

  She knew him well. His nightly routine was a shot of scotch. And how odd, yet comfortable, was it that Pepper was here, ready to join him? Another reminder of how good they were together. Were. The operative word here.

  He slipped the key into his pocket and rounded the counter, much more comfortable now that his erection had subsided enough to not be glaringly obvious. Grabbing two cut crystal tumblers, he did a generous pour and held out hers. Their fingers touched. Tank was shocked by the electrical charge that ripped through him, surging right to his heart and cock. Her eyelids fluttered. A telltale sign she felt it as much as he.

  “Let’s sit. I lit a fire and there’s no point not enjoying it.”

  Pepper stayed quiet. He gestured with his hand for her to go into the other room and followed her from a safe distance. It let him watch the gentle sway of her hips. He walked into her seductively familiar scent that hung on the air as she passed—so delicate and fragile yet with the power to bring him to his knees. Tank struggled to keep one foot moving in front of the other. Pepper curled up in the corner of the couch and crossed her long legs. Tank took a sip of his drink, glad for the fiery liquid that burned its way into his belly. He let his gaze slide over her tight-jean-clad thigh and up her torso, lingering briefly on the gentle rise and fall of her chest before slipping away to focus on the fire. Yep, she was getting under his skin.

  They were silent for a few minutes. It was slightly awkward, but an underlying sense of comfort and ease made it seem like old times. Almost like old times. When she did speak, her voice was low, husky, and full of sensuality. The sound tangled around him like satin sheets, which only succeeded in rousing memories of her sprawled before him in naked glory. He cleared his throat, and she turned to him. He stared at her, but no words came, so he took another sip.

  “I like the piano bar. Did you get the idea from Vegas?”

  If he admitted that, she might think he’d thought about her often. He didn’t want that. To have her know he’d designed something after an experience they shared was like giving her an advantage somehow. A poker face was necessary, and especially hard considering the involuntary reaction his body and mind had to her.

  Tank shrugged. “I thought it would be a novelty and draw the crowds.” He crossed his arms over his chest, letting his chin drop as he watched her from the corner of his eyes before turning to the fire.

  “It looks like it does really well. It was packed. The octagon idea is great. Very ingenious. The loft, it’s really nice too.” He felt the heat of her gaze and knew she was looking at him. Tank kept his eyes on the fire. He knew where she was going with that comment and no way in hell would he make eye contact with her. “It reminds me of Spindrift. You know, in the Bahamas.”

  The place where they’d pretty much lived off each other for the two weeks they were there. “Yes, I know. I liked that place and had it designed to be similar.” Just another reminder of their past together. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea after all.

  “We’ve had some good times.”

  It wasn’t a question so Tank chose not to reply. He lifted the glass and took a sip. He looked at her, relieved she was watching the flames in the hearth. It allowed him to really take her in. He sat down at the opposite end of the couch, keeping a safe distance between them. Tank nearly reached out to touch her hair, and his hand jumped in his lap as he suppressed the urge. His fingers itched to curl a flaming tendril around his palm and pull her head to him. But he didn’t.

  Instead he watched her fiery hair shimmer with a myriad of reds and golds in the soft firelight. A memory reared up and he caught his breath. They’d made love before the fire. She’d pushed him back, then did the goddamned sexiest striptease. Once she was naked she’d removed his clothing, piece by piece, with her fingers and mouth. What she’d done next…Tank closed his eyes and drew in a silent breath. The memory rushed at him. He’d lain on the couch and watched her every move until she’d straddled him, taking hold of his cock and sliding onto him. She’d rode him, hard. He let her take his hands and hold them above his head. She’d been in charge that night and he’d loved it.

  Fuck if it didn’t feel as if it were happening now and not only as a memory. Leaning down, their lips had clashed and she’d nipped at his tongue then flung her head back. Her hair had been a brilliant arch reflecting the warm glow of the flames as she cried out with pleasure. He’d buried his face between her breasts, muffling the sound of his own pleasure and release. The memories, so real and vivid, of
the spicy cinnamon scent of her skin as it warmed with her passion, seemed to hover on the air now. Tank bit back a groan and pressed his hand against his growing erection at the vivid memory.

  “We did have some good times.” His voice didn’t want to work for him and the words croaked. Pepper glanced at him; he knew she could tell what he’d been thinking. Her lips curved into a slight smile, one side rising higher than the other. The urge to lean over and kiss the other side made him sit forward, but he arrested the movement and settled back, making sure his hand rested loosely over his groin, cradling the glass.

  The top she wore emphasized her tan and he wondered if it was an all-over one. He stiffened more. She’d done her fair share of nude sunbathing whenever they had a place private enough. She turned away to look around the room, the soft curve of her cheek ripe and dewy. His gaze ran over her features and down the lean elegance of her neck. Where he’d loved to bury his face and breathe in her subtle essence. Tank imagined pushing away the collar of her blouse to kiss the bow of her shoulder, letting his mouth wander to the smooth swell of her breasts. He could almost feel the rise of her nipples against his palm and longed to hear a moan slip from her lips as he tweaked the nipples into tighter buds. Did she have on a sexy little bra? He was hard-pressed to keep silent and took a quick sip of the single malt to stop it. It wasn’t just their amazing sex, though, there had been so much more to them. Something he thought would have been for life. Only, she changed all that the moment she left.

  “It’s so nice here. You’ve done a great job.” He saw her body relax into the pillows. She was content and he was happy with that.

  The difference in her was extraordinary. What happened to the fiery Pepper, the woman who nearly burst out of her skin to have her way? The more time he was around her the more he picked up on her differences. Her edginess still lurked below the surface. He wondered what would make it erupt like a volcano. But there was something else. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Whatever it was, it had changed her and he was beginning to think it might be a good change.

  “What brought you back, Pepper? Do you still have money left? Are you okay?” There it was, out on the table. What he’d been wanting to ask since she’d showed up last night.

  “I’m doing okay. How about you?” She swung her deep violet eyes to him and he was captivated. But he still sensed the mask she wore was firmly in place.

  “Fine. It’s all good,” he answered, but he wanted her to tell him more.

  “Is it, really?”

  “Sure, why wouldn’t it be?”

  “You just seem a little different.” She didn’t let go of his gaze.

  “Really? Well, remember, we haven’t seen each other in a while. People do change.” He kept eye contact with her.

  She nodded and sipped from her glass before saying anything. “Very true.” Her gaze slid away and she stared at the fire again.

  He could tell she was keeping something from him and he wondered what. Had something happened? What was making her so guarded? Her features relaxed for a moment and her mask slipped, showing him a brief flash of sensitivity he’d not often seen.

  He put his glass down on the coffee table and slid closer to her. He could no longer deny the urge to have her in his arms, even if it was only a casual hug. Their kiss earlier today still lingered in his blood. He lifted his arm and held it for the briefest moment before settling it over her shoulders. When she leaned imperceptibly closer, he curled his hand around her shoulder and was pleased when her body sagged into him. Tank tightened his arm. He pulled her close and stayed silent enjoying her familiar spicy scent. The quiet and subdued moment didn’t stop his blood from flowing like lava in his veins.

  Pepper rested her head on him but kept her hands in her lap, one held the glass. If she’d reached her arm across his stomach, it would have been the end of him. He glanced down. Her blouse gaped open, exposing the delicious valley of her breasts, and his heart leapt. He enjoyed the view for a moment and then looked away, feeling guilty. He was glad the pillow had fallen into his lap, camouflaging his growing erection. God, he was dying here.

  As they finished their drinks and watched the fire, he didn’t say a word; neither did she. Tank was content with the silence and her nearness. She must have been as well. They sat that way until the fire died down. A log snapped, falling in the grate. Pepper jumped. She sat forward, placed her glass on the table, then reached her hands over her head, stretching. He watched every move she made and didn’t care if she caught him staring when she turned to look at him.

  “Thanks.” Pepper smiled.

  “Any time.” Although he wasn’t sure for what. She stood, all fluid loveliness. Every move she made was magic and pushed all the right buttons, reminding him of their kiss earlier today. He wondered just how far he would have let it go if Olivia hadn’t shown up.

  His fingers twitched to touch her and his lips hummed to crush hers with his. He was growing antsy, and the fact she was making a move to leave was almost a relief, even though he dared to think how nice it would be for her to stay. Tank shook his head and reminded himself it wasn’t right. A lot of time had passed and he needed to find out what her situation was. She still hadn’t answered his question either. He had to figure out his own head too, and what he truly thought about her return. It had been too much of a whirlwind and he needed time to think. His day had been off-the-charts crazy.

  “Penny for your thoughts.” Pepper’s voice brought him back to the present and he looked at her, almost drowning in her violet eyes.

  She stood by the window, the backdrop of falling snow creating a halo around her. He couldn’t look away and wondered where his resolve to hate her forever had disappeared to. His anger at Pepper after she left seemed to be waning somewhat. When she showed up in the bar last night the icy rage came roaring back to the surface. Her timing had been horrible and perfect at the same time. Now here they were in the same room, behaving in this moment like nothing had happened at all. Like the slate had been wiped clean. Why was it the longer she was around the more his anger seemed to fade?

  He knew he’d have to work out some kind of agreement with her to split the business. He would call Meg in the morning and have her rush the papers. He stood and when he did, Pepper stepped toward him, leaning down to pick up their empty glasses.

  “Think I should go; it’s getting late.”

  “It is.” Tank nodded and followed her to the door. She stopped and turned to face him. He looked down into her smoky eyes and damned if there wasn’t another crack in the lump of ice that centered in his chest. She seemed to be waiting for something and he raised his eyebrows.

  “The key?” she asked quietly.

  “Oh yeah, right.” A flash of embarrassment that he’d completely forgotten about the key was followed by disappointment that it was all she wanted from him. He fished it out of the pocket and led the way to her apartment. “It can be a bit tricky.”

  “If you say so.”

  He thought he heard humor in her voice with an underlying purr. Tank glanced at her. She was watching his hands. He fiddled with the key until the locks clicked free. After pushing the door open, he held it with one hand and stepped aside so she could get by. She hesitated in front of him but didn’t look in his direction, keeping her focus on the floor.

  What is she waiting for?

  A kiss? A good-night hug? After their loss of control this afternoon, he wasn’t about to tempt fate again. As much as he wanted to pull her into his arms, a simple good night would have to do. They had a lot to talk about before tumbling into bed together again. If they ever did.

  “Night.” He was first to speak.

  “Good night.” He barely heard her voice. A quick glance over her shoulder and she was gone. She closed the door quietly behind her, leaving him alone in the hall with the strangest sensation of loss.

  Chapter 8

  Pepper lay in bed wide awake. The light from outside played across the ceiling,
mesmerizing her. She decided today she hated winter. It had never been one of her favorite seasons, but after coming home from the glorious South Pacific and beaches of Bali, she’d turned into a true tropical girl.

  The snow had ramped up into a full-on blizzard. After watching it for a while through the window, all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and hide from it. Pretend Tank was next to her. She flung her hand out and frowned when it struck the cold, empty sheets. A kaleidoscope of shapes from the streetlights danced across the beamed roof, creating a perfect canvas for Pepper to lose herself in. She thought about Tank.

  He was on the other side of the wall. Alone. Just like her. Had he softened a little bit? It sure seemed like it when he put his arm around her. She wasn’t quite sure how to react and tried to keep her calm when all she wanted to do was crawl into his lap and curl up in the safety of his arms. Hopefully that will come.

  What had made him hug her? It was confusing and a complete surprise. Yet so wonderful. Snuggling into him had been so calming. Like she could shed all the worry and angst, even if only for a little while. She’d be safe and secure, not having to be on guard for every little thing like she’d had to for the past six months. Something she had missed terribly without realizing it until now. After tonight and his reaction to her, she knew coming home had been the right thing. She just had to convince him of that. His essence was still on her and she wrapped her arms around herself, not wanting to let it go. His aura, his energy, knitted right into her soul and lodged itself there.

  She craved him. Wanted him here now. Her body hummed for him, letting her know just how much it needed to feel him. But he wasn’t here; he was next door. Pepper closed her eyes and imagined his hands on her. Skimming over her skin, roaming and igniting her excitement. She grew aroused for him and it quickly rose to a fever pitch. Even just a virtual Tank could do this to her. In real life he was so terribly good too. The best. She let her mind wander.