“I know. Thank you.”
I pull back, wiping away the tears. “Maybe we can go back to LA for a while. Being here with everybody is hard. We can come back for the fourth of July.”
“Okay,” he says. “I will book a flight for in the morning. And I’ll try and get Jason and Miranda to help our moms cut back on the grandchildren talk for a bit.”
“Sorry I’m being such a girl.”
“I like that you’re a girl,” he says. “And besides, you have a right to cry, Juliet. You’re so strong. Stronger than I am.”
“No, I’m not. If our roles were reversed, I would be falling apart every single day,” I say. “I don’t even want to imagine a world without you in it.”
“I do fall apart every day,” he says. “Just not in front of you. This is killing me.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to marry me. It is too much,” I say.
“You didn’t ask me. I asked you,” he says. “And I would do it again. I will celebrate each and every day that I get to spend with you, whether it’s a lifetime, or a few short months.”
“Just remember, you promised not to fall in love with me.”
“I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you a long time ago, so it’s too late for that,” Kale says.
“Don’t say that.”
Because it breaks my heart to hear him say that.
He opens the door without responding. “Let’s get back out there.”
I really hope Kale isn’t in love with me. Because, that will make all of this harder. It’s bad enough leaving behind my mom, dad, and brother. Now I’ll be leaving behind a grieving spouse.
Yet, I can’t make myself regret the decision to marry him.
I love him.
Too much.
Tuesday, June 21
Attend a professional sports game.
Kale surprises me on Tuesday with tickets to see the Los Angeles Dodgers play.
I don’t really know much about baseball. Kale and Jason played when they were in high school and I went to a few games, but I mostly went so I could film stuff. I wanted to make my life look cooler than it was. Mostly, I sat on the bench by my parents with my MacBook, editing videos. I was such a loser back then. To be honest, I’m not much “cooler” now. I still have my vlogging camera out. Kale and I are recording a lot of footage, eating a lot of food and talking. We’re hardly even watching the game.
“Who is winning?” I ask.
Kale laughs. “The scoreboard is there.”
“So, we’re winning then. Cool,” I say.
“Which side are you on?”
“I guess the LA team. Since we live here, we have to represent.”
“Wow, Juliet. Maybe you should’ve watched me play baseball in high school instead of sitting on your laptop,” he says.
“Hey, I did pay attention whenever Jason or you stepped up to bat,” I say. “You looked good in those tight baseball pants. I thought you were hot back then. You know, in a he’s my brother’s best friend, so he’s completely off limits kind of way.”
He just shakes his head at me. “So, now that you’re here, what do you think?”
“Well, I think baseball is a bit boring, to be honest. But I am having fun hanging out with you,” I answer. “They have pretty good vegan food. I’m surprised they even have vegan food at a baseball stadium.”
“This is Los Angeles. What did you expect?”
“True,” I say. There is vegan food everywhere around here. I’ve even been to a few raw vegan places. They’re good, but I like rice and potatoes way too much to become a raw vegan.
“So, there is a music festival going on in Miami this weekend. I got us tickets and was able to delay our hotel reservations until this weekend,” he says.
“Delay our reservation?”
“Well, I had already paid for the room when your doctor asked us to come back,” he explains. “I was wondering if you felt up to going. I figured you could cross two things off your list.”
“Two things?” I ask. “I mean, what else besides attend a music festival.”
“Crowd surf,” he answers, with a huge grin on his face.
“Do you really think I’ll be able to crowd surf?”
“Definitely.”
“I got a few companies to sponsor our trip,” he says. “We have to eat at this one restaurant in Miami while we’re there. And they do have vegan options. We have to do a few other things, but it’s easy.”
“Seriously?” I ask.
“Yeah. Now that you have over three million subscribers, you’ve been getting a lot of attention,” Kale says. “Your email is blowing up.”
I hate checking my email. I always have, but I have to keep it checked for my business. Since my diagnosis, Kale has had his mom help me. She was an office manager for twenty years. She handles Kale’s business side of things. She’s always getting him sponsors.
“Do you think your mom would let me pay her?” I ask.
“No way. My parents love helping us,” he says. “In fact, my parents have been texting me about wanting to get us an apartment. They say your studio apartment is too small.”
“I don’t want your parents to pay for a place for us to live. We do fine. I live in a small apartment, I save money, which really isn’t doing any good now, and we’ve spent the last few weeks traveling,” I say. “The money that I have saved, when I die, it’s yours. Use it for my funeral or whatever else you need. My car is paid off.”
“You paid off your car?” he asks. “Didn’t you just get that car two months ago?”
I nod. “I didn’t want to be in debt. So I saved money and paid in cash for it.”
“Juliet, that’s awesome. You’re only nineteen,” he says. “I’ve been doing well with my mom’s help, but there is no way I could’ve done it on my own. You’re really good with the whole business side of things.”
“Thanks,” I say. “I think you could do it, too. You’re smart. And I learned everything from your mom. I wanted to move to LA right after graduation, but she encouraged me to wait. I went to college that one semester to make my parents happy. Plus, I had that scholarship. It was good that I tried it out. But school just wasn’t for me. I’m glad I dropped out.”
“College isn’t for everybody. Your brother did well. And Miranda,” he says.
Miranda and Jason met at college. Miranda is a teacher. Jason has a degree in social work. He’s going to start his job in September. Somebody is retiring and he’s taking over their old position. He’s working there part time while he’s being trained. The two of them are perfect for each. They both want to stay in Idaho and live the American dream—nice house, 2.5 kids, a mini-van and maybe even a puppy.
Kale and I are perfect for each other because neither of us are happy with ordinary. Not that what they are is ordinary. The two of them are some of the best people I’ve ever known.
“You are the reason why I dropped out of college, you know,” Kale says. “I was miserable. I knew that college wasn’t what I wanted. You inspired me to start a YouTube channel when you started yours. If it wasn’t for you, I would probably be working a miserable 9-5 job.”
“Good,” I say, smiling. “I’m glad my weirdness could inspire you.”
“You’re not weird, Juliet.”
“Everybody made fun of me during school. I didn’t have any friends,” I admit. “After you and Jason graduated, it got real bad. Nobody messed with me while you two were there, because they knew you guys would put a stop to it. But once you weren’t there to protect me... well, they made up for lost time.”
“I didn’t know,” he says. “If I had known, I would’ve done something.”
“I didn’t want to tell anybody,” I say. “It was embarrassing. But at the same time, I just didn’t care. It didn’t matter what they thought, because I was happy with what I was doing.”
People stand up to cheer. I see a guy running the bases, but I still am not sure what’s going on.
>
“I wish you had told me.”
I shrug. “It’s okay. I like who I am. It’s not my fault they don’t like me.”
“That’s why I look up to you so much. In high school, I would’ve been too afraid to start a YouTube channel,” Kale says.
“I didn’t tell anybody. One of the girls at school found out and told everybody. They all made fun of me. When senior year started, I had over one hundred thousand subscribers and was starting to get brand deals and make money off the ads. So, while they were all working at fast food restaurants, I was making money doing what I loved. They started leaving me alone after that,” I say.
“I don’t understand,” he says. “You’re gorgeous. I was jealous of all the guys I figured would be taking you on dates while I was away at college.”
I shrug. “I don’t think any of the guys thought I was cute.”
“Yeah right. They were probably afraid of you,” Kale says.
“Afraid of me?” I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Because you’re too pretty,” he explains. “When I look at you, I see your beauty. But it’s more than that. You have this confidence about you that is super sexy. The guys probably thought you’d turn them down.”
“Me? Confident?” I shake my head. “Not even. I’m one of the most insecure people I know. I just fake it for the camera.”
“I’m just saying what I see,” he says.
YouTube has given me a lot of confidence that I didn’t have before. When people recognize me on the streets, it always boosts my ego. Not that it happens that often. But I think every girl needs confidence in herself. That was why I started making videos to begin with. I was fifteen, with hardly any friends, a low self–esteem, and way too much time on my hands. The first few videos that I uploaded, which are now marked private, were awful. I gained maybe one hundred followers in the first six months. But then I jumped from one hundred to one thousand in just a few weeks. And it just kept building from there. Most of my demographic is young girls, and I hope that I can make a difference in their lives.
Then again, being married to Kale is probably my biggest confidence booster. He and Jason were always really popular in school. All the girls always wanted to date them. And I always thought Kale was cute. I never thought in a million years that I would be married to him.
I’m lucky.
Friday, June 24
Stay in a 5 star hotel.
Kale got us some awesome sponsors for our trip to Miami. He even got them to pay for us to stay in a 5-star hotel.
“This is nice,” I say, walking around the room.
I pull out my list and sit down at the desk.
“Yeah, it is,” Kale says, looking over my shoulder. “You should mark out go on a road trip. We did go on a road trip. I think I’d rather fly to the rest of the states.”
“A road trip sounded a lot more fun in my head,” I say. “Not that I didn’t have fun. It’s just a road trip is exhausting.”
3. Go on a road trip.
21. Stay in a 5-star hotel.
“I can’t believe how much I’ve gotten done,” I say.
“About half-done,” Kale says. “We can learn to surf in LA. They have those stands by the water. I’ve always wanted to take surf lessons. We should get Jason and Miranda to come visit and do the lessons with us.”
“That would be fun. Not sure I could see Miranda on a surf board,” I say, getting up from the desk. “Do you think it would do any good to straighten my hair in this humidity?”
He looks at me, raising an eyebrow. “Are you seriously asking me that question?”
“You’re such a boy,” I say, and decide to just put my hair into a messy bun. We are going to go to the music festival a little later, and I won’t want my hair down anyway. It’s close to one hundred degrees today.
I should do a video on how to make your hair look cute even when it’s humid outside. I’ve never had to worry about humidity in Idaho or LA. It’s a real struggle. I feel bad for girls in the south.
“The music festival starts around two,” Kale says. “We should eat lunch before we go.”
“Okay,” I say. “So, how am I going to do the whole crowd surf thing? I’ve always seen other people do it at concerts and stuff, but I don’t even know how it starts.”
“Let me worry about that,” he says.
Meaning he’s got a plan.
Cool.
4 p.m.
Crowd surf.
It’s hot.
Really hot.
But the music is good, and the people are nice. Of course, a lot of people are drunk.
“This isn’t exactly what I expected,” I tell Kale.
“What did you expect?” he asks.
“I don’t know. Fewer drunk people.” I really thought it would be a lot more fun than it is.
“Maybe we can leave after the next band plays,” he says.
“Okay,” I say, knowing he’s been excited to see the next band perform. It’s his favorite group.
The next band gets up and starts playing a song. When they’re through with their first song, I see the lead singer looking at me. I mean, every lead singer looks at the audience when they sing, but he’s look directly at me. And he’s not looking away.
“I’d like to ask Juliet Johnson to join me on stage,” the singer says, as the song comes to an end.
I look at Kale, who is smiling.
I hesitantly walk onto the stage, wondering what is going on.
“Introduce yourself,” he says, shoving a microphone in my face.
“I’m Juliet from Juliet’s Beauty,” I say.
Everybody cheers.
I look out and see that Kale has his camera out and is recording me.
“Juliet is famous online. She now has over three million subscribers on YouTube,” the guy says. “Most recently, her Vegas wedding video went viral, when she married her brother’s best friend.”
Everybody cheers even louder.
“Your husband wrote a song for you and has asked us to sing it to you.”
I look at Kale.
A song?
He wrote a song for me.
It was on my list, but I never expected to have somebody actually write a song about me. This is crazy.
The lead guitarist starts playing a slow tune, and the lead singer grabs my hand and pulls me to the center of the stage. I’m so excited that Kale wrote me a song that I’m not even nervous about being on stage in front of all these people.
I’ve been on stage, like at Vid-Con and other YouTube events. I was never nervous for those, though, because everybody was so excited. Also, I usually would go on stage with somebody else. It was almost like recording a video, except getting to see people’s reactions while you’re up there. Also, you aren’t able to edit out mistakes.
While the lead singer is singing to me, I’m looking out at Kale. He’s still got the camera pointed at me, but he’s not looking at the screen. He’s watching me. It’s in that moment that I realize love isn’t one-sided. It isn’t just me loving Kale. Kale loves me, too. And I know he’s said it, but right now, I can feel just how much he loves me.
He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with me. This wasn’t part of the plan.
When the song comes to an end the crowd cheers. The singer says something, but I can’t hear him over everybody yelling. But then music starts again. The lead singer yells at me, “Jump!”
Crowd surf.
I smile and then fall back into the audience. For a split second, I’m worried they’re not going to catch me, but they do. And then I am being passed over the crowd.
6 p.m.
I’ve always loved you.
Later that afternoon, when we get back to the hotel, I get to mark off three things off my bucket list.
14. Have somebody write a song about me.
15. Attend a music festival.
16. Crowd surf.
“How was crowd surfing?” Kale asks.
“A bit awk
ward,” I answer, putting the letter in my pocket. “More than one person pinched my butt as I was passing over. And I was paranoid that I was going to get dropped. I felt like I was going to.”
He laughs. “Well, at least now you can say you did it. I’m proud of you for stepping out of you comfort zone. Though, you did look like you were having fun. As soon as the guy said jump you did.”
“Jumping into a crowd is nothing after jumping off a cliff,” I say.
“I guess you’re right,” he says.
“So... you wrote me a song.”
“It was on your list,” he says. “I figured since I’m your husband, it was my job to do it. ’Cause if anybody else wrote you a love song, I’d have to beat them up.”
“It was a good song,” I say. “Thank you.”
“I just want to make you happy.”
“You do make me very happy,” I tell him. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I guess I didn’t expect you to stick around after the road trip. I mean, I guess I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. You don’t have to stick around and watch me die.”
“We’re married,” he says. “I’m not going to leave you, Juliet. Never. I meant my vows. Even if we did say them at a chapel in Vegas that rushed us through them.”
“Kale, I know I told you not to fall in love with me,” I say. “But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you.”
“I know,” he says.
“And I think you love me, too.”
“Juliet, I’ve always loved you,” he says. “Marrying you was easy for me. Promising to love you was easy. And spending the rest of my life with you would be easy. I don’t care how long or short it is, as long as I’m with you I’ll be happy. I just hope it’s long.”
I wish it could be.
I never expected to fall in love with Kale, and I definitely never expected him to fall in love with me. But I can’t help how I feel.
Monday, July 4
The Bucket List Page 9
