But I should get married so my family can see.
I look at the front pew and see my mom crying. But this time, she’s crying because she’s happy. Or maybe she’s remembering the reason my brother pushed his wedding up was because of me and the fact that I was told I wouldn’t live to see them get married in January. Of course, even though my diagnosis has changed, it doesn’t stop my mom from worrying. This is why I’ve been avoiding coming to Idaho Falls. I literally can’t take the crying.
I know I sound so bitter when I think that. And I feel selfish. I just don’t like seeing my mom cry. It upsets me because I know that I’m the one causing her pain. Therefore, I stay in LA as much as I possibly can.
Jason and Miranda walk together down the aisle. Kale and I follow, with all the other bridesmaids and groomsmen following.
“You were totally checking me out through the whole wedding,” I say to Kale, once we walk out the doors of the church.
“I can’t help it,” he says. “You’re hot.”
Which makes me laugh. “Kale, stop! We’re at my brother’s wedding.”
“I love you,” Kale says sweetly.
“I love you, too.” I lean over and stand on my tippy toes and give him a quick kiss. “Behave.”
“For now.”
I smile. Because how could I not?
Kale Johnson is... perfect. At least for me.
The dance.
“May I have this dance, Mrs. Johnson?” Kale asks, holding out a hand towards me.
I smile at him, and put my hand in his. “Yes, of course, Mr. Johnson.”
Kale helps me to my feet and we walk, hand in hand, onto the dance floor. Jason and Miranda are dancing, but I say that loosely. They’re mostly holding onto each other, which I find incredibly sweet.
“We didn't dance after our wedding,” Kale says, pulling me close.
“No. But we nearly completed my entire bucket list in just a few weeks, so I'd say that it's a success,” I say.
“We just have to keep adding onto it.”
“Always.”
Kale smiles at me, and I swear the earth moves. How does this boy affect me so much?
“I am so in love with you,” I tell him.
“The feeling is very mutual,” he says. “The difference is I've always known I was in love with you and you just figured it out recently.”
“You had to be madly in love with me to marry me the way you did,” I say. “Knowing that I didn't have long left.”
“All I knew was that I couldn't live another day without you being my wife and if six months was all I was going to get, then I was going to take those six months and try to make them the best months of your life,” he says.
“I was selfish, though. When I married you,” I say. “I didn't even think how stressful everything would be for you. I'm sorry for that.”
Kale pulls me tighter against him as we dance. “Don't be sorry. I don't regret anything.”
Me either.
How could I ever regret something this beautiful?
Kale and I finish the song, and then my dad comes to interrupt us.
“Can I steal her for a few minutes?” Dad asks Kale.
“Of course,” Kale says, then winks at me.
I watch Kale walk away. My dad holds out a hand.
“Want to dance?”
I nod, trying not to cry. I never had the whole father/daughter dance because I honestly didn't think I even had time to plan a wedding. Everything was so rushed. But this... this is perfect.
“Kale seems to treat you well,” Dad says.
“Better than I deserve,” I say.
“No, Juliet. You deserve the best. Nothing less,” he says. “Kale is very lucky to have you.”
“I'm so in love with him,” I tell my dad. “I know running off and getting married in Vegas was completely nuts, but he's my soulmate. I truly believe that.”
“I always knew you two would be together,” Dad says. “I imagined you’d be older. I also imagined that I'd walk you down the aisle at your wedding. But those things don't matter. All that matters is that you're happy.”
“I am. Happier than I have ever been before,” I say. “Are you mad that I did it how I did?”
“No,” he answers, with no hesitation. “I can't blame you for doing it the way you did.”
“Is Mom going to be okay?” I ask him. “I know that what I'm going through is scary, but every scan they do is more promising than the last. I'm going to beat this.”
“She's your mom. It's her job to worry.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I say. “I just... I kind of wish I had never told her. She just seems so sad all the time now.”
“I don't think she'll be happy until she knows you're one hundred percent cancer free.”
“I want that, too,” I say. “But I haven't given up. Now that I've married Kale, I've decided I want a long life with him. I want it all.”
“I want that for you, too,” Dad says, as the song comes to an end. “Thanks for the dance.”
“Thank you,” I tell him. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Dad walks off the dance floor and I feel immensely lighter.
I got his approval. Granted, a few months late, but still. He's okay with me being married to Kale. And that means a lot.
Now, if I can just get rid of this stupid cancer, life will be perfect.
Thursday, August 23
Better than ever.
Move.
When Kale talked about getting a new place, I didn’t exactly picture we’d be renting a house. No more climbing five flights of stairs. No more having to be quiet after ten at night. I can film at midnight if I want. And I don’t have to smell my next door neighbor burning her dinner every single night anymore.
Best of all?
No more crappy studio apartment!
“We have a house,” I say, looking around the very empty house. So far, the only things inside are the things I could fit in my little, yellow car. “A real house.”
“We can make Jason and Miranda come help when we get back from Idaho Falls this weekend,” Kale says.
My mom and dad are leaving on vacation. They're supposed to be gone for, like, a month or something crazy. So, we're having lunch on Friday to say goodbye to them.
I'm glad that they're going. I think it'll be good for them to get away for a bit.
“We’ll bribe Jason with free food,” I say.
“He will come anyway,” Kale says.
True.
My brother would do anything for me.
“I can’t believe we have a place together,” I say. “A place that we picked out together.”
“I let you do the picking,” Kale says.
This house has three bedrooms, which means Kale and I can use one room for an office, one for a guest room and the master bedroom is for us, obviously. There is a nice-sized living room, kitchen, and dining room on the main floor. And we got a pretty good deal on the place. We’re hoping to save our money so we can buy a house soon. But until we decide where we want to live, we can rent.
“We should get going,” Kale says, looking at the time on his phone. “You have your doctor’s appointment.”
“Right,” I say.
I always dread going to the doctor. They did some more scans yesterday to check out the progression of my cancer, and I’m always worried that it’s going to be worse than the last scan. Or that something is going to go wrong.
Kale is always so optimistic. I know he does it for my benefit, but I wish I could be more optimistic too. Maybe I’m just scared of getting my hopes up, only to be disappointed.
I follow Kale out the front door to my little yellow car. Kale’s truck is still in Idaho Falls. I told him a huge vehicle like that would be impractical in LA, and it would. Plus, my car gets better gas mileage. I think he’s going to get a cheap, used car to have in LA and leave his truck in Idaho Falls for when we go to visit.
The hous
e we rented is a very short drive from my doctor’s office. It only takes about fifteen minutes to get there, even in traffic. That was part of the motivation of getting this place. I go see my cancer doctor a lot and it’ll be nice to be closer to his office. I hate driving in LA.
When we pull up in front of his office, I can’t help the anxious feeling that comes.
Kale grabs my hand. “It’s going to be okay.”
I nod. “I know. It is.”
He smiles at me, but I can see the worry in his eyes, too.
We both get out of the car and walk inside. We only have to wait five minutes before we are called back to see the doctor. Today, we are in his office. Kale sits down beside me and he holds onto my hand, which is literally shaking.
It’s not like it can get worse than the original six months they gave me. So, why am I scared?
The door opens up and the doctor walks in with a folder in his hand.
“Hello, Mrs. Johnson. How are you feeling today?” the doctor asks.
“Good,” I answer. “Better than ever, actually.”
“I would expect so,” he says, pulling out a couple of X-Rays. He puts them up and points to the one of the left. “This X-Ray was taken almost four months ago. This girl right here had no hope for living past six months. I’d say maybe even less.” He taps the one on the right. “But this X-Ray was taken yesterday, and there is not even a spot of cancer in this body.”
“What?” I ask, sitting forward.
Certainly I heard him wrong.
“Your blood work came back clean. All the tests are good,” the doctor says. “I’d like to keep a close watch over the next year or two, but Juliet Johnson, you are cancer free. Congratulations.”
I look over at Kale, my mouth hanging open.
Literally, I don’t think I could move my jaw, even if I tried.
“I’ll give you two some time to process the information, and will see you two next month for your checkup,” the doctor says.
He walks out the door. Kale and I are still just looking at each other.
“I’m going to live,” I say. “I mean, the cancer is really gone.”
Kale looks at me with tears in his eyes. “This means forever, Juliet. We’re going to live to be old together.”
“Yeah. It does,” I say.
Best idea ever.
“How long do you want to stay in New York?” Kale asks later that night. We’ve pretty much just spent all day on cloud nine. We updated our fans and already uploaded the video. The comments are blowing up. I wish I could respond to all of the people, but if I did, it would literally take weeks of doing nothing but replying to comments.
“What are you doing?” I ask, looking over at his computer screen.
We’re currently sitting on the couch together. I’m watching some Teen Wolf re-runs and Kale has been doing some work stuff.
“I’m going to finish off your bucket list,” he says. “Or at least the things we can do right now.”
Ah, yes.
19. Get lost in NYC.
20. See a Broadway play.
Kale and I add to that bucket list often. I doubt it’s something we will ever complete, even if we live another sixty years. But we sure are going to try.
“Maybe two nights or something,” I say. “We can get some great footage for the vlog while we’re there.”
He smiles at me. “This whole experience has turned us into daily vloggers.”
“I know, right? I can’t believe people find my life interesting enough to watch our vlog,” I say. “When I first started making videos five years ago, I never in a million years thought I’d be a daily vlogger. Now, it’s pretty much all I post.”
I’ve done a few recipes. Everybody is curious about how I eat, so I’ve been showing them some of my favorite smoothie recipes and such, but for the most part I do the vlogs. Which everybody seems to love.
“You’re about to hit four million subs,” Kale says.
“No way,” I say, looking over at his screen.
“I’d say in about a week, you’ll be there,” he says. “Maybe sooner... the way your sub count keeps increasing.”
“That’s crazy,” I say. “I remember having one hundred subs after a year of being on YouTube.”
“I remember when you hit one hundred,” Kale says.
“I remember hitting one hundred thousand before my high school graduation, and I thought that it would never get better than that,” I say. “I was so over the top excited.”
“I was there when you hit it. I remember.”
“That’s right,” I say. “You actually drove home from college just so you could be there when the count rolled over to one hundred thousand.”
“You cried,” he says.
“I did,” I say, not afraid to admit that. “And then I was so focused on my channel that I failed out of college.”
“Only because you didn’t show up for class.”
“Yeah, but I hit one million the day I dropped out of college.”
“Your parents were still pissed,” Kale says.
“Ah, yeah. I very vividly remember them yelling at me. And then getting even more upset because I was smiling,” I say. “You know, that is why I moved to LA.”
“Why?” he asks.
“Because I wanted to prove to my parents that I did the right thing by dropping out of college,” I say. “It’s why I saved to buy my car with cash. And why I moved here. To prove to them that I can make it on my own. College isn’t for me. And that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be for everybody.”
“I hated college,” Kale says. “It was the most miserable two years of my life when I was there.”
“Really?” I ask. “You always seemed happy. In your videos. And when I talked to you.”
“I pretended to be because I thought I was supposed to be,” he says. “I missed you the entire time. I literally took any excuse I could to drive home, just so I could see you. My mom thought I came to see her until she realized I spent more time at the Johnson house than I did with her.”
I laugh.
“That was when my mom finally figured out that I had a crush on you,” he says. “More than a crush. I was in love with you. Am in love with you.”
“You know, the way we got together was a bit unconventional, but I’m just glad we’re together,” I say. “Because I had a huge crush on you back then, too.”
“No way. You barely looked up from your phone or laptop to see me,” he says.
“I didn’t want anybody to know. Because I thought the crush was one sided,” I say. “I didn’t want to be that silly kid who has a crush on her brother’s best friend. It was too cliché. And I knew there was no way a guy like you could like a girl like me.”
“You think I wouldn’t like a girl who is so pretty that sometimes it literally hurts to look at her?”
Which makes me smile.
“Kale, I am glad you feel that way about me. But I never saw myself as pretty back then,” I say.
“And now?”
“Well, you make me feel beautiful. And special,” I say. “Also, it’s kind of amazing how much confidence you get once you graduate high school and don’t have people putting you down anymore.”
“I hope that I can always make you feel beautiful and special,” Kale says. “And most importantly, loved.”
Getting married in Vegas?
Best.
Idea.
Ever.
Friday, August 24
Good luck.
Jason picks us up from the airport in Idaho Falls. I haven’t seen him since his wedding, since he left on his honeymoon for Hawaii.
“You look happy,” he says to me.
“Me? You’re the one who looks happy,” I say.
And he does. Happier than I’ve ever seen him.
“Spending two weeks in Hawaii will do that for anybody,” Jason says.
Miranda’s parents paid for their honeymoon. And the wedding. Everything. They’re p
retty well off, I’m not sure exactly just how well off, but I know they have a very nice house and Miranda drives a car that costs about twice what mine does. Not that it matters. I love my car.
“I got some really good news at the doctor yesterday,” I tell him. “I wanted to tell everybody at lunch today, but I’m so excited that I literally can’t wait.”
“What is it?” Jason asks.
“I’m cancer free,” I tell him.
He actually stops the car. “Are you serious?”
I nod.
Somebody behind us honks their horn. We are in the middle of a parking garage at the airport. But it’s a small airport. The person waits a few more seconds, then races around us.
“Are you gonna drive?” I ask him.
“Yeah, I just... I’m really happy right now,” Jason says.
“Me too,” I say.
Jason looks back at Kale. “I guess that means you’re gonna be stuck with my sister for a long time. Good luck, man.”
“Hey,” I say, pretending to be offended. “I’m not so bad.”
“She snores,” Jason says.
“Her snore is cute,” Kale says.
I roll my eyes. “I don’t snore.”
“Yes, you do,” Kale and Jason both say.
“I’m never sleeping again,” I say.
“Good luck with that one,” Jason says.
“Fine. I’ll just have to sleep in the other room,” I say. “We do have a guest room now.”
“It wouldn’t work. I’d just climb into that bed with you,” Kale says.
“This is so weird,” Jason says. “Can we not walk about you sleeping in the same bed as my little sister?”
“Jason, we’re married,” I say.
“I'm still mad about that, by the way.”
“You are?” I ask.
“Maybe,” he says. “Fine. I don't blame you guys for doing what you did. If Miranda and I were in the same situation and she wanted to get married in Vegas, I would've done it too. I’m just sad that you stole my best friend.”
The Bucket List Page 12
