As Much As I Ever Could

by Brandy Woods Snow

  So that’s what Janice meant. “I heard. I ran into your mom and Buck at the track when I went there looking for you. I still can’t believe you’re missing the qualifiers.”

  “I tried to go. I sat there all morning, but all I could think about was you, alone and upset in a courtroom tomorrow. I just…I couldn’t do it. So what if I’ll have a sucky position for the race? Who cares? You needed me more.” He shrugs and then narrows his eyes. “But, why are you here when court is tomorrow?”

  “Turns out we both did some soul-searching while I was gone. The judge called a special session this morning, and he dismissed the case on account of a letter I wrote requesting leniency. People deserve second chances, right?”

  I know I want one—a second chance with Jett.

  “I’m big on second chances.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  He leans in close. Is he about to kiss me? I stand waiting with puckered lips and shallow breath, but instead, he asks another question. “Is this a replica of the drawing?” Jett swipes his finger over the tattooed scar. His eyes widen. “Wait, this is permanent.”

  “Turns out you were kinda permanent, Jett. What I really want to say is…I love you.”

  His eyes soften as he stands here looking at me. The chills from his touch spill over every surface of my skin, and all I can think is how much this summer brought me, how much more I understand.

  He eases me toward the Bronco’s fender and leans in to crush his mouth to mine.

  “I love you, too, Cami,” he mumbles in the breaths between each kiss.

  Chapter Thirty

  Em picks up my threadbare stuffed rabbit from the box in the U-Haul and clutches it to her chest. “I still can’t believe you’re leaving me.”

  She’s in a state of denial about Dad’s decision to move us to Edisto. He’s transferring jobs to the Charleston office, and I’ll finish out school with Jett, Bo, and Gin as part of the island homeschool group. I’m not gonna lie. It’s been bittersweet saying good-bye to my childhood home, the place I lived with Mama and Noli-Belle. And then telling Em we were relocating 250 miles away when we just got our friendship back on track was brutal. But it’s for that reason I know we’ll be okay. The limits of our friendship have been pushed to the brink, and we survived and came back stronger than ever. This isn’t a hurdle. It’s just a daytrip.

  “I’m not leaving you. We’re going to talk all the time.” I snatch the stuffed animal from her hands and toss it at Trent, who’s unloading boxes from the back. “Besides, you have Trent, and next year we’ll all be together at college.”

  “Yeah, all of us,” Jett says. He walks out from the floor-to-ceiling clutter in the trailer and jumps down on the sand.

  Trent elbows him in the side. “I still can’t believe you’re giving up the dream, man.”

  “I’m not. I’ll still be racing. Just making time to do other stuff, too.” Jett winks at me, a look that melts me faster than the 98-degree summer heat. “I won’t be the first racer to get a college degree.”

  To say Jett’s dad was blown away by his son’s artistic skills is an understatement. It was something Jett had kept close to the cuff, but when he produced the portfolio of home plans, Mr. Ramsey stood there slack-jawed as he flipped from page to page. Soon, there was a stack of print-outs on the Ramsey dining room table about statewide arts programs and some impressive statistics on the “growth corridors in eco-friendly, sustainable design.”

  Meanwhile, I’m considering pursuing a nursing degree—maybe picking up where Mama left off. And I’m not complaining that Em, Trent, Jett and I have all ended up with plans to attend the same college.

  I grab a small stack of boxes on the hand truck and wheel them to the steps where Gin and Buck sit. She’s twirling her hair around her finger, laughing and touching Buck on the arm. When she sees me, I motion her over.

  “You and Buck are getting awfully chummy, huh? Anything you want to tell me?” I tease.

  Her cheeks flush crimson. “CJ!” She glances back over her shoulder at Buck, who’s staring at a hangnail. Then she leans in close to my ear and whispers, “I’ll fill you in later.”

  Gin trots back over to him and immediately falls back into her flirting dance. Good for her. She’s waited a long time for the right guy to show up, and if Buck’s anything like his brother, then she’s a lucky girl.

  Dad steps out on the porch and whistles for everyone’s attention. Memaw comes out behind him with a broom in one hand and a bottle of window cleaner in the other. Once everyone gathers in the yard, Dad yells down, “How ‘bout we all go eat at Something’s Fishy? My treat since all of you helped me and CJ get moved in.”

  Something’s Fishy is Dad’s favorite new food addiction. Memaw had taken him to meet Hippie James last week. I was skeptical. The old Dad would’ve had no part of it. But to my surprise, Dad and James clicked immediately. So much so, he and James caught a baseball game over a couple of beers at the bar after his shift ended.

  As everyone begins to clean up and leave, Bo steps between me and Jett and drapes his arms over our shoulders. “Afterwards, we’re taking Trent, Em, and Buck to the pier and making them Edisto-official. Y’all coming?”

  “Give us about five minutes, and we’ll meet y’all at the restaurant.” Jett glances at his watch and shoots me a conspiratorial gaze.

  We sit on the top porch step watching everyone load in their cars. Memaw’s the last out of the house, dodging us on her way. “Hey Memaw!” I holler, and she turns around. “For the love of all things holy, stay away from the shrimp and grits with all that extra sausage!”

  A wicked grin creeps over her face, and she flips me the bird before going to Dad’s car.

  When everyone drives away, Jett pulls me to standing, and we head around the house, up a flight of stairs, and then another to the raised deck. It’s the same deck where Jett and I shared our first kiss. And since Dad and I have taken a long-term lease on Mr. Ramsey’s rental house, there’ll be plenty more starry nights like that one.

  But the view in the daytime is just as amazing, stretching out for miles of sandy beaches and blue-green Atlantic waters. This time, I’m not even terrified of being so high above the palmettos. Jett leans against the railing and pulls me in close, nuzzling my neck.

  Oh yes, many more nights up here, for sure.

  But right now, everyone’s waiting on us. “You know, they’re all gonna start wondering where we are.”

  “Let ‘em,” he mumbles, his lips exploring the slope of my neck.

  “Including my dad? He’s not as understanding as Memaw.” A look of panic crosses Jett’s face, as though he’s a criminal and the police rolled into town. I laugh and hold out my hand. “Besides, it’s my turn to drive.”

  “I teach you how to drive a stick and suddenly you know everything.”

  “Not everything.” Jett gives me the you’re-full-of-crap eyebrow, and I concede. “Ok, most things.”

  “Do you know how much I love you?”

  “Lots. Tons. More than the gallons of water in the ocean. More than the—”

  “Ok, smartass. Now how much do you love me?”

  “As much as I ever could…but…”

  He frowns, eyes narrowed. “But? There’s a but?”

  “But not as much as I ever will. Because every day, I love you more than the day before.” I roll my eyes and throw my hands in the air. “I know, I’m hopeless. I’m smothering myself in my own sap.”

  “I like your sap,” Jett teases. I press myself against him and run my hands down his shoulders, over his chest, his stomach, to his hips, and then slip them deep in his pockets. He lets out a small sigh, his breathing accelerating as he whispers, “I thought you said we needed to go.”

  “We do.” I yank the car keys from his pocket and dangle them in the air. “Race you.”

  Acknowledgments

  How do I even begin to say thank you to all the people who have helped with AS MUCH AS I EVER COULD or
my continued development as an author along this journey? It would be impossible to convey just how much each of you has meant to the process, so please accept this as my meager attempt to do so.

  First, a huge thank you goes out to my readers. Y’all amaze me and humble me and remind me of what this process is really about. It’s about creating characters that y’all can love and relate to on a human level and then want to bring them into your life. You first loved Rayne and Gage in MEANT TO BE BROKEN, and likewise, I hope CJ and Jett also plant themselves into your heart. Every time you purchase a copy, refer it to a friend, or leave a review, you help them gain new life in another reader’s heart, and for that, I could never thank you enough.

  To God, I simply lift up Psalm 37:4. You have truly provided a path for the desires of my heart. I am so grateful…for everything. I only hope I do You proud.

  To my critique partners, Carla and Jena: I wouldn’t be here without y’all. Your tough love and critical eyes made a difference in this book; your warmth and friendship has made a difference in me. And can I just say, Jena, that you rocked the cover design. I mean, y’all…have you seen all that attention to detail?! I love you both, my sisters.

  To my tribe: From reading early drafts to simply being there for support (which is not always such a simple task! LOL), I treasure each of you, and from the bottom of my heart, please know how much I appreciate and adore you all! All my love and gratitude to The Writing Bootcamp Buds, Sarah Barkoff, Haleigh Wenger, Krystle Brantzeg, Stuart White (and the WriteMentor program), Khadijah VanBrakle, Katy Upperman, Atina Atwood, and so many others in the Twitter and Instagram writing communities.

  To the contests along the way that saw the value in the manuscript and gave me the always-needed moral support to “keep at it,” I want to say a huge thanks to the NEORWA Cleveland Rocks Romance contest, The Music City RWA Melody of Love contest, and the Sun versus Snow contest.

  To my kiddos, Maddox, Hayden, and Colton: Don’t ever let fear rob you of living life to the fullest. Explore, Excel, Exemplify. Learn by example, and be the example. And always remember that Mama is in your corner! I love y’all!

  And finally, to my forever “love interest,” Gene: I spend a lot of time concocting “book boyfriends” but the best in each of them comes directly from you. Like CJ tells Jett, “You’re the good in my world.” If not for your sacrifice and your devotion to my words, I’d never be where I am today. Thank you for being my husband, my best friend, my #1 fan, and the inspiration for many more books. All my love to you…always.

  About the Author

  Brandy Woods Snow is an author and journalist born, raised, and currently living in beautiful Upstate South Carolina. She earned a BA in English/Writing from Clemson University and worked in corporate communications and the media for nearly two decades before pursuing her true passion of writing novels brimming with Southern culture, twisted family dynamics, young love, and deep-diving emotions.

  When Brandy’s not writing, reading, spending time with her husband or driving carpool for her three kids, she enjoys kayaking, family hikes, yelling “Go Tigers!” as loud as she can, playing the piano and taking “naked” Jeep Wrangler cruises on country roads.

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  www.BrandyWSnow.com

  Romantic at heart, Southern to the core.

  Also by Brandy Woods Snow

  Meant To Be Broken

  The first book in the Carolina Clay series

  As Much As I Ever Could

  The first book in the Edisto Summers series