All Blues

by Marie Wathen

  “Mr. Sloane,” he calls, “When you are ready sir, your car is out front.”

  “Yes.” I turn, following him out and then head to the airport. Alone.

  Once inside my jet, a new flight attendant greets me, “Good morning, Mr. Sloane. Welcome aboard.” Her light blue eyes shimmer while devouring me from head to toe. She twirls a long curly brown lock of hair around her pointer finger before sensually gliding her hand down her chest and resting on her full hip. “My name is Yazmene, and it is a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

  “Thank you, and likewise,” I reply, scanning over her uniform, noting several adjustments that she has apparently taken upon herself to make, including shortening the length of her skirt to hit two inches below her slit and unbuttoning her top down to the fourth button, allowing her large breast to spill from the opening.

  With a wolfish smile and flirty wink, she says, “I’m sure that I will love every moment of our time together, sir. We are on schedule for departure in ten minutes and will arrive in Baltimore in two hours.” She gestures toward my seat, which I take immediately. She stands close by, her hand lying on the armrest of my chair, and then drops to squat beside me. “Would you like a whiskey for takeoff?” Arching an eyebrow, I tap a finger twice against the face of my watch. Holding my gaze, she explains, “I’m sorry, sir. I realize that it’s still early, but I was instructed to offer without consulting the clock.”

  She rises up, her tits less than a foot from my face. I sigh not in favor of her challenge, and then run a hand through my hair. “Thank you. I’m fine. Please instruct the pilot to get us in the air ASAP.”

  “Absolutely,” she replies back quickly, spinning around so that her ass is right in front of my face. Over her shoulder, she purrs, “If there is anything, at all that you require of me, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  My eyes narrow on her face, and when I don’t respond she walks toward the cockpit. Whoever on my staff hired Yazmene and trained her to act like a slut just lost their job. Sure, I’ve had a few beautiful flight attendants, who I would take back to my bedroom on the back of the plane. Today, I am a different man. There is only one woman that I want. After what’s happened, I don’t have any idea if she will ever want to have anything to do with me again. I could take Yazmene up on her offer, and forget the grey-eyed woman who has haunted my dreams for nearly a year. Any other time, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. Now, there isn’t a woman alive who can hold my attention or arouse my desire like Angel. Whatever I must do to get her back, I will do. First, I need to find her. I glance at my phone one last time before changing it to airplane mode. No calls.

  Two and a half hours later, my limousine parks in front of the church. I intentionally arrived prior to everyone else to see Natalie and the kids privately. Stepping out of the car, I scan the nearly empty parking lot and notice the grey clouds moving in above. A white puff of air in front of my face marks the chilly January temperature, but the coldness that I feel is much deeper. The numbness glides through my veins sluggishly urging me to turn away now before it gets worse. Today will be the hardest day of my life, even harder than when I buried my parents, because Jude’s blood is on my hands.

  I climb the stone steps and am greeted by a white-haired gentleman who guides me toward the room where the family has gathered. Stilling my nerves, I stare at the white paneled door and then turn away, walking down the hallway. I push one hand into my front pant pocket while my other thrusts into my hair a few times from the anxiety I feel building in my chest. Son of a bitch, this is going to hurt.

  “Uncle Ethan?” Dean calls from down the corridor behind me. I freeze, and then turn slowly, facing a mini-Jude, holding the chubby hand of his little sister. I swallow hard while running both hands down the lapels on my black coat, and then take the ten steps separating us quickly. Simone leaps into my arms, ducking her little face into the crook of my neck and squeezing both arms around me immediately. Her sugary-scented, curly hair smothers me, but I don’t care. Holding back the tears, I drop my chin against her head.

  “Hey guys,” I say, my voice cracking.

  Simone pulls away, her cool hands coming up to clamp the sides of my face. “Daddy’s not here.” Her sweet smile is too much. I draw her against my shoulder again, gripping fiercely, while staring down at her big brother and biting roughly down on my tongue to hold back the weakness threatening to burst forth.

  Dean’s green eyes drop to the floor in front of his feet. “She isn’t supposed to talk about it,” he says, his light brown eyebrows pulling in tightly and a deep crease forming across his forehead.

  Fucking Christ, how am I going to get through this? How will they? “It’s okay,” I reassure, for them as well as for me. My chest is raging uncontrollably, trying to draw in air around the melon size lump lodging itself sideways in my throat. With another shaky breath, I repeat, “It is okay.” Without looking at me, Dean nods, and then I place Simone back down on her feet. “Where’s mom?”

  Grabbing Simone with one hand, he points the other toward a partially open door, the same one that I walked away from earlier, and Simone chirps with a heart stopping smile, “With Uncle Kason.”

  “Good,” I reply, reaching into my pocket. Fishing out a pack of bubblegum, I offer, “Brought your favorite. Don’t get it stuck in your hair again.” She bobs her head dramatically, reaching both hands up for her treat.

  “Bubbie, I gotta potty,” she demands, pealing the wrapper off her pink gum and popping it into her mouth. I watch them walk away, disappearing around the corner before I turn toward the room where my best friend’s wife is waiting.

  Edging the door open, I scan the room spotting Natalie staring out the window on the other side of the room, her arms crossing around her waist. Moving from her, I make eye contact with Jude’s older brother, sitting in a high back chair at her side. Dark brown eyes pin me in the doorway. He stands, moving toward me. “Kason,” I say, and then hear my name being called.

  “Ethan,” Natalie gasps, twisting around, a small smile pulling up the edge of her peach-tinted lips. Kason stops right in front of me, and I look into an almost identical face to my closest friend in this world. “Kason, give us a few minutes?” she asks sweetly, walking toward me. I take a few steps forward, meeting her in the middle of the room. Without hesitation, she dives into my embrace, and I hear the snick of the door closing behind us.

  “Natalie,” I start, but my mind instantly looses every thought, and I feel the sob rushing up my throat, dropping my chin on top of her golden blonde hair. Through our shared pain, we hold onto each other for several quiet moments.

  “Just a few more hours,” she mumbles against my chest. “I can do it for a few more hours, especially now that you are with me.” My arms tighten, and she sighs. Her grief is overpowering my stronghold. I am only hanging on by a thread, but I need to be stronger for her. I hate this, and wish that it was me being laid to rest today instead of Natalie’s husband. After another second, she steps backward and flashes a bright, toothy smile looking crazily. It feels extremely inappropriate for the occasion. Then, in an excited whisper, she claims, “We did it.”

  My eyes search hers, needing clarification. I don’t understand what that comment means. “Can I get you something?” Scotch, Xanax, perhaps a white padded room?

  Shaking her head, she walks over to the door, locking it before turning around and pressing her back against it. “I am so glad that you came. I knew you would.” I nod, and she takes two steps toward me. “I am a nervous wreck, but seeing you gives me strength. Once this BS is over, I am going to need you.” She inches closer, her smile is dazzling, completely in contrast to the frown bending on my face. “Please,” she whispers. Something about all of this is really freaking me out. Is she…flirting? Hell no, no fucking way.

  I swallow hard. “Natalie…I’m here,” I assure her, and she nods. She glances back at the door, turns back and then presses her body against me. “Whoa,” I say, grabbing her upper ar
ms, pushing her away. “We can’t.” What is wrong with her?

  “Ethan?” she says, her eyebrows scrunching while a goofy grin stays set in place on her face. “I don’t want anyone hearing us.” She moves to get closer, lifting her hand to the side of her mouth and whispering, “It worked perfectly, and now we can be together without worrying about anyone finding us.” Jesus, please make it all go away.

  Shoving her away again, I blurt, “What in the hell is wrong with you? Are you high? I’m sorry, I can’t. He was my best friend. A chunk of me broke off the night that Jude…” my voice trails off, unable to say the words while my mind spins out of control, and the smile on Natalie’s face falls instantly.

  Gasping, she covers a hand over her mouth, mumbling, “Oh God.”

  I croak, “Natalie…”

  “You don’t know?” Her eyes fill with raw tears, looking at me like I’ve hurt her with my rejection.

  “Please, Natalie,” I warn, trying to come up with soothing words that wouldn’t further lead her on. I had no idea that she has these feelings and thoughts. I feel the room shrinking in on us.

  “Ethan, calm down,” she whispers, holding up her hands in surrender. That’s when I realize that my breathing is audible. I am struggling to take in the necessary air to survive this insane moment. She pulls out of my hold and then drops her fists onto her hips. “I don’t know what you think, but you seem confused?” she asks. Or you’re crazy?

  I nod. “Yeah,” Am I answering her question or mine?

  “Jesus, I will kill him.” She spins around, her fists clenching into tight balls in front of her, a small trickle of a tear slips slowly down her face. “He freaking left this shit on me?”

  I clear my throat. “It will be okay,” I try to soothe without moving closer. “You’re going through hell right now.”

  “Ethan,” she snaps, turning around to face me again, pointing at the seat beside me. Using her scary mommy tone, she orders, “Sit down.” Seeing anger building in her eyes, I obey without pause. “I’m sorry to do this to you, here and now, of all places. God,” she huffs, sitting down beside me. “Take a deep breath, lean back and listen to me. What I’m about to tell you is going to freak you out.” Too late. I can feel my eyes bugging out of my head. I’m not sure if I want to hear her out, but I nod anyway. Hesitantly, she places a hand on my forearm, leans in closely to my ear, and then whispers, “Jude’s alive.”

  My head snaps around as I jerk away from her. “Natalie, let me get someone: Kason or maybe, your doctor is already here. I don’t think you’re handling this well…at all.”

  “It had to stay a secret–”

  Shaking my head, I cut her off. “You are freaking me out, Natalie. I truly think that you need to speak with your doctor.”

  “I’m serious,” she insists. “He’s alive. I thought since you are also working with him that he would have told you.”

  My eyes narrow on her. “What are you talking about?”

  “Jesus, I’m so sorry.”

  Gradually, her words register. “Wait… You aren’t talking about Jude. Who am I working with, Natalie?”

  She exhales loudly. “Max came to us last week with the plan to get Jude out of the paid hit that Juan ordered. Apparently, he and Nelson figured out that he is with HLS. Thank goodness that your friend intercepted it. He took care of hiring the assassins.” I just look at her completely dumbfound while the truth sinks in slowly. “Two guys that were part of his unit came to the bar. Wise had some fake blood bags that he and I popped and he crunched on a blood capsule in his mouth so that it would convince anyone standing around looking for proof that he was dead. Then I threw my body on top of his, screaming wildly. No one came within ten feet of me.” She smiles proudly. “Except Murph, but he was in on the scam too.”

  “I’ll kill them,” I growl, standing up abruptly and heading toward the door.

  “No,” she screams from behind me. A loud banging on the other side of the door combines with Kason shouting Natalie’s name repeatedly. “Wait, please.” My anger is torrid, I am so pissed. How does Max think this was okay? “You have to play this out until after me and the kids are gone,” she begs, and with that I drop all anger.

  “God, yes, anything,” I assure her, stepping closer. “I don’t understand why he didn’t just let me in on this part of the plan.” I curse.

  She shouts toward the closed door, “Just a minute, Kason.” Coming over to stand in front of me, she softly explains, “Because you had to convince Nelson and the X’kapz that he is dead. We depend on you to help us disappear, Ethan.”

  Exhaling loudly, I nod and reassure her, “Of course. They all believe that he’s gone.”

  “Angel can’t know either.”

  “This is killing her, Natalie,” my voice cracks, and I drop my ass into a chair. “She loves you and your family. And I…” I can’t finish this sentence. My face falls forward and I scrub my hands over it. The woman that I love is lost to me because of this lie.

  “You love her,” Natalie puts the words, swirling wildly inside my head, out there so sweetly and easily. Pulling down on my face, I stare into her sympathetic eyes, but I don’t respond. “We know, we’ve always known.” My eyebrows scrunch up, and she giggles, “Spoiler alert: Angel loves you too, ya big dope.” She punches me in the arm with her tiny fist.

  “Jeez,” I moan deeply, pushing my palms into my eyes and scrubbing hard. “This is just…crazy.” I look at her again while shaking my head and then I let out a loud sigh. “But so damn great.” She smiles brighter. Thinking about love, I ask her, “Where is he?”

  Shrugging, her answer sounds more like a question, “Willow Island?” With my family. Now, I smile like the crazy person. Damn you, Max. I let out a heavy breath and add, Thank you.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  So, there truly is hope when all hope is lost. I had no idea how amazing I could feel after being granted with a blessing like this. Finding out that Jude is still alive renews my life. At this precise moment, I believe that just about anything can happen now. With this new realization, the most important thing to me is getting Angel back and then never letting her go again.

  “Are you ready to go out there and grieve with everyone else?” Natalie asks softly, picking up a long black trench coat off of the back of a chair.

  “This is really messed up for all of those misinformed people,” I point out, gesturing toward the doorway and suggesting the funeral attendees. She nods with a frown curving on her lips. The sight of it makes me feel horrible, so I add, “But, it is for the best, and hopefully one day they’ll know the truth.”

  “Yeah, this can’t last forever,” she agrees, chewing on her bottom lip. “The kids know the truth. Dean understands more than Simone, and it bothers me that we are living this disgusting lie, but I know that it must happen. We’ll all be safe if we can get through without a mistake.”

  “She broke my heart earlier,” I admit, reaching for the doorknob. Her eyes move from the door to me. “She told me that her daddy isn’t here. I hope she doesn’t feel the need to share that with anyone else.”

  Her eyes grow wide and she pushes a hand against her temple. “God, I hope that she doesn’t either. I wished that they could have gone with their daddy, but if anyone here is watching us…I hate this, but we have no other choice,” Natalie says the last part softly, reassuring herself. “The reason she said anything to you is because I told her that you are the only person who knows the truth.”

  “Ah.” I nod and then take her hand in mine. “I’m sorry.” She doesn’t respond, so I continue, “Just a couple of hours and you will all be away from all of this, and I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to never let it happen again.” She nods as she continues to worry her lip. “You said Max has security guards all over this place?”

  “Yes, he’s done so much to help us. I am so grateful to him, Ethan.”

  As pissed as I am, I share her opinion. I ask, “You ready?” She swa
llows hard while nodding. I open the door, and we are greeted on the other side by Kason holding Simone with Dean standing tall beside his uncle.

  “You alright?” Kason asks Natalie, his heated glare fixed on me. She angles toward me, shakes her head just the tiniest bit, a reminder that Jude’s brother is left out of this secret.

  Drawing in a deep breath, she stills her eyes on her brother-in-law and whispers, “Let’s get this over with so I can get my children out of here.” Then she takes her daughter out of his arms, walking toward the cathedral.

  We enter the main worship center where several hundreds of people are sitting, talking and moving around. The doorway is filled with even more people filing in, seeking out a seat. The room is nearing maximum capacity, and there are dozens of people standing against the walls. Natalie performs her role well, walking over to the casket with her children. Seeing the grieving widow, the noise level drops almost instantly. The preacher rushes to her side, reaching out and taking her arm gently to guide her toward the front row. Holding her head high, she glances around the room, pauses for a long minute staring at the rows of somber faces, and then places Simone down on the front pew before taking her seat. Her eyes flick up toward me, begging me to sit beside her. Hardly anyone here knows me so I’m not worried that I will be recognized. As far as they know, I am family. Kason sits down on Natalie’s left side, wrapping his arm over her shoulder. I reach down, plucking my little princess out of her seat before sitting back down. Then I drop her onto my lap. Dean scoots up next to my side, and I scrub a hand through his hair. The preacher spins around swiftly, taking up his position at the podium and opens with the Lord’s Prayer.

  Natalie wraps a hand over my forearm gaining my attention. I glance down and she leans over, whispering softly. Her words send electricity through my body and the tingle goes straight to my feet. A second later, I stand with urgent need, returning Simone to her spot and then moving quietly toward the side wall of the church in the direction of the front entrance. My heart beat ramps up as I edge my way along, offering hushed apologies as I pass people with heads bowed. I snake my way to the back of the church, scanning each face. Angel is here and I must find her.