Joyful

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “She’s a lot of fun.” He paused. “I almost like her being here the most of all.”

  She chuckled. “If you were trying to get a rise out of me, you made a mistake there. I happen to think she’s pretty terrific myself.” Wanting the focus to be away from her, she gestured to the books. “What are you studying tonight?”

  “Biology.”

  “You and Kaylene! Have you been reading about the food chain?”

  “I wish I was only learning about the food chain. This chapter is on photosynthesis and its effects on the global climate.”

  She lifted her chin. “See that? You just went over my head.”

  “Sorry. It’s interesting, though. I like it, but not as much as my other class. I’m taking American history, too.”

  “What are you going to do with all that learning, Micah?”

  “I can’t decide. Sometimes I feel like I’m meant to stay on the path I’m on. That I’m meant to go to college and get a degree. Other times, I can’t help but think of one of our uncles. He’s Amish, but he’s also one of the smartest men I’ve ever met. He reads about things like I’m reading for fun.”

  “When do you think you’ll know?”

  He shrugged. “If there’s one good thing about not having parents at my age, it’s that I don’t have one of them telling me what to do. I figure I have all the time I need. As long as I do my part around here, you know.”

  “From what I’ve seen, you do a lot.”

  “I try.” He gazed at her then, a new light of concern in his eyes. “Elizabeth, what is going on with you and Randall? Are you two still seeing each other?”

  “You know I just saw him a couple of hours ago,” she teased.

  “You know what I mean. Do you want to start seeing him again?”

  That felt like a loaded question, one that she couldn’t give a straight answer to. All things considered, she would have rather avoided it entirely. Maybe even pushed Micah’s question away.

  But he was staring at her intently, as if her answer really mattered to him. “I don’t know,” she hedged. “Micah, you know that your brother and I don’t seem to be communicating very well these days.”

  “Has he upset you?”

  Because he looked like he was ready to do battle on her behalf, she shook her head. “Not at all.” She shrugged. “It’s just hard not to feel like we had our chance. It wasn’t meant to be.” Though she didn’t believe her words, she felt like that’s how Randall felt about things.

  “For what it’s worth, I know that he was right fond of you. Randall’s not one to talk too much about his personal life, but I do know that you meant a lot to him.”

  It didn’t escape her notice that they were speaking about her and Randall in the past tense. The realization made her sad, but not as devastated as she used to feel. Maybe she was growing up?

  Or, perhaps, she had simply learned to move on?

  “Micah, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not talk about me and Randall anymore.”

  After staring at her for a few seconds, he exhaled. “Of course.” Leaning forward, he picked up his book. “I’ll go in the kitchen and leave you alone.”

  “Please, don’t do that. It’s time I went to bed. See you in the morning.”

  “Yes, you will. Gut naught.”

  As she slowly walked up the stairs and settled into what was Claire’s old bedroom, Elizabeth felt a new sense of calm. At last, she’d finally turned the corner. She and her grandmother were going to stay here a few days, watch over Randall, clean and dust and cook as much as possible, and get paid a pretty penny for it.

  Then they were going to return home and pretend that their quiet, empty house felt as comfortable and warm as the Beilers’. That she was glad to not be living in the middle of a bunch of noisy men who had never met a clean floor that they couldn’t make dirty.

  As she clutched her nightgown to her chest, Elizabeth knew if she tried really hard, she might even be able to fool herself for a while into believing it, too.

  After swallowing two ibuprofen tablets, Judith leaned back with a moan. “Mamm, I’m so sore and achy, I feel like I fell down a flight of stairs. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  “I do. You have the flu, Judith,” her mother replied. “And though it pains me to remind you of this, I hope you recall that I told you to get some rest two days ago when you started to look a little peaked.”

  “Mamm, mothers don’t get sick.”

  She chuckled. “They most certainly do!”

  “Well, they don’t let everyone know it. I can’t remember a single day when we were little that you stayed in bed all day.”

  “Just because you don’t remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”

  “Still—”

  “Oh, but you’ve become a trial! Judith Knox, if you don’t lie down and get some rest, you’re going to infect the rest of the family.”

  Trying to breathe through a stuffy nose, Judith waved off her mother’s words. “You’re overreacting, Mamm.”

  “I think not.” Holding up the thermometer, she said, “The evidence is right here, one hundred and two point two. You’re sick.”

  If she hadn’t felt so achy and miserable, Judith knew she would have protested a bit more. Instead, she coughed. “How is James?”

  Her mother’s gaze softened. “He is gut. Caleb and Rebecca have him for the day. Then Gretta and Josh are going to watch him tonight.”

  “But Ben—”

  “Ben spent some time with him this morning, and he’ll visit with him for a bit this afternoon. But he is needed here, I think.”

  “I don’t need him to fetch and carry for me. He needs to be with the baby.” To her shame, tears filled her eyes. Impatiently, she swiped at them. She was so tired of being needy! “I’m fine.”

  “I wish you were, but you are not.”

  “But what if Bernie discovers that I’m not with James?”

  “If I were her, I would be praising the Lord that you had the good sense to stay away from him for the time being.”

  “Mamm!”

  “I’m only speaking the truth. You don’t want James to get sick, do you?”

  She was teetering between that place where she knew her mother was right and admitting out loud that she was right. “Nee, Mamm.”

  She opened one bleary eye just in time to see her mother smile in a self-satisfied way. “Now, I am going to make you some soup and do a little bit of cleaning while you rest.”

  “You don’t need to clean my haus.”

  “I happen to disagree. Everything’s a mess, dear. Go to sleep.”

  As she listened to her mother walk down the hall into the kitchen, Judith thought about getting up and taking a shower. Instead, she rolled over and went back to sleep.

  Hopefully she would be feeling better before Bernie ever found out that she’d been neglecting James’s needs for a whole day.

  She needed to be as perfect a foster mother as she could be. She needed to do anything it took to keep James as long as possible.

  chapter twenty-one

  There was nothing like sitting alone in a room and feeling completely helpless. Randall stared at the door and silently willed it to open, hopefully by one of his brothers. He needed to go to the bathroom.

  Nothing.

  He drummed his fingers. Eyed the cowbell Neil had brought in for him to use in an emergency. Of course, he’d meant it as a joke. Beilers were nothing if not self-sufficient; losing their parents had instilled in them a can-do attitude. They didn’t ask for help unless it was for Kaylene.

  And if for some reason they were desperate for a little help, well, they certainly didn’t ring bells when they needed a helping hand—they yelled. But Elizabeth and her grandmother were in the house. It seemed pretty rude to yell for them to come to his room.

  He shifted. Wished he hadn’t drunk all that water.

  Well, there was a time for pride, and a time when one didn’t want to wet
the bed. With a feeling of abject resignation, he curved his hand around the cowbell. Picked it up. Mentally prepared himself to start clanging the thing. . . .

  “Ah, you’re awake!”

  His head snapped around, and he realized his mortification was complete. Anna Mae Nolt was peering into the room, her weathered face looking as kind as ever.

  And her dark brown eyes were staring at that bell in his hand with a surprisingly wise expression. “Looks like you’re needing something. What is it?”

  “Is one of my brothers around, Anna Mae?”

  “Nee. Levi is at work. Neil and Micah are in the fields today with a pair of young boys they hired on.” Still staring at that cowbell, she raised her brows. “Now, what may I help you with?”

  “Oh. Well. Maybe Elizabeth could come in?”

  “I’ll go see if she can. She was down in your basement washing clothes, though, so she might not be able to come upstairs for some time.”

  This was awful. Beyond awful, even venturing into horrible territory. “Could you tell her that it’s important? Please?”

  To his dismay, she stepped inside. “I may be old but I’m not helpless. What do you need? Spit it out now.”

  “I need help walking to the bathroom.” Keeping his eyes firmly averted he said, “I can’t put any weight on my leg.”

  “Oh. Well, now. To be sure, I can see how that might present a problem.”

  He could, too. He also knew he would never forget this feeling of embarrassment. “I hate to be a pest, but Anna Mae, could you please go get Elizabeth? Quickly?”

  “Certainly, dear.”

  When she turned away, looking more than a little amused, he closed his eyes. He could only hope that it would be years before any of his siblings heard about this. “Lord, I am sure you are putting me through this for a gut reason,” he mumbled. “But I have to tell ya, I wish I knew why you felt I needed to be humiliated this way.”

  “Knock, knock,” Elizabeth said as she walked in. “I heard you needed some help?”

  He sighed. Swallowing his pride, he nodded. “Jah. Help me walk to the bathroom, wouldja?”

  While she walked toward the bed, he shifted to the side of the mattress. Even that small movement made him clench his teeth. Last night when Levi had helped him, the pain relievers he’d been given at the hospital must have still been in his system.

  “Randall, are you going to be able to do this?”

  “I don’t have a choice.”

  She looked doubtful. “Um, maybe we could find a way for you to use a bedpan or something?”

  “Don’t even think about that.” Raising his arm, he glared at her. “It’s hard enough having to ask your grandmother to go get you. Now come over here and help me to my feet.”

  Her lips twitched. “I had no idea you would be so grumpy.”

  “You’d be grumpy, too, if you had to ask for help to get out of bed,” he said as he draped his arm around her shoulders. “Okay, you ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be.” She wrapped an arm around his waist. “One, two, three. Umph!”

  At last, he was on his feet. After teetering a little bit, he finally got his balance. With a sigh, he lifted his leg and half hopped toward the door. By the time they reached the hall, he was afraid he was putting the majority of his two hundred pounds on her shoulder. “Am I hurting you?”

  “Not at all. Come now, Randall. Just a few more steps.”

  An eternity later, they reached the door to the bathroom. “I won’t be long,” he said as he grabbed hold of the countertop and used it to brace his weight.

  “Are you going to be okay in there?”

  “I’ll be fine,” he muttered as he closed the door in her face. He was dizzy and hurting and pretty unsteady on his feet. But really, there were just some things a man had to do unassisted.

  As she stood on the other side of the door, Elizabeth realized two things. The first was that she was stronger than she’d realized. She would never tell Randall—at least not anytime soon—but he was a big man and he weighed a ton. While he’d been doing his best to hop and act as if he wasn’t in pain, she’d been praying that he didn’t fall. There would have been no way she could have held his whole weight.

  The other realization was a whole lot harder to swallow. She’d been lying something awful to Micah last night. Seeing Randall in bed completely helpless and grumpily asking for help had stolen her heart.

  It seemed that she was still in love with Randall.

  When she heard the water in the sink turn on, she leaned a little closer, then grinned when he opened the door, looking like a new man. His face was damp, too.

  To her dismay, he looked just as handsome as ever. Maybe even more so, because he looked slightly scruffy. Randall was by no means the type of man who fussed over himself, but just now she realized that he was the type of man who took care with his appearance. His nails were always clean and neatly trimmed, his cheeks free of stubble.

  And, she realized, back when they were courting, he’d always smelled like fresh soap and some kind of evergreen shampoo.

  As a whiff of the soap’s scent hit her hard, her body reacted. She leaned a little closer to him, all of her senses on alert.

  Afraid he would notice that she was practically sniffing him, she primly folded her hands in front of her apron. “Looks like you washed up a bit?” she said as she positioned herself under his shoulder and they began their journey back to his bedroom.

  “Yeah. I brushed my teeth and at least tried to wash my face.” He grimaced. “I hate feeling so out of it.”

  “I know, but that isn’t what matters now. We need to concentrate on your leg,” she said when they got to the side of his bed again.

  He sat down with a sigh. “This mattress has never felt so good.”

  “I imagine it has not.” Leaning close, she fluffed his pillows and helped him get arranged. He moved to accommodate her.

  And then, just like that, they were face-to-face. His eyes widened as her lips parted, though whether she was thinking about kissing him or protesting him being in her space, she didn’t know.

  All she did notice was that Randall had shifted his attention to her lips and that her breath had quickened.

  And that it was all taking place on his bed.

  Before she did something foolish like touch him in a more personal manner, she pulled back with a jerk. “How about some macaroni and cheese?”

  “Pardon?”

  “I made you some macaroni and cheese. Want some?”

  “Yeah. That sounds great.”

  She turned away and practically raced to the door. “I’ll be back shortly. Want some iced tea or water?”

  “Either is fine. And hey, Beth?”

  She pivoted on her heel. “What?”

  “Danke.” He smiled sheepishly. “You know, for coming to my rescue.”

  “It was my pleasure,” she said automatically. As their eyes met and she realized how awkward that sounded, she stumbled over her words. “I mean. I was glad I was here. I mean, oh, I don’t know what I mean. I’m going to be going now. But I’ll be back soon with your food.”

  He smiled. “I’ll look forward to it.”

  If she wasn’t so terribly embarrassed, she would have thought he was flirting with her.

  She turned abruptly and hurried back down the stairs and into the kitchen.

  “How he’s doing?” Mommi asked. “Feeling better?”

  Elizabeth chuckled. “I tell you what, I thought girls were prudes, but that Randall Beiler takes the cake. You would have thought he was the first person in Sugarcreek to have to go to the bathroom.”

  Her grandmother’s lips twitched. “I must say his bashfulness took me by surprise, too. But at least you were home.”

  She pulled out a bowl. “Have you seen a tray? I’m going to bring him some macaroni and cheese.”

  “I have.” Looking pleased, she pointed to a cabinet. “I hope the Beilers won’t be mad, but I decided to cle
an out this cabinet. Inside are all sorts of linens and old serving dishes. Everything was in disarray so I’ve been washing the old trays and putting everything back in a more organized way.”

  Elizabeth took the tray. “You don’t think they’ll be upset, thinking that we’re getting into their private business?”

  “They asked you here to cook and clean, Lizzie. That’s what I’m doing. Stop worrying so much.”

  “All right. I’ll try,” she murmured as she walked back upstairs.

  But privately, she wondered if it was a mistake to make themselves so at home in the Beilers’ house.

  chapter twenty-two

  When it rained, it poured, Judith decided as she wearily padded to the front door to let in Bernie, who had arrived on an unannounced visit.

  As usual, Bernie had a packed tote bag, reading glasses perched on the top of her head, and a cell phone in her hand. But when she got a good look at Judith, her welcoming expression faded into a worried frown. “Judith, you look awful!”

  “I know. I’m sick.”

  “What’s wrong, dear?”

  “I’ve got the flu.” Practically hugging the door, she cautioned, “I’m not sure that you want to come in.” A little burst of hope ballooned inside her. Maybe her illness would be just the thing to ward off any bad news that Bernie was bringing with her. “Perhaps you could come back in a few days?”

  Bernie did look like she wished she was anywhere else. But after a moment’s hesitation, she walked inside. “I’m afraid this can’t wait. I have some news.”

  “Come on in, then.” She rubbed her arms over the fuzzy cardigan she’d slipped over her dress. “Let’s go to the kitchen. It’s warmer back there.”

  When they sat at the kitchen table, she was especially glad for Ben. He’d cleaned the whole kitchen before he left for the store. Otherwise, Bernie would have been treated to a sink and countertops full of dirty dishes.

  The moment Bernie sat down, she pulled on her glasses and started rummaging through her tote bag. Judith noticed that her movements seemed a bit frantic, her expression pained. Judith watched Bernie open the files, rearrange them, then rearrange them again, as if she needed to do something with her hands.