In His Place: A Modern-Day Challenge for Readers of In His Steps

by Harry C. Griffith

  As soon as we were seated in his huge living room, he told me an amazing story.

  He settled back in his chair and crossed his arms. “I know it’s late, but relax. This will take some time, but I promise it will be worth it.”

  He slipped his hands to his lap and looked down at them. “Following the meeting with the church board here yesterday, I sat down to a meal Helen had fixed me. You may know she is a superb cook. There I sat in my big, beautiful dining room, roast beef cooked just the way I like it. The wonderful smell of food filled the room, but I just wasn’t hungry.”

  Clifton adjusted himself in his chair and looked up at me. “Why? I wondered. Well, of course, the loss of Flora left me heartbroken and completely drained emotionally. But there was something more troubling me. Shouldn’t I have felt good about resolving my conflict with you? I was sure we were justified in the action we had taken.”

  With a sheepish grin on his face, he said, “I almost enjoyed calling you to tell you that you were through at Incarnation Church. Enough of your pushing the church too far! Enough of your entangling the church in the whole Wooten affair! Good riddance. But something niggled at my heartstrings and left me uneasy.”

  I tried not to be fidgety in my chair. Clifton took a deep breath and continued. “After eating only a few bites of supper and making excuses to Helen, I went into the family room and tried to read. After she had cleaned up and left for the evening, I turned on the television but found nothing of interest. I wandered around the empty house, looked painfully at items that reminded me of Flora, and finally forced myself to bed, taking a book with me. When the book kept falling from my hands, I gave up, turned out the light, and went to sleep.

  “It’s just part of the aging process, I thought to myself when I awoke in the middle of the night. It had been happening for some time. Even before Flora’s death, I would go to sleep without too much trouble but then wake up, wide awake, in the early hours of the morning. I would be flooded with concerns about work or personal matters. Now it was always about Flora.”

  I wondered where all of this was going and tried not to look at my watch but to stay focused on what he told me.

  Clifton shook his head, frowning and looking down in sadness. “Flora, Flora, Flora,” he moaned. “I miss her so much. Not only did I love her, but she kept me in line, from going off on tangents, focused. She loved me when I was unlovable. How can I go on without her?” Grief tore at his heart, and his eyes became wet with tears.

  He raised his hands, palms up. “Sorry.”

  It was time for me to break the ice. “No need to apologize for talking about Flora. She was an exceptional woman, and I know how much you loved one another.”

  Clifton shook his head slightly, as though gathering his thoughts. “It was like I was talking with Flora. Then I thought about her spirituality, her faithfulness to God. She was much deeper into that than I am. You know that. The next thing I knew, I was talking to God.”

  He looked up at me as if seeking affirmation, and I nodded.

  He continued, “It was as though God was showing me that it wasn’t anything you said that got Flora killed. It was just Flora being herself. I wanted to blame you for her death, and God wasn’t having any of it. I never considered these middle-of-the-night episodes as times for prayer, but that was what happened. Suddenly I found myself asking, Lord, did I do the right thing in getting our pastor fired?”

  Clifton took a deep breath and shook his head again. “Strangely, what immediately came to me was a conversation I had shortly after becoming chairman of the board at Incarnation Church. I ran into an old friend, a college fraternity brother, on a business trip. As we tried to catch up on what was happening in our lives, I mentioned I had become the board chairman at my church and was still trying to figure out how to function most effectively.”

  Wondering where all of this was going, I again tried not to squirm in my chair.

  Not pausing a moment, Clifton continued, “I pointed out that I ran a successful bank and tried to run the church in the same way. I wanted to keep the members happy so they’d keep attending and giving, and I saw myself as the guy primarily responsible for seeing that everything was done in good order.

  “My friend smiled and said, ‘That’s exactly how I saw things when I became senior warden of the vestry of our Anglican Church. I wanted to keep things in order. Then an interesting thing happened. The church agreed to have a renewal weekend. It was one of these things where a group of people come from other churches to talk about unique experiences they have had with the Lord, how they found the Lord, or how the Lord healed them from anything from addictions to physical illnesses. They were called witnesses, and they were to witness to God in their lives. This felt scary to me, so I made sure I was included in all the planning, and I attended every session of the event. I wanted to be in control. I wanted to make absolutely sure things didn’t get out of hand and shoot the church off on some weird tangent.’ ”

  Clifton grinned. “This guy talked my language, or at least so I thought. Because then he looked directly at me and said, ‘But guess what happened? I was the guy who ended up getting renewed! It completely changed my life. I started a men’s Bible study group and volunteered to be a witness at these renewal weekends in other churches.’

  “Dumbfounded by that remark, I didn’t want to hear any more. It turned out we were interrupted, and I didn’t have to endure the embarrassment of listening to that diatribe. But last night, that incident all of a sudden spoke to me. My problem is that I want to control the church just like I do the bank! I haven’t been open to what God might have to say.”

  My inner self was shouting Hallelujah!, but I looked intently at Clifton in anticipation of what came next.

  He gave me a half-smile, palms up. “Do I need to say it? God had broken through to me. I was immediately convicted of my grievous injustice against you. All of a sudden I felt very guilty for what I had done. I asked God’s forgiveness, and now I am asking yours.”

  There were tears in my eyes, and I had no words. I got up, and he did likewise. I gave him a bear hug and got one in return.

  Jayne stayed up until I got home. If anxiety and relief can be reflected on a person’s face at the same time, that was Jayne’s. She was so glad to see me but wondered about the details of what I had been through. We stood hugging one another at the front door until anxiety faded and relief took over for both of us. It was then that I related everything that had happened, including the visit with Clifton Stoner.

  Jayne’s practical mind kicked in at that point. “I wonder what this means for us.”

  I gave her a wry grin. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

  New anxiety surfaced for me, however, as I remembered the incident with Brandon as I was leaving. The solid wall between us had shown a slight crack when he asked to go with me, but there was no way I could have allowed him to be in the middle of the danger I anticipated. Did my negative reaction reseal the crack?

  “How did Brandon react when I left?” I managed to squeeze the question out of my mouth, fearing the answer.

  Jayne frowned. “I wish I could tell you he is okay, but he’s not. If anything, what was bad between you is now worse. When you had gone, he stormed through the room and shouted, ‘I’m almost fifteen years old and he treats me like a baby…when he pays any attention to me at all!’ He went to his room and slammed the door so hard it seemed to make the house shake.”

  Too late to do anything about it tonight, I said to myself. Just when it looked like things might work out for us at Incarnation, I couldn’t seem to work things out with my own son. For now that seemed to be the more important issue.

  Chapter 36

  Sunday, October 22

  That Sunday morning broke bright and beautiful in Belvedere, with crisp air and vibrant fall colors. I was in a state of exultation because of what had happened Saturday night but in desperation concerning my relationship with my son.


  While Jayne and I sipped our early morning mugs of coffee, Clifton Stoner called. The message was short and sweet. Very matter-of-factly he said, “Steve, Clifton. The mistake of firing you will be rectified at an early morning board meeting today. See you at church.” I only had time for a quick thank-you before he hung up.

  From the conversation with Clifton the night before, I wasn’t overly surprised, but I was elated. I fell on my knees and thanked God. Jayne realized what had happened and dropped to the floor beside me. I wanted to call the kids into the room to give them the news but realized I had to revise my sermon, with limited time to do it. So, once again realizing I was putting time with Brandon on the back burner, I quickly dressed and headed to church.

  For Incarnation Church, it was, by any measure, a remarkable day. By the time worship began, the church was packed. There were a number of first-time visitors. Smiles and happy greetings resounded across the sanctuary because some members of the congregation now had a new relationship with one another as a result of standing in solidarity at Connie Wooten’s trailer the night before.

  In advance of the worship service, the hurriedly called board meeting reinstated me as pastor by a unanimous vote, followed with a written apology and a raise in salary. Paul Rivers brought me the news, relieving Clifton Stoner of an awkward encounter.

  I based my sermon on Matthew 16:24–26, about Christian discipleship, and John 15:12, Jesus’ command to love one another. I began it as though nothing special had happened the night before.

  “God can orchestrate marvelous things out of the worst of tragedies. There is no better example than the crucifixion and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

  “When He died on the cross, it seemed that the greatest hope of mankind had died with Him. The long-awaited Messiah, the Son of God, had perished in humiliation and defeat. At least, so it appeared.

  “But God had something else in mind; and what happened on that Friday was completely reversed on the following Sunday. What we call Good Friday became Easter Day. What seemed to be the end of all things became the beginning of all things.

  “Last Sunday I challenged you. God incarnate came to our world in His Son Jesus Christ. When Jesus was no longer here on earth, that incarnation continued through Christ’s people…those of us who call ourselves Christians. When God could no longer be present to us in His Son, He sent the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to be Christ to the world around us.

  “We’ve had a chance over these last few days to see what that might look like. We saw it in Flora Stoner, who gave her life to protect students at Belvedere High. We saw it in Clifton Stoner, who faced down a murderous mob to protect the life and property of Connie Wooten last night. We saw it in the courage of the people of Belvedere—including many of you—who supported Clifton by standing with him against the attack on Mrs. Wooten. And today, as a result of the love of Christ among us, perhaps we feel a little better about ourselves, about Belvedere, and about Incarnation Church.”

  There was a sudden outburst of applause in spite of the normally subdued behavior of the people of Incarnation Church. Some people actually high-fived each other in the pews.

  My eyes moistened with tears. After the noise died down, I continued. “As wonderful as all of this is, it is only a start. We are all called to be Christ to the world around us, but seldom will we have the opportunity to demonstrate that in such dramatic ways as those I’ve mentioned. It will be in the day-to-day loving and caring for others that occurs in the routines of our lives. When Jesus talked of carrying our crosses and laying down our lives for others, He knew that we would be doing it more in the simple things of life than in dramatic confrontations—though we would need to be prepared for those as well.

  “So, today I give you again the incarnation challenge: be Christ to your world in whatever way God calls you. We are not just to try to imitate Christ by walking in His footsteps; we are to incarnate Christ, to be in His place in all aspects of our lives.

  “In my sermons for the foreseeable future, I’ll be exploring what all of that means. Amen? Amen.”

  Chapter 37

  Getting away from the church that Sunday morning was difficult. Everyone seemed to be in a jovial mood as they chatted away with each other and with me. It was a mob scene as I greeted people at the sanctuary door at the end of the service. Some knew of my involvement at Connie’s the night before or had been told by others.

  “Way to go, Pastor,” several people said.

  “You made it sound like Mr. Stoner was the hero last night, but that’s not the way it looked to me.” A number of remarks were similar to that one.

  “Glad it all worked out. We’d hate to lose you.” The woman who said that left me puzzled. Was she talking about what happened at the trailer park, or had word gotten out of my having been fired?

  So it went. As people headed out of church into the sunny autumn day, my spirits should have been soaring. Unfortunately, nagging at the back of my mind were the issues that would have to be faced with Brandon.

  As soon as I could get away from the sanctuary, I began looking for Jayne and the children. They had come in the minivan, but I couldn’t see it in the parking lot that still bustled with activity. I got in my truck and started home.

  Jayne met me at the front door. “Where’s Brandon?” she asked, a quiver in her voice and a questioning look on her face. “He said he’d wait and come home with you.”

  Failure on my part once again! This time I didn’t think it was my fault. How was I to know that Brandon wanted to ride with me? I hadn’t seen him. Now he would feel he had been intentionally abandoned or just forgotten. And where was he?

  In a state of panic, I laid my hands on her shoulders. “I’ll go back to church and look for him. You and Hannah stay here. Someone else may have given him a ride.”

  I broke the speed limit getting back to church, although traffic was light following worship services. And there was Brandon, sitting on the front steps of the church, hunched over and looking lost.

  “Brandon,” I shouted as I pulled up at the curb in front of him, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were coming home with me.”

  With an accusing look, he slowly opened the door and slunk into the truck.

  I continued to explain. “The car was gone when I got ready to leave, and I thought you were with your mom. I didn’t see you.”

  “It’s okay.” He didn’t sound as though it was.

  That got my ire up. “Wait a minute.” My voice hardened. “How was I to know? Do you think I intentionally went off without you?”

  Brandon mumbled something, turned away from me, and looked out the side window.

  Instead of driving home, I called Jayne on my cell phone and told her I had found Brandon and that we would be home in a little while. I told her not to hold lunch for us. We’d pick up something. She didn’t argue with me, figuring I had something in mind—like the needed conversation with Brandon.

  “Would you like to stop at the burger place and get some lunch?”

  “Sure.” He was wide-eyed and open-mouthed with surprise. I realized how seldom I had gone to a burger place just to have a meal with my son.

  The place was crowded, so we each got burgers, fries, and sweet tea to go and drove to that spot on the outskirts of Belvedere where I had gone to ponder why Otis Huntington had killed himself. It was my thinking place, and I wanted to share it with Brandon.

  We sat in the truck eating our burgers on that hill that is the highest place in the area, looking out on the town far below us. Brandon’s countenance changed. He seemed to be enjoying himself, polishing off his first hamburger in record time. Why had it taken me so long to share a moment like this with my son?

  I took a big swallow of sweet tea to bolster my courage to start this long-needed conversation. “This is where I come when I’m trying to sort through things in my life, and it’s a joy to be doing it with you today.”

  “What are you trying to sort through
today?”

  “You.”

  He half-turned to me but didn’t look me in the eyes. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m trying to figure out why I have so much trouble communicating with you. I love you, you know.”

  Then came the incredible breakthrough. His Adam’s apple bobbled. “I know you do, Dad. That’s why you wouldn’t let me go with you last night. You knew you were going into a dangerous situation.”

  I was astonished. I wanted to grab him and hug him but felt that wouldn’t have been appropriate right then.

  “You’re right. I was scared stiff, and if I wasn’t sure I could take care of myself, I certainly wouldn’t have been able to take care of both of us.”

  “Tell me about it.” His voice softened as though he really meant it.

  So I did. I gave him all the details without trying to make my role out as anything special.

  “Dad, the word is that you were the real hero last night, and I’m proud of you.”

  By that time we had finished with our meal, and I did lean over and give him a long and firm hug, one in which he hugged back at least equally.

  “I’m sorry I have always seemed too busy or distracted to have the time with you I want to. I know it’s hard being a preacher’s kid. You probably feel that everyone is looking at you expecting you to be superspiritual just because you’re from a clergy family. Yet, in truth, you have a father who is so involved in the lives of others that he has little time for his own family. It’s tough on your mother, too, but she more or less knew what she was getting into. You and Hannah didn’t have that choice.

  “And then you have to put up with what people say about me,” I continued. “People being what they are, it’s often criticism that you probably hear. That’s why I want to have a new relationship with you. I want to find time for us to be together, go fishing or whatever you’d like to do. Most of all, just time to talk things through.”