“I’m not…” Fuck. Ethan couldn’t even finish the sentence.
He was hiding. He’d been hiding from everyone, including himself, for nine long years. “What if Jimmy goes after the people I care about?”
Sawyer didn’t answer the question right away, just stared back at him for long seconds. Ethan wanted an answer, needed someone to reassure him that his family wouldn’t be put through hell; that they wouldn’t have to endure the wrath of those who felt Ethan was an abomination. And he wanted someone to guarantee him that Beau would never be hurt.
Before he could pelt more questions at Sawyer, there was a knock at the door.
Shit. And now he had interrupted Sawyer’s night.
“I gotta go,” Ethan said abruptly, turning toward the door. Pulling it open, Ethan nearly ran face first into Beau.
The sudden sight of him had all of the emotion bubbling up again, making it painful to swallow.
“Hey,” Beau said, taking Ethan’s arm gently, keeping him on his feet.
“I need to go home,” he told Beau absently. Without thinking about it, Ethan let Beau lead him down the front steps and toward his truck.
“I’ll drive,” Ethan said when Beau tried to steer him toward his truck. “I’ll be fine to get to the house.”
Beau nodded, but Ethan made a beeline for his truck immediately, not waiting for Beau to do or say anything more.
If he was lucky, maybe he’d manage to reason with himself before he got there. Because if not, he was about to do something he’d never done before.
And he wasn’t sure what Beau was going to say when he told him that he loved him.
♂♂
Standing in Sawyer’s front yard, Beau watched Ethan’s taillights fade in the darkness. He had been sitting outside in his truck for the last twenty minutes, waiting for Ethan to come back out.
After he dropped Ethan off at his house, Beau had known instantly that he was up to something when he let Beau leave with a simple kiss and nothing more. Ethan had been mentally off in another world at that point, he was sure.
You didn’t have to be a genius to know that the conversation that they witnessed that afternoon had drawn numerous questions. Beau knew Ethan wanted to ask Sawyer some, but more importantly, he knew Ethan intended to call Sawyer out. Curtis’ knowledge of the events from back then was a dead giveaway that someone had talked. According to the story Ethan had told him, the only person who would’ve had anything to tell was Sawyer. Well, Greyson would’ve known, but Beau couldn’t see him saying something. That’s not the way Greyson seemed to work.
With no desire to go home and worry, Beau had driven to the Walker Demolition shop and parked. Giving him some time, he had waited before driving to Sawyer’s place not far from Ethan’s. Just as he suspected, Ethan’s truck was parked behind Sawyer’s expensive car in the driveway.
For whatever reason, Beau had forced himself out of the truck and to the door when he would’ve preferred to sit outside and wait longer, give Ethan and Sawyer time to chat. He hadn’t. Something had spurred him to go to the door. Based on the way Ethan looked when he flung the door open, Beau knew what had pulled him. It was that emotional connection he had with the man and he had somehow known that Ethan was hurting.
Turning back toward Sawyer’s house, Beau moved up onto the porch when he saw Sawyer standing there. Sawyer gave him a curt nod as he leaned slightly forward, hands resting on the door jamb above his head as he stared back at Beau.
“You got him?” Sawyer asked directly.
“Yeah, I do.”
“I take it you know what happened?”
“He told me.”
Sawyer stared at him intently for a moment, and Beau knew he had something else to add, so he waited.
“He needs to talk to someone. A professional who can help him deal with what happened to Gavin.”
Beau’s eyebrow shot up toward his hairline. He wasn’t sure why Sawyer was telling him this.
“He’s scared, Beau. And it kills me that I don’t know how to help him. But I told him as much. It may never heal him fully, but he needs to talk to someone.”
Beau nodded his head in agreement. It was logical, something Beau had thought a time or two. Convincing Ethan to seek professional help probably wasn’t going to be easy, but he knew if Sawyer had managed to conquer the subject with Ethan, he should too.
“Thank you,” Beau found himself saying.
“For what?”
For saving his life. For being the reason Ethan was there today. Beau didn’t speak the words out loud, he simply said, “Just… thank you.” Beau didn’t elaborate more before he turned and headed back down the steps.
Within minutes, he was parked in Ethan’s driveway and not long after, he was taking the front two steps in one single stride. He didn’t knock on the door before letting himself in.
He found Ethan standing on the back porch, staring out at the pool and he didn’t pause until he was standing there with him. No words were spoken as he moved up behind him and wrapped him in the circle of his arms.
Beau rested his forehead against the back of Ethan’s head, holding him while Ethan shook in his arms. He wasn’t crying, but Beau knew the emotion he had bottled up all these years was trying to escape. He was a pressure cooker, ready to blow its lid from everything that continued to build.
Ethan’s hands came up and latched tightly onto Beau’s arms where they rested against Ethan’s chest. For long minutes they just stood there, the chilly winds skirting around them, the night sky darkening even more as time moved forward. Beau was fine with this for now. He knew Ethan was processing everything that was happening, and he didn’t want to rush him. Despite Ethan’s ability to keep things locked inside, Beau knew Ethan had begun to open up. It was slow going, but the forward momentum was there. Beau would just have to ride it out.
“What do you think people will say when they find out about us?” Ethan asked, surprising Beau with both the question and the conviction in his voice.
The topic was one that Beau, quite frankly, never expected to address directly with Ethan. At least not with Ethan being the one to bring it up. A shimmer of hope lit up inside of his chest. Did that mean Ethan was willing to give them a chance? A real shot at a relationship?
“They will think what they want, E. But I don’t care what they think,” Beau answered honestly. “I only care what you think.”
“This is going to be hard on my family,” Ethan mumbled.
“Why? It’s not like they don’t know.” Beau asked, trying to hide his defensive response. He knew Ethan’s family personally. They would rally together and support Ethan no matter what.
“They shouldn’t have to deal with the bullshit,” Ethan said softly, surprising Beau when he didn’t even move.
“Your family is going to support any decision you make,” Beau said matter-of-factly, his hopes soaring despite the bleakness of Ethan’s statement. “Don’t underestimate them, E. You come from a strong, resilient family who cares for each other.” I’m actually quite jealous of you, Beau thought to himself. He didn’t say the words out loud because there was only so much he could deal with in one night.
“What do your parents think?” Ethan asked, pulling away and turning to look at him.
Well, fuck. It didn’t look like Beau was going to get away from the subject much longer.
“They don’t know.”
“You haven’t told them?”
Surprisingly, Ethan didn’t sound judgmental, just curious.
Beau decided to tell him the truth. “I haven’t told my parents a lot of things.” Glancing out at the darkened tree line behind Ethan’s head, Beau continued, “Ever since I failed my father, we haven’t had much of a relationship.”
“Failed him how?”
“Football. When I shattered my arm, I knew it would never be the same. I knew from the day I emerged from surgery that I wasn’t going to be able to throw the same way. I was right.”
&n
bsp; “That wasn’t your fault.”
“But it was,” Beau said defensively. “I’m the one who got in the truck. I’m the one who knew how dangerous it was to be out on the roads after the ice storm. I brought it on myself. And I ruined my football career with one dumbass decision.”
Therefore, Beau had officially ruined his relationship with his father.
As simple and complicated as that.
Chapter Thirty Four
♂♂
Ethan stared back at Beau, doing his best to rationalize what he was telling him. Did Beau really believe that a freak accident that ended his football dreams had been his fault? Or worse, his father’s apparent reaction was a burden he should carry on his shoulders?
Ethan didn’t think so.
“Huh,” Ethan huffed.
“Huh, what? What does that mean?” Beau asked, taking a step back from Ethan, the expression on his face one of both concern and confusion.
Going all in, Ethan said, “Is that what you think when I tell you my story? That I brought it all on myself? I mean, I’m the one who went to the lake.” Granted, if Ethan thought about it too long, he wouldn’t have the guts to challenge Beau’s way of thinking, but honestly, Beau’s statement, and his own comparison to it, had opened his eyes a little more than they were already.
“It’s not the same thing, and you know it,” Beau said incredulously. “Not by a long shot.”
“Sounds like it is to me,” Ethan countered, his voice growing more determined. “I mean, how is it different? I made the decision to drive to the lake. You made the decision to hang with your friends…”
Ethan noticed the moment Beau understood what he was getting at. If he was supposed to address his internal conflict, it was only fair that Beau address his own. Not that Beau had pushed him, but ever since Ethan’s conversation with Sawyer, he’d been thinking.
Really thinking.
When he first got home, he had come out onto the back porch as he attempted to pinpoint when he first decided to take everything and compartmentalize it, including his own feelings. He had been so closed off for so long, he wasn’t even sure when or how it had happened.
A bitter cold gust of wind whipped around them, but Ethan tried not to flinch. Now that his frustration had subsided, and the shaking had stopped, he was getting cold. And looking at the man standing just a few feet away, he could think of a million ways to warm up and every one of them involved Beau.
“How about we continue this conversation somewhere a little warmer?”
Beau nodded, still staring at him as though Ethan had lost his mind.
Maybe he had.
Once inside, Ethan made his way to the living room. As much as he wanted to detour to the bedroom, bypass all of the talking and emotional bullshit, he knew this had to be done. They had to hash some things out.
Tonight Ethan had been slayed by Sawyer’s revelation. Knowing what Jimmy Reardon was capable of, yet hiding out all of these years, not owning up to who he was, Ethan couldn’t help but wonder if Jimmy had inflicted the same damage on someone else.
Or hell, it didn’t have to be Jimmy. He thought about Ricky Dillinger. Or what about Ricky’s brother, Ralph? Was he that way? Did they bully others besides him? Probably.
Ethan hated the idea of that.
Dropping onto the couch, Ethan leaned back into the soft, cushions and propped one leg up, opening his legs wide.
“Come here.” Gesturing for Beau to sit in front of him, Ethan held out his arms.
Beau hesitated only briefly, but then to Ethan’s relief, he moved toward him. Once he was seated, Ethan shifted until he was comfortable and pulled Beau back against him, lying nearly flat on the couch. Resting his hands on Beau’s chest, his forearms over Beau’s shoulders, Ethan leaned forward and kissed the top of Beau’s head.
“I remember your dad always being at the football games,” Ethan said a moment later, wanting to get back to his original subject.
“He was,” Beau said, his body tensing slightly.
“Relax,” Ethan insisted, gently massaging his fingertips into the hard planes of Beau’s chest then slowly moving up to try and ease the tension in his shoulders.
Beau sucked in a breath and released it with a huff, making Ethan laugh.
“Do you think he’ll accept the fact that you’re gay?” That had to be the hardest question of all time.
“No,” Beau said quickly.
“Do you plan on telling him?”
“I don’t plan on hiding it if that’s what you mean,” Beau explained. “The relationship I have with my parents is strained at best. We don’t talk.”
“They don’t call to check on you?” Ethan couldn’t imagine a world without his parents in it. Couldn’t fathom how he could go day after day without hearing from his mother or his father or both. The same with his brothers.
“No.”
Ethan’s heart ached for Beau. The man was so tough, so solid, yet he had endured part of his life with parents who had somehow shut him out along the way.
Ethan sat there, running his hands up and down Beau’s chest and shoulders, soaking up his warmth as Beau did the same to Ethan’s calf. This was nice. Perfect, despite the subject matter.
He could easily imagine them doing this day in and day out.
An unusual emotion filled his chest, like his heart was expanding, growing until it felt as though it would explode right out of his ribcage.
“I love you.”
Beau’s comfortable weight shifted slowly, gently, and Ethan was forced to let go of him as Beau turned himself so that he was kneeling on the couch in front of Ethan.
“Repeat that,” Beau demanded.
Ethan stared into rich, warm brown eyes, the same eyes he’d been dreaming about for so long. He felt the answering emotion even without Beau saying the words. Maybe that’s why repeating them seemed so easy. Lifting his hands, he cupped Beau’s face and smiled. “I love you.”
Beau growled, that possessive, sexy sound that made Ethan’s insides warm several degrees.
Before he knew it, he was flat on his back, Beau directly above him, holding himself up with one knee and one arm.
“I love you, too,” Beau answered. “I never thought you’d say the words.”
“I’m just full of surprises today, aren’t I?” Ethan said snidely.
Beau pressed his hips down, grinding his steely erection against Ethan’s as he leaned in and pressed their mouths together. Sweet and tender was how things started, and truthfully, that’s how Ethan saw this moment going.
Clearly, that was not what Beau had in mind.
♂♂
Beau’s heart pounded so hard, he thought for a minute he might crack a rib. The thought made him smile. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t his overexcited heart that had him smiling. The fact that Ethan had just said “I love you” was likely the reason.
“Say it again,” Beau whispered against Ethan’s lips.
“I. Love. You.”
Beau plunged his tongue into Ethan’s mouth as though trying to consume the words right then and there. In all of his life, he’d never known what it felt like to hear them. Never mind the fact that he’d never said them to anyone until Ethan.
With as much restraint as he could muster, Beau ripped Ethan’s shirt up his body and over his head, tossing it somewhere across the room. His lips had a mind of their own, trailing down his neck, over his collarbone, then over his pecs. Glancing up briefly, he noticed Ethan was watching him, his blue-gray eyes practically glowing with the heat that generated between them.
Sliding over slightly, Beau tongued Ethan’s nipple before taking it between his teeth and nipping lightly.
“Oh, God, yes,” Ethan moaned, bucking beneath him and grabbing the back of Beau’s head. Another nip and then Beau transferred to the other side, applying the same attention to Ethan’s other nipple before moving lower.
Using his hands, Beau deftly loosened Ethan’s jeans and pushed them down his hip
s, boxers and all. He didn’t hesitate when Ethan’s dick sprang free. Wrapping his fist around Ethan’s aroused cock, Beau inhaled him into his mouth, sucking hard at first, his eyes remained locked on Ethan’s face.
Ethan groaned as he thrust his hips upward, forcing his cock deeper into Beau’s hungry mouth. He took every inch of him that he could, curling his tongue around the long, broad shaft. He took his time, relishing the taste, the texture, every glorious inch of Ethan with his lips and his tongue. Ethan’s wondrous expression and his sporadic groans spurred him on.
“Don’t make me come,” Ethan said sternly. “Not yet.”
Beau understood. He wasn’t ready for Ethan to come yet either. He fully intended to have Ethan buried deep inside of him when that happened.
“As much as I want to do this right here, there is not nearly enough room on this couch,” Ethan said with a rough chuckle, pulling Beau forward when he released his cock.
Beau climbed up his body, making sure to hold his weight above him. “What did you have in mind?”
“I know this comfortable bed. It happens to be free right now.”
“Mmm,” Beau groaned against Ethan’s lips as he reached between them and stroked the velvety soft length of Ethan’s iron hard cock. “I like that idea.”
Ethan shifted, forcing Beau off of him. Laughing, Beau obliged and stood.
As though it was a marathon and they were in the final stretch, they made it up the stairs in record time, neither of them pausing until Beau had Ethan backed up against the bed. He grinned sheepishly and then offered a gentle shove. Ethan stumbled down onto his ass, and Beau came right down on top of him.
“Tell me again.”
“Tell you what?”
Beau cocked an eyebrow and smirked.
Ethan laughed and then grabbed Beau’s face, pulling him forward. “I love you.”
Beau’s heart smiled, wide and proud. There was a sense of freedom that washed over him like a monsoon. He would’ve been swept off of his feet had he not been laid out flat already.
Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) Page 29
