Poems From the Underground Volume 2

by Robert C. Waggoner

  Do you think

  You're doin to me

  Playin tricks

  On my mind

  You should know

  Well enough by now

  That any real love

  Is hard to find

  But you insist on

  Inflicting pain

  And then

  Pretending you're healing

  The wounds

  What is there

  For you to gain

  If it's there

  I hope you get it soon

  Cuz everything is

  Building up inside of me

  I've had it hurting so long

  I can't hide how I feel

  What you're makin of me

  Don't you see

  That it's wrong

   

  You play games

  With everybody you can

  Do you always

  Get their name

  Or do you care

  Is that even part of your plan

  I'm sick of it all

  I'm so sick of you

  You might think it's funny

  I don't, and we're through

   

  You think I want you

  You think I won't do

  Any of this

  Don't say you love me or need me

  Just don't

  Lookin back

  There won't be

  Anything I miss

  You've given me

  Years of

  You breakin my heart

  What have you ever done

  Not to hurt me

  When have you

  Not left me fallin apart

  Forget what you

  Say you forgive me for

  Forget forever with me

  Forgive you I won't

  You wanna make an appeal

  I don't want you anymore

  " I don't wanna be with you" (whisper)

  You're just gonna have

  To learn to deal

  I know I will

   

  You play games

  With everybody you can

  Do you always

  Get their name

  Or do you care

  Is that even part of your plan

  I'm sick of it all

  I'm so sick of you

  You might think it's funny

  I don't, and we're through

   

  When wasn't I

  Always there to

  Give you all I had

  You've left me lonely

  Wanting you only

  And then acted like

  You had the right to be sad

  The tears I've seen in your eyes

  To me are the same

  As all your lies

  And I can't belive 'em anymore

  I don't have

  Any will to fight

  Even for us

  I'm leavin

  There's no trust

  Good night

  Alright

  I'm out the door

   

  You play games

  With everybody you can

  Do you always

  Get their name

  Or do you care

  Is that even part of your plan

  I'm sick of it all

  I'm so sick of you

  You might think it's funny

  I don't, and we're through

  Alright

  I'm giving in

  Living completely in sin

  Cuz I don't know

  Anymore what's real or fake

  I don't have a clue

  What I've done or what I do

  To start anything anew

  Where would I begin

  What would it take

   

  I'm goin one way

  Down a narrow highway

  No light to guide me

  Going through it blindly

  I hope I don't hit

  Or hurt anyone

  The pain that I feel

  Is all too much to conceal

  I can't walk away

  Nor can I run

   

  I'll be alright

  Without sight

  I'll feel around

  And listen for any sounds

  If I fall

  I'll only break me

  I'm holding on

  To everything that's gone

  Where will it end

  Where will it take me

   

  It's plain to see

  I've made miserable memories

  Filled with agony and disgust

  I've tried so hard not to be

  Everything that now

  Composes me

  But I am all I am

  Nothing free

  Existing without love or trust

   

  Since the earliest

  Days of my youth

  I've lived as two

  Never fully revealing truth

  Never healing

  Or totally dealing

  Or having use

  For myself

  For my lies

  For all my alibies

  For all the ways I've abused

   

  I'll be alright

  Without sight

  I'll feel around

  And listen for any sounds

  If I fall

  I'll only break me

  I'm holding on

  To everything that's gone

  Where will it end

  Where will it take me

   

  And that's why

  I don't feel

  I can try

  To be more than I am

  A wretched excuse a man

  That just barely

  Gets by

   

  I'll be alright

  Without sight

  I'll feel around

  And listen for any sounds

  If I fall

  I'll only break me

  I'm holding on

  To everything that's gone

  Where will it end

  Where will it take me

   

  The easiest thing I've done

  Is make myself numb

  Where have I gotten here from

  Where am I going

  No Name

  Some day,

  I will make you pay

  I will make you feel

  What you've put me through

  When you're dying

  There'll be no one crying...

  No one there

  To deliver you

  Yes, I'm hating you

  And I'm waiting to

  Kill you

  Will you

  Ever see

  What you've done to me

  Will you ever be

  Anything but

  All you are

  Which is nothing

  You're unimportant

  You are worthless

  That's why you have to

  Treat everyone else

  Like you have

  Been treated yourself

  I Don’t Wanna Be (adult language)

  Every time

  I get anything right

  It all turns to shit

  I'm losin sight

  Of what I have

  What I've got

  What I might need

  I'm not innocent

  But I'm not ignorant

  Of any of it

  Will it

  Make me bleed

  It's killing me

  And I'm unwilling to be

  What it keeps attempting

  To change me into

  I've been giving in

  Living in

  A world I hate

  I loathe

  I wanna end

  When I feel I've had enough

  It's always too late

  So I just pretend

  That I don't care

   

/>   I don't wanna be

  What you

  Want me to be

  You try to make me

  Everything

  You can't make yourself

  And I hate you for that

  I'm tired of spendin all my time

  Livin in Hell

  Feelin no love

  You've pushed me to the edge

  Why wouldn't I

  Ever fight back

  Push me again

  And see what I

  Am capable of

   

  What a world

  We're in now

  That doesn't seem to know

  When you've had

  It up to anywhere

  And you're about to explode

  But they knock you down

  And walk on your wounds

  And start to stare

  When you get back up

  On your feet

  To see if you'll seek revenge

  Even though they know you won't

  It isn't fair to you

  To me

  To put up with mutiny

  To have to live in scrutiny

  Of anything we choose to be

  By the time that you decide

  That you've finally lost your mind

  When you get the balls to try

  To make them see

  The error of their ways

  They're all of a sudden blind

  They forgot what they've done

  It was all yesterday

  So let it go

  Let it be

  Now you know

  They will never see

  To them, you'll always be

  What you've been

  Never who you've become

   

  I don't wanna be

  What you

  Want me to be

  You try to make me

  Everything

  You can't make yourself

  And I hate you for that

  I'm tired of spendin all my time

  Livin in Hell

  Feelin no love

  You've pushed me to the edge

  Why wouldn't I

  Ever fight back

  Push me again

  And see what I

  Am capable of

   

  You have caused me

  Constand paranoia

  Unending suffering

  Ever-present

  Dillusions

  To add

  To all the nauseating

  Fucking confusion

   

  I don't wanna be

  What you

  Want me to be

  You try to make me

  Everything

  You can't make yourself

  And I hate you for that

  I'm tired of spendin all my time

  Livin in Hell

  Feelin no love

  You've pushed me to the edge

  Why wouldn't I

  Ever fight back

  Push me again

  And see what I

  Am capable of

   

  Betrayed

  I can never forgive

  What you've done to me

  You built up my confidence

  Only to tear down

  My hopes and dreams

  You say you were my friend

  But you've given me misery

  To no end

  You took my life

  With your lies

  What about makin me

  Your enemy

  What about

  Everyone and everything

  You betrayed

  You Never Leave Me Alone (adult language)

  I don't care

  If I die

  I don't care

  If I live

  I don't care

  Anymore

  I don't

  Got that much to give

  Every time I try

  I'm told it's all too late

  I don't even

  Give half a shit

  I don't even

  Wanna know why

  I am sick

  Of all your hate

  Fuck you

  For makin me

  Think you ever gave a damn

  I know you won't

  And I won't wait

   

  Slippin through my hands

  Stabbin to the bone

  You never realize what I am

  And you never

  Leave me alone

  I’m Breakin’ Down My Heart of Stone

  She cursed me for

  My unloving ways

  She says I ignored her

  I was always there

  But maybe sometimes

  I didn't stay

  I was so very cold

  She thinks I never cared

  I'm so heartless

  So I'm told

  I have a world

  To myself

  Yeah, I know

  It's not fair

   

  I'm a loner

  I wanna be alone

  I try to change

  How I feel

  Without two

  To give all they got

  No house can be a home

  And she just don't see

  I'm breakin down

  My heart of stone

   

  It takes

  A lot of work

  To start all anew

  Habits are hard to break

  Changin is hard to do

  Facin the lies

  Denyin old alibies

  Givin up the ways you know

  It's a terrible challenge

  But maybe just the way to go

  Fuck, I Wanna Die (adult language)

  God, I hate my life

  Fuck, I wanna die

  But I can't kill myself

  I got a fuckin wife

  I made vows

  That I plan to keep

  But I wish that I

  Wouldn't wake up

  From my sleep

  I'm just stayin alive

  I don't really know why

  I can't take this shit

  It never fuckin ends

  The same ol' day to day

  Why do I have

  To live this way

  I think I'm made to pay

  For everyone else's mistakes

  Place the blame on them

  Or at least

  Let me pay with my life

  Fuck, I wanna die

  Trust

  I believe

  That I can do more

  Although

  I can't quite figure out

  What I've been doin

  All of it for

  But I really think

  I can be

  Whatever you need

  Whatever you want

  Whatever you see

  Me havin the possibility

  To be

  I can do that for you

  I can do that for us

  I want to begin

  To rebuild our trust

  You Were Never Meant to Be in This Place

  When we got together

  You knew it wouldn't last

  You couldn't fight

  Your feelings

  For someone else

  You didn't want

  Anyone's help

  Especially mine

  You never would let me

  Help you in the past

  You've come to find

  That there's more out there

  Than just the life

  You live right here

  Hey, I'm here

  What was there

  To really fear

  Or for you to really feel

   

  But

  You were never meant

  To be in this place

  Regret is pain

  Bent on changing everything

  Including me and you

  Advice wa
s always

  Somethin you'd act like

  You were listenin to

  And shrug it off

  What do they ever know

  There could be so much more

  For you if you go

   

  Time plays tricks

  On your mind

  The more that goes by

  The more you need

  It to all go away

  Don't be afraid

  You played the game

  Long enough to know

  You can't win,

  So just give up

  Everyone loves a quitter

  Here is the prize

  To rediscover life

  With bloodshot eyes

  And leave behind

  Someone who loves you

  But you despise

  Thanks for all

  The memories and guilt

  And the horrific

  Home you built

   

  But

  You were never meant

  To be in this place

  Regret is pain

  Bent on changing everything

  Including me and you

  Advice was always

  Somethin you'd act like

  You were listenin to

  And shrug it off

  What do they ever know

  There could be so much more

  For you if you go

   

  Here in the now

  You could never allow

  Yourself to love someone else

  To stop the lies

  To ignore your selfish pride

  And let me deep inside

  Try hard to forget about me

  Maybe someday you'll really be

  What you couldn't all along

  You can't change in this place

  But you say

  You'll change out there

  I think you're wrong

  But, hey,

  I'm talkin out my ass

  You might realize

  You ran away too fast

  To ever have a chance

  To know happiness

   

  But

  You were never meant

  To be in this place

  Regret is pain

  Bent on changing everything

  Including me and you

  Advice was always

  Somethin you'd act like

  You were listenin to

  And shrug it off

  What do they ever know

  There could be so much more

  For you if you go

   

  If you go

  If you go

  If you go,

  I might finally find some peace

  Bow to Me

  Some day

  You will learn to see

  That I feed

  Off your misery

  You always

  Thought it was

  You hurtin me

  I gotta ask

  How could that ever be

  When I learn from everything

  There's nothin you can do

  To cause pain for me

  I heal too fast

  To ever care

  Maybe that's why I'm never there

  So give up now

  And get on your knees

  You are mine

  Bow to me

  Go (adult language)

  You treat me like

  I don't know

  I don't feel shit

  I'm so cold

  I am worthless

  I am dirt

  I don't get it

  I don't hurt

  You have no

  Sense of

  What I feel

  I understand it all

  All too well

  And...

  It's too real

  For me to deal

  So, why don't you go

  Leave me alone

  Just go!

   

  I can't take this shit

  I can't handle you

  It's tearin me up inside

  Knowin we're through

  I let you stay here

  Cuz you have

  Nowhere to go

  That ain't my problem

  It all goes to show

  You never think things out

  You assume it's all ok

  To do what you want

  And there's no price to pay

  So, just go, Bitch!

  Just fuckin go!

  Tourniquet

  You always were

  My tourniquet

  Keeping my heart

  From bleeding out

  I remember

  Me needing you

  What am I

  To do now

  Without you keeping

  Me from dying

  From crying