Ex Supervillain

by Shouse, Brenden

“Don’t act like they were the same as us,” I mumbled.

  Alice smiled at me, “See? You’re a good man.”

  “No,” I looked back at the statue, “I’m not.” Alice turned the truck, and I got a better view of all of the stones covered in the names of the Fallen Enhanced. Some were from the military. Some were vigilantes. All were heroes. Someone like me had killed them all.

  “What’s the plan?” I asked.

  “For?”

  “The pawnshop.”

  “We’ll go this afternoon.”

  “Why not now?”

  “If we go before lunch, we die,” Alice said.

  I coughed, “Every single time?”

  “About five thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine unique scenarios, and we made it in about three of them.” Her seeing the future definitely comes with its benefits.

  “After lunch sounds good to me,” I shrugged. Alice smirked and looked over at me.

  “Where do you want to eat?” Alice swerved, barely beating a red light before looking at me again. “I’m a good driver.”

  “Yet again, I didn’t say anything.”

  “Where do you want to eat?” She asked again.

  “I’d say fast food, but I want to be alive this time next year.”

  “What about Freedom Sandwich International?” She suggested.

  “I’ve actually never been there.”

  Alice swerved around a car, “Never?”

  “Aline’s a vegetarian.”

  “You let her be a vegetarian?”

  “No, I told her to shove ten pounds of chicken nuggets into her face, what do you think?”

  “Geez, don’t get your panties in a twist.”

  “I don’t control her, Alice.”

  She looked and me and tilted her head, “Really? Markus, the control freak doesn’t micromanage his daughter’s life?”

  “She’s an adult, and I’m not the best role model,” I sighed. The sign for Freedom Sandwich International loomed in front of the truck. The outside of the shop was decorated in red, white, and blue. Alice parked and I got out. My legs ached. “Sitting for ten hours sucks,” I groaned.

  “Quit whining.”

  “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” squealed out of speakers that were already being pushed far past their limits. I took a deep sniff. The delicious aroma of grilled meat filled the air. My stomach grumbled. It had been way too long since I had a burger.

  “Come on,” Alice said, tossing her hair and smiling, “think you can take it?”

  “We weren’t designed to eat meat, but wow, that smells delicious.”

  Alice looked back at me and frowned, “Do you really believe that?”

  “Knowing and giving a crap are two different things.”

  “Meat is good for you,” she said.

  “No, it’s not, but I’m functionally immortal, so I can afford to eat garbage all day.” We ordered our burgers and sat down. A teen girl in rollerblades hurried over to our table and placed everything down while smiling.

  “Can I get y’all anything else?” She asked.

  “No, but thank you,” I smiled, eying the food in front of us.

  “Okay, ya’ll enjoy then.” She scooted back off. I took a drink of my Pepsi and looked up. Alice was staring at me.

  “What?”

  “I feel something,” she said. “There’s’ a disturbance in the force. It’s like a massive jerk-face suddenly cried out and was silenced.” I punctuated her sentence by taking a massive, delicious bite out of my sandwich.

  “This sandwich is heavenly,” Alice said around the sandwich bite she was chewing.

  “Talking with your mouth full isn’t very ladylike.”

  “Buzz off,” she said with her mouth still full.

  “I’ve never been a wanted man.”

  “Bull.”

  I rolled my eyes. She returned the gesture and took another bite. AI above; I’d forgotten just how annoying it was.

  “Precipice Bay Job,” she said. Dang, I’d forgotten about that one.

  “Well, I’ve never been a wanted man eating a free sandwich.” She opened her mouth again to say something. I shot my hand up to block it out. “Shhh, let me have my moment.”

  Alice rolled her eyes again and took a sip of her Pepsi. The slurping noise made me want to get irritated and laugh at the same time. I couldn’t help but chuckle. It had been way too long since I’d had a burger. This one had jalapeños, cheese, bacon, and beef, all wrapped in one mouthwatering bite.

  “What’s our next step?” I asked. I wanted to just enjoy the moment, but it felt wrong. Tanya should be here with me. We should be back in our apartment.

  “I think what we’re doing right now is good enough,” she said, without food in her mouth this time.

  “We need to hit him where it hurts,” I said. Alice cocked her head at me and took another vicious bite out of her burger.

  “Crippling him at the ground level will put serious pressure on him.”

  “He’ll hurt her,” I whispered. Alice swallowed.

  She seemed to collect her thoughts and then looked up at me, her eyes narrowed. “He won’t dare.”

  I nodded, trying to put my fears at rest. Sure, he might be scared that if he pushed me too far, I’d kill him but, if I lost Tanya… I shoved the tears back and forced myself to smile. Alice saw right through it. She was perceptive enough, even without her mind-reading.

  “I don’t want to get back into the game,” she said softly.

  “I’m crippling his organization, and I’m walking away.”

  Alice nodded, “I know how hard it was for you to leave.”

  “Does Elias own the cops?”

  “No,” Alice smiled, “this isn’t Al Capone’s Chicago. He does own a couple of investigators and detectives, though.”

  “One of them named Veronica?”

  “Sounds familiar, why?”

  “She’s the one that’s been trying to make my life hell, Alice.”

  “Looks like you did that yourself.” I looked up at her and narrowed my eyes. She tossed her hands up, “Just saying,” she sighed, “wouldn’t wanna get in the way of your victim complex.” She’d shoved two french fries in her upper lips.

  “Those look like fangs,” I said, smiling.

  “They are, only more potatoey.”

  “That’s not a word.”

  “Yuh-huh,” she said.

  “Nuh-huh,” I tried to be serious, but I could feel the corners of my lips curling, “Alice, stop.”

  “I’m count fryula. Who is this Alice? Bleh bleh bleh.”

  I looked up at her, “Alice, I swear to AI above.”

  “It is time, bleh bleh bleh,” she said, looking down at her watch. I rolled my eyes and laughed. Alice and I walked out of the restaurant and back to our car. We drove in silence except for the radio playing. I leaned against the window and took another micro-nap. I jolted up. Alice pulled her hand away from me.

  “We’re here.” The sign for the pawnshop was made out of old-school neon from the 80s. “Don’t start anything at first,” Alice said sternly, it sounded like the voice she would use with her grandkids. “There might be something worth taking, and we’ll be too busy after you start brawling to find anything.”

  I grunted. I looked out the window at the moldy brick in front of us. I studiously avoided looking at her. Past experience told me that she would be glaring daggers at me. I got out of the car and started whistling a second or so before I slammed the door shut. She got out a couple of seconds later. She mumbled something under her breath.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “Mind your own business.”

  “Okay.”

  The street was empty. The buildings here were all run down, and no one was around except a few people huddled in the entryways to the various housing on the street.

  I looked back at Alice, “Is Elias here in any of the possible futures you saw?”

  “One,” she admitted.r />
  “How did it go?”

  “Not too well.” The hairs on my arms stood up. There was a strong electric current here.

  “Alice, I have a bad feeling.”

  “Don’t start quoting Star Wars.”

  “I’m serious,” I said. Alice rolled her eyes and walked in. Of course, she didn’t believe me. She was precognitive, whereas I merely had an insanely good danger sense and survival instinct.

  The pawnshop smelled like mothballs, old mothballs. Electrical equipment, guns, and a random assortment of other crap filled the store. Alice glared at me, and I pretended that I couldn’t see her out of the corner of my eye. She snorted and walked over to a shelf full of electronic equipment. I walked up to the front. Guns, lots and lots of beautiful guns covered the back wall. The shopkeeper smiled and nodded at me. He smelled like he hadn’t taken a shower in a month. I couldn’t believe that Elias would work with someone so… unclean.

  “What can I getcha?” the man said, wringing his hands.

  “I’m just looking for now.” The pawnbroker nodded his head and took a couple of steps back. I didn’t see Elias, so my fear abated slightly. I didn’t feel the same electric pulse I’d felt outside. Alice was probably right. She knew Elias better than I did. I looked at the guns displayed on the back wall. An FN P-90 stared back at me.

  I motioned towards the gun, “Isn’t that illegal?”

  The pawnbroker shrugged, “Depends.”

  “On what?”

  “Whether you is a cop.”

  “I is not,” I said. He leaned over and sneered at me. He shook head and swished his dreadlocks around. These weren’t the cool dreadlocks. His were the kind you get when you haven’t washed your hair in a decade or so.

  “Are you’ fun of me? No one makes fun of me.”

  “Is that so?” I could feel Alice roll her eyes, glaring at me from behind. I threw up my hands at the pawnbroker. “I meant no offense, man. It’s been a very long week.” The man shrugged. He walked over to the wall and pulled the gun off the wall.

  “Is the gun illegal?” I asked again.

  “Very.”

  “Do you have ammo?”

  “For that?” He asked. I looked at him and cocked my head. He didn’t like “the stare” any more than Alice did. He looked down. “Sir, the gun isn’t getting loaded in the store,” he said, shaking his head.

  “If it works, I’ll buy it,” I offered. He looked at me, his eyes narrowed.

  “You don’t need to fire it to know if it works.”

  I pulled out my card and waved it around. I could feel the weight of Alice’s eyes. The hairs on my arms stood up. The static charge seemed to surround me briefly and then vanished. I felt my body tense. Alice and the pawnbroker were both staring at me. They hadn’t felt it.

  “Do you have the ammo or not?”

  Alice folded her arms, “Markus, do you need the gun?” She’d caught herself before she asked if I could afford it—a poor ex-supervillain such as myself. I shook my head. I needed to be focused. Something was about to happen. I could feel it, even if Alice couldn’t.

  “If I buy the gun, will you sell me the ammo?” I tried again.

  “I don’t know, man,” the pawnbroker said before scratching his head.

  “Isn’t your job to… I don’t know, sell stuff?”

  “Yeah, but you seem shooty.”

  I felt my vision turning red, “I’m shooty?”

  “Yeah,” he shrugged.

  “What the hell does that even mean?”

  “Markus-”

  “Alice, let me handle this,” I shot back. Alice screamed from behind me.

  “Oh? Alice, is that you? My, my, how you’ve changed.”

  Elias.

  My skin crawled, and I jumped over the desk. I grabbed the gun and dashed into the back room as fast as I could. The ammo better be in here. There were five loaded clips on the table, and I shoved one of them into the gun and stuffed the others in my pockets. I ran back out and pointed the weapon at Elias. For someone else that might have taken twenty to thirty seconds but for me, fifteen tops.

  Greasy dreads had a gun pointed at me. Okay, maybe it took me slightly longer than I thought. I glanced over towards Elias. He had Alice’s neck in his hands with his other hand extended. Sparks danced between his fingers.

  “Hello, Markus.”

  7

  Chapter 7

  My chest tightened. I wasn’t fast enough. Elias’ smile deepened.

  “Where’s Tanya?”

  “Straight to the point as always,” Elias laughed.

  “I’ll make you a deal.”

  Elias cocked his head at me, “Do tell.”

  I flicked the safety off of the gun, “Let Alice go.”

  Elias flourished his left hand, “And?”

  “I might let you live.”

  He threw back his head and laughed. I saw the pawnbroker start shaking. Alice’s eyes had gone black. She looked like a demon-possessed person in a late 90’s movie.

  The pawnbroker started shaking his head, “Get out of my head, you freak.”

  Elias tightened the grasp on her throat and pulled her closer to him, “Now now, don’t do that.” The pawnbroker screamed and dropped the gun as he fell. I kicked the gun away from him. It skittered along the floor until it smacked into the wall. Alice coughed and gasped in a breath of fresh air. The pawnbroker’s screams suddenly stopped. The broker stood up and looked down at himself. He held out his arms and sneered.

  “AI above, this is so humiliating.” The broker looked over and locked eyes with me. “How do you do it?”

  I, of course, replied with characteristic, “Uh…”

  “Ugh, can you hurry this up?” the broker said, “I hate switching bodies with men.”

  Alice started shaking, raised her hands above her head, and quivered. Elias looked down and sneered.

  “Interesting.”

  The pawnbroker threw his dreadlocks to the side and ran his hand through his hair, “You always were slow on the uptake.”

  My eyes felt like they were going to pop out, “Alice?” She had a unique gift for body hopping. She could live forever if she played her cards right.

  “Never mind,” the pawnbroker said, rolling his eyes, “Markus was always slower.”

  “Oh, screw off.”

  He, er, Alice looked at me and rolled her eyes again. “Elias, kindly drop your goon.” Elias sneered, well it actually looked like he was trying to smile while drinking lemon juice.

  “Alice, I have your body. I feel like you are kind of attached,” he said. I fired a short burst at the display behind Elias.

  “Get on the ground before I let Markus redecorate with that P-90!” Alice’s voice sounded like thunder, except it felt more like a powerful memory than like I’d heard her speaking in my head. Elias was less phased by her voice than I was. He shook his head, and the first two fingers of his left hand slammed into Alice’s side. Her body bounced with pain, and she jerked around like she was having a seizure.

  I shot another burst into the display behind Elias and felt the ringing return in full force. I winced, I’m glad I have a healing factor, or I’d be the new poster child for tinnitus. A few minutes crawled by while everyone’s hearing returned, more or less, to normal. Elias and Alice both stood very still. The pawnbroker was likely going to rethink his choice of the employer after our conversation was over.

  Elias locked eyes with me, “I believe we’ve strayed from the original purpose of this meeting.”

  Alice, still in the pawnbroker’s body, cocked her head at him, “Oh?” He stared at her, I’m sure it was supposed to be intimidating, but it was not. Alice waved her arm, “Please, enlighten us.”

  He turned and looked me straight in the eyes, “You took something from me, and if you don’t give it back, then I’m taking something from you.” My hands ached, not knowing what would happen to Alice if I accidentally throttled him to death was the only thing keeping him on this side
of the dirt.

  “Where’s your kid?”

  Elias blinked, his face turned red, and his voice was emotionless, “I knew that was you.”

  “I knew someone threatened a guy with a walker who was talking about Jesus.” That yuppy had been a real piece of work. Some of the fire seemed to melt out of Elias, and he sagged.

  “Once upon a time, you would’ve given me the strong versus weak speech,” he said.

  “Once upon a time, I wasn’t pushing seventy. Bonding over aches and pains isn’t going to get you to live through this,” I grunted.

  Elias sneered, “Oh, I’m so scared, Markus.”

  Alice slammed her fist on the table. “Enough… what do you want?”

  “Get my son, Erik, out of prison, and Tanya lives,” Elias said. I lifted the gun slightly. I hadn’t meant to do that.

  I lowered it and ignored the look from Alice, “Which prison?” A tire iron peeked out from the back of the display case. I had a funny feeling it would come in handy.

  “The one in town. The new one.” Elias smiled. It wasn’t a friendly smile. It was all teeth.

  I sighed. “Let Alice’s body go, and I’ll let you leave without any bullet holes.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  It’s kinda hard to describe what happened in the next couple of seconds. First, the pawnbroker dropped. I don’t mean he fell over. He dropped like a rag doll. Second, returning to her own body, Alice glanced up and locked eyes with Elias. He screamed and let her go. She ran over to me, and Elias dropped to the ground while holding his head. His screams cut off, and he looked up. His eyes looked like they were on fire.

  “You clever little witch.”

  Alice panted, “You’re lucky I didn’t do more.”

  “Why didn’t you mind control him?” I whispered.

  “He’s too strong,” Alice said. Figures, Elias always had an iron will.

  He stood up and brushed himself off, “Tanya will pay for that.”

  “So will Daddy’s boy,” I said. Elias’ jaw dropped. That shut him up.

  “You wouldn’t dare,” he said.

  “Tanya is the only thing keeping your pathetic shriveled corpse alive. Any bruises I find on her will be repaid in kind.”

  Elias’ hands shook, “If you touch him-”