Falling for the Best Man

by Joanne Dannon

  Kaylah quickly filled Elaine in on how they met and why Jonah had moved overseas.

  She clicked her fingers. “I remember the engagement party and you mentioning his absence.” She pressed her lips together. “You need to make a decision now. This can’t go on. You’re supposed to be getting married tomorrow.”

  “I know,” Kaylah cried out. “Why do you think I called you here? I don’t know what to do.”

  “What about Jonah? What are his intentions towards you?”

  “He’s crazy for me but will not do anything that jeopardises the happiness of his brother. This love between them is incredible. Is it any wonder that I wanted to marry into this family?” She added in a quiet voice.

  “Marrying in will not give you that love.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me, girl.” Elaine wagged her forefinger at her. “This family has a bond created from years of love. You can’t just expect to waltz in there and share that. It needs to be earned and developed.”

  She bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. The dreams of her happily-ever-after started to fade.

  “Trust me when I say that as much as they love you, they will side with their sons.”

  “There’s no war,” she said.

  “They’re parents and protective of their sons. You have betrayed them.”

  “I haven’t,” she pleaded, seeking to reason with the older woman.

  “You have here,” she points to Kaylah’s heart. “If you go with Jonah, there will be consequences. You will hurt the family you say you love.”

  “I don’t know what to do.” she threw her hands in the air.

  “Is Jonah worth destroying your future life? You’ve been engaged to Felix for months and you wonder now if it’s a good time to marry?”

  Kaylah opened her mouth then shut it again. Elaine was right. Whichever decision she chose was going to have a negative impact on her, Felix, Jonah and their family. “I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do. I’m supposed to be meeting Felix soon. And all I can think about is me pushing him away last night.” She rubbed her temples as the pain of a headache started.

  “You need to tell him you kissed his brother,” Elaine chided.

  “I have,” she said in a quiet voice.

  Elaine’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

  “He knows.”

  “And?”

  “And, he’s accepted it.”

  Elaine’s palms hit the wooden table. “That’s not good.”

  “W-what d-do you mean? Of course, it is.”

  “If Colin kissed another woman, I’d be furious. No one kisses my man except me.” Her thumb pointed to her chest. “I’m not the jealous kind of woman but I’m telling you, I wouldn’t put up with it.” Her voice rose as she considered the possibility. “Not that he would of course,” she added.

  “It’s okay that Felix is not jealous,” she tried to assure Elaine.

  “No, it’s not.” Elaine drained her coffee.

  And yet again, she questioned her decisions. Was she being selfish? Would her decisions impact the Randall family? Would there be fallout?

  The headache stretched out across her scalp, making her wince. The pain of confusion and uncertainty hurt as if knitting needles were being stuck in her head. She had to make a decision. Elaine was right. But whatever she decided, it would come at a cost and would impact her and those she loved.

  Tears of self-recrimination stung her eyes. She was in a quandary but she needed to get herself out of it. Now. Before tomorrow. That wouldn’t be fair to her, Felix or Jonah.

  Chapter 10

  With her purse stuffed full of tissues, she balanced the blended healthy fruit/vegetable juices in the carry box as she made her way to meet Felix. Her stomach was in knots and her hands were shaking. She didn’t know what she was going to say, but she knew she had to be upfront and honest with him.

  Instead of a café, she’d asked Felix to meet her at the botanical gardens where there were plenty of places they could sit in the shade, shielded from the sun, but more importantly, have some privacy.

  Kaylah came there often, loving the beauty of the gardens, the lake and being amongst nature. Not being able to afford a house with a garden, this place was her sanctuary. And now she hoped that presence would help her.

  Felix met her in her favourite area, which was a little untamed and not so perfect in its manicured lawns. Surrounded by eucalyptus gum trees, a small stream of water trickled through, giving it a relaxing feel. Well, Kaylah was always relaxed when she spent time here.

  “You brought me my favourite juice. Thank you, babe,” Felix relieved her of the drinks before brushing his lips against hers.

  They sat on the grass and Kaylah looked at him, the man she was about to marry. As usual, he was impeccably dressed and despite the February dry heat, he looked suave in a tailored shirt and dress pants. Even his hair was perfectly styled.

  Her mouth opened, but she couldn’t find the right words.

  Felix gazed at her before a look of concern crossed his eyes. “I wouldn’t have expected you to have jitters,” he said in a tone that made her heart rate race even quicker.

  With the skin around his jaw tight, he didn’t look happy.

  “I don’t know what to say, because I don’t know what I’m feeling.” She cleared her throat. “I love you, but I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by marrying you.” There, she said it. It was now out in the open. Her belly rolled with dread and trepidation.

  Despite everything, she still didn’t know if she was doing the right thing by being honest or if she should just “suck it up” and take what she was given. For a woman like her, with her background, marrying Felix was equivalent to winning the lottery. If her mother were alive, she’d probably tell Kaylah off for even talking to Felix about her “feelings.”

  The warmth in his eyes evaporated, replaced by a hard glint. “You’re telling me this now?”

  Her heart rate hitched in response to his antagonistic tone. “Would you rather I did this tomorrow? Or once we’re married?” She felt her forehead crease with apprehension. “I want to be honest with you, as you have been with me.” He had every right to be angry or disappointed with her, but she still felt it was best to discuss this with him now. Wasn’t honesty better than lies?

  No. She could hear her mother’s disgust and disappointment, all the way from the grave.

  Her mother had made her choices, and she was making hers. She pushed away all the guilt that was seeping into her veins and straightened her shoulders. Taking a deep breath, she decided to let the words tumble from her lips. “You are handsome, talented, and hard working. When we started dating, I couldn’t believe you’d chosen me. I don’t have the confidence you have, and there were times I felt inadequate around your good-looking friends.”

  His eyebrow arched, but he said nothing as he waited for her to finish speaking. Disappointment zipped along her spine at his inability to tell her she wasn’t inadequate. Why wasn’t he being more supportive of her? And valuing her?

  She shifted her legs around, took a sip of her juice and wished it were a glass of wine, to help settle her nerves. “You are everything I could wish for. You’ve got a wonderful family, you’re a provider and you’re hot. I made allowances for you and your needs, because I was so grateful to you. But I don’t want our marriage to be built on gratitude. It needs more than that.”

  “You said you loved me,” he said, his eyes a dark, stormy blue.

  “I do, you know that, but I’m not in love with you. I thought it would happen and wasn’t worried if it didn’t.”

  “So what’s changed? The kiss with Jonah?” He waved it away, unmoved by her words. “It was only a kiss.”

  Elaine’s words from the morning haunted her. “But that’s the problem, I kissed your brother and you’re not worried. You’ve dismissed it like it was a lunch date or something. But it wasn’t…”

  The words hung in the air. Her heart w
as hammering so hard in her chest that she thought she might faint. “Last night, I-I just found your touch. . .” she stalled not knowing how to tell him the truth. “Unappealing. I’m sorry.”

  His eyes narrowed with mistrust and disbelief. “You pushed me away on two occasions. You’ve never done that before. I didn’t like it. You’ve always welcomed me in your bed. What’s changed?”

  “I-I, um. . .”

  “I think you’re overreacting about this kiss and your feelings for Jonah,” he said. “You’ve barely spent time with him. Are you prepared to give up everything I can and will give you. . . on a whim?”

  And that was the crunch. Because she didn’t know. Was she prepared to lose everything she ever wanted over a kiss? Because even if she broke up with Felix, she couldn’t be with Jonah. Jonah wouldn’t accept it and neither would his family.

  At this moment, if she could see into the future, she’d give anything. The uncertainty of the situation made her lungs ache with indecision.

  Marrying Felix had meant she’d abandoned her moral principles and her self-worth. Sitting at the Randalls’ table, surrounded by family who were interested in and liked her, the decision had been easy. She’d sold a part of her soul to the devil in exchange for a brighter, happier future. Was that so wrong? Then, it didn’t seem so. But now, having kissed the best man two days before she was to marry, she was filled with shame.

  Lifting her face to him she said, “Is this how we should start our lives together? Aren’t you worried about me thinking about your brother?”

  Felix chuckled, but there was no warmth in it. “What can he offer you? A hut in the Pacific?” He rolled his eyes. “Besides, he would never be with you.”

  “I know,” she said in a soft voice. “It would cause too much of an impact on your family. I know that if I don’t marry you, I will never see your family again. I will be an outcast.”

  He lifted his eyebrow. “There’s no need for the drama, but yes, you’re right. Do you think my parents would embrace you as their daughter after breaking my heart the day before we were to marry?”

  “I know,” she said. And that was the problem. She wasn’t giving up Felix to be with Jonah. She was giving him up for her self-worth and for a chance at long-lasting love. Love that came freely and without conditions. And after his reaction to her confessions, she was feeling more confident in her choices. Not once had he said he valued her and wanted her happy. Everything was about him.

  “You’re making all the decisions.” His voice was filled with anger. “Or don’t I, as the groom, get a say in this.”

  “Of course you do. That’s why we’re here.” She tried to pacify him with a gentle tone, but it wasn’t working. His eyes blazed with annoyance. “What do you want?”

  “I want the life I thought I was going to have by marrying you,” he snapped at her. “The sex is good and we’ll start a family soon. It’s what I’ve always wanted. I want my children to have the happy life that I had.”

  Her hands rested in her lap. He wanted a lifestyle that other women might not accept, but she had, she realised with remorse. She’d been prepared to look the other way at his occasional affairs with men, just so she could have access to his family and create a life that was far better than the one she’d been raised with. She was selfish, greedy, and eager to have a perfect life that she believed would make her happy. So much so that she’d been prepared to do whatever he wanted. Until yesterday, it hadn’t bothered her to lose her moral compass. But now it did.

  She wished she’d never met Jonah or shared that kiss with him. How much easier would her life be? She would have married Felix and had the life she’d craved. But would it have been enough? It reminded her of the dilemma in the movie Pretty Woman. She’d changed, just like Vivian, the heroine. The difference for her was that Felix, unlike Edward, would never climb a ladder or go out of his comfort zone for her. He’d been upfront, since they’d been dating, and she knew what he was like.

  “I’ve realised that what I feel is thankfulness. I do like you, but I’m not in love with you and I never will be.”

  He sniffed. “Many people don’t marry for love. Does it matter if we don’t?” His hand waved in the air, mocking her words and heartfelt emotions.

  Suddenly, instead of feeling bereft, she felt annoyed that he was so dismissive towards her. “Should I marry you because you got me a great job and you’re good in bed? What about my feelings and my dreams.”

  “You’re getting everything you ever wanted, sweetheart,” he said, coolly.

  “That’s right, as you remind me all the time.” She shot him a look of dismay as her heart was crushed under the weight of his cavalier attitude. “I thought that a family would be enough for me, but now I want more than that.”

  “What do you want?” His lack of emotion was making her realise that it was good they’d had this conversation before they married.

  Her heart lifted as she remembered how Edward in Pretty Woman took Vivian shopping, and while he worked, he ensured the staff was attentive to her. Made her feel special. Didn’t she want that? Where the guy did simple things for the woman he loved. Romantic love might be confined to books and movies, but she did want her husband to want her. “I want a man who loves me and doesn’t want me kissing anyone else.”

  “I didn’t think you were such a romantic,” he said with an unimpressed pfft, and a roll of his eyes.

  “I didn’t think I was. But the way you don’t seem to care about my kiss with Jonah is concerning me.”

  Annoyance glazed his eyes. “I can have any woman I want.” He snapped his fingers to prove his point.

  What the hell? “Of course you can. You’ve told me about your exploits. And I suppose any man, too.” She fired at him. Had this all been an act, a game to him? When she’d accepted his deal, she did so because she believed he would be a good man to her, despite the dalliances.

  Her words hung between them and he looked at her with wide-open eyes.

  “You said it didn’t bother you.” His face was a mask of indignation. “Why are you changing the rules now? What about everything I’ve done for you.”

  His insensitivity made her belly roll with frustration. “You always remind me that I should be thankful to you. And I am.

  Felix stood, his jaw clenched tight as he looked down at her. “I gave you my family and my word. Obviously, that’s not enough for someone like you. We had an agreement and now you want to change the rules?” He threw his hands in the air and started to stalk around the grassed area. “This is ridiculous.”

  She stood and watched him pace around her before she said, “It never bothered me till today about making allowances in our marriage, but everything has changed.”

  Spinning around to stare at her, his eyes bored into her. “You want me to be jealous? Some women would be thankful to have me.”

  And that was it. Everything was about Felix and not her. His words were like a physical punch to her belly. He couldn’t stand that she was no longer grateful to him, that she was questioning their arrangement. Because he was getting more than she out of the marriage? The question made her legs crumple under her and she sat heavily on her bottom.

  That was it. She was getting his family, but as Elaine had so correctly said, they were his family, not hers. Sure they would welcome her, and they had. But they were still his family.

  If she wanted a family, she could create her own. Perhaps it wouldn’t be as wonderful as the Randall family, but that’s how it was. She might have had terrible parents, but she’d been saved by a woman whose worth was more than the whole Randall family.

  The thought made her shudder.

  Elaine had given her a life, love, and self-respect. She’d taught her a trade and given her life skills so she could be self-reliant. And what had she done with those skills? Forgotten about them and relied on a man instead of herself.

  Marriage was about a partnership, not doing something for the other because of obligation. The r
ealisation made her wince and she massaged the pulse points on her forehead. Her focus for the past year had been her need for acceptance when all along, she’d had it. With Elaine and the few friends she had. She didn’t need Felix or his family. She had herself, and she was proud of that.

  The reflection gave her the courage she needed. She took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry Felix, but I can’t marry you.” There, the words were said.

  He spun around and in seconds he stood in front of her. His hands came up under her armpits and he raised her to a standing position. Glaring at her he said, “Jonah won’t marry you.”

  “I know. But I’m doing this because I’ve now realised that I don’t need you to have a family. I can do this myself. Your family is amazing, and it’s little wonder you want to create that for your own children.” She gulped some air. “But me marrying you just to have your family is wrong, and it’s wrong for you, too,” she implored him with her gaze. “We’ve both made allowances to have what we thought we wanted, but marriage is a lifetime commitment. You should be marrying someone you love. Perhaps that woman will be happy in an open marriage?” She shrugged. “But I can’t do this. It’s not fair to me, or to you.”

  Taking his hands in hers, she said, “I’m sorry to have hurt you. It was wrong of me. I didn’t mean to break our engagement the day before the wedding.”

  “Why now?” Removing his hands from hers, he took a step away from her.

  “Because now is when I realised that I can’t marry you.” She took a couple of steadying breaths. “I’m sorry.”

  “You’ve said that,” he said.

  “I mean it, I really do. But it’s better I do this now than tomorrow, right?” Her words seemed to work as there was no longer antipathy in his eyes.

  He shook his head. “You’re going to break my mother’s heart.”

  “I know. But what about you?” She shook her head. “What about my heart, and yours? This is about us, only us. Not your family.”

  His smile was more of a sneer, which made the jitters in her belly re-start. She didn’t like it.