You Are All I'll Ever Need

by E. L. Todd

  My mind was racing. Is that why she called me? To break it off with me? Why didn’t she tell me what was going on when she met him? Why did she want to go out with him at all when she had me? This wasn’t adding up.

  “Dude, you look like you’re going to hurl.”

  I needed to hide my emotions better. “I’m fine. I’m just nervous for you.” I was really bad at making up excuses.

  “I’m nervous too…”

  What the fuck? What did she see in an old boring banker? Wasn’t I good enough for her? Didn’t I make her happy? She made me happy. I doubt he even cared about her. He probably just wanted to use her like all the other jerks in the world. I needed to get this interview over with and get back to Cambridge as quickly as possible.

  The office door opened. “Cayson Thompson, we’re ready for you.”

  Cayson stood up then nodded. “Thank you.”

  I stood up and looked at him. “You got this, man.”

  “Thanks, Slade. I really appreciate you coming here with me.”

  I forgot about Trinity for a second. “Of course, man. I always have your back.”

  He patted my shoulder then walked into the room.

  ***

  All I could think about was Trinity. Who was this guy? And how old was he? Like, super old? Did he have any tattoos? Did he work at a bank or did he actually own it? Was he loaded? How rich was he, exactly? When was she planning on letting me in the loop?

  Infinite questions circled my mind over and over again. Every time I pictured her with a guy in a suit, my stomach did summersaults. Had she kissed him? Had she slept with him? Was he better in bed than me? Had she gotten tired of me? I was supposed to be there for Cayson but all I could think about was Trinity. It took all my strength not to pick up the phone and call her. I wanted to scream in her ear and tell her it was really messed up she didn’t tell me anything. I was so frustrated I wanted to scream.

  An hour later, the doors opened again.

  Cayson came out, his hands in his pockets.

  I stood up. “So…?”

  He grinned. “I think it went well.”

  I hit him in the shoulder. “I told you, man.”

  “Well, they didn’t accept me on the spot so I’m not sure what they thought of me.”

  “I’m sure they loved you just like everyone else on this planet.” I put my arm around his shoulder then walked with him down the hallway. “Now we’re going out for drinks. I’m buying.”

  “Wow…Slade is actually going to open his wallet?” he asked with a laugh.

  “I don’t do it very often, but when my best friend kicks ass, it’s time for a celebration.”

  “Thanks, man.” He clapped my shoulder.

  ***

  When Monday finally arrived, I was eager to get home. I had to talk to Trinity. I had a million questions but I couldn’t say any of them to Cayson. It was way too suspicious. Honestly, I’m shocked he hadn’t caught on already. At least twice a day, he asked if I was okay. My face was pale and my lips were lifeless. I was constantly shaking my leg, anxious to confront Trinity about this asshole.

  When the plane finally arrived in Boston, I wanted to scream. It was already dark outside so I knew Trinity would be home. I’d march over there and give her a piece of my mind. She couldn’t just move on to someone else without saying a word to me. What about everything we’d been through? We were constantly together and told each other everything. She was my best friend. What the hell?

  I dropped off Cayson in front of his apartment. “I know you’re going to get in. And at least now you have a backup plan.”

  He got out then leaned through the window. “Yeah. Thanks for making me go.”

  “Sure.” I was anxious to leave.

  “And thanks for all the beers.”

  “Anytime.”

  He stepped back and I hit the gas.

  “Slade!”

  I hit the brakes and turned toward the window. “What?”

  “Can I get my luggage?” he snapped.

  Oh. I forgot. “Yeah.” I popped the trunk.

  “Why are you in such a damn hurry?” He pulled everything out then came back to my window.

  “I’m hungry,” I barked.

  “We just ate,” he argued.

  “So, when Skye says that no one questions it, but when I do, it’s weird?” I countered.

  “You’ve been in a weird mood all weekend. Is there something you aren’t telling me?”

  I averted my gaze because I hated lying to Cayson. Ever since we were three, we told each other everything. It was hard to hoard my biggest secret and not confess to him. He deserved better than that after everything he did for me. But since Skye was his girlfriend, I couldn’t risk telling him. “No. Everything is fine.”

  He kept staring at me. “You’ve been off for a while and you keep saying you’re fine. Well, I don’t believe it. I think you’re hiding something and I have no idea why you won’t tell me. But I’m here whenever you change your mind.” He turned around and ascended the steps to his apartment. I sighed then hit the gas.

  When I got to Trinity’s house, I pulled into the driveway going thirty miles an hour. I slammed on the brakes just before I hit her garage door. The concrete was icy from the melted snow and the tires screeched loudly. When the car was finally still, I killed the engine then hopped out.

  Two people were standing on the lawn, looking frightened and confused.

  Trinity stood in a dress with a thick jacket on top. Her purse was over her shoulder and her hair was done in curls. Breathtaking like always, she dazzled me. Beside her was a tall guy in a suit. He stared at me with suspicious eyes but he didn’t say anything. That must be the loser who replaced me.

  I examined his face and saw the light facial hair. He had high cheekbones and crystal blue eyes like mine. His height was about the same as mine and so was his build. Visibility was hard in the darkness but I determined his age to be older than mine, but not over thirty. Whatever his age was, I didn’t like him. A Range Rover was parked at the curb. I wanted to spit on it.

  “Slade, is everything okay?” Trinity asked with fear in her voice.

  I marched across the grass and came closer to her. Snow crunched under my shoes. The cold sunk into my flesh because I wasn’t wearing a jacket, something I refused to do. When I reached them, I gave her date a murderous glare.

  “Why are you here?” Trinity said.

  “Because I want to talk to you,” I snapped. “Why else would I be here?”

  “Well, I’m on my way out. It’ll have to wait.”

  “No. I don’t think so.” I grabbed her arm and yanked her away.

  Another hand grabbed my arm. “Don’t. Grab. Her.”

  I slowly turned toward him with menace in my eyes. “Drop your arm or I will break it.”

  Trinity knew I wasn’t joking. “Reid, give us a moment, please.”

  He wouldn’t budge.

  “Please,” she begged. She knew I would bust out with my Krav Maga in a heartbeat.

  He finally let go. “I’ll be waiting by the car.” He headed toward the sidewalk.

  Trinity shot me a glare that was frightening, even to me. “What the hell is your problem? Why did you show up on my doorstep in the middle of the night?”

  “Why the fuck are you dating some loser when you’re with me?”

  “We aren’t exclusive,” she hissed. “You made that crystal clear.”

  “I know what I said, but you should at least have the decency to tell me when you’re with someone new.”

  “Like how you told me you were going to fuck that model?” Venom came out of her voice.

  “I didn’t fuck her, alright? I lied.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “You lied? You expect me to believe that?”

  “I did!”

  She gripped her skull then stepped back. “Look, I called you on Friday to end our relationship. I wanted to talk in person so I decided to wait. If I had known you were going to
make such a scene about it, I would have done it when I called.”

  “Wait, what? Why are you ending our relationship?”

  She looked at me like I was stupid. “Because I’m with Reid now. He actually wants to take me to dinner and be with me, not just fuck my brains out and keep it a damn secret.” She turned around and marched off.

  “I’m not done talking to you!” I chased after her and grabbed her arm.

  She twisted away. “I will slap the shit out of you and knee you in the balls if you don’t let me go.”

  I knew she wasn’t joking. “I want to talk about this.”

  “Well, it will have to wait until tomorrow because I’m spending the evening with Reid.” She marched off without looking back then headed to her date. He opened the passenger door like a perfect gentleman then shut it.

  Douchebag.

  He gave me a long glare before he moved to the driver’s door then got inside. Then they took off. Trinity never looked at me once as they left the street.

  “Fuck!”

  ***

  How long had she been seeing him? Was she fucking him? Was she going to sleep with him tonight? God, I felt sick. I actually felt sick to my stomach. Seeing him touch her and open the door for her was agonizing. I didn’t like seeing her run to him like she couldn’t stand me. How did this happen?

  I stayed on her front porch then sat in the rocking chair. The cold was biting into me but I didn’t care. A weird sensation was in my chest but I couldn’t explain what it was. It was foreign and so odd that I couldn’t even describe it. All I knew was I felt like shit. And I didn’t like her with that guy.

  The fact he was good-looking, rich, and stood up for her didn’t help matters. His mannerisms and obvious interest in Trinity didn’t make me happy either.

  What was wrong with me?

  I wanted Trinity all to myself but I didn’t know why. What was going on?

  When it was almost midnight, the Range Rover pulled up in front of the house. I hadn’t moved from my spot in hours. It didn’t matter how cold it was. I refused to leave. Because in the back of my mind, I knew what would happen if I left. Trinity would invite him inside and she would sleep with him. I wasn’t sure if she already had but I couldn’t handle the idea of her doing it again. I just couldn’t. Vomit rose up my throat but I swallowed it back.

  Reid put his arm around her waist as he walked with her to the front door. He was smiling while he spoke to her, and Trinity laughed at whatever comment he made. They were clearly having a good time.

  I realized then that this is what Trinity wanted. She wanted some rich older guy to fall in love with her and treat her right. She wanted to settle down with a house and a picket fence. This guy was an even bigger threat than I realized.

  They came to the door and she fished her keys out of her purse.

  I rose from the chair then approached them.

  Trinity saw me first. Startled, she flinched. “Slade, what the hell are you doing? Don’t lurk around like that!”

  All the anger I had was gone. The fire inside me was diminished. This was the moment. I had to do something otherwise I was history. I would be a vague memory of Trinity’s past and this guy would be her future. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Slade, I’m in the middle of a date right now.”

  “It’s important.” I breathed hard and clenched my fists by my sides. I was trying to bottle my frustration and not snap. If I did, I would only push Trinity further away from me. “Please. I’m begging you, Trinity.”

  Trinity, the person who knew me better than anyone, recognized my sincerity. She sighed then turned to Reid. “Can you give me a moment? I’m so sorry about this.”

  Reid looked at me, and his eyes made it pretty clear he loathed me. “I have a feeling this is going to take a while. I’ll just talk to you later.”

  Trinity grabbed his arm. “I’m sorry about this. Honestly.”

  Reid seemed to bite the bullet. “Call me if you need me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good night.“ He gave me one more hateful look before he got inside his Range Rover. Neither one of us spoke until he was out of sight.

  Then Trinity turned her fury on me. “What is your deal, Slade? I’m trying to—”

  “Let me talk.” I held up my hand.

  She fell silent but her eyes still burned.

  “Please don’t sleep with him.” The words left my lips before they even formed in my brain. It was the biggest issue I had, her letting someone else inside her, the place where I had been. I couldn’t stand the idea of her moaning because of someone else. I didn’t want her to say anyone’s name but mine. “Please, Trinity. Don’t see him anymore.”

  Confusion came into her eyes. “Give me one good reason not to. He’s a really great guy. Don’t hate him before you even get to know him. This better not be one of your stupid protective speeches.”

  “It’s not,” I said with desperation. “I just…I don’t want you to be with him.”

  “Why?” she demanded. “Why?”

  I breathed hard, unable to believe what was happening. I’d never been in this situation before. How did I express my emotions when I didn’t even know what they were? My heart was beating so fast it hurt. “I want you to only sleep with me.” I’ve never said that in my entire life. I still couldn’t believe those words left my lips.

  Trinity stared at me like she hadn’t heard me. “What?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I don’t want you to sleep with anyone but me.” My voice was a little stronger.

  Her attitude was at an all-time high. “So you can sleep with whoever you want but I can’t? This better be a joke.”

  “Trinity, I never slept with that chick. I swear.”

  “Then why would you lie? That makes no sense.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling weak. “I…I lied so you wouldn’t get too attached to me. I lied so you wouldn’t ask me to be something more with you. Our relationship has…changed since we first started hooking up. Now we’re friends…really good friends. When I have the chance to go out and drink with my boys, I always want to stay with you and read while we lay in bed. I want to have dinner with you and talk about books and music. I want to look into your eyes and never stop.” I closed my eyes for a second, feeling the throbbing pain in my body. I couldn’t believe I was saying any of this. I guess I was in denial for so long. “Now there’s a connection between us, a powerful one. I guess I was scared that it would lead to something else, like a relationship. And I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea of what our arrangement was. So, I lied and said I slept with someone else. In truth, I haven’t slept with anyone since we got together. I just can’t. And…I don’t want to.”

  Her mouth was slightly open and her eyes were wide. “Are you drunk?”

  I growled in frustration. “No, I’m not drunk. All I know is I don’t want you to be with Reid anymore and I’m willing to do anything to make that happen, so…I want us to be…be together. We’ll be exclusive and we won’t sleep with anyone else. You have my fidelity and I have yours. I will give you a commitment.”

  “I thought you didn’t do the girlfriend thing?” she questioned.

  “I don’t,” I snapped. “And I’m not going to. I’m just saying we’re exclusive.”

  She sighed then shifted her weight. “Do you love me?” Her voice was barely a whisper.

  “No! Absolutely not. No.” I shook my head quickly.

  “Are you sure?” she pressed.

  “I don’t,” I argued. “I’ll never love anybody.”

  She stared at me for a long time. “So, what are you offering me, Slade? Because this guy told me he wants to be something more once we get to know each other. He’s looking for someone to settle down with. Within three years, he wants to have kids. He’s the CEO and founder of a bank. I know he’s a little older than me, but if we become serious, I know my dad will like him. So Slade, if you want me to stick around, you�
��re going to have to offer me a lot more.”

  I was starting to panic. I was going to lose her if I didn’t do something. “I can’t lose you…I can’t.”

  Her eyes were glued to mine and they darkened. Emotion passed through but I couldn’t distinguish what she was thinking.

  “I’ll give you a relationship, okay? We’ll be…together…and exclusive. We’ll go from there.”

  “Go from there?” she questioned. “What does that mean?”

  “I don’t know,” I snapped. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t even know what’s going on.”

  “Slade, you know exactly what I want in life. I want someone who’s going to stick around for the long haul, not some temporary fuck buddy. If you can’t give me what I want, let me go.”

  That wasn’t an option. She brought me so much happiness. “Okay…I’ll try.”

  “You’ll try?” She raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? You’ll try?”

  “That’s as much as I can give you, okay? I will work on it and I’ll try to be the man you want. I will try.” Emotion was catching in my throat. “I think you deserve to be with Mr. Perfect. I really do. And maybe Reid is that guy. But…I want you. I want you more than he does.”

  “But not enough, right?” Tears were starting to bubble under her eyes. She turned her face, trying to hide them. “Why am I even wasting time having this conversation with you?” Her voice was quiet. “I’m never going to get what I deserve if I keep settling.”

  I hated seeing her cry. It was making me feel like garbage. When women cried, it only made me uncomfortable. But with Trinity…it was different. My heart ached at the sight. My lungs hurt with every breath I took. “I feel something for you, Trinity. Something more than I’ve ever felt for anyone in my whole life. I’m already a different person. I’ve never had sex with someone more than twice. But with you, I can’t get enough. The idea of you being with another guy makes me sick. This is the first time I’ve ever been jealous. And…that means something. I can’t promise you all those things right now….but if you’re patient with me…maybe we can have those things. I promise I’ll try.”

  She still wouldn’t look at me. She wiped her tears away then took a deep breath. “When I thought you slept with that girl, I was so upset that I went out and tried to find someone to help me forget about you. That was how I met Reid. I wouldn’t have looked for him if I’d known otherwise…”