I strutted down the sidewalk in my leotard and tights, not caring who saw me. I now knew what power my body held. In fact, I must have still been exuding some seductive energy, because men on the street began whistling and hollering at me. I usually frowned on this type of behavior, but this time it was nice. I winked back at them. I even waved to one. I felt like a movie star.
Then I realized that it wasn’t just the men staring at me. It was, in fact, everyone I passed on the sidewalk and even people across the street. Cars were honking their horns as they drove by. Only then did I realize that I should not be feeling a cool breeze against my—
“Oh my god!” I grabbed the backside of my leotard. It had split right down the middle, and I was walking down the street with my rear bare for everyone to see. I held the material together and ran for the nearest doorway.
“No, no, no.” I ducked into the building without even bothering to look to see what it was. A group of people were sitting around in a small circle on folding chairs. Most of them had cups of coffee in their hands.
“Pardon me,” I said as I tried to keep my rear facing away from them. “Would you have a restroom?” I said a silent prayer in my head while I waited for a reply.
“Are you here for the meeting?” a woman in the middle of the group asked.
“Meeting?”
“SA,” one of the men in the circle piped up.
“SA?” I was still confused. “Uh, sure.”
“Okay, hurry up, we’ve already started,” the woman said, pointing out the bathroom.
Chapter 6
I ducked right in to the restroom and locked the door behind me. Once inside, I breathed a sigh of relief. When I opened my eyes I was startled by the posters on the wall.
When sex is a have-to instead of a pleasure, it’s addiction, one poster declared, with the picture of a man looking desperate sitting on the edge of a bed.
Do you have multiple partners in one night? Have you ever blacked out and not realized that you’ve had a sexual encounter? Then you might be a sex addict, another poster explained.
“SA,” I said in a whisper. “Sex addicts—oh my god!”
I groaned and peeked over my shoulder at my fully bare bottom. The more I tried to tug the material together, the more it frayed apart. The only thing between my bottom and the rest of the world was a thin pair of black pantyhose, and that appeared to have a big hole starting as well. This was not going to be good.
I looked around for something—anything—to use to disguise my backside. I grabbed for some paper towels, thinking I could make a little skirt out of them, but when I pulled the first one out, it was also the last one.
“Hello. Are you coming out of there?” a voice called out from the other side of the door. “Other people have to use the bathroom, you know!”
I looked in the mirror and remembered the pep talk I’d given myself earlier. I took a deep breath and knew that I just had to get home and put some pants on. I placed the paper towel over my bottom and opened the door to the bathroom. I held my chin up high and marched right out.
“Uh, miss?” one of the men said as he watched me walk past, my paper towel flapping in the breeze from the spinning ceiling fans.
“Nothing to see here…” I walked fast across the room and opened the door. As it fell shut behind me, I heard the woman whisper to the other people in the circle.
“Some of us just aren’t ready to ask for help yet. One day she’ll admit she has a problem and we’ll be here for her.”
I groaned and tried to edge my way along the wall. I didn’t think I was going to make it all the way back to my apartment like this. Would I be arrested for indecent exposure? Would I offend nuns and small children? My heart was pounding with embarrassment. I was certain that I could not possibly feel worse.
Then a car driving beside me began to slow down. I pretended not to notice. Just keep going, I told myself.
“Sam, is that you?” a familiar voice asked as the car pulled to a stop.
In that moment I cursed myself for challenging the universe. I had been certain nothing could make my situation worse, and now I was about to be proved wrong. Not only was I to be humiliated in front of my entire neighborhood, but also in front of the man whose face occupied ninety percent of my fantasies. I refused to look in his direction.
“Go away, Max!” I said, already too embarrassed for words.
“Oh, come on, what’s wrong?” he asked.
I knew he wasn’t going to let it go unless I confessed. I glanced up and over at him. Again, things got worse. He was the passenger in a flashy convertible, with a drop-dead gorgeous woman, and I was walking around with a paper towel covering my bottom. Ha ha, universe.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” I said and kept walking. I might have been able to ask for a ride, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I would rather walk home in shame than reveal what had happened to me to Max. He climbed out of the car and followed after me.
“Max?” the woman who was driving called out, not sounding happy at all.
Max ignored her as he caught up with me. “Why do you have that paper towel—”
The woman in the convertible, apparently annoyed that Max would abandon her, drove off, causing a slight breeze to ruffle my paper towel.
“Oh my god.” Max ran up behind me and put his hands on my waist, using his own body to shield me from view. “What happened?” He was laughing, seemingly unconcerned about his fleeing ride.
“It’s not funny,” I said, feeling increasingly more irritated. I tried not to think about how close he was to me.
“Oh, yes it is.” He laughed harder and had to rest his head on the back of my neck to keep from losing his balance, he was laughing so hard.
“I’m so very glad that my embarrassing moment is amusing to you,” I said, putting some distance between us as I turned around to look at him. “Now, give me your shirt.”
“My shirt?” He looked down at it. “No way, this is brand new. Besides, I don’t want to walk around with no shirt on.” He glanced around. “People have no decency any more.”
I glared over my shoulder at him and pointed to the paper towel.
“If you make me walk home like this, I promise you I will turn all of your underwear pink.” I had been doing most of his laundry, whenever I did my own, for the past ten years.
“Well, what are you going to give me for it?”
God, he was being obnoxious.
“My undying affection,” I said as sweetly as I could.
Our conversation was starting to draw more attention. The paper towel was steadily flapping in the light breeze.
“I already have that, don’t I?” The expression on his face changed a little bit.
For just a moment I thought he might be hinting that he knew about my crush.
“Okay, fine, then what do you want?”
I was getting impatient now. I didn’t like that he was being so cruel when I was so embarrassed. He knew he could get me to do just about anything, and he was taking advantage of it.
Chapter 7
There was a strange expression on Max’s face again, but only for a second. “If I give you my shirt, then you have to promise me you’ll let me read that piece of paper—that list of yours,” he said with a smile.
“That’s private.” I was seriously annoyed now. “Absolutely not—no deal,” I said, walking away.
Max reached out and snatched the paper towel from my hand. When I felt it go, I gasped.
“Max!” I screamed and backed right into him to cover myself up. He slid a hand around my waist, holding me securely against him, and whispered beside my ear.
“The list, Sam, or you get to walk the next three blocks au naturel.” He laughed and all at once I realized that he meant it. He was playing with me, but it was a side of Max that I wasn’t used to.
“Fine.”
“Yes!” He pumped his fist in a gesture of victory.
I glared at him as he removed h
is shirt with care. He was still standing behind me when he slid it between us and then reached around to tie the sleeves in a loose knot. Every brush of his skin, every accidental touch was thrilling for me, even though I was also feeling quite angry with him. The rush of emotion was confusing.
“Better?” he murmured.
I turned around to face him and found that he was still grinning. The unexpected scent of the cologne from his shirt, now tied around me, and seeing him standing there bare-chested, was making me feel quite giddy. I tried to regain my composure.
“You forget you ever saw that,” I said, shoving a finger towards his face. “One word about this and you will pay for it.”
“I can’t possibly forget it,” he said, teasing me. “It’s burned into my mind.” He laughed.
I laughed too, but I wasn’t sure if he was joking. Had he found my naked rear that unattractive? Knowing the types of women he usually dated, I figured it was possible.
“Sorry about your ride,” I said. “I don’t think she appreciated the view.”
“Oh—Bianca.” He rolled his eyes and tilted his head to the side. “Oh, please, Max, just help me pick this red lipstick, or this red lipstick? Which one?” he said in a high-pitched voice.
“Oh, she can’t be that bad.”
I wanted her to be that bad. I wanted her to be vapid and intolerable. I wanted her to be anything but what Max wanted in a woman.
“She’s worse,” he said and squeezed his eyes shut tight for a moment. “I don’t know if it was the car or her big brown eyes, but something convinced me to give it a shot, and let me tell you, I would have rather been pole dancing.” He paused a moment and met my eyes. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t invited.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his words. It seemed as if he really did want to spend time with me. As friends, I reminded myself. But I had to wonder, just for a moment: was Bianca meant to make me jealous?
Max placed his arm around my shoulders. “So tell me about the class. Did you fall in love with the pole?” he asked as he fell into step beside me and we walked back toward my apartment. “Obviously, you had a bit of fun,” he said, grinning. “Did that happen before or after the class?”
“After!” I glared at him. “Yes, I had a little too much fun.” I laughed now, thinking about the class. “It was good. I was actually very good at it.” I was feeling proud of myself again as I remembered.
“Great, so when Fluff and Stuff goes under, you have a new career waiting for you.” He ducked just in time, before my hand could connect with the side of his head.
He did know me far too well, and just how to get under my skin.
“It’s not going under,” I said with pride. “Not with me at its helm.”
“Okay, if you say so.” He shook his head. “Just remember, I warned you.”
“How could I forget?” I asked with a slight roll of my eyes. He often told me I should find a new job, but there was something about the whirr of the washing machines and the scent of the hot dog stand that felt like home to me. I had worked there for so long that it was a huge part of my life.
“Just because you gave up on Fluff and Stuff doesn’t mean I ever will.”
“I didn’t give up on it, Sammy. I grew up.”
His harsh words cut me to the bone.
“Too bad for you,” I shot back.
He glanced over at me and squeezed my shoulder. “Good thing I have you around to keep me young.”
“Is that all I’m good for?” I asked as we reached my apartment.
He turned slowly to look at me. When his eyes met mine, I felt it—that spark—that tingling of every muscle in my body. His lips were so close, his eyes so filled with what I wanted to believe was desire. It would take the absolute smallest effort to simply lean forward and kiss him.
“That and grilled cheese.” He laughed, sliding his arm off my shoulder to open the door.
He had a key. I made a mental note to change that.
As I stepped into my apartment, he started to follow me inside.
“I think I’ve had enough excitement for one day and no, I’m not making grilled cheese.” I walked over to grab the blanket thrown over the end of the sofa, wrapping it around my body in relief. “I’d like to hide under my covers now and forget about mooning the neighborhood.”
Max smiled, looking mischievous again. “But we had a deal, remember?”
“A deal?” I asked, a little confused. Then it hit me. The list!
Chapter 8
I thought about the things I had written on my bucket list so far, and most importantly, the one item written in big bold letters at the very bottom. “Be with Max”.
“Uh, sure,” I said as we walked into the living room. “But wait out here, because I need to change.” I pushed him down on the couch.
He grabbed the remote and began flipping through the channels as I hurried into the bedroom. I threw my jeans back on over my torn leotard and then reached for the list. I snatched up another piece of paper and began scrawling random ideas on it. It shouldn’t have taken me much more than a few minutes, but then I began obsessing. What would Max find interesting?
Study computer science, I scribbled down. Then I frowned. I didn’t think he was going to believe that one for a minute. I crumpled up the piece of paper and grabbed a new one. I started writing everything that came to mind.
Skinny-dipping
Parasailing
Eggs
Cheese
“Crap!” I said under my breath as I realized I was starting to write a grocery list. Focus, Sammy. I crumpled up that piece of paper too. On the third attempt, I just wrote down everything I had seen in movies.
Sail a boat across the sea
Design a new piece of clothing
Find the perfect shell
Skip a rock
I stretched it out to about twenty items and hoped that he’d buy it. Then I tucked the real list safely away. I was just about to take it out to him when I remembered what he’d already seen. I added pole dancing to the top and highlighted it with my marker. I hurried out into the living room, where Max was waiting for me.
When I handed him the list, he cackled in an evil-sounding voice, but then his amusement faded as he looked it over.
“Hm, see if I share my shirt with you next time.” He frowned.
“What? Why?” I said.
Coming up with that list had been a lot of work.
“There are no stars around it,” he said. “The list I saw had stars on it.”
I sank down on the couch and glanced over at him.
“I get it,” he said, sounding a bit sad. “I know how this will work. You want romance, so soon you’ll land a guy and then good old Max will just be a memory.”
I was confused for a minute, but then I remembered that several of the items I’d jotted down towards the end of my fake list had to do with dating and meeting “Mr. Right”.
I studied him closely. It was always hard to tell when he was joking.
“Max, you are always going to be part of my life,” I said with conviction. “I can’t possibly live without you.”
He sighed, folding his arms across his still-bare chest.
I laid my head across his lap and looked up at him, pouting my lips. “Don’t be mad,” I said as I gazed up into his eyes, trying hard to bat my eyelashes at him in a teasing way.
He stared down at me for a long moment. “How can I be, with that face?” He laughed, his sense of humor returning in full force. “So, no list, I guess?”
“You can have your shirt back.” I offered it to him with a wide smile.
“No, keep it,” he chuckled. “Never know when you might have another wardrobe malfunction.”
As Max left the apartment, I knew he was still a little bit annoyed. He had this thing about trust. I couldn’t exactly figure him out, even though we’d been friends for so long.
He dated a lot of women, but never for long. He was willing to be intimate�
��hugging and snuggling—but he never shared too much about himself. He fascinated me. One minute I would be completely convinced that he was as into me as I was into him, but then he would hook up with someone like Bianca, or give no other signs, and I’d be left feeling sure that I was making it all up in my head.
I plopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. Instantly Max without his shirt popped into my mind. I sighed and tried to replace his face with that of someone else. But it didn’t work. I sat up and wiped at my eyes. I knew that as long as I was alone in my apartment, I was going to be obsessing about him. I needed to get my mind on something else. The best way to do that was to go to work. It wasn’t my shift, but I didn’t mind. I needed an excuse to escape my memories of the day.
The shop was only a few blocks away from my apartment. As I walked, I kept a close eye out for any of the men who had been catcalling me earlier. Now that my pants actually covered my rear end, I didn’t seem to get as much attention.
As I neared the shop I smiled at the sign. It was made in the shape of a big bubble. Fluff and Stuff. It was a simple concept: people get bored while doing their laundry; having a shop to browse through is entertaining. But when I envisioned it, I saw it as much more than that. I had dreams of open mic nights and a community garden. As Max liked to say, I had nothing but dreams.
When I stepped inside the shop I spotted Claudia nearly asleep on the counter.
“Tough night?” I asked as I walked up to her.
“You have no idea.” She groaned and sat up.
She was right. I didn’t have any idea what it was like to have a screaming, drooling, pooping, unsatisfiable infant keeping me up all night.
“Why don’t you go home?” I said. “I have nothing to do the rest of the day, so I thought I’d hang out here. No need for both of us to be here.”
“Oh, thanks,” Claudia said with relief. “There’s a few loads running, but it’s been pretty slow.”
I nodded. “Go get some rest.”
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) Page 3
