Chapter 9
Claudia walked out of the shop, looking like she was in desperate need of a nap. I watched her go. She was only in her early twenties and was already married. Sometimes I was jealous of her. Not because of how she looked, or her husband, but because she had moved on in life, checking off each milestone, while I had remained generally the same.
It was starting to really sink in with me that things were changing—that time was passing me by. Just like in college, when I couldn’t decide on a major, I still had no real idea what I wanted out of life—except for that tasty caramel crunch candy bar we just started selling in the shop. My mind wandered and so did I as I walked over to the candy bars, fully intending to rip one open and settle up with the register later. But just as my fingers curled around the forbidden snack, I recalled how good it felt to fit into my jeans earlier today.
“No,” I said, feeling committed. “I’m not going to let a little incident throw off my entire journey.”
I released the candy bar and walked away.
One of the dryers buzzed. I popped it open to find the load still a little damp. I set it to spin again and sat down in a bucket-style plastic chair to watch it. The swirl of the dryer was oddly soothing to me. I wasn’t sure why. Perhaps because I had spent so many years watching it. No matter what the reason, it always seemed to help me clear my mind. After the way that Max had spoken to me, I needed some mind clearing. In fact, I wished I could toss my brain into a spin cycle. But no matter what I did, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get Max out of my mind.
“Hello there,” a shrill voice said from the doorway of the shop. I looked up with surprise. Usually I noticed someone entering before they had to approach me.
“How can I help you?” I asked with a warm smile.
The woman who stepped inside was thin to the point of appearing fragile. She appeared to be somewhere in her seventies, with short ivory curls that framed her face like flower petals.
“Just want to browse,” she said and made her way into the shop area of the laundromat.
It wasn’t too often that someone came in just to shop. Usually people started their laundry and then looked around. I also did laundry for customers, including sorting and folding. But this woman seemed to be intent on simply shopping. She was studying each item in turn.
“Is there something in particular you’re looking for?” I asked as I walked into the shop after her.
“I’ll know it when I see it,” she said with confidence.
I smiled and leaned back against the low table that served as a spot for the register and as a place to fold the laundry.
“Let me know if you need any help,” I said, not wanting to disturb her as she browsed.
“Aha!” the woman said as she picked up a small green glass frog off the table. It was an item I had run across at a yard sale and thought would add a little color to our selection. “This is it,” she said, grinning.
I smiled. “What’s so special about the glass frog?” I asked her as she turned it over to check the price. It was only fifty cents.
“It isn’t the frog that’s special,” the woman explained. She fished in her purse to find two quarters. “It’s the memories that it brings back.” She pressed the quarters into the palm of my hand. “Those are priceless.”
I closed my hand around the coins and looked into her eyes. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are the memories?”
“I once lived near a creek. I wasn’t married yet and I had just started my first job—and I had my first lover.” She blushed a little as she glanced away from me and looked down at the little green frog. “It was summer and the frogs were out. They were hopping everywhere. He would meet me on the dock and we would spend hours talking, chasing frogs, and watching the fireflies come out.”
“That sounds wonderful,” I said. “I can see why you would want to remember it.”
“It was wonderful,” the woman agreed. “For as long as it lasted.”
“I take it you didn’t stay together, then?”
“No, we didn’t.” She shook her head. “The thing was—he wasn’t ready.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Not in so many words,” the woman continued. “There’s a feeling you get when you know without question what you’d do to be with someone, but deep down, you know that it’s not the same for them. He was a good man, but he wasn’t the marrying type. And I wasn’t the type to waste my summers waiting for him to change.” She winked at me. “I guess you could say it was my first love and my first heartbreak, all wrapped up in this tiny little frog.” She gave it a playful peck. “Not my prince, but someone I’d never want to forget.”
I was fascinated by her story. I had picked up the frog to add color; she had picked up the frog because it filled her mind with memories from decades before. By the time I came out of the enchanted state I was in, she was almost out the door.
“Wait,” I called out and hurried after her.
“Is something wrong?” she asked. “Did I forget to pay?”
“No, you paid,” I assured her with a smile. “I was just wondering—you said that he wasn’t your prince—does that mean that you found your prince?”
“Princes aren’t what they used to be.” She laughed a little. “But I did marry the love of my life, a man I never would have met if I hadn’t let my heart get broken first.”
“Thank you for sharing your story with me.”
“Thank you for the frog,” she said with a smile, and then continued down the block.
As I began to go through the motions of closing the shop up for the night, I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Was Max my frog? Had I already wasted all of my summers?
Chapter 10
By the time I got back to my apartment, my mind was made up. I would always have my memories of Max—and I hoped that I’d always have his friendship—but I wasn’t going to waste any more summers on him.
“That’s it,” I said with conviction. “Time to think about the next thing on my list.”
I went to my bedroom and pulled the list back out. I put a big checkmark right next to pole dancing. I thought that it had been very successful, despite the ripped leotard.
There was something very liberating about becoming more comfortable with my body. It wasn’t about attracting a man, not even Max. It was about who I was and who I wanted to be. I still had some pounds to lose, but what was more important to me was gaining confidence, and I could feel mine growing stronger every day.
I had an entire list to get through, and I was ready to really set off on this journey with a new determination to change my life. I had started out my day feeling nervous and uncertain, but now I was getting to the point of wanting even more than what was already written on the list.
I added a few notes to the bottom, then hesitated as my hand hovered over Max’s name. For fourteen years I’d been waiting for his romantic attention, and there was no way he didn’t know it. He had to see the blush in my cheeks, the shine in my eyes, when I looked at him. I decided it was time to cross his name off the list. As I did, I felt my heart break a little, but maybe it was just making room for someone new. It was time to open my mind, and my heart.
As I set the pencil down, my cell phone beeped. I picked it up and scanned the text I’d received from Max.
I still want to see the list. It’s going to drive me crazy with curiosity.
I stared at the text for a moment. I didn’t want to show him the list, that was for sure. I could erase him from my fantasies, but I could never erase him from my heart. We shared too much history, and there was too much support there. I still needed Max. I texted him back quickly before I could dwell on my words.
Be a little crazy, see how it feels.
I smiled as I set the phone down on the bed beside me. I knew he probably wouldn’t understand what I meant, but he had been driving me crazy for too many years. Letting him be the one yearning could be very therapeutic.
I changed into a loose T-shirt and sweats and stepped out of my apartment. I took a deep breath and walked four steps to the right. I paused in front of my next-door neighbor’s door. It was lined with all kinds of band stickers. I didn’t know who any of them were. After a few firm knocks, the door swung open. A woman, barely edging over five feet and wearing a long black dress, opened the door. She rested her porcelain cheek against the frame and stared at me from beneath tons of eye make-up.
“What do you want?” she asked and lifted one pencil-thin, pitch-black eyebrow.
“I need your help,” I said quickly.
“My help?” She eyed me and I could feel her suspicion. “Do you finally want that makeover I’ve been offering?”
“No—well, not right now,” I added when she gave me a reproachful look. “What I need your help with is a little more technical.”
“Okay, come in,” she said and stepped back from the door.
I stepped through the doorway and smiled as the black-light illumination inside her apartment washed over me, reminding me again of my pole dancing class and my unexpected walk on the wild side with my little leotard malfunction.
Now it was time to move on to the next adventure, which was going to be about exposing much more than my backside.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List
2 Start a Blog
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
I shifted from one foot to the other, doing my very best not to back out of this. I’d already asked for my neighbor’s help and she’d agreed, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t getting cold feet.
As a self-declared tech goddess, Kat had an apartment filled with all kinds of interesting gadgets. She had lots of action figures from science-fiction movies. She also had a ton of books. One corner of her living room was dedicated entirely to technology. She had a corner-shaped desk, with three flat-screen monitors set up. I knew that for what I wanted to do, she was going to be the person who could help me. I wasn’t used to asking for help, but Kat didn’t seem to mind.
“Alright, here’s some green tea,” Kat said as she walked back in from the kitchen and handed me a mug. The scent that wafted from it did not remind me of green tea. It was clear that Kat had mixed in a few other things. Not wanting to offend her—or appear “less than cool”—I drank it anyway.
“I can’t tell you how excited I am,” Kat said with a big grin. “I’ve been waiting and waiting for this day.”
“It’s not like I’m attempting something earth-shattering, is it?” I laughed a little, hoping that my less than average technical skills would be able to get the job done.
Kat plopped down in front of her computer, rubbing her hands together as if she could hardly contain her excitement. “I get to be the one who introduces you to the great beyond. Never mind that you’re about ten years behind in technology. All of that can be changed in the blink of an eye.”
“I hope so,” I said and pulled over a spare chair so that I could sit beside her.
Computers were something I’d avoided in general. I didn’t get the point of most social media. But now I was starting to.
“Just remember you don’t have to do everything all at once. We’ll get you started off slow, and as you get more comfortable with it, we can move forward. Baby steps.” She smiled.
“All I want to do is start a blog.” I sighed and shook my head. “I hope it’s not too complicated.”
“Oh, sweetie, it isn’t just a blog.” Kat turned to face me. “It’s your heart, on the net!’
“Okay…” I furrowed a brow. “What do you mean?”
“I mean no one just has a blog. It’s a place to express your feelings, your opinions, your hopes, your dreams.” She smiled. “It’s the last honest place on the Internet.”
“I don’t know if it’s all of that,” I said, feeling slightly over-my-head already. “I mean, I was just going to talk about my goals. I have this bucket list that I put together—of all the things I would do once I started losing weight and gaining more confidence. I thought it might be interesting for others to read about my journey.”
“It’s a clever concept”—Kat nodded—“but it’s not enough. People read blogs written by people that they connect with. You have to be willing to show yourself.”
“I was afraid of that.” I frowned as I let her words sink in. “I think I can do it, though.”
“Good. So I’ll set you up with a Wordpress blog.” Her fingers were already tapping away on the keyboard.
“Okay, if you’re sure that’s the way to go,” I said, watching as a web page popped up on the screen.
“Yes, it’s pretty popular right now,” Kat said and then shrugged. “Of course by next week it might be obsolete, but it’s a good place to start. So what do you want your name to be?”
“I guess…Samantha?”
“Are you nuts?” Kat looked at me like she did, in fact, think I was a little crazy.
“No?” I was already feeling confused.
“You can’t use your real name. The Internet is full of weirdos. You have to be careful when you’re putting yourself out there. You don’t want some creep showing up on your doorstep.” Kat turned her attention back to the monitor.
“That wouldn’t be good,” I said, shaking my head. “Alright, let’s see…how about Single Female on a Mission?”
“So are you—like—a die-hard bible thumper?” Kat looked at me with a look of clear disapproval. “No good.”
“This is so hard.” I frowned. Who knew my little idea was going to be so complicated?
“Whoa, seriously, no meltdowns. You haven’t even thought of a username yet.” Kat grinned. “Take a deep breath. Just think about what you want your blog to say to people.”
I sat back as I thought about it. I knew that when I’d written “start a blog” on my bucket list, I had the intention of sharing my journey. But with whom? And what exactly was my journey? It certainly wasn’t just about weight loss. I had lost about seventy pounds, but that wasn’t the point exactly. The point was living without that weight. The point was adjusting to life in a new body. It had to be about all of me, not just the physical aspect of getting smaller.
“I’ve got it!” I said, feeling excited. “Single Wide Female!”
Chapter 2
Kat was looking at me with an odd expression on her face. “Seriously?”
“Is there something wrong with it?” I braced myself for her response, because I was already loving the idea.
“No, not really,” Kat said and typed in the username. “It has a ring to it. I’ve just never heard someone describe themselves as wide before. I mean, you have lost quite a bit of weight.”
“I’m still wide,” I said, laughing, “but it’s not just about my size. It’s about my mind. I want it to be wide open. I want to explore the big wide world—you see?” I asked.
“Ah, now that makes a little more sense to me.” She nodded with approval. “Next you want to create a password. It should be something only you would know, but also something you won’t easily forget. You don’t want to have to keep resetting it. I’ll let you type it in, so I won’t know it either.”
“Oh, I don’t mind,” I said.
“Well, you should,” Kat said. “This is important to you; it should be impenetrable, even by your quite helpful neighbor.”
“Okay.” My fingertips hovered over the keyboard for a few seconds as I considered what to use as a password. Of course it wasn’t a real question. I used
the same password for just about everything. I carefully typed in “Hawaii,” then repeated it in the confirmation box, my mind drifting to the memory of the vacation I’d taken with my best friend, Max, a few years ago.
“Great,” Kat said, her voice bringing me back to the present task at hand. “Now we can choose things like colors, borders, whether you want to add pictures—most bloggers these days include photographs of themselves. It adds to the intimacy of the blog.”
“I don’t know about that.” I couldn’t help but cringe at the idea. “I don’t think I have any pictures of myself that I’d like to share right now.”
“No worries, you can add them at any time. Just take a nice selfie and we’ll upload it later.”
“Okay.”
As we went through the details of setting up the blog I was actually getting excited. It was really happening—another item to check off on my list. For once, I’d have a place to spill all of my feelings and emotions—one that wasn’t in Max’s ear.
Max, whom I adored, but who would never be more than a friend. I trusted him, but I needed an outlet, a place where I could speak freely without concerns about my crush or our long history.
“Okay, so you’re all set.” Kat nodded. “See, that wasn’t too painful, was it?” She smiled.
“Not too painful,” I said as I watched Kat write a few things down on a piece of paper that she then handed to me.
“Just follow these steps and start typing your heart out. Look”—she pointed to the monitor that still had my new blog showing on the screen—“I’m already your first follower.” She grinned.
“I’m honored,” I said, laughing.
“Just remember me when you go viral,” Kat said. “That’s all I ask.”
“Viral?” I raised an eyebrow.
Kat laughed and shook her head. “That’s a lesson for another day.” She walked me to the door. “Good luck, Samantha—blogging can be very therapeutic.”
As I stepped out into the hallway I wondered what she was implying. Did she think I needed therapy?
“Stop obsessing, Sam,” I said under my breath as I walked the few steps to the door of my apartment. I had a tendency to take things the wrong way, especially when I was feeling nervous.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) Page 4
