Envy

by K. T Fisher

  “You are.” I lean forward and place a kiss there instead.

  “Charmer.” She laughs. We get ready and as we do I let her know that Spliff came last night.

  “Were the kids happy to see him?” She asks. “How did he look?”

  “I didn’t see him babe, I was here with you. Grim text me before he went to bed.” She turns from hanging up some of her things in my wardrobe. Fuck it’s weird how much I love the sight of her clothes hanging next to mine. Even in this shitty little room.

  “I’ve got church this morning.” I let her know, but I don’t want to tell her why. Natasha looks at me silently and nods, she must know why. We’ve had four deaths within just a couple of days, there needs to be a church meeting. We need to talk over funerals, sniffing police and the letters Strike left for the girls. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a man as much as I hate Strike. The shit he did to my woman, Lauren and my little cousin, Elise is disgusting. It boils my blood, every time I think his name my jaw tenses and my fists clench, ready to face the fucker. When I read those twisted letters I flipped. Kicking, shouting and punching walls, anything to let my anger out but I fucking wished he’d been there to face me. I need to put an end to him. Not only for our girls, but for every women out there.

  We walk out for breakfast, not really having an appetite for anything and when I hear my dad yell, “Church!” I look over to Natasha and warn her to stay put.

  “Don’t worry.” She rolls her eyes.

  I hold her face in mine, looking her right in the eyes. “No Tash, I’m serious. I want you to stay put.”

  Her hands cover mine and she kisses my palms. “I promise baby.”

  We share a heated kiss and it kills me to leave her alone at the table while I walk off. I spot one of the bunnies, Maci walk over to her but I still don’t like leaving her. I don’t want her out my sight, but I have to go to church. We have brothers standing guard all over the clubhouse, so if anything did happen, we’re ready.

  We’re all sit down, the doors are shut and dad slams down the gavel.

  “Ok boys, we’ve had some fucking tragedies recently. Spliff is spending time with his kids at the minute after spending most of yesterday with Marie.”

  I look around at my brothers each one has a face full of sadness.

  “Not only was one of our own killed in front of her family, but two prospects have been murdered and Big John. Luckily Messy was saved, but that doesn’t mean shit right now. Strike needs to be found and dealt with once and for all.” He looks around at all of us. “I know this isn’t usually our style but we do what we have to do protect our own. We will NOT let Strike hurt anyone else!” He roars.

  Everyone in the room shouts their agreement. We agree on a joint funeral, after running it by Spliff.

  Talk then goes to what happened after we discovered Marie and Baby speaks up with Scrappy backing up his findings. Grim and I then tell everyone what exactly was said on the girls’ letters and the mens faces fill with anger. I’m proud to be a member of this family, these women of ours, and it is up to us to protect them. If you hurt even one of them you have to whole club to answer to.

  “We need to talk to Bomber.” I add when all talk of the letters has finished.

  Grim nods and we both look to our dad and President. “Right now?”

  “Of course right now!” I shout. “It’s the only leverage we have against him now that we don’t know where he is.”

  Dad slides his phone over to me with Bomber’s number showing. The last we had heard from him was him revealing a club rat which we’ve already began digging into. The funny things about having a club rat, you have to go around sneakily because you don’t want them to know you’re onto them and you need proof of them being a rat before you take action.

  The phone rings a few times before there’s an answer. “Hello?”

  “Have you got the product yet?” I ask him.

  “Not yet, but I have found out where it’s hidden so not too long.” He answers.

  “Hurry up.” I demand. “I don’t care what it takes just get it done.”

  Spliff agreed that Marie will share her funeral with the other deceased members of the club. He thought it a privilege for her to share it with them and that Marie would’ve loved the idea. It’s true, some women wouldn’t like to think that they would share a funeral with some bikers but Marie loved this club and everyone in it.

  The police finished their investigation and we’re all thankfully clear from their questioning. They know it’s to do with a rivalry, but we’re the only bikers they know about around here so of course they wanted to point the finger at us. It angered most, if not all of the club members, that they thought we would hurt one of our own.

  Today, Natasha is oddly quiet. In fact she has been ever since she saw Marie lying on the ground lifeless. Then when she read that letter Strike left for her in her fucking bedroom she got even worse. When I hold her at night I feel her shaking as she relives her nightmares. A few times she’s sobbed in her dreams and I’ve had to wake her up. Even screaming a few of them, it’s fucking horrible to see and the only thing that will calm her down is me holding her.

  I hold and kiss her every night, but I hate every second of seeing her fall apart like this.

  As we walk out the room dressed for the funeral I hold her tightly. I can feel her shaking so I stop her in the hallway.

  “Babe, are you ok?” I ask her.

  “Yeah.” She whispers.

  “You’re not fooling me Tash.”

  “I feel responsible.” She admits and tears fall down her cheeks.

  “What?” I shout. “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

  “No it’s not.” She continues to cry. “If Lauren and I hadn’t have come back here then Strike wouldn’t be here. There would be no deaths and Marie would still be here, playing with her kids. They don’t have their mother because of me.”

  I hold her against me as she falls apart. Shit! I should have seen this coming.

  “You listen to me now.” I pull her back hating the broken look on her face. “None of this is your fault. You hear me Tasha? Don’t say that again because it’s bullshit! It’s not your fault that a demented man is coming after you!”

  “I can’t help it.” She cries.

  “Shut the fuck up.” I kiss her. “Now stop blaming yourself for something you have no control over. We need to go out there and show those men and Marie how much they still mean to us and say our goodbyes.”

  She sniffles and wipes at her face. “Ok.”

  Because of the trouble we’ve had with the Devils the police don’t want any more trouble. So we have a police guard of around twenty policemen with us as we all ride down. I ride down on my bike, it’s tradition and Natasha holds on behind me.

  I will never get fed up of how it feels to have her riding with me. I never once thought I would want to settle down, that is until I met Natasha. It’s crazy but from the first day I saw her, beaten and bruised then watching as she recovered and showed everyone how strong she actually is I became hooked. I didn’t realise it then but now when I think back I had to make sure I saw her as much as I could. A passing in the clubhouse or even just a hello when I dropped by Grim’s. It fucking made my day. Now I get to have her for the rest of my life, her arms squeeze around me and my cock hardens.

  Natasha begins to laugh behind me and I shake my head. So fucking inappropriate of me, but if Marie or my brothers was here, I don’t think they would care.

  The rumble of the bikes feels amazing and seeing everyone come together for Prospect Joe, Prospect Billy, Big John and Marie I become overwhelmed. I will stay strong for my woman though, I will hold her up in case she falls.

  When we reach the church, my eyes are constantly full of tears. The ceremony was amazing, and very emotional. I don’t think there was a dry eye in there, even the men shed a tear or two. I spotted Devlin wiping his eyes every now and then and I love him even more for it. All four caskets sit side by
side, their photos are on top and their families look up in tears. I can’t stop looking at the framed picture of Marie, she looks so happy and carefree. I surrender to my tears and when I see Travis wiping away his tears I cry even more.

  Spliff didn’t want Lorena and Carl here. He thought it was dangerous and that it would be too much for them. Instead they’re with Marie’s parents and they will meet us back at the clubhouse. I don’t blame him at all for not bringing them, I couldn’t imagine seeing little Lorena here.

  We head outside and I do so with my hand still firmly in Devlin’s. Since getting off his bike, I haven’t let go of his hand. I need him. Devlin wraps his arms around me as we watch the coffins being lowered. I don’t know what I would have done without him. I take a look around my family. Lauren is against Grim, crying into his body. Elise has Scrappy and Drew is with Baby. Maci is stood beside me, crying along with us all and I reach out to squeeze her hand. She looks down at our hands before looking up and giving me a heart breaking smile.

  After paying my respects, I say an upsetting goodbye to Marie and then men that helped keep Strike away. Lauren and I have a little cuddle and Spliff approaches us.

  “Hey girls.” He smiles.

  “How are the kids?” Lauren asks him.

  “Not doing too great.” He sighs. “Lorena doesn’t understand, she keeps crying out for Marie and it’s fucking so hard.”

  I begin to cry again and I give him a quick cuddle. “I’m so sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about.” He says firmly.

  “If you need any help with the kids, I’m there ok?” I tell him.

  “Same with us all.” Lauren adds. “We’re all here for you.”

  Spliff begins to tear up. “Thanks girls.”

  I place Lorena down and she happily skips over to the other kids. I don’t think she actually knows what’s happening, Spliff told us that he tried to explain the best he could to her. He said his words were along the lines of, Mummy isn’t coming back but she has her daddy, brothers and club family all around her. I don’t know if she’s too young to say that Marie is dead, but he maybe could have said she’s gone to heaven, every child knows what heaven is right?

  I slowly rise from my seat and get myself a drink from the bar. As Duke passes me my Vodka lemonade, he also adds a Sambuca shot. I frown at him and he shrugs innocently at me with a naughty smirk. Why the hell not!

  I throw the shot back and cringe at the after taste of the liquid. In that moment I’m reminded that I don’t like Sambuca. I take sips from my drink to wash away the taste and then spot Devlin watching me.

  “Babe.” He greets, holding me tight.

  “Baby.” I whisper back.

  The Sambuca has warmed my veins and bolt of lust wraps it way around my whole body. I lean into Devlin, he’s sexy, tall, tattooed, charming and all mine. I haven’t told him yet but I think that he should finally get a little reward for waiting for me. I don’t know if I’m ready for everything yet, but I am definitely ready for some foreplay. Actually, I’m feeling kind of desperate for it. I want to feel him up against me, to have his naked and hot skin over mine. I want to know what it feels like to have him touch me everywhere. If it leads to sex, then it happens but what I do know is that I want to test the waters.

  “Is it wrong that I want you naked?” He growls into my ear.

  “I don’t think Marie and the brothers would mind if we snuck away.” I laugh. Which is most likely true.

  Devlin presses himself closer to me and I feel the thick hardness press into me. Fuck he’s ready for me.

  “I’ve gotta talk with Grim and my dad and I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” He kisses me with a fire that leaves me lightheaded and grinning like a damn fool.

  I finish my drink as I watch him walk towards Franky’s office. He looks too fucking good in his black on black clothes today. I watch his ass and I just wish I could reach out and squeeze it. The wake has now turned into a little party at the clubhouse. Yes it’s sad that four of our own have died but we want to celebrate their lives. Marie would especially hate it if she knew we were all sat around, but if she knew some were up dancing and others were talking about memories, not only would Marie be happy but so would the two prospects and Big John.

  Once my glass is empty, I slide off of the stool and see Lauren heading my way.

  “How you doing?” She asks glancing at the empty glass and shot glass beside me.

  “Great.” I smile. “Just having a drink before I go and meet Devlin.”

  Lauren looks a little confused for a second and then opens her mouth in shock standing closer to me. “You’re going all the way?”

  Lauren knows everything about me, she’s seen all of my scars up and close because we were together for most of them. She knows how I feel about my body and I’ve talked with her in great lengths many times about my worries of Devlin seeing my most intimate scars.

  “I don’t know, but I’m ready to at least try.” I whisper back.

  “Have you told him about the scars yet?” She asks. Lauren thought that if I told him before then it might be better for both of us.

  “No.” I look down to my feet. “I couldn’t do it.”

  Lauren gives me a hug. “You’ll be great. You’re beautiful Tash and I can see how much Devlin loves you. I never thought I would see the day that he would settle down.” We both laugh, but then Lauren switches back to being serious. “Trust me, you will both be fine.”

  Lauren’s phone alerts and when she looks down at it she breaks out into a huge smile. “I got go babe, looks like you’re not the only one getting lucky tonight.”

  “Wait.” I stop her. “Is this weird? I mean, it’s a funeral.”

  “I know.” She laughs. “Seriously I think all four of them would be cheering us on, especially Marie with you and Devlin.”

  “Yeah.” I smile. “She would be pushing me into the room.”

  Lauren gives me a hug, promises to meet me at breakfast and then leaves to join Grim. I bet Devlin’s finished with Franky too then. Just as I’m about to head in the direction of Devlin’s room, Drew saunters over. By the swaying of her hips and the heavy drop of her eyes, she’s drunk.

  I’m not surprised, before the funeral I was given a short brief of what MC funerals were all about. Unlike the standard funeral, where everyone cries and sits around in sadness, a club version is drinking, dancing and just being happy. It’s to celebrate the life of those who have passed and I must say, I much prefer this kind of funeral than any others I’ve been to in the past. Of course people have cried, I was sobbing not long ago but then you have a drink and dance and it feels as if Marie is here, watching us all have a good night in honour of her.

  “Hey baby girl.” Drew smiles and gives me a hug. Yes, she’s drunk.

  “How many have you had?” I laugh.

  “Enough for the both of us.” She giggles.

  “Let’s get you some fresh air.” I lead her out the doors and into the garden. Leading her over to the nearest bench, we sit close together. Nobody else is out here, I can’t hear anything either which confirms, there’s no club whores at work in the shadows.

  “I wanted to drink for Marie.” Drew whispers, I turn back to face her and my own grieving for a new friend envelopes me. “She loved everyone getting together.”

  “Yeah I know.” I wipe at my tears.

  “I was thinking we should call the salon after her.” Drew admits.

  “That’s a great idea.” I agree.

  “But not just the word Marie, because that’s boring and she would agree.” We both burst out in laughter. This is true, Marie wouldn’t want her name as the salon’s name, so we need to honour her in another way.

  “Then what do you suggest?” I ask, trying to keep the tears at a steady stream rather than pouring down my face.

  “She always called us her darlings whenever we were together.” Drew smiles as she thinks through the number of times.

  “Yeah sh
e did.” I laugh as I recall the many times she would greet us by shouting ‘darlings!’ loudly from the other side of the clubhouse, or out in the open and even in a small room. The men would roll their eyes at her, but we would all laugh.

  “Darling Rebels.” Drew tests. “What do you think?”

  “I think it’s perfect.” I cry.

  “Are you still on for moving in together?” She asks when we’ve both stopped crying.

  “Of course. As soon as lockdown is lifted we will get it done.” I answer in excitement.

  “Dad told me the workers managed to finish the kitchen area before all the shit happened. So the hard part is done, now we just decorate.” She grins.

  “That should be easy.” I laugh.

  I can’t believe this is all happening. My dreams are coming true, I’ve found a family and I have Devlin. I’m so ready to commit to him, be his old lady and let see the parts of me I’ve kept hidden. He deserves that and I trust him completely. For the first time in a very long time, my veins warm and heat gathers between my thighs. I want Devlin.

  Drew grabs two empty bottles from the bench that have been left by the brothers.

  “Let’s toast to our new beginning.” She holds the bottle high, smiling.

  “Absolutely.” I hold mine and as we clink Drew’s happy smile fades. “Drew?”

  I see movement from behind her and my body tenses.

  “Tash, we need to get inside.” Drew whispers in urgency.

  I grab onto her hand and we quickly stand. This isn’t good. I can feel it deep in my bones.

  “I wouldn’t move if I were you Silver.” My body shakes as soon as I hear his voice.

  “Drew, run.” I whisper quietly. I don’t want her anywhere near Strike and his men. She doesn’t move an inch though. “Run!”

  I push her away towards the doors of the clubhouse. However I don’t see the hidden Devil member in her way and I push her right into his arms. Drew shrieks but he covers her mouth just in time, I doubt she would have been heard anyway because of the music inside the clubhouse. I do know there are members surrounding the area though. Where the fuck are they?