A Thousand Boy Kisses

by Tillie Cole

  I heard someone climbing the dune behind me and I knew it was my pappa. He sat down beside me. I looked away, staring out over the sea. I didn’t want to acknowledge his presence.

  We were silent, until I eventually cracked and asked, “When do we leave?”

  I felt my pappa stiffen beside me, causing me to glance his way. He was already watching my face, sympathy in his expression. My stomach sank further. “When?” I pressed.

  Pappa dropped his head. “Tomorrow.”

  Everything stilled.

  “What?” I whispered in shock. “How is that possible?”

  “Your mamma and I have known for about a month now. We decided not to tell you until the last minute because we knew how you would feel. They need me in the office by Monday, Rune. We’ve organized everything with your school, transferred your transcripts. Your uncle is preparing our house in Oslo for our return. My company has hired movers to empty our house in Blossom Grove and ship our belongings to Norway. They arrive tomorrow shortly after we leave.”

  I glared at my pappa. For the first time in my life, I hated him. I gritted my teeth and looked away. I felt sick with the amount of anger coursing through my veins.

  “Rune,” my pappa said softly, putting his hand on my shoulder.

  I shrugged off his hand. “Don’t,” I hissed. “Don’t ever touch me or speak to me again.” I snapped my head around. “I’ll never forgive you,” I promised. “I’ll never forgive you for taking her from me.”

  “Rune, I understand—” he tried to say, but I cut him off.

  “You don’t. You have no idea how I feel, what Poppy means to me. No damn idea. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be taking me away from her. You’d tell your company that you wouldn’t move. That we have to stay.”

  Pappa sighed. “I’m the Technical Officer, Rune, I have to go where I’m needed, and right now that’s Oslo.”

  I said nothing. I didn’t care that he was the damn technical officer of some failing company. I was pissed he was only telling me now. I was pissed we were going, period.

  When I didn’t speak, my pappa said, “I’m getting our things together, son. Be at the car in five minutes. I want you to have tonight with Poppy. I want to at least give you that much.”

  Hot tears built in my eyes. I turned my head so he wouldn’t see me. I was angry, so angry that I couldn’t stop the damn tears. I never cried when I was sad, only when I was angry. And right now, I was so pissed I could barely draw breath.

  “It won’t be forever, Rune. A few years at most, then we’ll be back. I promise. My job, our life, is here in Georgia. But I have to go where the company needs me,” Pappa said. “Oslo won’t be so bad; it’s where we’re from. I know your mamma will be happy to be near family again. I thought you might be, too.”

  I didn’t reply. Because a few years without Poppy was a lifetime. I didn’t care about my family.

  I was lost, watching the rhythm of the waves, and I waited for as long as I could before I got to my feet. I wanted to get to Poppy, but at the same time, I didn’t know how to tell her I was leaving. I couldn’t stand the thought of breaking her heart.

  The horn sounded, and I ran to the car, where my family was waiting. My mamma tried to smile at me, but I ignored her and slid into the back seat. As we pulled away from the coast, I glared out the window.

  Feeling a hand on my arm, I turned to see Alton clutching onto the sleeve of my shirt. His head was tilted to the side.

  I ruffled his messy blond hair. Alton laughed, but his smile faded, and he kept glancing my way the whole journey home. I found it ironic how my baby brother seemed to get how much pain I was in, way more than my parents did.

  The drive felt like an eternity. When we pulled into the driveway, I practically dived out of the car and sprinted to the Litchfield house.

  I knocked on the front door. Mrs. Litchfield answered after only a few seconds. The minute she took in my face, I saw her eyes fill with sympathy. She glanced across the yard at my mamma and pappa, who were unpacking the car. She gave them a small wave.

  She knew too.

  “Is Poppy here?” I managed to ask, pushing the words through my thick throat.

  Mrs. Litchfield pulled me into a hug. “She’s in the blossom grove, sweetie. She’s been there all afternoon, reading.” Mrs. Litchfield kissed my head. “I’m so sorry, Rune. That daughter of mine will be heartbroken when you leave. You’re her whole life.”

  She’s my whole life too, I wanted to add, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak a single word.

  Mrs. Litchfield released me and I backed away, jumping off the porch, sprinting all the way to the grove.

  I got there in minutes, immediately spotting Poppy under our favorite cherry blossom tree. I stopped, keeping well out of sight as I watched her reading her book, her purple headphones over her head. Branches filled with pink cherry blossom petals fell around her like a protective shield, sheltering her from the bright sun. She was wearing a short white sleeveless dress, a big white bow pinned at the side of her long brown hair. I felt like I’d walked into a dream.

  My heart clenched. I’d seen Poppy every day since I was five. Slept beside her almost every night since I was twelve. Kissed her every day since I was eight, and loved her with everything I had for so many days I’d stopped keeping track.

  I had no idea how to live a day without her next to me. How to breathe without her by my side.

  As if she sensed I was there, she looked up from the page of her book. When I stepped out onto the grass, she flashed me her biggest smile. It was the smile she had only for me.

  I tried to smile back, but I couldn’t.

  I trudged over the fallen cherry blossoms, the path so littered with fallen petals that it looked like a stream of pink and white beneath my feet. I watched Poppy’s smile fade the closer I got. I couldn’t keep anything from her. She knew me as well as I knew myself. She could see that I was upset.

  I’d told her before, there was no mystery with me. Not with her. She was the only person who knew me completely.

  Poppy stilled, only moving to pull the headphones off her head. She placed her book beside her on the ground, wrapped her arms around her bent legs, and just waited.

  Swallowing, I dropped to my knees before her, and my head fell forward in defeat. I fought against the tightness in my chest. Eventually I raised my head. Apprehension was clear in Poppy’s eyes, like she knew whatever was going to come from my mouth would change everything.

  Change us.

  Change our entire lives.

  End our world.

  “We’re leaving,” I finally managed to choke out.

  I watched her face pale.

  Glancing away, I managed to drag in another short breath, and add, “Tomorrow, Poppymin. Back to Oslo. Pappa is taking me away from you. He’s not even trying to stay.”

  “No,” she whispered in response. She leaned forward. “There must be something we can do?” Poppy’s breathing sped up. “Maybe you could stay with us? Move in with us? We can work something out. We can—”

  “No,” I interrupted. “You know my pappa wouldn’t allow it. They’ve known for weeks; they’ve already transferred my schools. They just didn’t tell me because they knew how I’d react. I have to go, Poppymin. I have no other choice. I have to go.”

  I stared at a single blossom petal as it broke from a low-hanging branch. It drifted like a feather to the ground. I knew that, from now on, whenever I saw a cherry blossom I’d think of Poppy. She spent all of her time here in this grove, with me beside her. It was the place she loved the most.

  I squeezed my eyes shut as I imagined her in this grove all alone after tomorrow—no one to go on adventures with her, no one to listen to her laugh … no one to give her heart-bursting boy-kisses for her jar.

  Feeling a sharp pain strike my chest, I turned back to Poppy, and my heart tore in two. She was still frozen to her spot against the tree, but her pretty face was flooded with streams and streams
of silent tears, her small hands balled into fists that were shaking at her knees.

  “Poppymin,” I rasped, finally letting all my hurt free. I rushed to her side and cradled her in my arms. Poppy melted into me, crying into my chest. I closed my eyes, feeling every bit of her pain.

  This pain was also mine.

  We stayed that way for some time, until finally, Poppy raised her head and pressed her shaking palm to my cheek. “Rune,” she said, her voice cracking, “what will … what will I do without you?”

  I shook my head, silently telling her that I didn’t know. I couldn’t speak, my words were trapped behind my clogged throat. Poppy lay back against my chest, her arms like a vise around my waist.

  We didn’t speak as the hours ticked by. The sun faded to leave behind a burnt-orange sky. Before long, the stars appeared, and the moon too, bright and full.

  A cool breeze whipped around the grove, forcing the petals to dance around us. When I felt Poppy begin to shiver in my arms, I knew it was time to leave.

  Lifting my hands, I ran my fingers through Poppy’s thick hair and whispered, “Poppymin, we have to go.”

  She only gripped me tighter in response.

  “Poppy?” I tried again.

  “I don’t want to go,” she said almost inaudibly, her sweet voice now hoarse. I glanced down as her green eyes looked up and fixed on mine. “If we leave this grove, it means that it’s almost time for you to leave me too.”

  I ran the back of my hand down her red cheeks. They were freezing to the touch. “No goodbyes, remember?” I reminded her. “You always say that there’s no such thing as goodbye. Because we’ll always see each other in our dreams. Like with your mamaw.” Tears spilled from Poppy’s eyes; I wiped the droplets away with the pad of my thumb.

  “And you’re cold,” I said softly. “It’s really late, and I need to get you home so you don’t get into trouble for missing curfew.”

  Poppy forced a weak smile onto her lips. “I thought real-life Vikings didn’t play by the rules?”

  I laughed a single laugh and pressed my forehead to hers. I placed two soft kisses on the corner of her mouth and replied, “I’m walking you to your door, and once your parents are asleep, I’m climbing into your bedroom for one last night. How’s that for rule-breaking? Viking enough?”

  Poppy giggled. “Yes,” she answered, pushing my long hair from in front of my eyes. “You’re all the Viking I’ll ever need.”

  Taking hold of her hands, I kissed the tip of each finger and made myself stand. I helped Poppy get to her feet and pulled her into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, keeping her close. Her sweet scent drifted into my nose. I vowed to remember exactly how she felt in this moment.

  The wind grew stronger. I broke our embrace and took hold of Poppy’s hand. In silence, we began walking down the petal-strewn path. Poppy rested her head on my arm, tipping her head back to take in the night sky. I kissed the top of her head and heard her sigh deeply.

  “Have you ever noticed how dark the sky is above this grove? Like it’s darker than anywhere else in town. It looks jet-black, but for the bright moon and twinkling stars. Against the pink of the cherry blossom trees, it looks like something from a dream.” I tipped my head back to see the sky, and a smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth. She was right. It looked almost surreal.

  “Only you would notice something like that,” I said as I lowered my head back down. “You always see the world differently to everyone else. It’s one of the things I love about you. It’s the adventurer I met when I was five.”

  Poppy tightened her grip on my hand. “My mamaw always said that heaven looks however you want it to look, you know.” The sadness in her voice made my breath hitch in my throat.

  She sighed. “Mamaw’s favorite place was under our cherry blossom. When I sit there and look out along the rows and rows of trees, then up at that jet-black sky, I sometimes wonder if she’s sitting at that exact tree up in heaven, looking out along the cherry blossom trees just as we do, staring at the black sky above just as I’m doing now.”

  “I’m sure she is, Poppymin. And she’ll be smiling down at you, like she promised she would.”

  Poppy reached out and captured a bright-pink cherry blossom in her hand. She held it out in front of her, staring at the petals in her palm.

  “Mamaw also said that the best things in life die quickly, like the cherry blossom. Because something so beautiful can never last forever, shouldn’t last forever. It stays for a brief moment in time to remind us how precious life is, before fading away just as quickly as it came. She said that it teaches you more in its short life than anything that is forever by your side.”

  My throat began to close at the pain in her voice. She looked up at me. “Because nothing so perfect can last an eternity, can it? Like shooting stars. We see the usual stars above us every single night. Most people take them for granted, even forget they are there. But if a person sees a shooting star, they remember that moment forever, they even make a wish at its presence.”

  She took in a deep breath. “It shoots by so quickly that people savor the short time they have with it.”

  I felt a teardrop fall on our joined hands. I was confused, unsure why she was talking about such sad things.

  “Because something so completely perfect and special is destined to fade. Eventually, it has to blow away into the wind.” Poppy held up the cherry blossom that was still in her hand. “Like this flower.” She threw it into the air, just as a gust of wind came. The strong bluster carried the petals into the sky and away above the trees.

  It disappeared from our sight.

  “Poppy—” I went to speak, but she cut me off.

  “Maybe we’re like the cherry blossom, Rune. Like shooting stars. Maybe we loved too much too young and burned so bright that we had to fade out.” She pointed behind us, to the blossom grove. “Extreme beauty, quick death. We had this love long enough to teach us a lesson. To show us how capable of love we truly are.”

  My heart fell to my stomach. I swung Poppy around to face me. The devastated look on her beautiful face cut me where I stood. “Listen to me,” I said, feeling panicked. Placing my hands on either side of Poppy’s face, I promised, “I’ll come back for you. This move to Oslo, it won’t be forever. We’ll talk every day, we’ll write. We’ll still be Poppy and Rune. Nothing can break that, Poppymin. You’ll always be mine, you’ll always own half of my soul. This isn’t the end.”

  Poppy sniffed and blinked away her tears. My pulse raced with fear at the thought of her giving up on us. Because that had never even entered my head. We weren’t ending anything.

  I stepped closer. “We’re not done,” I said forcefully. “For infinity, Poppymin. Forever always. Never done. You can’t think like that. Not with us.”

  Poppy lifted onto her tiptoes and mirrored my stance, placing her hands on my face. “Do you promise me, Rune? Because I still have hundreds of boy-kisses that I need you to give me.” Her voice was timid and shy … it was racked with fear.

  I laughed, feeling the dread seep from my bones, relief taking its place. “Always. And I’ll give you more than a thousand. I’ll give you two, or three, or even four.”

  Poppy’s joyful smile soothed me. I kissed her slow and soft, holding her as close as I possibly could. When we broke apart, Poppy’s eyes fluttered open, and she announced, “Kiss number three hundred and fifty-four. With my Rune, in the blossom grove … and my heart almost burst.”

  Then Poppy promised, “My kisses are all yours, Rune. No one else will ever have these lips but you.”

  I brushed my lips against hers one more time and echoed her words. “My kisses are all yours. No one will ever have these lips but you.”

  I took her hand and we headed back toward our houses. All the lights in my house were still on. When we reached Poppy’s doorway, I leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. Shifting my mouth to her ear, I whispered, “Give me an hour and I’ll come to you.”

 
; “Okay,” Poppy whispered back. Then I jumped as her palm landed gently on my chest. Poppy stepped closer to me. The serious expression on her face made me suddenly nervous. She stared at her hand, then ran her fingers slowly over my chest and down over my stomach.

  “Poppymin?” I asked, unsure what was happening.

  Without saying a word, she pulled her hand away and moved toward her door. I waited for her to turn around and explain, but she didn’t. She walked through the open door, leaving me glued to the spot on her driveway. I could still feel the heat from her hand on my chest.

  When the light in the Litchfields’ kitchen came on, I made myself walk back to my own house. As soon as I walked in the door, I spotted a mountain of boxes in the hallway.

  They must have been packed and stored away to keep them from my sight.

  Pounding past them, I saw my mamma and pappa in the living room. My pappa called my name but I didn’t stop. I entered my bedroom just as he came in behind me.

  I moved to my nightstand and began gathering everything I wanted with me, especially the framed picture of Poppy and me that I had taken the previous night. As my eyes scanned the photograph, my stomach ached. If it was possible, I already missed her. Missed my home.

  Missed my girl.

  Sensing my pappa was still behind me, I said quietly, “I hate you for doing this to me.”

  I caught his quick inhale of breath. I turned around, and I saw my mamma standing beside him. Her face was as shocked as my pappa’s. I had never treated them this badly. I liked my parents. I had never understood how other teenagers didn’t like theirs.

  But I did now.

  I hated them.

  I’d never felt such hate toward anyone before.

  “Rune—” my mamma began, but I stepped forward and cut her off.

  “I will never forgive you, either of you, for doing this to me. I hate you both so much right now I can’t stand to be near you.”

  I was surprised at how harsh my voice sounded. It was thick and full with all the anger that was building inside of me. Anger that I hadn’t known it was possible to feel. I knew to most people I seemed moody, sullen, but really, I rarely felt anger. Now I felt I was made of it. Only hate ran through my veins.