A Thousand Boy Kisses

by Tillie Cole

  As soon as I took Poppy’s hand, I saw her eyes searching for mine and her head shook weakly. I briefly closed my eyes, but when they opened I couldn’t stop the tear escaping down my cheek. Poppy made a noise below her oxygen mask, and I didn’t need to take it off to know what she had said. She wasn’t leaving me yet. I could see the promise in her eyes.

  “Rune, son,” Mr. Litchfield said. “Can we have a moment with Poppy, to kiss her and speak with her some?”

  I nodded and went to move aside, when Poppy made a sound and shook her head again. She squeezed my hand again. Because she didn’t want to let me go.

  Leaning forward, I pressed a kiss on her head, feeling her warmth on my lips, inhaling her sweet scent. “I’ll be just over there, Poppymin. I won’t leave you, I promise.”

  Poppy’s eyes tracked me as I stepped away. I watched as Mr. and Mrs. Litchfield spoke quietly to their daughter, kissing her and gripping her hand.

  I leaned against the wall of the small room, clenching my fists as I fought to hold myself together. I had to be strong for her. She hated tears. She hated to burden her family with all this.

  She wouldn’t see me break.

  Mrs. Litchfield disappeared from the room. When she came back in, Ida and Savannah followed. I had to turn away when I saw the pain in Poppy’s eyes. She adored her sisters, she wouldn’t want them to see her like this.

  “Poppy,” Ida cried and rushed to her side. Poppy’s weak hand drifted down her younger sister’s face. Ida kissed Poppy on her cheek, then stepped back into Mrs. Litchfield’s waiting arms. Savannah went next. Savannah broke down on seeing her sister, her hero, this way. Poppy held her hand and Savannah whispered, “I love you, PopPops. Please … please don’t leave, not yet.”

  Poppy shook her head, then looked back my way, her hand struggling to move in my direction. I walked over, feeling like every step was a mile. Inside of me was a flurried storm of darkness, but as soon as my hand slipped into hers, the storm calmed. Poppy blinked up at me, her long dark lashes fluttering on her cheeks. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I leaned down and pushed the hair back from her face.

  “Hei, Poppymin,” I said quietly, with as much strength as I could muster. Poppy’s eyes closed on hearing my words. I knew that under the mask she’d be smiling. When her eyes fixed on mine, I said, “They need to put you under for a while to help you fight off this infection.” Poppy’s head nodded in understanding. “You’ll get to dream, baby,” I said, and made myself smile. “Go visit with your mamaw awhile, while you gather the strength to come back to me.” Poppy sighed, a tear escaping her eye. “We have things you want to do before you go home, remember?”

  Poppy nodded lightly and I kissed her cheek. When I pulled back, I whispered, “Sleep, baby. I’ll stay right here, waiting for you to come back to me.”

  I stroked back Poppy’s hair until her eyes closed and I knew she had given herself to sleep.

  The doctor entered a second later. “If you all go wait in the family room, I’ll be through with an update when we have her all set up.”

  I heard her family leaving, but as I stared at her hand in mine, I didn’t want to let go. A hand landed on my shoulder and I looked up to find the doctor looking at me. “We’ll take care of her son, I promise.”

  Pressing a final kiss to her hand, I forced myself to let go and leave the room. As the doors shut behind me, I looked up to see the family room opposite. But I couldn’t go in. I needed air. I needed…

  I rushed toward the small garden at the end of the hallway and burst through the door. The warm wind drifted over my face and, seeing I was alone, I staggered to the bench in the center of the garden. Dropping to the seat, I let the sadness take me.

  My head fell forward and landed in my hands. The tears dropped down my face. I heard the sound of the door opening. When I looked up, my pappa was hovering near the door.

  I waited for the usual anger to hit me when I saw his face. But it must have been buried under a mass of grief. My pappa didn’t say anything. Instead, he walked forward and sat beside me. He made no move to comfort me. He knew I wouldn’t welcome his touch. Instead, he just sat there while I fell apart.

  A part of me was glad. I would never tell him. But as much as I wouldn’t admit it, I didn’t want to be alone.

  I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but eventually I straightened and pushed the hair back from my face. I wiped my hand down over my face.

  “Rune, she—”

  “She’ll be fine,” I said, cutting off whatever he was trying to say. I glanced down at my pappa’s hand lying on his knee, clenching and unclenching like he was debating whether to reach out and touch me.

  My jaw tensed. I didn’t want that.

  Time with Poppy was running out and it was his fault that I would have only had… The thought trailed off. I didn’t know how long I had left with my girl.

  Before my pappa could do anything, the door opened again, and this time Mr. Litchfield walked out. My pappa got to his feet and shook his hand. “I’m so sorry, James,” my pappa said.

  Mr. Litchfield clapped him on the shoulder, then asked, “Do you mind if I speak to Rune for a minute?”

  I stiffened, every muscle in me bracing for his anger. My pappa glanced back at me, but nodded. “I’ll leave you both alone.”

  Pappa left the garden, and Mr. Litchfield strode slowly to where I sat, then lowered himself onto the bench beside me. I held my breath, waiting for him to speak. When he didn’t, I said, “I’m not leaving her. Don’t even ask me to leave because I’m not going anywhere.”

  I knew I sounded angry and aggressive, but my heart slammed against my ribs at the thought of him telling me I had to go. If I wasn’t with Poppy, I had nowhere to go.

  Mr. Litchfield tensed, then he asked, “Why?”

  Surprised by his question, I turned to him and tried to read his face. He was looking at me square on. He truly wanted to know. Without breaking his gaze, I said, “Because I love her. I love her more than anything in the world.” My voice cut through my tight throat. Taking a deep inhale, I managed to say, “I made a promise to her that I would never leave her side. And even if that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t be able to leave. My heart, soul, everything, is connected to Poppy.” My hands fisted at my sides. “I can’t leave her now, not when she needs me most. And I won’t leave her until she forces my hand.”

  Mr. Litchfield sighed and ran his hand over his face. He sat back against the bench. “When you came back to Blossom Grove, Rune, I took one look at you and couldn’t believe how you’d changed. I felt disappointed,” he admitted. I felt my chest tighten at that blow. He shook his head. “I saw the smoking, the attitude, and assumed you bore no resemblance to the boy you were before. The one that loved my daughter as much as she loved him. The boy that—I would have bet my life—would have walked through fire for my baby girl.

  “But who you are now, I never would have expected you to love her in the way she deserves.” Mr. Litchfield’s voice grew husky with pain. Clearing his throat, he said, “I fought against you. When I saw how you two had connected again, I tried to warn her off. But you two have always been like magnets, drawn together by some unknown force.” He huffed a laugh. “Poppy’s mamaw said that you were both thrust together for a greater meaning. One we would never know until it presented itself. She said that great loves were always destined to be together for some great reason.” He paused, and turning to me, stated, “And now I know.”

  I looked him straight in the eye. Mr. Litchfield’s firm hand landed on my shoulder. “You were meant to be together, so you could be her guiding light through all of this. You were created perfectly for her, to make this time for my girl special. To make sure her remaining days were filled with things her mama and I could never have given her.”

  Pain sliced through me and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, Mr. Litchfield dropped his hand, but made me face him still. “Rune, I was against you. But I could see how much she loved you.
I just wasn’t sure you loved her back.”

  “I do,” I said hoarsely. “I never stopped.”

  He nodded his head. “I didn’t know until the trip to New York. I didn’t want her to go.” He inhaled and said, “But when she came back I could see that there was a new peace within her. Then she told me what you did for her. Carnegie Hall?” He shook his head. “You gave my girl her biggest dream, for no other reason than you wanted her to achieve it. To make her happy … because you loved her.”

  “She gives me more,” I replied, and bowed my head. “Just by being her, she gives me that tenfold.”

  “Rune, if Poppy comes out of this—”

  “When,” I interrupted. “When she comes out of this.”

  I lifted my head to see Mr. Litchfield looking at me. “When,” he said with a hopeful sigh. “I won’t stand in your way.” He leaned forward to rest his face on his hands. “She was never right after you left, Rune. I know you’ve struggled with not having her in your life. And I’d have to be a fool not to see that you blame your pappa for all of this. For you leaving. But sometimes life doesn’t go the way you expect. I never expected to lose my daughter before I left. But Poppy has taught me that I can’t be angry. Because, son,” he said and looked me in the face, “if Poppy isn’t angry about having a short life, how dare any of us be angry for her?”

  I stared back, silently. My heart beat faster at his words. Images of Poppy twirling in the blossom grove filled my mind, her smile wide as she breathed in the scented air. I saw that same smile as I remembered her dancing in the shallow water at the beach, her hands in the air as the sun kissed her face.

  Poppy was happy. Even with this diagnosis, even with all the pain and disappointment of her treatment, she was happy.

  “I’m glad you returned, son. You’re making Poppy’s final days, in her words, ‘as special as special can be’.”

  Mr. Litchfield got to his feet. In a move I’d only ever seen from his daughter, Poppy, he tipped his face to the setting sun and closed his eyes.

  When he brought his head back down, he walked back toward the door, looking back to say, “You’re welcome here as much as you like, Rune. I think with you by her side, Poppy will come out of this. She’ll come out of this just so she can spend a few extra days with you. I saw that look in her eyes as she lay on that bed; she isn’t going anywhere just yet. You know as well as I do, if she’s determined to see something through, then she’ll damn well see it through.”

  My lips lifted into a small smile. Mr. Litchfield left me alone in the garden. Reaching into my pockets, I pulled put my smokes. As I went to light the end, I stopped. As Poppy’s smile filled my head, her disapproving scrunched nose every time I smoked, I pulled the cigarette from my mouth and threw it to the ground.

  “Enough,” I said aloud. “No more.”

  Taking a long breath of the fresh air, I got to my feet and went back inside. As I entered the family room, Poppy’s family was sitting on one side and on the other, my mamma, pappa and Alton. As soon as my baby brother saw me, he lifted his head and waved.

  Doing what Poppy would have wanted me to do, I sat down beside him. “Hei, buddy,” I said, and almost lost it when he crawled onto my lap and pushed his arms around my neck.

  I felt Alton’s back shaking. When he pulled back his head, his cheeks were wet. “Is Poppymin sick?”

  Clearing my throat, I nodded. His bottom lip wobbled. “But you love her,” he whispered, cracking my heart in the process. I nodded again, and he laid his head against my chest. “I don’t want Poppymin to go anywhere. She made you speak to me. She made you be best friends with me,” he sniffed. “I don’t want you to be angry again.”

  I felt each of his words like a dagger to my chest. But those daggers only let in light when I thought of how Poppy had guided me to Alton. I thought of how disappointed she’d be if I ignored him now.

  Holding Alton closer, I whispered, “I won’t ignore you again, buddy. I promise.”

  Alton lifted his head and wiped at his eyes. When he raked his hair back, I couldn’t help but smirk. Alton smiled in reply and hugged me tighter. He didn’t let go of me until the doctor entered the room. He told us we could go in and see her two at a time.

  Mr. and Mrs. Litchfield went in first, then it was my turn. I pushed through the door and froze in my tracks.

  Poppy lay in a bed in the middle of the room. Machines were hooked up all around her. My heart cracked. She looked so broken lying there, so quiet.

  No laughter or smiles on her face.

  I walked forward and sat down on the chair beside her bed. Taking hold of her hand, I brought it to my lips and pressed down a kiss.

  I couldn’t stand the silence. So I began to tell Poppy about the first time I’d kissed her. I told her about every kiss I could remember since we were eight—how they felt, how she made me feel—knowing that if she could hear me, she’d love every word of what I had to say.

  Reliving every single kiss that she held so dear.

  All nine hundred and two that we’d achieved so far.

  And the ninety-eight we’d still collect.

  When she woke up.

  Because she would.

  We had a vow to fulfill.

  Rune

  One week later

  “Hey Rune.”

  I looked up from the paper I was writing to see Jorie at the door to Poppy’s room. Judson, Deacon and Ruby were standing behind her in the hallway. I flicked my chin in their direction and they all walked in.

  Poppy was still in her bed, still in her coma. After a few days, the doctors had said the worst of her infection had passed, and other visitors had been allowed in.

  My Poppy had done it. Just as she’d promised, she’d fought to keep the infection from taking her down. I knew she would. She’d held my hand when she’d made that promise. She’d met my eyes.

  It was as good as done.

  The doctors were planning on bringing her slowly out of her coma over the next few days. They were going to gradually lessen the dosage of anesthetic, beginning later tonight. And I couldn’t wait. This week had felt like an eternity without her, everything felt wrong and out of place. So much had changed in my world by her being gone, yet by contrast, nothing on the outside really had.

  The only real development was that the entire school now knew that Poppy didn’t have much time left. From what I’d heard they were all predictably shocked; everyone was sad. We had been at school with most of these people since kindergarten. Although they didn’t know Poppy like our small group of friends did, it had still rocked the town. People from her church had gathered to pray for her. To show their love. I knew if Poppy knew about it, it would warm her heart.

  The doctors weren’t sure how strong she would be when she woke up. They were reluctant to estimate how long she had left, but her doctor told us this infection had severely weakened her. He told us we had to be prepared: when she finally woke up, we could be facing only weeks.

  As much as that blow hurt, as much as it tore my heart from my chest, I tried to take joy in the small victories. I would have weeks to help fulfill Poppy’s final wishes. I would have the time I needed to truly say goodbye, to hear her laugh, see her smile and kiss her soft lips.

  Jorie and Ruby entered the room first, going to the opposite side of the bed to where I sat to squeeze Poppy’s hand.

  Deacon and Judson stopped bedside me, laying their hands on my shoulder in support. The minute word had spread about Poppy, my friends had cut school to come see me. As soon as I’d laid eyes on them rushing through the hallway, I knew that everyone knew. I knew that they knew. They’d been by my side ever since.

  They were upset that Poppy and I hadn’t said a thing to any of them except for Jorie. But in the end they understood why Poppy didn’t want a fuss. I think they loved her even more for that. They saw her true strength.

  Over the past week, when I hadn’t been in school, it was my friends who had brought my assignments fr
om my teachers. They had looked out for me, as I had done for Poppy. Deacon and Judson said they were determined I didn’t flunk out when we’d all reached our senior year together. It was the furthest thing from my mind, but I appreciated their concern.

  In fact, this week showed me how much they meant to me. Even though Poppy was my entire life, I realized that I had love elsewhere. I had friends who would walk through fire for me. My mamma also came every day. As did my pappa. He didn’t seem to care that I mostly ignored him. He didn’t seem to care if we sat in silence. I thought he only cared that he was here, that he was beside me.

  I wasn’t sure what to do with that yet.

  Jorie looked up, catching my eye. “How is she today?”

  I rose from my chair and sat on the edge of Poppy’s bed. I linked her fingers through mine and held on tight. Leaning forward, I brushed the hair back from her face and kissed her on her forehead. “She’s getting stronger each day,” I said softly, and then for Poppy’s ears only, I whispered, “Our friends are here, baby. They’ve come to see you again.”

  My heart lurched when I thought I saw the flickering of her lashes, but when I stared longer, I realized it must have been my imagination. I’d been desperate to see her again for too many hours to count. Then I relaxed, knowing that, over the next few days, seeing these things wouldn’t simply be in my imagination. They’d be real.

  My friends sat down on the couch near the large window. “The doctors have decided to start gradually bringing her out of her coma tonight,” I said. “It might take a couple of days for her to be fully conscious, but bringing her round slowly is what they believe is best. Her immune system has strengthened as much as they think it will. The infection has gone. She’s ready to come back to us.” I exhaled and added quietly, “Finally. I’ll finally be able to see her eyes again.”

  “That’s good, Rune,” Jorie replied and gave me a weak smile. There was an expectant silence; my friends all glanced at each other.