by Skye Taylor
But it wasn’t just about what Zoe wanted for Molly. Zoe wanted what she’d had in her dream last night. She wanted Jake to be as much in love with her as she was in love with him.
Thinking about the dream, and what they’d been doing in it, Zoe felt a sudden wave of longing rush through her. She watched his dexterous fingers find and fit bolts into holes he couldn’t see, then quickly tighten the nuts as the crib came together. All of a sudden, all she could think of were the things he could do to her body with those sensitive fingers. A blinding memory of the kiss they’d shared in the Safe Haven parking lot rocketed through her along with all the heady desire it had provoked. Zoe couldn’t sit still and watch any longer.
Lurching out of the rocker with a flush heating her cheeks, Zoe mumbled something unintelligible and bolted from the room.
A short while later, Jake found her standing by the porch railing, where she’d been gazing blindly out over the waterway. He set his toolbox on the top step and approached, looking worried. “Something wrong?”
Zoe shook her head. “Don’t mind me. I’m a little emotional lately.”
Jake settled his butt against the solid new railing he’d installed just a couple months back and peered at her with concern still clearly visible in his gray eyes. “I hope it wasn’t anything I said.”
Zoe winced. It was something I was thinking! “No! It was just . . . I can’t believe I’m really going to be a mother.”
Jake grinned and glanced at Zoe’s very pregnant belly. “Believe it! I don’t think there’s much doubt. How are the birthing classes going? Your friend Bree is going to them with you, isn’t she?”
Bree was Zoe’s labor coach. And she was a good one. At least it seemed that way in the classes, and Zoe had no reason to think Bree wouldn’t be just as effective in the labor room. But at her last class, Zoe hadn’t been able to stop herself from looking around at all the solicitous husbands, soon-to-be fathers. She’d envied the women as they accepted the fluffing of pillows and the counting of their practice panting punctuated with loving little kisses and casual endearments.
She had closed her eyes and tried to imagine that it was Jake holding her hands. And Jake’s comforting strength steadying her shoulders. When she’d opened them again, and it was still Bree smiling at her in encouragement, Zoe had wanted to cry.
She looked away quickly lest Jake see the longing in her eyes. “Bree’s always been a friend I can count on. I’m lucky to have her. Lucky to have Ava, too.” With her emotions back under control, Zoe turned back. “Ava made shopping for maternity clothes an adventure instead of a chore. I really enjoy her company.”
“Ava’s changed a lot since you showed up.” Jake ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up like it had when he’d arrived straight from his bed clad only in his pajamas.
Immediately, Zoe felt the same tug of amusement and desire she’d felt in the middle of the night. She wanted to reach out and smooth the tufts of hair down again.
“For the better, I mean,” Jake continued, oblivious of the thoughts running through Zoe’s disobedient brain. “You’ve been a good influence on her. She’s been a lot easier to talk to.” Then he snorted and flashed Zoe a rueful grin, his teeth white against his tanned skin in the growing dusk. “Of course, it might just be that you’ve been a good influence on me. You’ve taught me how to appreciate Ava and the young woman she has become. We were luckier than we knew the day you moved in next door.”
“It’s been a two-way street—Oh my!” Zoe peered at her stomach in surprise. She grabbed the railing and cupped her belly with the other hand.
“What is it?” Jake sounded alarmed.
Molly kicked again, then squirmed. “It’s Molly. She kicked me.”
Jake bent at the waist and spoke to Zoe’s belly. “Hey, Miss Molly. Be nice to your mother.” Then he glanced up at Zoe. “Kind of amazing, isn’t it? There’s this little person in there. And you made her, all by yourself. Well, almost all by yourself.”
Zoe stared down into Jake’s warm gray eyes and felt like she was falling. How had she ever thought gray was cold and hard? His eyes. His smile. Everything about him was warm and comforting. She felt as if nothing bad could ever happen to her so long as Jake was there to catch her.
Molly turned, and Zoe’s belly bulged alarmingly. Jake reached out, then hesitated. “May I?”
Zoe nodded, bemused to be sharing this oddly intimate moment with Jake.
Jake gently rested his hand over the bulge. Molly obligingly moved again and then was still. This time, when Jake looked up at Zoe there was something else in his eyes that hadn’t been there a moment before. Slowly he straightened, his hand still curved warmly over her belly. Then he bent his head and covered her mouth with his.
Zoe swayed toward Jake’s broad chest, and he caught her against him with his free arm, pulling her close. Very quickly the tender moment of wonder was eclipsed by a wave of fiery desire. Jake’s kiss deepened, and he shifted to hold Zoe with both arms. She ached for the swimming, swirling feelings of sexual awareness to intensify and blossom. She so wanted Jake to be in love with her.
JAKE WASN’T SURE how he’d gotten from marveling over the movement of Zoe’s baby to the realization that he was sexually aroused. It didn’t matter that Zoe was enormously pregnant, he hadn’t been so turned on in years. Or maybe ever. This shouldn’t be happening. What was wrong with him? Zoe was his friend.
He dragged his mouth away from hers and sucked in a ragged breath.
Zoe’s eyes were dark with desire. Her breathing as uneven as his own.
He wanted this woman. He wanted all of her. He wanted—God! What did he want? As he’d kissed her, and she’d melted into him, an image of them naked in bed, with her spooned into the curve of his body while he covered her swollen belly with his hands had filled him with such a sharp stab of longing that it hurt.
But he couldn’t lose her friendship. It was too precious. He couldn’t give in to this. Whatever this was. He wasn’t going to mess around with her. He couldn’t.
Jake dropped his arms and stepped back. “We can’t do this.”
“Why not?” she whispered in a husky voice. She swayed toward him again.
“I can’t.” Jake planted both hands on her shoulders and held her away. “I can’t take advantage of you. Not like this.”
“I’m an adult, Jake. You’re not taking advantage. What’s wrong with wanting each other?”
Jake released her and ran an agitated hand through his hair. “It wouldn’t stop at wanting. We let this go any further, and we both know where we’d end up. And it’d be great.” It would be better than great. But it would be the worst thing he could do to her. “But it would be wrong. You’re not that kind of woman.”
“What kind of woman am I then?” Zoe’s eyes flared with something different. The desire he’d seen in them just a moment before had been quenched and replaced with uncertainty.
“The Cinderella kind,” he spit out in frustration, and immediately regretted it. He hadn’t meant to sound so rude or hurtful.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her question stabbed at his heart.
“You believe in fairy tales.” He softened his voice, trying to take the sting out of his words. “You want happy-ever-after. But this isn’t love. This is—I don’t know what it is, but it’s not a fairy tale. We’re just friends.”
“Friends can be lovers, too.” Zoe sounded more confused than hurt. “I know I’m as big as a whale and not very desirable right now, but I—”
“You are more desirable than any woman I’ve ever known. If you weren’t, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. But there’s Molly to consider.”
“What about Molly?” Zoe’s voice had taken on a hint of desperation.
“She’s not my kid. I’m just . . . not . . . I
can’t . . . I—I’m sorry.”
He turned and fled.
Chapter 22
ZOE STOOD FROZEN in shock as Jake snagged his toolbox and took her front steps in three giant leaps, as if he had a fire to get to. He bolted across the lawn, through the gate and up his driveway, the toolbox banging against his thigh. He didn’t look back.
When he’d disappeared into his garage, and the door had come down with a thunk of finality, Zoe finally turned away and went into the house. She climbed the stairs with leaden feet and returned to the nursery and the newly installed crib, her heart crushed. She picked up her worn old teddy bear and slumped into the rocker. Clutching the much-loved remnant of her childhood tightly against her chest, she hugged it hard, desperate to stifle the empty feeling of loss.
She no longer doubted that Jake found her physically attractive. Although exactly why he was attracted to her was a mystery. But he didn’t love her. He just wanted to be friends, and he didn’t want to mess it up with sex.
His hot and cold behavior suddenly made sense. It made sense that he wouldn’t let their friendship blossom into something more. It made sense that every time something hot and heady flared up between them, he ran for cover. She was just a handy neighbor who could help him sort out his family problems in return for tasks he was good at. Apparently he wasn’t good at relationships. Maybe there was a good reason Marsha had walked out on him—good enough to leave her own children behind.
It shouldn’t have surprised Zoe. Every man she’d ever thought was important in her life had used her. Had wanted her for what she could do for him, rather than loving her for the person she was inside. Jake was just the most recent.
First it was her father, who treated her sisters like little princesses while Zoe had become her mother’s replacement. She hadn’t been the scorned stepsister exactly, but even so, her value to her father seemed more rooted in the cooking, cleaning, and overseeing of her siblings, than in pride and love for his firstborn. Zoe tried to remember the last time her father had hugged her or told her he loved her, but the scene between them when she’d told him she was unwed, unengaged, and pregnant had been pretty typical.
Then there’d been her affair with the newest lawyer in her father’s firm, the man her father had wanted her to marry. When she first met him, Porter had seemed excitingly different. He’d told her she was pretty, something she knew she was not, but it was nice to hear anyway. They’d enjoyed the same movies, read many of the same books, and they liked the same restaurants. Porter had been the only man she’d ever slept with, and that had been exciting at first, too. But then she’d gotten pregnant, and everything had changed.
When she’d told Porter, he’d demanded she get an abortion and began outlining his plans for his future. That’s when Zoe had realized they didn’t have so much in common after all. She’d also realized there had never really been any love between them. For her, it had been a heady whirlwind of lust and the kind of attention she’d never had before. For him, she’d been the means to an end. A way to curry favor with her father.
But Jake had seemed so different. That first night looking up into his rueful gray gaze, Zoe had felt her heart expand with feelings she’d never experienced with anyone else. Before she knew it, she was helping Jake figure out how to deal with his teenage daughter. She’d become Ava’s confidant, although that hadn’t been hard. Ava’s age put her closer to being Zoe’s peer than her daughter. To be honest, their friendship probably would have happened without Jake in the picture.
When Jake needed a babysitter, she’d been happy to help out. The twins were great fun. She loved spending time with them and hadn’t thought about how Jake might be taking advantage of the situation.
And then there was Celia. Not that Jake had asked for Zoe’s help with Celia. He’d been genuinely distressed by Celia’s failing memory and sincerely apologetic every time Zoe had gotten drawn into helping deal with another crisis.
Maybe it’s me! Maybe I just don’t have a life of my own, so I volunteer myself to be part of everyone else’s! And Jake didn’t turn me away until I wanted his heart.
Maybe, it was time for her to grow up.
Time to stand on her own two feet and stop believing that there was a soul mate out there who would love her for herself. Someone who needed her to make him whole, not just to make his life comfortable. A man she could trust to be there when she needed him rather than the other way around. She should’ve learned that lesson already because everyone who’d ever been important in her life had, sooner or later, failed to be what she wanted them to be.
Tears welled up and began trickling down her face into the matted brown fur of the teddy bear. Zoe didn’t try to stop them. Jake had been right about one thing. She had wanted the fairy tale. And in spite of all the signals he had sent to the contrary, she had gone on hoping Jake would be her prince. She’d taken neighborliness for interest. Believed friendship could grow into something deeper. And interpreted his kisses to mean more than just physical desire. She had believed in the fairy tale. But fairy tales only happened in books.
“JUST BECAUSE you’re in a rotten mood, I don’t get why I should be getting punished.” With a spatula clutched in one hand, Ava planted her fists on her hips and glared at her father.
“You’re not getting punished,” Jake said evenly. “I just need you to babysit tonight.”
“I’ve been Gramma-sitting all week. Now you want me to stay in on Friday night, too? You know it’s Bethany’s big party tonight. And Travis is taking me. I just can’t stay home. Not tonight!”
Ava’s aggrieved tone had merit. She hadn’t once complained about staying around to make sure Celia didn’t wander off while he was at work. And it was her summer vacation, after all.
“Why don’t you ask Zoe?” Ava turned away to flip the pancakes she was making for breakfast.
Sorrow and embarrassment filled Jake’s breast. He couldn’t ask Zoe. He also couldn’t tell Ava why. “She’s probably busy.”
“Zoe’s never busy. Or haven’t you noticed? Outside of us and Bree, she hasn’t got a social life. Besides—” Ava broke off to plunk a platter of pancakes on the table. “Breakfast is ready!” she called. Then she set a tub of margarine and a jug of syrup next to the platter as the twins slid into their seats and began tugging pancakes onto their plates. Ava turned back to Jake. “Besides, Zoe owes you. All the work you’ve done around her house and mowing her lawn and repairing the railing and stuff.”
Zoe didn’t owe him anything, and he knew it. He liked working with his hands, and he enjoyed riding around on his mower. If anything, his being over there so much of the time had probably given Zoe the wrong idea in the first place, raising expectations he had never intended.
Aunt Catherine insisted a man and a woman couldn’t be friends without one or both of them getting hurt. But he’d gotten so used to ignoring her, the reality of her assertion hadn’t sunk in. Not until he’d seen the shock in Zoe’s eyes when he’d made that stupid remark about Molly not being his kid.
“Zoe doesn’t owe me anything. I’m sorry I forgot about Bethany’s party. I’ll figure something else out.” Jake sat down and stacked a half dozen pancakes on his plate. “Maybe I can change the appointment. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?”
Ava studied him for a long minute. The unusually acute expression in her eyes made Jake want to squirm. For an uncomfortable moment she looked just like his Aunt Catherine, sizing him up and finding him lacking.
“Yeah. I’ll be around tomorrow. I guess.” She took her seat and carefully cut a pancake in half, transferring one of the halves to her plate. She poured a miniscule amount of syrup onto it and took a bite. Then she put her fork down and looked across the table at Jake. “Did you and Zoe have a fight?”
“No.” It hadn’t been a fight. It had been more like lobbing a hand grenade into an undefended camp.<
br />
“Then why can’t you ask her to babysit?”
“Because.”
“How come whenever I’m the one getting the third degree, because is never a good answer?”
Lynn’s and Lori’s heads swiveled from Jake to Ava and back as if they were at a tennis match.
“We had a misunderstanding.” And I said something really unforgiveable.
Ava opened her mouth, then shut it again. She took another bite of pancake. Then shrugged. With one final forkful, she got to her feet and dropped her plate in the sink. It was Jake’s job to clean up when Ava cooked.
“Just so you know”—Ava hesitated in the doorway—“I don’t really mind watching out for Gramma, and I don’t have a problem with babysitting the twins tomorrow, but you need to make it up with Zoe. She’s my friend, and I don’t want you messing it up. I don’t know what you’ve said to her, and maybe it’s none of my business, but you’d better apologize.”
Jake didn’t like being lectured to by his daughter, but he deserved it, so he kept his mouth shut. Her footsteps echoed down the hall and up the stairs to her room. The twins studied him appraisingly.
Then Lori piped up. “Are you and Miss Zoe mad at each other?”
“No. We aren’t mad at each other.” I just broke her heart.
“Can we still ask Miss Zoe over for a tea party?”
“Of course, you can invite her over for a tea party.” Jake withered under Lori’s questioning.
“And we can still see Molly when she gets borned?” Lynn added her query to Jake’s growing pile of sins.
“Yes, you’ll still get to see Miss Zoe’s baby when she is born.”
Apparently satisfied that their world was still functioning the way they expected it to, the twins mumbled their excuses and hurried from the room. Jake stared at his uneaten breakfast.
