The card was tucked away in his luggage, a burning presence still in his mind. It lurked, the heat it generated just enough for it to stay on the fringes of his consciousness, even while he was asleep.
The dream had been of Livvie. It almost always was. He had loved all of his children, but Livvie had always had a special place in his heart. He could still see in his mind’s eye the dimple on her left cheek that appeared when she smiled.
At first last night, it had been the young Livvie, bright and full of light and laughter, the dimple part of a radiant smile that was directed right at him. Then, as before, it had shifted, and the dimple had been the sharp point of focus that filled his vision as she pointed her index finger right at his heart.
What the hell was that about?
A ding let him know that they were beginning their descent, and Joshua checked to make sure his belt was still buckled. Bella whined and pushed at his hand, and he flashed her the I love you sign, which caused her to settle back down.
He almost never got out of his seat on an airplane. It was bad enough when the stewardesses… no they were flight attendants now… came by with the drink cart. There was something about them passing out those little cups of soda and pretzels that really made him want a drink.
But if he was out and headed toward the restroom when the cart appeared, it was that much worse. The fact that he had to go back to his seat and wait for that cart to pass by was almost a physical pain for him.
So, he just did what he could to avoid that chance altogether. There had been one flight when he’d woken up from a nap and been sure that the cart had already gone past, only to get trapped. That had not been a good flight.
The jet touched down and people started filing out of their seats, bumping into one another as they pulled their luggage from the overhead bins. Joshua pulled down both his and Reggie’s, and watched as Had did the same for himself and Coop.
Agent Cooper looked to be much closer to her precise and fussy self. Much more put together, the bags under her eyes less stark. There were no wrinkles in her crisply ironed white shirt, and Joshua wondered to himself how she had managed that trick after a three-hour flight. Maybe this meant that she’d be taking back her responsibilities.
Joshua was surprised to find that the thought gave him a pang. That was ridiculous. Of course he wanted her in charge.
And then they were out of the plane and headed toward their rendezvous with Bilal. Of course it was Bilal. It was always Bilal.
Had wouldn’t have it any other way.
If there was a cab ride anywhere within a twenty-mile radius of Virginia, there was only one driver they would ever use. The whole team had once waited an hour and a half because Bilal had been driving another customer.
Okay, in Had’s defense, they hadn’t gotten the message, but still. After twenty minutes or so, it was clear there was a problem. But the young officer wouldn’t hear of them trying to book someone else.
As they moved along the curb toward their meeting place, Had’s face brightened and he waved. Joshua didn’t even have to look to know that Bilal had parked and was waiting for them. The Pakistani man was leaning against the side of his cab, a smile covering more of his face than seemed humanly possible.
As they got nearer to the taxi, Joshua’s attention was drawn by the sight of Reggie pursing her lips. It was possible that she was doing nothing more than what Joshua was at that point, thinking about the amount of chatter that they were going to have to withstand as their congenial driver peppered them with questions about their latest case.
There wasn’t much that Joshua wanted to discuss about this one, so that prospect was even less appealing than usual. Maybe Reggie felt the same.
Or, it could just be that she couldn’t help doing sexy things with her mouth that were designed to drive Joshua to distraction. There were moments that Joshua had seriously wondered if she were doing it on purpose.
Whatever the motivation, Joshua’s focus was so on Reggie in that moment, that when Bella noticed another dog and decided she wanted to go meet the fellow canine, leash or no leash, Joshua’s grip was not as firm as it needed to be. The lead pulled out of his hand, and Joshua was left watching his dog dart through the crowd of people, heading toward what looked to be a little Jack Russell Terrier.
“I’m sorry, guys,” he apologized. “I have to go catch Bella.” He glanced at Bilal. “This is going to take a while. You should maybe grab another fare. We can pay you for the trip over.”
“It is not being a problem,” Bilal said with a wave of his hand. “For my friends I can take time to wait.”
“That’s the thing,” Joshua argued. “When she gets like this, it can take a while to catch her.”
“Ah,” he answered, nodding his head in a sage-like fashion. “She is wily. I approve. Wily dogs are being the best dogs.”
“Hey,” Had jumped in. “If we all help, it should be that much faster.”
“Yes,” Bilal agreed. “I will be getting your luggage into the trunk and starting the car, no?”
“Sounds great,” Joshua replied, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. This had been the perfect opportunity for them to try another driver. Say, one who didn’t have functional vocal cords, perhaps?
The four of them fanned out, looking to surround Bella and herd her into the middle. But there was a problem with that idea. That problem had four legs and the sharpest mind Joshua’d ever encountered in a dog.
She knew she was in trouble. Also, as far as Joshua could tell, she had a perverse sense of humor. And right now, both seemed to be in play.
As they approached the area where she was busy sniffing out the Jack Russell, her ears perked up and she turned to face the group, her front legs splayed out in front of her, her head down and her tongue lolling out. She thought it was a game.
No. That wasn’t true. She wanted them to believe that she thought they were playing a game. Bella, as gentle and good natured as she was, had a perverse streak the size of Manhattan. It was probably part of the reason Joshua loved her so much. Any dog that was perfectly well behaved would have bored him to tears.
But right now, one of those dogs was sounding like a pretty good idea. Bella stayed motionless for an instant, assessing her competition. Then she darted out and away from the group, before they were able to implement their surround-and-herd plan of action. Smart girl.
Had and Reggie broke into a sprint, trying to use speed to catch the clever canine. But Coop and Joshua just looked at one another and sighed. There was no way they were going to catch her that way. Bella was faster than all of them combined.
This chase had just gotten a lot more complicated.
Joshua glanced over his shoulder, and through a break in the crowd, he saw that Bilal had finished loading their bags and was climbing into the driver’s seat. There was a momentary pause as he settled in before the engine started up.
And then the world exploded.
* * *
Had wasn’t watching the cab when the bomb went off. His attention was riveted on Bella, whom he was pretty sure was mocking him. She was poised, ready to sprint off again at a moment’s notice, her tongue flopping out of her mouth and a devilish twinkle in her eye.
Had felt a thud deep in his chest. It was the feel of a car crash happening nearby, but multiplied. As he spun about, he saw, to his shock, that flames engulfed the cab.
Bilal’s cab.
There was what felt like an eternal moment of suspended time, in which Had could do nothing but stare at the sight in front of him in disbelief. Then he was running, and in his ears rang a horrified scream. It was several moments before he recognized the voice was his own.
As he neared the cab, he was tackled from the side. Joshua was holding him down. Why was Joshua holding him down? Couldn’t he see that Bilal needed him?
Through the ringing in his ears, he could hear a phrase repeated over and over again. It was Joshua’s voice.
“You can’t
help him. He’s gone. You can’t help him.”
No, that wasn’t true. Couldn’t be true. Joshua was a liar. Not true, not true, not true. But as his eyes focused on the former agent’s face, Had could see tears in Joshua’s eyes, glittering like tiny diamonds in the early afternoon light.
Joshua was crying? No, that couldn’t be right. If Joshua was crying then something serious had happened. And nothing serious had happened.
Why was Had on the ground?
The smell hit him, a brick to the side of his head. A smell of burning petroleum and rubber, and something else that was strangely pleasant.
The scent of roasting flesh.
Bilal.
Had gagged and turned his head away from Joshua, vomiting on the pavement. It felt like he was throwing up so much more than his food. He couldn’t have eaten that much, could he have? Some of what was spewing out of him had to be parts of himself.
A wail of sirens assaulted his ears. An ambulance and a fire truck, come to take care of things. They would make everything all right.
It would all be okay.
But as he lifted his head, he caught sight of Bilal’s taxi once more, and his heart shriveled within him. The cab was still ablaze, and was becoming a blackened husk. Nothing was coming out of it alive.
Bilal was gone.
* * *
Sariah sat outside Agent Tanner’s office. Had was inside, talking with the Special-Agent-in-Charge, getting debriefed. What that meant in practical terms was that Tanner was assessing Had’s ability to move forward with the team.
The aftermath of the explosion had been brutal. All of them had cared for Bilal, even Joshua, who had always complained about having to take the same driver again and again. When the realization had hit that a man they had shared so much time with, so many meals in restaurants the gregarious driver had recommended, so many factoids about the D.C. area… the impact had been severe.
Joshua had retreated to his hotel room with Bella. She’d never seen his face quite so drawn, not even after the bombing in the schoolyard. The fact that Sariah had not yet received an alert from his ankle alcohol bracelet was, as far as she was concerned, nothing less than a miracle.
Reggie was spending most of her time at Had’s side. She was here now, waiting for him to come out of his meeting. Every time Sariah looked for Had, there Reggie was.
She didn’t seem to be an intrusive presence. There was no hovering, no overly earnest expression of concern plastered on her face. Reggie was just there, ready with a listening ear, a sympathetic word, or a gentle smile.
They were lucky to have her as a part of the team.
As for Had himself… Sariah had no idea. What was the norm for something like this? She didn’t have a good measuring stick. Having this kind of job, by its very nature, inured her from the impact that death usually caused. But then again, it was the death of one of her suspects that had sent her into such a tailspin.
And Had was… what? Fragile wasn’t the word. And it wasn’t like he was innocent, either. He’d seen his fair share of death and destruction.
But there was something about him that remained childlike, even in the face of a horrifying experience. Not naïve, either.
Guileless.
That was it. Had was without guile.
And that kind of open quality didn’t seem like it would be able to survive well in the face of events like these. Sariah wasn’t concerned that Had would do himself damage. She was worried that he would no longer be the Had she knew so well. And loved like a brother of her own blood.
The door opened, and both Sariah and Reggie’s heads lifted to see Had shuffle out of the office. The young officer’s face was drawn, and most of the life seemed to have bled from his eyes. The curiosity that was so much a part of his personality seemed to have been leached out of him.
Where before, the first thing Sariah could have counted on from Had was a big smile no matter how short the time since she had last seen him, now all she received was a blank stare. He made a listless gesture toward her with one hand.
“He wants to see you.”
That didn’t sound good.
But Sariah didn’t want Had to worry about anything else right now, so she put on a steady expression and reached out to grab his upper arm. She gave his bicep a squeeze.
“Had, I’m so sorry.”
His eyes roved about, landing on hers after a long-ish trip from wherever they’d been focused a moment before. There was a twitching in his lips, almost like he was trying to smile at her.
“I know, Coop. It’s okay.”
But it so clearly wasn’t.
She gave his arm another squeeze, then stepped around him and through the door into Agent Tanner’s office. Closing the door behind her, Sariah turned to face her boss.
The Special-Agent-in-Charge was rubbing his temples with his fingertips, a weary look on his face. When he caught sight of Sariah, he nodded at her, then motioned toward a chair that sat facing his desk.
“Take a seat, Agent Cooper.”
His tone was official. There was concern there, of course, as Tanner knew her better than anyone else in the BAU. She even allowed herself to believe that he liked her.
But right now, this was him acting in his official capacity as her boss. She felt her stomach twist into a hard knot in her center. This didn’t feel like it was going to be a warm or friendly meeting.
As she settled into the chair, an overstuffed leather piece that squeaked when she sat, Agent Tanner fixed his gaze on her. He didn’t speak for a long moment, the tension building between them.
“Agent Cooper, I’m not sure what to do right now.”
“Sir?”
He sighed, a breath that seemed to start at his toes and travel the entire length of his body. There was a weight to his movements, even to the expression on his face, that Sariah didn’t remember ever seeing there before.
“We’ve had cases where there have been massive loss of life before. This one, while unusual, isn’t outside of the realities of what we see here. You know that.”
Sariah nodded, not trusting herself to answer. This felt like the beginning of a conversation that could leave her without employment. For a moment, she contemplated what that would feel like. On a mental level, she got nothing but ambivalence.
But on a visceral, physical plane, it was like being struck by a sledgehammer. This was who she was. She couldn’t get fired.
The sensation left her gasping, and Tanner stopped for a moment, looking at her with concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, pushing down the feeling. Nice to know that this wasn’t so official a meeting that he couldn’t show some compassion.
He shifted in his seat. “Agent Cooper, I’m concerned about your team.”
Okay, that was unexpected. She had anticipated a list of her offences. Instead, he was talking about her outfit. As far as she could see, they were all doing fantastic work. Far better than she was.
“What about them?” she asked.
He grunted. “They’re fantastic, don’t misunderstand me. I am worried about their state of cohesion.”
Sariah felt her brow wrinkle as she frowned. “Sir, with all due respect, I’ve never been a part of a team that was more like a family.”
“That’s my point exactly. Your group is tight. More so than most. But one thing that a family desperately needs is a parent.”
There it was. It shouldn’t have been surprising, but somehow the fact that Tanner was acknowledging her disconnect aloud was devastating. Having the rest of the team upset and pushing her to lead was one thing. But Tanner was her mentor, the one man in the BAU who always seemed to have her back.
“My leadership of the team--” she began.
“Is not in question,” he cut her off. “At least not by me.”
“You mean my team is…?”
Agent Tanner shook his head. “No. No, of course not. But they are worried about you.” He pointed toward the door.
“Are you aware of the fact that the entire time Officer Hadderly was in here, he was talking about you?”
Oh, hell. Had was going through the most amount of trauma he had yet to experience, and he was stressing out about her? How had things gotten to this point?
“I’ve seen your deterioration, Agent Cooper. And I’ve given you a lot of lee-way.” He brushed an imaginary speck of dust off his desk. “You’re a brilliant agent, but you haven’t been acting like it of late.”
“I understand, sir.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to meet Agent Tanner’s eye.
“Oh, come on. Enough with the whipped puppy routine. It’s not like I’m beating up on you here.” Leaning back in his chair, Tanner looked her over with an appraising eye. “I will say that you’re looking better than you have been. Clearer. Sharper.”
“Yes. I…” Sariah wasn’t sure how to characterize her experience with Had. She didn’t think telling her boss that she had been tickled to within an inch of her life would go over all that well. “I’m feeling better.”
“I’m glad,” he replied, and his tone suggested that he meant it. He shifted forward in his chair, and his expression changed. It wasn’t that he became more guarded, but it was along those lines. She seemed to see a crafty gleam come into his gaze. “I want to talk through a few changes to your team.”
“Changes?” Sariah felt her heart sink. Their team was perfect in its dysfunction. Part of what allowed them to work as well as they did together was that only Sariah and Joshua understood how outside the lines they occasionally drew. Sariah allowed it because it achieved results, and Joshua because he just didn’t care.
Shifting any part of that machinery could throw the entire mechanism out of whack. Without Had’s optimism to balance Joshua’s caustic nature… no calm Reggie to bring excitable Had down to earth. This didn’t feel like it would end well.
If Tanner was taking away part of that team… then Sariah stopped. She had another, more frightening thought. What if, instead of removing parts of the team, he was adding to it?
Agent Tanner pulled a couple of files out of a drawer and dropped them on the desk. Sariah’s heart dropped with them. That was exactly what was happening here.
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