First and Last

by Rachael Duncan

  I can’t hold back. I grab her face with my hands and kiss her. Her hands reach up and wrap around my neck as my arms band around her back. I don’t know where I stop and she begins. When I taste the salty evidence of tears, I don’t know if they’re from me or her.

  “Oh, God, Mia,” I say between kisses. I don’t want to rush into this, so I pull back and rest my forehead against hers. “Thank you,” is all I say.

  “For what?” she responds, breathlessly.

  “For giving me another chance. You have no idea how many nights I’ve dreamed of this, and how devastating it was to wake up and realize it wasn’t real.”

  “Just don’t mess it up this time, okay?”

  “I can’t promise I won’t fuck up, but I promise I’ll never leave. How’s that?”

  “I guess it’ll have to do,” she jokes.

  Life is full of unexpected ups and downs, but now that I have her back, I’m never letting go. I’ll spend my last breath telling this incredible woman how much I love her.

  December 24, 2006

  This is the first Christmas I’ve looked forward to in a while, but that has everything to do with Mia. I wanted to make this one special, so I went to the store, got a tree, and a bunch of decorations. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do with all of it, but she came to the rescue and fixed the place up.

  I have to pull an overnighter at work tomorrow, so we’re celebrating a day early and exchanging gifts. I turn on the electric fireplace, plug in the tree, and light candles that are placed everywhere. The room radiates with a warm glow. Mia will love it.

  Right then, I hear a knock on the door. The fact that she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to let herself in annoys me, but hopefully we can fix that soon.

  “Hey, babe,” I greet her.

  “Hey.” She stands up on her toes and gives me a kiss. After I take her coat from her, we walk into the living room and she gasps. “Blake, it’s gorgeous in here.”

  “I wish I could take all the credit, but there’s this girl who came over and kind of helped me out.”

  “Should I be worried about this girl?” Mia asks with a playful gleam in her eye.

  Leaning into her ear, I whisper, “Very.” I grin with satisfaction when I see the goose bumps form on the side of her neck. “Come on, let’s sit. I made us some hot chocolate.”

  “You’re such a cheeseball,” she jokes, smile firmly in place.

  “But you like this cheeseball.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her flush against my body.

  She giggles. “Don’t ask me why, but I do.”

  I’m instantly transported to when we were seventeen and we had this same exact exchange.

  “I miss you,” I tell her over the phone.

  She giggles a little. “You saw me today. We haven’t been away from each other long enough for you to miss me.” I can picture her rolling her eyes while she tries to hide her smile.

  “That’s not true. I miss you whenever you’re not close enough for me to touch.”

  “You’re such a cheeseball,” she replies.

  “But you like this cheeseball.”

  She lets out an exaggerated sigh. “Don’t ask me why, but I do.”

  Some things never change, even when others do. It leaves me hopeful for what I have planned tonight.

  “Wanna do presents first?” Even I hear the eagerness in my tone.

  “Impatient are we?” she teases with an arched brow.

  I shrug. “I guess I’m a little excited.” I try to play it cool, but know I fail miserably.

  “Sure,” she responds with mirth.

  Grabbing the only wrapped box from under the tree, I hand it to her as she sits on the couch. I rub my hands together, needing to focus my nervous energy on something. She unwraps it painstakingly slow, peering up at me with a little smile as she does. I have to fight the urge to not rip it open myself to speed up the process.

  After an eternity, she finally opens the box and looks inside. As soon as she realizes what it is, her mouth falls open, and she covers it with her hand.

  “Oh my God, Blake. I can’t believe you—” She stops as she combs through everything. When Mia had sent me a package of all the things I’d ever given her after we broke up, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. I shoved it in a corner of my closet and never looked at it again until I moved out of Luke’s apartment.

  When she looks up, her eyes are filled with tears. “I’m speechless. I can’t believe you kept everything,” she says.

  “I couldn’t get rid of it. My whole life—my whole heart—is in that box.” Her lips press together while she looks at me with all the love I feel in her eyes. “Keep going. I think there’s something at the bottom.” She wipes below her eyes and continues to go through all of our memories. She freezes, and I know she sees it.

  Holding it up, she says, “What is this?”

  “What does it look like?” I come across as calm, but butterflies are swirling in my stomach at warp speed.

  “A key . . .”

  “Yes . . .” I draw out the way she did.

  “To what?”

  “This. Move in with me.” She blinks a couple times, obviously stunned. I walk over and squat in front of her, grasping her hands. “I know it seems sudden, and we just got back together five months ago, but I want to be with you in every way. I want to take that next step.” No words come out of her parted lips and I’m thinking I misread the whole situation. I knew this was a big leap, but I thought we were both ready. Maybe I was wrong. “Please, say something. Anything.”

  She shakes herself out of her fixed state. “Sorry. This was . . . unexpected. I- I don’t know what to say.”

  “I won’t pressure you. You have to do what feels right, but if your fears or reservations are what’s holding you back, let it go. We’ve been falling in love since we were six years old, but I failed you and broke your trust. Take the leap with me again and let me show you we can fly.”

  With her lip trembling and tears running down her face, she nods her head.

  “Yes? You’ll move in?” I ask, a little surprised.

  “Yes, I’ll move in.”

  Scooping her up while I stand, I squeeze her tightly to me. “I promise you won’t regret this,” I whisper in her hair. She looks up at me, and I see her walls melt away. I think I might have finally gotten through to her. Kissing her gently, I lay her on the couch, my hand trembling as it travels up her shirt and caresses her stomach. It’s been four long years since I’ve touched her like this. We’ve been taking things really slow since we reconnected, but right now I can’t hold back a second longer.

  “Wait,” she says as I nip and suck along her neck. “Don’t you want to open your gift?”

  “What do you think I’m doing now?” With that, I unbutton her pants and pull them down her legs. Her underwear follows quickly after. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, Mia. God made you with perfection in mind.” She bites her lip and looks away. “No use getting shy on me now, babe.”

  Her shirt rides up, exposing her tattoo on her hip. My thumb runs over it as I remember the day she got it. Seeing it again makes me feel whole. I’ve gotten a lot more tattoos and my left arm is covered, but my first was always my favorite because it tied me to Mia. Leaning down, I kiss it softly, loving that her stomach tightens at the contact.

  Traveling south, my tongue licks up her seam and I feel her quiver beneath me. “Open up for me.” Her knees fall open and I feast on the present before me. I start off slow, wanting to gradually build her up. Her short breaths let me know she’s getting there, but before she peaks I stop and kiss over her stomach, lifting her shirt more as my mouth moves north.

  “Blake,” she moans, her hands tugging my hair trying to push my head back to where it was. A groan vibrates in the back of my throat hearing her say my name like that again.

  “Patience,” I lightly chide. Her only response is a noise that resembles a growl. My mouth curves
in a smile at her frustration.

  When I think she’s endured enough torture, I resume my position on my knees and worship her center. I think about pulling back and making her wait again, but I want to taste her on my tongue. I don’t want to wait anymore and need to have her now. Her back arches and she clutches the couch cushions as she yells to gods I didn’t know existed.

  “I need you. Now,” I tell her. She stands up on unsteady legs, her hands going to my pants while I pull her shirt off. My shirt lands in the growing pile next. She walks backwards while I follow after her like a lost puppy. We never stop touching and kissing while we work our way to the bedroom. “Fuck it, I can’t wait.”

  I push her against the wall, my hands going to her tits and massaging them. “Turn around for me and hold on to the wall,” I instruct against her neck.

  With one last kiss, she faces away from me. I take in her round, toned ass before hooking my right arm under her right knee and lifting her leg up to expose her pussy to me and the open air. “You want me bad, don’t you?” I say in her ear. “I can smell it.”

  Her head falls back on my chest, allowing me to see her chest rise and fall rapidly. Widening my stance to accommodate our height difference, I line my dick up with her entrance and push in in one slow thrust. My eyes roll back in my head when I’m buried balls deep into her. Her pussy clenches, gripping me, wanting more, and it’s enough to make me explode.

  With measured breaths, I pull out of her slowly before slamming back into her. Each smack of our skin, moan from Mia’s lips, and groan in the back of my throat, drives the both of us closer to our goal.

  “I can’t. I can’t,” she chants. I feel her body shaking all through mine.

  “You can. I’ve got you,” I tell her. It only takes two more strokes until the leg she’s standing on buckles and I’m holding all of her weight as I chase my own release. I’ve never come so hard as I pour everything I have into her. When she’s milked every last drop, I lower her leg, wrap my arms around her, and bring us both to the floor.

  “I don’t think I can make it to the bed right now.” I’m still breathless, panting as I talk.

  She giggles. “Me either. We can sleep in the hallway.”

  I laugh lightly, the effort of doing that even seems too much. “You’re not sleeping on the floor. Give me a minute to catch my second wind and I’ll carry you.”

  “Where’s your stamina, Blake?” I look at her with an arched brow.

  “Oh, really? Did I not just prove my stamina on that wall? It wasn’t me who couldn’t stand while they finished.”

  “You weren’t the one standing on one leg. I must say, I expected more from you.” She looks at her nails in an overly snooty way. Oh, I’ll show her stamina.

  Springing up from the floor, I pick her up and sling her over my shoulder, smacking her ass as I make the twenty-foot journey to the bed. Once I throw her down on it, I make sure I leave no questions or doubts about my endurance.

  Present

  Even though I’m currently in hell, a small smile spreads across my face as I remember the moments that brought us back together. She is my whole world and I know I have to make it back to her.

  I’m severely dehydrated at this point. I’m not sweating like I was earlier and exhaustion is setting in hard. Each breath I take in sounds raspy as I wheeze and cough. I try to swallow again to soothe my sore throat, but my mouth is too dry. Even though I know there’s no water lying on the ground, I look around in search of some. If there was, I wouldn’t be here fighting this damn fire in the first place.

  Where the hell is the fucking helicopter? My emergency signal has been going off for quite a while now, so I’m surprised no one has responded. I must have damaged my radio during my fall, because it’s still not working. I had to stop myself from throwing it when my last call went unanswered again. Either way, the fact that I have yet to make contact with anyone and they haven’t come for me is definitely concerning.

  “Come on, guys,” I say up to the sky.

  The smoke above gets thicker as the fire rages on in the direction I came from. Fuck, I have to move again. The last thing I want is for this monster to sneak up on me. I just pray help arrives before I have to do that because I’m not sure how many more times I can drag my half-dead body through this kind of terrain.

  I check on my leg every so often, making sure the bleeding isn’t going to kill me. So far, so good, but I know the makeshift bandage won’t hold up for much longer. The pain in my back is still present, but it’s starting to dull. I don’t know if I’m getting used to it or if it means something else.

  Something worse.

  My breathing accelerates with the panic rising at what this could mean for me. Squeezing my eyes shut, the first thought that comes to mind brings me back to a calmer place. I was nervous as fuck then, but looking back it was one of the best days of my life.

  June 16, 2007

  “You ready for this?” Mr. Avery asks me over the phone. He must’ve known I’d be nervous as hell, because he called for no other reason than to see how I was holding up.

  Blowing out a big breath, I say, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “You’ll be fine, but I better let you go. Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise.” I say goodbye before disconnecting the call.

  It was important I got Mia’s dad’s approval. I wanted him to know I’d do right by her, and that started with properly asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage. I’d gone over to his house about a month ago. I thought I was going to puke as I sat on his couch, looked him in the eye, and told him I wanted to marry Mia. He stared at me for a few moments with a blank expression, increasing my anxiety. I never really thought he would say no, but as I sat there, I started to have my doubts. Right as I was going out of my mind, he nodded and said I had his blessing. A huge weight was lifted. All I had to figure out after that was how and when to propose.

  Shortly after Mia turned down the position in New York, she interviewed for a local news station here. With the experience she gained interning during school and her amazing references, they hired her and she’s been with them for almost a year. She’s been busting her ass and it’s finally paying off. Today is her first on-air assignment on location. She’ll be getting a couple stories a week, mostly warm, feel-good stuff, but it’s one step closer to her goal as anchor. I’m hoping to make this segment one she’ll never forget.

  I’m hiding, so when they pull in and start setting up, she doesn’t see me. With microphone in hand, she paces while looking at the ground as she talks to herself. She’s the cutest damn thing as I watch her like a voyeur from afar. Once she gets the cue that they’re almost on, I know it’s about to be show time.

  “Good morning, and thanks, Patrick. I’m on location at It’s a Ruff Life and I have with me, Dana, the owner. Dana, tell me about the event you’re hosting this weekend.”

  “We’ll be doing a bunch of fundraising activities from a car wash, bake sale, and dinner to raise money to help people get their pets spayed and neutered.”

  Mia looks at the card in her hand. “And you guys will be open from eight to seven today, Saturday, and Sunday, correct?”

  “That is correct.”

  “Great, now tell us about the pet adoption division of It’s a Ruff Life.”

  “We have several cats and dogs available for adoption. We operate as a no-kill shelter, and sometimes we have to turn away pets that are surrendered because we’re too full. So each adoption helps us save another pet’s life by opening up more space to them.”

  “Who do we have here?” Mia asks as she scratches the ear of the puppy Dana is holding in her arms.

  “Here, you can hold him.” Dana hands the puppy over.

  “Oh—oh, okay,” she says with a smile. Taken a little off guard, Mia fumbles a little before she gets a good hold on him.

  “This one here is only six months old. He was brought in by someone whose dog had puppies and they couldn’t keep all of them. H
is name is, uh, uh.” Dana’s hand goes to her forehead like she’s trying to remember. “Well shoot. I can’t remember. It’s on his tag.”

  Swallowing hard, I approach from behind Mia as she spins the tag around in search of his name. She pauses for a second. “Um, I think this might belong to someone?” She shows Dana the ring.

  “Sorry, that belongs to me,” I say, startling her.

  She spins around and her mouth falls open when she sees me standing there. She glances back and forth from the cameraman to me. “Blake, we’re live.” Her eyes are wide and I know she’s going to kill me, but hopefully it’ll be worth it.

  Ignoring her, I grab the puppy, give it back to Dana, hold Mia’s hand, and go into the most important speech of my life. My hands shake and I know she can feel it. Kneeling on one knee, her hand clasps her mouth. “Mia, it’s been almost seventeen years since I fell in love with a quiet, blonde girl in her fancy dress. That moment is imprinted in my mind so clearly and I’ve never been the same since. We’ve had our ups and downs, but you’ve always been my rock, my foundation. You were my first best friend, my first kiss, but my only love. Will you marry me?”

  With tear-filled eyes, she nods, making me the luckiest guy on the planet. Grabbing the ring from Dana, I slip it on her finger, stand up, and wrap her in a hug. The news crew and adoption staff clap as I kiss my fiancée for the first time.

  A few moments pass before I remember that she’s at work. “Did you need to finish up here?” I ask against her lips.

  She shakes her head. “I heard them toss it back to the front desk. They said congrats and then we went off-air. Did they know you were going to highjack the show?” Her arms are still wrapped around my neck, and standing here with her makes me feel like we’re the only two people that exist.

  “Yeah, I put in a call to your boss when you came home telling me about this interview. I wanted to not only be there to experience this first with you, but I wanted it to be memorable for you. Something you’d never forget.”