Always Enough

by Elliott, Kelly

  He folded his arms over his chest.

  “Katy is married, Ty. She’s only looking for a donor match. If you’re Olivia’s dad—”

  “I’m not.”

  I sighed.

  Katy went on. “If you are her father, your HLA could be a match.”

  “HLA?” Ty asked.

  “Human leukocyte antigens.”

  “There haven’t been any matches in your family?” I asked.

  “Ideally, the doctors want to match at least eight to ten HLA markers. I’m only a five. No one else in my family is more, and Olivia doesn’t have any siblings yet.”

  “How do we do this?” Ty asked. I could see it in his face: his heart was breaking for this child, who very well could have been his own flesh and blood.

  Katy seemed to relax slightly. “We could do a DNA test first, to see if you’re her father. That would only take two to three days. The HLA typing takes about a week or two.”

  Ty rubbed the back of his neck, then glanced over to me. I gave him a reassuring smile.

  He looked back at Katy, then down to Olivia. “I’d like to know.”

  My stomach lurched, though I knew he’d want to know if he had a child.

  Katy nodded. “Okay. I’ve already alerted Olivia’s doctor that I’ve possibly found her biological father. Her father—or, um, her stepfather—has already done the HLA testing and isn’t a close-enough match.”

  “Katy, would you mind if I spoke to Kaylee alone for a few minutes?” Ty suddenly said.

  She smiled. “Of course not.”

  The moment she shut the door, Ty faced me. “I’m so fucking sorry. This is exactly why—”

  I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him, then lifted my hands and pulled his mouth to mine. I kissed him, and it only took him a moment to wrap his arms around me and deepen the kiss.

  When he pulled back, he leaned his forehead against mine. “I thought I had problems before.”

  “This isn’t a problem, Ty.”

  He closed his eyes. “Did you see her eyes, Kaylee?”

  I swallowed hard. “Yes.”

  “How can you not see this as some sort of sign? The moment I let myself believe I can be happy, that there is a light at the end of this fucking dark tunnel, something turns it off again.”

  When I stepped back and away from him, I took his hands in mine. “Do the DNA test; let’s find out if Olivia is yours. Then let’s tackle the next issue . . . but this might not even be an issue, so let’s worry about it when we have something to worry about.”

  He nodded.

  “Ty, if you are her father, that wouldn’t change how I feel about you.”

  He shook his head.

  “Don’t you dare say I deserve someone else, someone better. I don’t want anyone else. I want you.”

  His eyes looked so incredibly sad, it nearly broke my heart in two. “If I’m not her father?”

  “Then you need to decide if you want to still be tested as a match.”

  “Isn’t this a little strange, Kaylee? There’s a random woman I hooked up with four years ago, asking me to be tested to help save her kid who may or may not be mine.”

  “It’s not the way I had imagined our relationship starting off, but I’m not afraid of a challenge.”

  Ty didn’t smile at my attempt at humor.

  “One step at a time. For what it’s worth, Ty, even if you aren’t her father, I think you should be tested. This little girl’s life depends on it.”

  He nodded. When he walked to the door and told Katy to come back in, I felt my chest pull tight. Despite what I’d said, I honestly wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it if Ty was a father. While Ty and Katy spoke about his going for the testing, I focused on keeping my breathing steady. This was not the time or the place to have a breakdown.

  Olivia played with her teddy bear and kept looking up at Ty. While I couldn’t shake the feeling that all of our worlds were about to be turned upside down.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  TY

  After I’d informed Bill and Rich, and then Sam, of my decision not to take the job, the fucking rug had gotten pulled out from under me. The moment Kaylee had walked into that room and I saw Katy, I knew shit was about to get real.

  It had taken me a minute or two to figure out who Katy was. The kid she was holding was my biggest wake-up call ever. Her blue eyes did look like mine; there was no doubt about it. And, much to Kaylee’s credit, she never once faltered.

  It was killing me, not being able to talk to her about all of this, especially with how amazing this morning had been and how we had left things open to talk. Trying to figure out what in the hell was going through her mind was driving me mad. She’d only asked earlier this morning about kids, and now there was a possibility I might have one.

  I knew deep in my heart, though, that the little girl wasn’t mine.

  I didn’t feel anything toward her. Nothing. If she had been mine, wouldn’t I have felt some sort of connection? Something?

  Katy was insistent that we head to her doctor’s office and get the DNA test done as soon as possible. Since I wasn’t going on air, I’d told her we could do it today. Kaylee stood by me the entire time, a smile on her face while she kept her thoughts pretty much to herself. She held my hand and gave me a reassuring nod when needed, but I saw it in her eyes. I also saw the way she looked at the little girl, whose only resemblance to me was her blue eyes. She was the spitting image of her mother. I had to admit I’d stared at her intensely, trying to see anything, and had come up with nothing each time.

  Lincoln and Brock had been calling Kaylee nonstop. I finally sent him a text with the shortened version of what was going on and asked him to give me some space. For once in his life, he actually did what I asked of him.

  There was a brief moment at the doctor’s office when Kaylee had excused herself. She wasn’t gone for very long, but I knew she was trying to keep her composure up. I hated that she was going through all of this. I hated that my past indiscretions were causing her pain.

  Kaylee remained silent as we took an Uber from the hospital back to the hotel. CBS was nice enough to pay for another night for me in the hotel. I’d told them I would take care of it, not feeling right about it, but they had insisted. It could have been because I’d suggested doing one or two commentaries throughout the year, without any interviews into my personal life. I was shocked when they’d agreed that that was a good plan.

  I was glad I’d done the trial run, though. It showed me that I wasn’t missing out on anything. I’d once thought I’d belonged there, but I no longer felt that way. I knew where I belonged. In Hamilton, on my folks’ ranch, trying to make a go of things with Kaylee.

  When the door to the hotel room closed, I wanted nothing more than to grab Kaylee and get lost in her. But twice we’d done that. I wasn’t going to hide from her anymore. She deserved more than that.

  “Are you hungry? Would you rather get something to eat and then talk?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “No. We can order room service or pizza.”

  I nodded and undid the cuffs of my shirt sleeves and rolled them up. Kaylee watched my every move.

  As I sat on the bed, I looked over at her. She was leaning against the table. What in the hell was going through her mind?

  “Before we talk about Olivia, I need to know what you’re thinking, Ty. Your decision to not take the job threw me.”

  I laughed. “It shouldn’t. The only reason I agreed to try it out is because I thought you were with Channing, and I needed to see if I truly did miss this world.”

  Kaylee tilted her head. “Okay. Then I want to know why you didn’t think you were good enough for me. Let’s start with that.”

  I sighed. A headache was already forming. Real talk wasn’t something I ever liked to do. Especially after the accident. But those few weeks without Kaylee, and the thought of losing her to someone else, had made me wake up and realize I needed to talk about a
lot of things, and not just about my feelings for her. I needed to tell her everything.

  Before I had a chance to respond, Kaylee picked up the phone and hit a button. “I’d like to order room service.”

  After ordering pizza and a few drinks, Kaylee hung up the phone, kicked off her boots, and looked at me.

  I motioned for her to sit on the bed, and she lifted a brow, a sexy smirk on her face.

  “I’ll keep my hands to myself, for now . . . I just want you near me. Please.”

  She climbed onto the bed, sitting with her legs tucked under her.

  “Do you have a headache?” she asked, noticing me rubbing at my temples again.

  “A slight one, but it’s fine.”

  “Okay. Let’s talk, Ty.”

  I nodded, took in a deep breath, and slowly let it out. “When I was on the Unleash the Beast Tour, the only thing on my mind was bulls, being number one, and the occasional hookup. I won’t lie and say I was a good little boy who went to his room every night. I wasn’t. I guess that much is obvious, considering what we’re dealing with right now with Katy and Olivia.”

  She frowned and looked down at her fingernails. Okay, so that was more of a sore subject than she was letting on.

  “I knew someday I would settle down, get married, and have a kid or two. It wasn’t something I thought a whole lot about, because honestly, I never once met a woman who made me feel like I was in a hurry for it. There were moments I felt lonely. When we’d go home and I’d see Brock with Blayze was when it would really hit me. I remember some nights, I’d lie in bed and pray for God to send someone my way. Someone who’d make me feel something. I knew my folks wanted that for me as well. It was hard for Mom to have both me and Brock out on the road. Then when Beck died, she closed up a little. That might be where Brock and I got it from.”

  I shrugged. “Anyway, I was happy as long as I could climb onto the back of a bull. Then the accident happened, and I never felt lonelier. For so many years, women had flocked to me because I was a bull rider; companies wanted me to sell their stuff because I was good at what I did. I was something more than just some cowboy who worked on his daddy’s cattle ranch. It was the only thing I thought I was good at—and I was damn good at it. I poured everything into bull riding and the sport. I lost a part of myself after the accident. A big part. I felt like I was useless.”

  She shook her head, but I kept talking.

  “A feeling of dread, for lack of a better word, settled inside of me. Heavy on my chest. I was in a fog. Unsure of what my future was going to be, and honestly, I didn’t really give two shits.

  “Then things went from bad to worse. I was told I wouldn’t be able to ride bulls ever again and that the healing process of my leg was going to be long and painful. So I pushed myself, hard. Did everything the physical therapist told me to do and then some. The surgeries sucked, the pain was bad, but I thought I’d be able to handle it. Hell, I’d had broken bones and climbed onto the back of a bull before and rode a full eight seconds, so a leg surgery was going to be nothing.”

  I paused, taking a minute to calm my heart, which had begun to race some at the memories.

  “The pain wasn’t worse than anything I’d ever experienced before. The difference was, I didn’t have a purpose. I wasn’t trying to be the best bull rider in the world. When I knew I was getting onto a bull, the pain sort of just went away. I dealt with it. I think it was because I didn’t have time to think about it. But with the pain after the accident and the surgeries . . . all I had was time. Alone. I’d sit there for hours and feel the pain course through my leg. I couldn’t figure out why this pain was so different from the other broken bones and injuries I’d had over the years, and believe me, I’d had a lot.

  “One day, I popped a couple of the pain pills the doctor had given me, and they numbed the pain. Then I learned if I mixed the pills with beer, I felt even better. They numbed the pain not only in my leg but my chest and in my head as well. I got to escape for a little bit from the buzz. The more I took, the deeper into the darkness I felt myself slipping, but for a while, I felt safe there.”

  I looked directly into Kaylee’s eyes. I knew what I was about to tell her could change everything. She had promised earlier today that nothing would make her leave. But once she heard my dirty little secret, I knew it would trigger her own demons . . . and I wasn’t sure she truly loved me enough to go through that nightmare all over again.

  Kaylee reached for my hand and held it. “Don’t stop, Ty. Please, whatever you’re thinking is going to spook me, please don’t hold it back from me.”

  I swallowed hard, then blew out a long, deep breath. “Right before my parents finally figured out what was happening with the drug abuse, things got pretty bad. I was popping pills and drinking a lot. I had gotten good at hiding it, but the higher I got on the pills, the more I slipped up. I look back now and wonder if I hadn’t been leaving my folks clues all along to figure it out.”

  I thought about that for a moment before I went on. This next confession was going to be one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I looked at Kaylee and watched her face as I spoke.

  “I haven’t ever told anyone about this, but I know I need to tell you. I need you to understand why I pushed you away.”

  “Okay.” Her voice was soft but firm. As if she was mentally preparing herself.

  “I found myself sitting in my truck one day, a pistol in my hand. I was going to end the pain once and for all. Make the nightmares stop, because no matter how hard I tried, I kept slipping more and more away from myself. To a place where I didn’t give two shits about anyone or anything. I almost took my own life that day, Kaylee.”

  Tears slipped down her face, and I hated that my confession was causing them. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking. Was she scared? Did this make her want to leave? Would she truly stick by my side, knowing how broken I had been—still was, in a sense?

  “I’m sorry if this brings back memories of John.”

  She wiped them away and shook her head. “It’s not that, Ty. I mean, of course it makes me think of him, but I hurt for you. Knowing that you’ve carried that burden with you all this time. Does your therapist know?”

  I shook my head, and she gasped.

  “I, um . . . I never told her. I never told anyone. I was too ashamed that I had even entertained it.”

  “What made you not do it?” she asked.

  I looked down at her hand in mine and smiled. “I don’t know. It wasn’t like I was afraid to do it, but for one brief moment . . . I saw a flicker of light. A feeling of hope sparked somewhere down in my chest. I got out of the truck, walked into the house, and put the gun back in the safe.

  “About five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. It was my folks. They confronted me about the pills and alcohol. I can’t even begin to tell you the relief I felt that the truth was out, finally. Then the guilt set in. If I had gone through with that, my parents would have been the ones to find me. I hated myself. Still do, thinking of how close I had come to them walking up and seeing me sitting in my truck with a fucking gun in my hand, or worse.”

  Kaylee wiped her tears away, then took in a deep breath. “Ty, I think you need to talk to your therapist about it.”

  With a nod, I smiled. “It feels fucking good to just say it out loud, if I’m being honest.” She sniffled, and I reached up and wiped her tear-soaked cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to say you’re sorry, Ty. Not at all.”

  “I thought things were going really good for me after that—right before you and Lincoln showed up, that is. Then when you got out of that car, I was almost knocked back flat on my ass. You took my breath away, Kaylee.”

  Her cheeks turned a beautiful shade of pink. “I felt the same way, Ty. I hadn’t felt anything for so long, and you sparked something in me as well that day. Even Lincoln noticed. I actually called dibs on you.”

  I squeezed her hand, and we both laughed.


  “Funny, when I told Brock about the two of you showing up that day, I told him you were off limits.”

  She flashed me a huge grin.

  “Of course, all I could think about was getting into your pants. Then the more I got to know you, the more something inside of me started to change. I got to the point where I needed to see you every day, and when I did see you, it drove me fucking mad because I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do. Like kiss you. Or tell you how beautiful you looked.”

  She smiled again.

  “Those feelings scared me, because the last thing I’d let myself need had nearly killed me. I told myself all I needed was one time with you. I’d fuck you and get you out of my system. Then that night, in the bar, when we kissed . . . I knew one time with you would never be enough. You made me want something I’d never wanted before. It was something I had lain in my bed and thought about but wasn’t sure I would ever truly deserve.”

  “I knew I kissed well, but I didn’t realize my kisses were that amazing.”

  I laughed, and she let out a half chuckle, half sob.

  “The only way I know how to explain it to you is to say I got spooked. I wanted you so much, Kaylee, and it wasn’t just for the sex. I wanted to kiss you every morning. Be the last person you saw each night before you went to sleep. I wanted to know what you looked like when you woke up, what you did when you were angry, sad, happy.

  “For the first time in my life, I wanted someone so badly, and I knew I could have taken you to bed and tried to get a quick fix, but you were so different. Beyond beautiful. Kind, funny, and stubborn as hell. I was afraid if I took the hit, I’d have to keep coming back for more, and if you found out how broken I was, you would for sure leave. Take yourself out of that situation. Especially when I found out about John. I couldn’t do that to you. I cared too much for you, and honestly, I wasn’t sure I could handle it if things didn’t work out between us. So I tried keeping you at arm’s length. And, well, here we are.”