Paying Forward (The Lone Pine Series)

by Lynn Kinnaman

  My face must have darkened at the thought.

  “What’s wrong?” Carole said, taking a seat next to the bed.

  “My friend, my only real friend, is in the hospital here. I don’t even know how she’s doing.”

  “She took the worst of the hit,” Carole said. “But the doctors are working on her.”

  “When can I see her?”

  “She’s in surgery right now.”

  “Why?” I asked. “She didn’t break her leg, did she? She ski races, you know.”

  “I didn’t know that.” Carole said. “I think she’s got a broken arm and some cuts on her face. They were worried about bleeding in her brain, so they are going to put a thing in to relieve and monitor the pressure.”

  “Brain surgery? They’re doing brain surgery?”

  Caroled nodded, but my attention had been snagged by an image on the TV and I groped for the control to turn it up.

  “That’s her car,” I said, in a daze. “It’s completely smashed in front.”

  The reported said the accident was a hit and run.

  “The car looks totaled,” I said, my stomach twisting at the sight. The driver’s side had taken the full force of the angled impact. Seeing the crumpled plastic and metal it seemed a miracle Amy survived. If she survived.

  The reporter described the event and interviewed a few witnesses. They agreed the hit and run driver was at fault but no one seemed to agree if the car was dark, light or even a car. One person insisted it was a truck.

  A commercial came on and I muted the sound.

  “It looks horrible,” Carole said, “but you know how the cars these days just fall apart at the slightest bump.”

  “It was a pretty serious bump,” I said, aware that Carole was trying to soften the frightful sight. “Oh, they’re back.” I unmuted the TV.

  “The police are interested in any information that might lead to the identity of the other driver,” the talking head said. “Both occupants of the car are in the hospital, and their fate is unknown.”

  It was surreal. They were talking about me and Amy.

  I shut the TV off. I wanted to block out the image of the car, of Amy and the crash.

  “Is there anyone you want to call, any other family?” Carole said. “Do you have any other family? Maybe an aunt or an uncle? Cousins?”

  I tried to remember what I’d told Carole about my personal life. My standard story was that my mother was dead, my father unknown (which was true), and no brothers or sisters (that I knew of). All true, except for the mother part.

  “No. Nobody else.”

  She frowned. I could see her struggle with her next questions. The very questions, I’d bet, that I’d been asking myself. Taking pity on her, I decided to be straight up.

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I thought I had a plan, but now … I want her to have so much more than I did, not raised by a mother with no job and no future.” Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I brushed them away. Before, it had seemed possible. I had been blindly optimistic. Now I saw how wrong I’d been.

  “Oh, Mallory.” Carole hugged me again. “It’s a big responsibility, you’re right.”

  I thought for a moment how perfect life would be if Carole really was my mother and we could go to her house when they let us out of the hospital.

  “She can’t live with me in the church!” I said, as the truth, which would have been obvious to anyone else, dawned on me at last. “What happens when she cries? They’ll hear her!”

  “The church?” Carole said. “What do you mean, the church? You’re living in the church?”

  It was inevitable, I guess. It would all come out now. I suppose they could add trespassing to the theft charge and I’d end up in jail and the baby would go into foster care. I began sobbing again.

  My life was a disaster.

  “Y-y-yes. I’ve been there for a while, ever since my mother left.”

  “Left? I thought she was dead.” The confusion I saw on her face made me sorry for all the lies. How could she deal with finding out what a fraud I was? I’d played the part of a normal girl too well, fooling everyone, even myself for a while. But I wasn’t the average teenager and my life was far from normal. I looked bad, even in my own eyes. I waited for her to walk out.

  I dried my eyes. “Yeah, she didn’t die. She left.”

  I took a deep breath. “My mom’s an addict. She can put on a decent show. That’s where I get it from. The ability to blend in.” I looked at Carole. I had to make her understand I was being real now. “I don’t want to be like her.”

  “Where did she go? Why did she leave?”

  “She left because her ‘special man’ came back for her.” I looked at Carole. She still didn’t understand. Oh well, I might as well get it all in the open. Surely she’d walk out after this.

  “Yup,” I said. “Her ‘special man’. My baby’s father.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CAROLE

  As she listened to the story, sadness for Mallory’s lost childhood sat like a weight on top of the happiness. The girl had grown up way too fast and taken on responsibilities she wasn’t equipped to handle. Still, Mallory was upbeat and resourceful, despite being used so violently.

  Given the same situation at that age she didn’t know if she’d make it as far as Mallory had, but her problems weren’t over yet.

  It was one of those stories that, when you heard it, you wanted to do something.

  This time, she could.

  After Mallory finished her story, she keep her eyes on her fingers, twisting the blanket in her lap.

  “Mallory,” Carole said, waiting until she looked up, resisting the urge to wipe away the tears that were pooled in Mallory’s eyes. “I have a proposition for you.”

  “A proposition?” she echoed cautiously.

  “I’d like to invite you and the baby to come home with me,” she said.

  Mallory hesitated. Carole could see the street-smart girl considering the options.

  “That’s really nice of you,” she said. “But…”

  “But what? They told me you needed to have help when you got home and I can do that.” Carole interrupted kindly. “And I’ve always wanted to have a baby. In the house, I mean.”

  “Thank you. We’d like that,” Mallory said. “But we’ll only stay until I figure out what to do next.”

  She wanted to cheer, but she stayed calm. This was the right thing to do. This was one of those win-win situations that didn’t happen often.

  “I’m just going to put this out there. You are welcome to stay. For as long as you want. I have plenty of room,” she said, “and we already know we get along well.”

  “It’s like a fairy tale,” Mallory said. “I can’t believe it.”

  “Good,” Carole said. “Then it’s settled.”

  “Yeah,” Mallory used the tissues to dab at her eyes. “Except…”

  “Except what?”

  “Before you take me in, there’s something else you should know.”

  HOLLY

  Pacing the corner of the small waiting room she told Mike the whole story, beginning with Amy’s condition and ending with her desire to bring the money thief to justice. With his usual grounded take on things, he asked her what Carole had, why she was so obsessed with the money.

  “Is it worth your energy?” he said. “It’s not even missing anymore. Your committee can decide where it should go next.”

  “Natalie said they have to pay for stealing it.”

  “Maybe they already have. You don’t know.”

  Always the voice of reason. She hung up after telling him to hurry, but be careful.

  Mike was on his way.

  “Are you hungry?” Leah asked.

  Holly shook her head.

  “Tell you what, let’s get out of this waiting room. A change of scenery will do you good. Let’s go to the cafeteria and at least get a cup of coffee.”

  She couldn’t argue. She’d memorize
d the landscapes in the two pictures hanging on the wall and there wasn’t much else to see besides the beige walls.

  Leah knew her way around the hospital and Holly was content to follow. When they got to the cafeteria, several of the workers called out a greeting and Leah returned the regards. They sat near a window and filled the time with small talk.

  Mike found them there, munching on giant sweet rolls. Holly felt a twinge of guilt for doing something other than sitting and worrying, but dismissed it. If worry would heal her daughter, she’d devote every minute to it but she knew it was out of her hands and she would have to accept that.

  Leah excused herself. It was time to leave and pick up Nat’s kids.

  Mike and Holly went to see if Amy was out of surgery and if they could see her. They held hands as they walked down the hall to her wing.

  She clung to his hand like it was the last lifeboat on a sinking ship.

  NATALIE

  The boys talked excitedly about the movie they’d seen and when she told them the plan they didn’t seemed concerned that their mom was going to ship them off yet again.

  “I like Leah,” Troy said. “She’s funny.”

  “Are we going to sleep over?” Trevor asked.

  “Yes, is that okay with you?” As soon as she said it she knew it was a dangerous question. What if they said no?

  “Yes!” they responded in unison. She wondered how they did that, being in sync on so many things. One of the mysteries of being twins, she guessed.

  “Good. You can catch the school bus in the morning. It stops at her street corner.”

  She gathered their things, then turned her attention to what she’d wear. Her fondest wish was that this would mark a change in their relationship. If Brone had found a way, a legitimate way, to get caught up on their bills and give them a chance to get it together, she could relax.

  If.

  Given his behavior, it was a big if.

  Regardless, she’d do her best to anticipate a good outcome.

  She put on a dress she knew he liked and freshened her makeup.

  Her cell phone buzzed and she felt a stab of fear. Was it Brone? Canceling on her after all?

  It was a text from Leah, saying she was on her way to pick up the boys.

  They were ready and eager for their adventure at Leah’s.

  “Behave,” she said as they waved goodbye. After they left, the house seemed to be holding its breath.

  He was late.

  When he came in the garage door, she could smell the alcohol, but he wasn’t drunk. He read the question in her eyes.

  “I only had one beer,” he said, holding his hands in the air in a gesture of surrender. “Trust me, this is a new Brone you see. This is a new start.”

  It would be easier to believe it if she hadn’t heard it before.

  A new start.

  Filled with mixed feelings, she followed him to the car and tried to keep an open mind.

  MALLORY

  Telling Carole about the money was one of the hardest things I’d done in a while. It risked everything, but I didn’t want to take her generosity with a lie between us.

  I had to trust she was who she claimed to be, a person willing to forgive and accept.

  She’d accepted the fact that I lived at the church without permission, but would she forgive me for taking money, even though I regretted it almost immediately?

  It had to be done. If I’d learned nothing else from knowing her, it was that an adult did the necessary, difficult things. I was an adult. I was a mother. I had to own my actions and take the consequences, good or bad.

  I told her the whole story.

  It was hard to read her reaction. She seemed sad, concerned, not angry, but something I couldn’t quite place.

  She told me the money had been recovered.

  “Oh, I’m so glad!” Dare I hope that might be the end of it?

  “The committee isn’t in agreement over what should be done,” she said. “Natalie wants to pursue it and find the culprit. I think Holly does, too, but I’m not sure. Leah thinks since the money’s back it should be over.”

  “What about you? What do you think?”

  Carole shrugged. “I’m with Leah. But, then, I have a different perspective. When I was younger, I ran with a bad crowd. Oh, don’t look so surprised,” she teased. “Anyway, one night we vandalized a local business. I was the youngest in our group and the dumbest. I got caught.”

  I couldn’t believe the woman I’d grown to admire and respect had ever done something like damage property.

  Carole nodded. “It’s true. The police came. The people who owned the business asked to meet with me. After we did, they told the police they were not going to press charges.”

  “You’re kidding!”

  “They asked me if I would work off the cost of the damage, and I agreed. It changed my life. I got the retail bug and one thing led to another. They’re the reason I have a successful business today, because I learned so much while I was paying off my debt. It ended up being like a college education in business.”

  “Wow.”

  “So, you see, while there are always consequences, there are also opportunities. My view is we should find the opportunity in this situation.”

  “Wow,” I said again. It dawned on me that Carole wasn’t just offering a place to live. If I paid attention, I could learn skills to become independent and successful.

  “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. Natalie and Holly both have to agree.”

  “If they do, what can I do to repair the damage?”

  “I guess we have to figure out what the damage is, and go from there.”

  I gathered myself together. I felt stronger. Carole was a friend, and she believed in me. I had the chance to make a better life.

  “I want to see the baby,” I said. “Want to join me, mom?”

  CHAPTER NINE

  MALLORY

  The baby ICU wasn’t as scary as I had expected. I think they tried to make it normal for people. There were two babies in addition to mine, and those little guys were in much worse shape. It was so sad. The fear on the faces of the families made me appreciate how lucky I’d been that my baby had been unharmed by the crash. Unlucky didn’t fit me anymore. My bruised body had done its job and protected my baby in the collision. I had kept her safe and it was worth every ache and pain.Carole wheeled me in, because although my spirit was willing my body wasn’t up to the long trip down the hall. In the baby ICU, a nurse placed her in my arms.

  “She’s beautiful,” Carole whispered.

  I pulled the blanket away to check her fingers and toes. She murmured, not very happy with me disturbing her warm cocoon. She was so small and perfect. Little tiny nails, minuscule digits. Her skin velvet, unbelievably soft.

  “She’s a healthy 8 pounds,” the nurse said, “although she’ll lose a little weight in the next few days. Nothing to worry about. Are you going to breastfeed?”

  Although I wanted to keep the baby, I also wanted time to weigh the pros and con of adoption. Breastfeeding would make the decision for me. If I started breastfeeding, we’d be bonded. I’d be committed.

  The baby wiggled in my arms, but I still hesitated. I couldn’t do this alone.

  I looked at Carole. She smiled and gave me a slight nod. “I’m behind you, whatever you decide.”

  I wasn’t alone anymore.

  “Yes,” I said. “I’m breastfeeding. Can you show me what to do?”

  After the baby was full and satisfied she slept in my arms.

  “What are you going to name her?” Carole asked.

  Her name. My gift to her. Despite the many names I’d marked in the book, when I held her I knew which one fit.

  “Hannah,” I said. “Hannah Grace.”

  “It’s a wonderful name,” Carole said. “And I think it suits her.”

  “Hannah means grace or favor. And Grace means blessing. So she’s double-blessed.” I wasn’t taking any chances.


  “Very nice.”

  “Names are important. They can affect your life.”

  “Sounds like you’ve spent time thinking about this. What does Mallory mean?”

  I grimaced. “Unlucky.”

  “Well, that sure doesn’t fit anymore,” Carole said. “What’s your middle name?”

  “Anne.”

  “That’s my middle name, too. Did you know Anne was a form of Hannah? It also means grace and favor. Why don’t you use your middle name if you don’t like Mallory?”

  “I like that,” I said. “Anne and Hannah.”

  “That sounds great. Now that you both have your names settled, we need to talk about how we’re going to get your stuff out of the church and into my house.”

  CAROLE

  When Mallory, now known as Anne, agreed to come live with her, she hadn’t known she could be so happy. It fit like a key in a lock, the piece she hadn’t even realized was missing. It wasn’t that she thought women had to have children to be complete, but everyone had dreams, and children had been a part of hers. The dreams she’d given up on years ago.

  In addition, she could give Anne the kind of support, education and encouragement that had lifted her from a cycle of self-destruction to a path of a possibilities.

  There were two items that still needed to be resolved. Anne’s unconventional home in the basement of the church and the resolution of the Pay It Forward fund.

  The church wouldn’t be a problem. She was sure of it. Pastor Timothy ran everything based on the commandment to love one another. It guided his decisions and would lead him, she had no doubt, to compassion in this situation. What were churches anyway? The very word, sanctuary, meant a haven or hideout.

  Yes, she could count on Pastor Timothy to be merciful.

  That left Holly and Natalie and the Fund.

  She had to get them to see the logic of forgiving and finding a way for Anne to make things right.

  NATALIE

  Their first date had been at Sam’s Steakhouse. She’d had a ribeye, while Brone had explained why the ribeye was the king of steaks. He’d ordered wine, expounding on how the Cabernet Sauvignon complimented the beef. He’d urged her to swirl, then taste it, identifying the plum, cherry and spice flavors.