The War with Grandma

by Robert Kimmel Smith

  I folded my arms like I didn’t care but I did care. I couldn’t let the war with Grandma distract me. I couldn’t get lazy. Those bikes were my ticket to happiness.

  The lady with the hat was named Norma Knudsen. She and her family had been running these fields for over fifty years.

  Everyone clapped.

  “Thank you, thank you very much,” she said. Then she told us how to pick:

  Look for berries that are entirely red, plump, and firm. They don’t ripen once they’re picked.

  Cradle the fruit in your hand. (Diego laughed at this, I don’t know why.) Pinch the stem off with your thumb and forefinger and gently put it in your container.

  Don’t stack the strawberries too high or they will damage the ones below.

  Once your crate is filled, move it to the shade. Strawberries don’t last long in the hot sun.

  Be careful not to step on the plants or damage them as you move up and down the rows.

  Picking ended at four and we were to then bring our strawberries to the weighing station to find out who won.

  There were bleachers set up by the weighing station for spectators.

  “We’ll be the winners today, my friends,” Diego said to me and Ellie.

  “No, you won’t,” Ellie said.

  “We probably will be. My brother does like a hundred burpees a day,” he told Ellie.

  “Burpees?” Ellie asked.

  “Shhhhhh. Be respectful of Norma Knudsen, please. Or I’ll assign even more time penalties,” Dawn Allerton said.

  We stopped talking but Diego kept raising his eyebrows and it was annoying. Just because his brother could do burpees didn’t mean he’d be good at picking strawberries.

  “Take breaks when you need to,” Norma Knudsen said.

  “I won’t need a break but I was thinking maybe you should sit this one out to be ready for the next challenge,” I whispered to Grandma.

  “You’ll need breaks,” Grandma whispered back.

  “No, I won’t,” I said.

  “And make sure to eat lunch and stay hydrated,” said Norma Knudsen. Then she handed out crates for us to fill and showed us where to put them in the shade once they were at capacity.

  “Hey,” Diego said as we walked toward the field. “Did you guys get a time penalty? Is that what Allerton was talking about?”

  “We have to start a half hour late but it’s fine. I’m really good at picking strawberries.”

  He nodded. “Me too.” Then he said, “Your grandma is dressed like Paul Bunyan.”

  “She’s Paula Bunyan to you,” I said.

  He smirked. “I have to say, the odds are not in your favor.”

  “Oh, really? Who won the math tournament?”

  “You barely won. Barely. And this is not math.”

  “Well, who did the most online assignments last year?”

  I really killed it at online school, I have to say.

  “Meg, first of all, you did things that we didn’t need to do. You’re a pleaser, Meg, and life isn’t about pleasing, it’s about maximizing your time and winning.”

  Oh my gosh. Diego was the worst.

  “And second of all, those have nothing to do with what you see before you.” He waved his hand toward the enormous strawberry fields. “You and your grandma are at an extreme disadvantage and it makes me sad because usually you put up such a great fight.”

  I burned. I burned! “How dare you!” I said. “I don’t fight, I win.”

  He smiled and walked over to his brother.

  How was I going to do this? My grandma on the one hand and Diego (and all the other competitors) on the other. It was very draining.

  At nine a.m., Dawn said, “Pickers, please go to your positions.”

  Diego and Ellie and Cooper and Zoe and all of them lined up at a row of strawberries. Diego looked over and tipped his hat.

  “I really like Diego,” Grandma said. “He seems kindhearted.” We were sitting on chairs in the shade of the farmhouse, where I hoped Grandma would stay the whole dang day. I didn’t want to deal with her passing out on top of everything else.

  “He’s not kindhearted, Grandma. He’s the enemy.”

  “I thought I was the enemy.”

  I sighed. “You both are.”

  “On your mark,” Dawn said. I sat on the edge of my seat. “Get set.” I wished so badly I was out there. I was going to have to make up so much time. “Go!”

  Everyone started picking. The energy was palpable.

  Not really.

  It kind of was but then they were just picking strawberries. They were all bent down and going so slow. Why weren’t they going faster?

  “They’re going to be sore later,” Grandma said.

  “What do you mean?” I asked her.

  “We have to protect your back. You squat down and you pick as low as you can. If that gets too hard, you have to get on your knees.”

  Protect your back? Get on your knees?

  She handed me some gloves. “Use these.”

  “I don’t want to,” I said. “It’s too hot.”

  “Meg,” she said. “Please.”

  I sighed and took the gloves.

  Right before nine-thirty I turned to Grandma. “Listen,” I said. “I release you.”

  “You what?”

  “I release you. You don’t have to pick strawberries. I’ll do enough for the both of us.”

  “What are you talking about? Of course I’m going to pick. Wear your gloves.”

  “Grandma,” I started to say, but then Dawn announced it was time. “Okay, ladies, you’re up.”

  I ran to our row.

  Grandma walked behind me. Slowly. Like an anteater.

  And so it began.

  27

  Good Luck

  It turns out picking strawberries is the hardest thing in the history of the world.

  I went fast at first.

  Really fast, I think.

  I was pulling those babies off their stems, moving like a ninja and squatting how Grandma said to instead of bending my back. I was smart enough to recognize sage advice when I heard it—though I would never tell Grandma that.

  That was the first five minutes.

  I was ahead of Grandma, who was on the other side of the row and way behind me.

  After five more minutes, my thighs were burning and my back was starting to ache and I was sweating like crazy.

  I took a break and drank some water.

  Diego and Ellie and Cooper and Zoe were ahead of us but not as far as I thought they’d be. Everyone seemed to be moving in slow motion. The plants were low to the ground and there was no easy way to do it.

  Grandma passed me and looked over. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine. I’m just getting a drink.”

  She nodded. “That’s good. Drink all you can.”

  Then she kept picking.

  I picked too but the squatting was getting impossible, so I decided to go on my knees like she told me. Then I kind of crawled like a slug. Or a cougar, more like. Do cougars crawl? Anyway, I was crawling and picking and the sun was beating down and after a couple of hours, I had to lie down. I lay in the dirt.

  Grandma was clear down the row. Like half a football field away.

  She was past every single other person out there. Even Zoe and her dad, who had been in the lead.

  Diego and Cooper and Ellie were all crawling like me. Zoe was squatting like Grandma and so was her dad, but they were barely moving and kept sitting down to rest.

  The worst part was that I was cooking like bacon. My skin felt like it was on fire.

  So I lay down. Just to rest for a minute.

  “Meg!” someone yelled. It was Lin. She was calling from outside
the cordoned section.

  I got up and walked over; my legs felt like lead and I was only on my second crate. Grandma had four over in the shade.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m picking strawberries.”

  “You were just lying in the dirt.”

  Well, that was a rude thing for a second in command to say.

  “Look, the sun is killing me.”

  Lin crossed her arms. “Why are you wearing a tank top? You have to cover up when you do field work or you burn and die.”

  I stared at her. “Says who?”

  “Says all people. I’ve picked raspberries with my cousins, and if you don’t cover up, you get cooked.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I thought everyone knew.” We looked at Diego, who was sitting there. He waved at us. Ellie did too. They were both wearing T-shirts.

  “I guess not many people know.”

  “Should I go get you a long-sleeved shirt?”

  I shook my head. “We can’t have outside help.”

  “Oh. That’s dumb.”

  Then we both looked at Grandma clear down the field. “Wow,” Lin said.

  “I know,” I said. “She’s really good.”

  “That’s ’cause she’s experienced,” Lin said. “I talked to my mom about what you said, how your grandma was going to be bad at this? And she said we’d be surprised. She said people like your grandma know how to work harder than us. Our generation is lazy.”

  Did that light a fire under my bum or what. “That’s not true.” I looked at Grandma plugging along out in the field.

  Lin shrugged.

  Ugh. I needed to get back out there and show everyone that I could work as hard as my grandma. “I have to go,” I said.

  “Good luck!” Lin said, and for the first time, I felt like I needed it.

  28

  Little Women

  I picked really hard for another twenty minutes, I swear, but then I had to lie down again. It was impossible.

  I stared at the sky. Why was this so difficult? Why was my life turning out this way? Why couldn’t I go on?

  I sat up.

  I ate a strawberry.

  Then I ate another one.

  They were really good.

  So then I was just sitting there eating strawberries.

  Finally Grandma came over.

  “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “I’m eating strawberries.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “You’re getting burned.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  I lay back down in the dirt and curled up in a ball.

  She stood there towering over me, which I kind of liked because she was giving me shade.

  Then she squatted down. “You have to stop this. Get up and start picking. We’re going to lose.”

  “I know,” I said. “It’s just so hot.”

  “You need more clothes.”

  I didn’t say anything because I did need more clothes and I was out of water and also because there was nothing to say.

  “I thought this might happen. I brought some extra. They’re in my backpack. Go change and then I’ll help you fill your crate.”

  “Thanks, Grandma.”

  I was embarrassed but also relieved.

  I walked all the way back down the row to the starting point. People were gathered weighing strawberries and talking to Norma, who waved to me.

  “How are we doing?” she called.

  “Fantastic,” I said.

  I found Grandma’s backpack and took it in the bathroom, which was really small with only two stalls and not the best place to change clothes.

  I waited until it was empty and opened Grandma’s backpack.

  There was some blue fabric. Probably a shirt.

  I started to pull it out.

  And pull it out.

  And pull it out.

  Finally, the entire thing was out of the backpack. I have no idea how she got it all in there.

  It was a dress.

  A gigantic dress.

  Like a huge, bright blue, full-skirt, gigantic dress from some old-fashioned play. Oklahoma!? Pioneer Town? Large Dress Play?

  I stared at it.

  It was puffy sleeved.

  It went to the ground.

  There was a weird slip sewn in that made the skirt a big circle.

  There was also a bonnet.

  This wasn’t extra clothes in case I needed them.

  This was an act of war.

  I seethed.

  I distinctly said NO COSTUMES.

  Grandma was fighting nasty.

  I opened the bathroom door. “Lin!” I yelled. She was talking to some lady by the weighing station.

  “Lin!” I yelled again.

  She didn’t hear me.

  I cleared my throat, “LIN!!!!!”

  She looked at me. The lady looked at me. All the strawberry pickers looked at me. Dawn Allerton looked at me.

  She’d been sitting under a shade tent with her assistant and now she was standing up. “Is there something wrong, Ms. Stokes?” she asked.

  Lin was walking over.

  “No,” I said.

  Dawn looked at Lin. “You can’t have assistance from spectators.”

  “I know,” I said. “I just need to talk to her real quick.”

  Dawn Allerton gave me a serious look.

  I tried to give her a very nice I’m-doing-nothing-wrong look back. I don’t think it worked but I pulled Lin into the bathroom anyway.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I showed her the dress.

  “What is that?” she said in awe.

  “My grandma said she brought extra clothes for me to pick in.”

  Lin covered her mouth. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes.”

  We held it up. “Wow. It’s incredible,” Lin said. She was not focusing. Not at all.

  “What am I going to do?”

  Lin put it under her chin. “You’d be covered.” She touched the weird lace collar at the neck. “It’s so beautiful.”

  I balled my fists. “I can’t do this. If I back down now, I’ll lose all credibility.”

  Lin looked at me in the mirror. “This is for the Leaf bikes, Meg. Think about the Leaf bikes. Think of us at the pool all summer. The frozen lemonades. The movies.”

  “I know, but Lin, I can’t let her win. I can’t.”

  Lin sighed. “Your grandma is kicking strawberry butt out there and it’s because she’s wearing the right clothes…and because she’s experienced.”

  “I know,” I said. I’d made a mistake chucking all those clothes in the shed. A terrible mistake.

  “At least try it on.”

  I sighed. “Fine.”

  Lin pulled it over my head.

  I wiggled out of my shorts and yanked it down over my body and then she tied the bow in the back.

  I put on the bonnet.

  I even put on the bloomer things that went under the skirt.

  When I was all dressed Lin said, “It’s amazing.”

  “No, it’s not.” I was a lady of the plains from some boring movie.

  “I love it,” she said.

  “Lin! You’re my second in command. You’re supposed to help me.”

  “I am helping you! It’s so gorgeous and it will cover up your skin from the sun.”

  She stood behind me looking into the mirror.

  “I’m not doing it.”

  A lady walked in and said, “Oh my. Is there some kind of performance today?”

  “Yes,” Lin said.

  “How fun,” she sa
id, and went into a stall.

  Lin looked at me, smiling.

  “Would you please go get my grandma?”

  29

  A Dirty Trick

  Grandma Sally walked into the bathroom and clapped her hands in joy. “That’s my Little Woman! That’s it!” Uggghhhhhhhhh.

  “Grandma,” I said. “I will not.”

  “It’s perfect. You’ll feel so much better.”

  Lin leaned against the wall, grinning her face off, and the lady who’d asked if I was doing a performance came out of the stall and said, “Oh! You’re the two from the strawberry thing! I didn’t recognize you,” she said to me. “But I sure do recognize you!” she said to Grandma.

  Awesome.

  “Well, thank you,” Grandma said.

  The lady was clearly thrilled as she vigorously washed her hands. “I was wondering what stunt you’d pull today! I can’t wait to tell my husband. It’s perfect,” she said, nodding at me and my large dress that I would never ever wear outside the confines of this bathroom.

  “We think so,” Grandma said.

  I cleared my throat. “Would it be all right if we have the bathroom to ourselves? My grandmother and I have a couple things to discuss.”

  “Yes,” Grandma said. “And we’re losing precious picking time.”

  Lin gave me a thumbs-up as they left, which I did not appreciate.

  Once they were gone, I turned to Grandma. “I said no costumes.”

  “This isn’t a costume. This is a dress my friend Susan made for fun.” She considered this and then said, “But they did use it in Little Women back in 2011.”

  “I’m not wearing it. I said no costumes and I meant it.”

  “Fine,” Grandma huffed. She started to leave.

  “Wait,” I said. “We have to finish this together.”

  “You asked for my help and I gave it. I’m not going to sit around here and argue, goose.”

  I sighed. I couldn’t go back out there, not in the blazing sun and get dried out like a potato chip, but I wasn’t giving up. “There’s got to be something else we can do.”

  She looked at me. “Well.” She folded her arms. “I have one idea, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

  “What? I’ll do whatever as long as it doesn’t involve a costume.”

  “Will you?”