Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  “God, no. Please!” Why weren’t they fighting for her? Why were they all standing here doing nothing?

  “It’s too late,” Dad said the words again, their sharp finality ringing in my ears, his arms wrapping around me tighter. They were no longer trying to fight me, but trying to provide me some form of comfort.

  “It’s too late.” His repeated words, now soft, crushed me, bringing me to my knees.

  I wept on the floor on my hands and knees. Dad’s arms remained around my waist as he knelt with me, the sound of Mom’s torment stinging my ears.

  Eva.

  My baby girl.

  Gone.

  Chapter Ten

  God, it hurt so bad.

  Worst was that Melanie had to sit there while Vanessa bragged about how we were going to be parents.

  Never had I wanted to hold her more, to tell her she was the only mother I wanted for my child, to tell her that what had happened with Vanessa was a mistake.

  A second later, Melanie’s chair protested against the floor, the legs squeaking as she mumbled, “I need to use the restroom,” to Nicholas before she fled, tripping over her feet.

  I watched her rush away. All of me ached for all of her—her mind, her soul, her body.

  Something close to a growl came from Nicholas, my rapt attention on Melanie broken by his anger. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” He leaned in close, his voice low.

  Turning to him, I wished for nothing more than to tell him who I was.

  That I was supposed to be Melanie’s husband, not him.

  That I adored her more than any other creature that had ever lived and always would.

  That I had every intention of taking her away from him.

  But I couldn’t do that. I knew Melanie still loved me.

  What I didn’t know was whether she still wanted me.

  Besides, based on the way he acted toward her all night, it was apparent that it would not be in Melanie’s favor to anger this asshole. If he treated her like this in public, I couldn’t imagine how he must treat her in private.

  Once again, my fury toward him set in. What if he hurt her? My stomach clenched and my hands curled into fists, every piece of me wanting to protect my girl. I wanted to hide her away. I wanted to keep her safe from him. I wanted to see life in her eyes once again. But that had to be Melanie’s choice, not mine.

  I swallowed down the need to beat the shit out of the guy and forced words out, making them as true a statement as I could. “She just reminds me of somebody I used to know.” That was the most he was going to get from me.

  “So, Daniel,” Shane cut in, his voice clear, though you could hear the tension in it. “What do you think? Do you have any more questions about the proposal, or are you ready to get this thing started?”

  I ran my hands through my hair, trying to focus. Did I want them to build it? Could I be this close to Melanie’s husband and not go completely insane? Would it allow me to see Melanie again?

  Katie watched me knowingly. I was sure she could read every question I’d just asked myself as if it were written across my forehead.

  “Uh, it’s a lot to take in, Shane. Just give me a minute. I need to clear my head before I can decide.” I stood, and Shane nodded at me.

  Hands that I never wanted to feel again grabbed my arm. “Where are you going?” Vanessa whined.

  I shook her arm off. “To the men’s room. Is that okay with you?” My tone was hard and condescending. I didn’t give a shit. There was no way I was going to let her have any control over me—ever.

  Her face contorted, as if she was offended, which I hoped she was. Maybe then she’d accept I would never want her or her baby. I turned on my heel, and as I walked away, everything clicked.

  “Daniel and I are having a baby.”

  She’d done it on purpose. Vanessa wasn’t trying to further her career, to find an easy way to get ahead. She had wanted it all. The name, the money—everything. I knew then that there was no question whether the baby was mine or not. Thoughts of her in my drunken stupor, assuring me she was on the pill when I had insisted we needed to use something, distracting me, spurring me on. I was always careful, always—except for that one time with her.

  I had every intention of going to the men’s room, but as I neared it, the pull intensified, drawing me to her. Placing my hand against the men’s room door, I tried to push it open, but I just couldn’t do it. I could feel her heart beating against my chest, her body begging mine to find hers. Dropping my hand, I stepped back and looked between the two doors. She was only feet from me; I could walk right in there and ask her everything.

  My steps were slow as I approached the women’s restroom, my breaths shallow and hard. Setting both hands flat against the door, I prayed she’d let me talk to her.

  If I could just tell Melanie that I was sorry one more time, would she finally forgive me? I could never take back what I had done, but did she love me enough to see past it and allow me to love her and adore her the way she should be? Would she let me take care of her, allow me to try to breathe life back into her? Was I being selfish because I knew if she allowed me that, I’d become whole myself? That if she allowed me to touch her, my heart would beat again?

  God, I wanted to touch her.

  That thought alone gave me the courage to push the door open. I froze when I heard her cries coming from a closed stall. The sound nearly brought me to my knees. I had never heard so much pain coming from one person. It made it so much worse that it was coming from the one person who meant everything to me. I wanted to comfort her, but I knew my presence was what had caused it to begin with. I retreated to give her privacy, though I couldn’t go far.

  I just waited. I’d been waiting for her to return to me for nine years. I could be patient.

  When the faucet ran, I knew she’d be coming out soon. I braced myself to face her. What would she say to me? What would I say to her?

  I didn’t have time to contemplate it before the door swung open, her sweet scent filling the air. My heart leapt at the sight of her. Her brown hair was a disaster, her face blotchy and red, green eyes glistening from her tears.

  My beautiful, broken girl.

  None of the times that I’d imagined being near her again could have prepared me for this. Our connection was stronger than it had ever been. In that moment, just the two of us existed. The air crackled with our need. I could hear her heart speed up in her chest and her breathing become erratic, and I felt her fingers twitch toward me.

  She wanted me.

  I had to touch.

  Slowly, I brought my hand to her face, and I swore I could actually see the electricity travel between us. I traced my fingertips across her cheekbone, unsure of how much contact I could take.

  “Melanie.” Everything I felt about her came out in that one word, my voice cracking as the emotions tumbled from my mouth.

  “Why?” I whispered.

  Of course, I knew why. What I didn’t understand was why she didn’t tell me herself. Why she left me waiting for months when I didn’t even know she’d left me for someone else. Searching her face, I prayed I’d find the answer there. Almost imperceptibly, her head tilted to the side, her eyes filling with—confusion? The expression on her face left me with more questions than I’d started with.

  She gave me no answer, and I didn’t push her. Perhaps the reason she’d never told me herself was she couldn’t bring herself to say the words to me. It didn’t matter anyway. All that mattered was the love flowing between us right now, and I knew I only had a few moments more. I couldn’t waste them.

  Her neck was flushed, wrapped in the same gold I’d given her the first time I made love to her, tangible evidence that she still thought of me.

  Slowly, I dragged my fingertips from her cheek to her neck so I could touch the chain, running my fingers along it. It held an energy all its own. I reached for the pendant, needing to feel our initials intertwined together, a promise of forever resting over
her heart. I couldn’t hold back the smile tugging on my lips as I rubbed it between two fingers, the inscription worn but unmistakable.

  “My love.” I had to say it out loud. I’d been telling her all night with my body, hoping she’d understand. Now she could make no mistake.

  Her whole body shook, and I was afraid she was going to break down or run from me. Instead, her hand reached for me, her movements jerky. My mouth watered when she finally touched me, her thumb running across my bottom lip. Our bodies drifted closer, every second bringing her nearer to me. I had to taste. I leaned in, her lips inviting mine.

  “Melanie.” Katie’s voice cut through the air.

  I jumped back.

  Shit.

  Jerked back into reality, I realized I’d nearly kissed a woman whose husband was sitting twenty feet away. Katie stood guard over her friend, pulling her away, defending her from me.

  It stung. She was mine, not his. But only in soul and not in body. My girl would leave with that man. The weight of our circumstances crushed me as I tore myself away from her. I felt on the verge of death as I forced myself to turn and walk away.

  I nearly ran the rest of the way to the table, my decision made. How could I not sign this contract? Shane knew what he was doing, though none of that was even a consideration. I would do anything it took to be near Melanie.

  “Okay, Shane, let’s do this.” He nodded agreement, his grin wide as he pushed the papers toward me, using his finger to indicate everywhere I needed to sign.

  My heart rate sped up when I felt Melanie approach from behind. I reveled in the satisfaction that I knew her; no one could take that away from me.

  With the last signature in place, we all stood to leave. Shane reached out and took his wife’s hand.

  Nicholas grabbed Melanie’s hand, dragging her through the restaurant as she struggled to keep up.

  Watching it was torture, and all I could do was follow.

  I quietly muttered, “Come on,” to Vanessa, gesturing for her to walk ahead of me. I would have to deal with that situation soon enough, but it would have to wait. I had to get one more glimpse of Melanie before she took my heart with her once again.

  Outside the restaurant, we gathered on the sidewalk, waiting for our cars. Once again, that uncomfortable tension set in. Resentment rolled off Nicholas. I couldn’t tell if it was directed at me or Shane or Melanie—most likely a combination of us all.

  Shane extended his hand to me. “It’s going to be great working with you, Daniel. I promise you will not be disappointed.”

  Positive it was going to be a good experience working with him, I returned his handshake. “I have faith in you, Shane. We’ll talk again on Monday when I bring the information from the bank to your office.” I didn’t even acknowledge Nicholas. As far as I was concerned, he had no bearing in this decision.

  Katie was at Shane’s side, regarding me with unabashed curiosity. I still didn’t know what this woman was up to, but somehow I believed she was on Melanie’s side.

  I reached my hand to hers, taking it. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Katie.” Her tender glance at Melanie confirmed her love for my girl, and I relaxed at her touch, squeezing her hand lightly.

  “Nice to meet you, too, Daniel.” Katie flashed a knowing smile, her blue eyes twinkling. No question. She knew exactly who I was.

  I cringed when Nicholas’s voice broke through the calm that had settled in the air. “Let’s go, Melanie.” I turned just in time to see him shove her into the car. His grip was rough, and I didn’t miss the grimace on Melanie’s face as she was thrown into her seat.

  It was the last I could take. I wouldn’t stand by and watch him treat Melanie like that.

  With my hands in fists, I mentally prepared for a fight. I had taken no more than a step when a firm hand tugged on my shoulder. Katie’s face was solemn and hard, expressing her disapproval with two sharp shakes of her head. I nearly ripped her hand from me, stopping only when she leaned in and whispered urgently in my ear, “Daniel, you’re just going to make it worse.”

  Resigned at her words, I shoved my hands into my pockets. It killed me to allow Melanie to go with that creep, but the last thing I wanted to do was cause trouble for her. I’d done enough of that to last her a lifetime.

  I couldn’t tear my eyes from her as she waited in her seat for her bastard husband to run around to the other side of the car.

  “Bye,” passed from her lips as the car sped away. I could only hope she could see it when I mouthed “my love” to her. Instantly, my chest burned with the loss. Giving me a sad smile, Katie squeezed my arm. She leaned in, her mouth close to my ear. “She loves you too.” In confusion, Shane watched our interaction. With one last small smile, she turned away from me and wrapped her arms around Shane’s waist, speaking to him under her breath.

  Shane’s expression quickly shone in understanding. He nodded a couple of times before a smile took over his face. They bid us goodbye when their car pulled up to the curb.

  “What the hell was that?” Vanessa stood behind me, irritated, her hands on her hips.

  “Just get in the car, Vanessa.” This was not going to be a pleasant conversation.

  I knew it was better to just get it over with—the sooner the better. I ran the back of my hand across my lips as I pulled out onto the road, glancing in her direction. She stared straight ahead, pouting.

  “What exactly do you want from me, Vanessa?”

  “What do you mean?” She’d turned toward me, her posture defensive, her voice feigning innocence.

  “You know exactly what I mean. I’m not here to play games. Tell me what you want from me.” I had no intention of giving her what she wanted, but I just needed to hear her say it.

  “Well, Daniel, we are having a baby. Don’t you think we should get married?”

  Holy shit. I was right. I just hadn’t expected her to come straight out and say it. She wanted money. And she wanted my name. I laughed out loud as I shook my head; she was indeed insane.

  “Why are you laughing? There is nothing funny about this situation, Daniel.”

  “Oh, I disagree. I find this utterly fucking hilarious.” Did she really think she could get away with this? Yeah, I had been stupid enough to fall for it the first time, but that night would be the one mistake I’d make; there would not be a repeat.

  “Daniel, we’re having a baby. We need to...find a way to work this out.” She tried to sound confident, but it sounded more as if she were pleading.

  “No, Vanessa. There will never be anything between us.” I looked directly at her. “Never.” Even I hated the sound of my voice, but I had to be clear on this point.

  “What? Is this about that bitch at dinner that you couldn’t stop staring at? She’s married for God’s sake!” she screeched.

  That bitch? I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to talk as if she knew anything about Melanie or me. I ran my hands through my hair, trying to rein in the outrage consuming me.

  “You don’t know me, Vanessa, so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop talking like you do.” Getting my temper under control, I forced myself to keep my tone even. “I don’t want anything to do with you.” I squeezed the steering wheel as I said the words, trying to keep myself from spitting them at her. “I know that baby is my responsibility, and I’ll accept that. I’ll pay child support, but I expect to have joint custody.”

  Inside the car was silent except for the short breaths I could hear Vanessa taking as she chewed on her lip, her hands clutching her purse. I looked around, surprised we were already approaching her house.

  “You’ll hear from my attorney tomorrow. Other than that, I don’t want to hear from you unless it is directly related to the baby. Do you understand?” I sat in my seat and waited for her answer.

  “What? W…wha…why?” she stammered, gawking at me.

  “Because I don’t appreciate being taken advantage of.” I glared at her, daring her to deny it.

  “I...I...” Her wo
rds twisted together, unable to form a lie quickly enough.

  That’s what I thought.

  I would never have treated her like this if this had been an accident, if the two of us had been irresponsible and had the consequences to face. What I wouldn’t tolerate was being manipulated.

  She mumbled under her breath, “You’re an asshole,” as she opened the door and got out, running up the sidewalk to her house.

  Yeah, probably so.

  “But you are a whore,” I muttered to her retreating form.

  Mom would kill me if she ever found out how I’d treated Vanessa. She’d remind me that everyone deserved to be respected, even if you didn’t feel like giving it to them. But I was in full defense mode because Vanessa was most definitely a threat.

  Leaving Vanessa allowed the emptiness to suck me in, and I drove aimlessly, my only companion the burn on my skin Melanie had left behind.

  I’d missed her so badly all these years, haunted by the memories of her face, agonized by the loss of her comfort, plagued by the grief we should have shared. All of that was still there, strong and growing, except there was something else building with it. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt—good?

  Even though I knew I should stay away, there was not a chance in hell I would. I had to see her again even if it was only from a distance.

  I pulled off to the side of the road, dust flying as I came to an abrupt stop. I searched for Nicholas Borelli on my phone. Numerous results popped up on the screen, but there was something specific I was looking for. Scrolling through, one caught my eye—his personal address. I saved the site and threw my phone onto the seat next to me as I took off toward home.

  I knew I’d never fall asleep tonight; I didn’t even think I wanted to. I entered my apartment, an expanse of desolation only because she wasn’t there, but tonight it was different. Instead of climbing into the shower and giving myself over to my pain, I walked out onto the balcony and gazed upon the city lights, knowing she was there. Leaning against the railing, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel all the love, hurt, and longing she had shown me tonight. My chest filled with my love for her, and once again, I called upon the power that somehow held us together. I prayed she was safe and felt loved, by me.