Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  The elevator ride was short. My head spun and tears stung my eyes when we stepped out onto the floor. How was I going to get through this? We hadn’t even reached the nursery and I was already falling apart.

  I clutched Daniel’s hand, the only comfort I could find. I felt his pulse racing just as fast as mine, but where his raced with anticipation and the desire to be united with his son, mine raced with dread as I walked to meet the manifestation of my every insecurity.

  I couldn’t even bring myself to look up as Daniel showed the volunteer working the desk his wristband and had a pass made for me.

  The buzzer sounded and the door opened. The warmth of the room washed over my face, sending shivers down my spine. Infant cries pierced my ears, coming at me from what seemed like every direction, making me cower against Daniel’s side. Wrapping his arm protectively around my shoulders, he drew me in, the energy between us acting as a shield from the pain. My spirit immediately eased. I breathed in and drew from that power, sucking it deep into the pit of my stomach, emboldened as we made our way across the floor.

  Daniel stopped just feet away from his child, giving me time to adjust. But I pressed forward, preparing for the surge of jealousy I knew would come. I felt hurried and frantic and knew I should wait and clear my head, but I couldn’t stop the steps my feet took. It became suddenly clear the energy I felt was not coming from Daniel at all. His baby boy was crying, a gurgling, rattling cry, so sad it would bring any mother to her knees.

  I gasped as I took in his small child, the picture of his father, a perfect replica of the man I adored. My chest rolled with tremors as I felt his call, taking the last step forward to be at his side. I didn’t hesitate to touch him, splaying my hand over his tiny chest. Soothed, the child stilled at my touch, his spirit calmed as it met with mine. I closed my eyes, feeling his heart pound, beating strong with Daniel’s blood that flowed through his veins. His pull was indescribable, so much like the force that bound me to Daniel, yet so different. It was a perfect accompaniment, an extension of the connection Daniel and I shared.

  Daniel moved to my side and wrapped his arm around my waist, tugging me closer while taking his son’s hand, smiling wistfully. “He’s hard not to love, isn’t he?”

  I wheezed out through my constricted throat, “Impossible.” Daniel and I stayed unmoving for an immeasurable amount of time, our arms wrapped around each other, satisfied to watch baby Andrew sleep in his small crib, his hand firmly gripping Daniel’s finger and his heart beating soundly against the palm of my hand. The three of us were enveloped in the cocoon of energy that hovered in contentment, for the first time complete.

  I glanced over my shoulder and found Erin and Julia standing at the window hugging each other, their eyes bleary and red as they had watched my first encounter with Andrew.

  I smiled pensively and tried to keep myself from shedding any more tears. I’d cried enough for a lifetime, and today was a day to rejoice. Daniel and I had found our heart, and it rested in this small child sleeping safely under our watch.

  Erin wiped her face with tissues Julia produced from her purse before coming into the nursery.

  Daniel stepped away and pulled his sister into a fierce hug. Both of them murmured their love for one another and satisfaction for the day, their whispers proclaiming, “Thank God,” and “I knew she would.”

  Erin turned and wrapped me in her arms. I hugged her back, whispering, “I’m not afraid anymore.”

  She nodded and pulled away, dabbing her fingers under her eyes. “I know.” She smiled. “So, can I do anything to help?”

  Daniel roughed his hands through his hair. “Do you think you and Mom could go and help Vanessa get ready to take Andrew home? I just...” He grimaced, clearly aware he should be the one doing it but just not quite there yet. She shook her head, keeping him from having to explain what she already understood. “No problem.”

  She patted us both on the back and left Daniel and me to resume our protective stance over his child. We just stood there and watched. We would never be able to get enough of Andrew, so we savored every second we had.

  Ten minutes later, Erin rushed into the nursery and tugged hard at Daniel’s arm. Her voice was low and alarmed. “Daniel, I need to talk to you.”

  “What is it?”

  “Just come on.” Urgently, she tugged again, and he pulled me behind him.

  The instant we were out the door, Erin burst. “She’s gone!”

  “What are you talking about, Erin?”

  Erin shook a folded paper in Daniel’s face. “This is what I’m talking about!”

  Daniel ripped it from her hands and tore at it to expose what was written inside. “That bitch. I knew it.”

  I stood looking between the two of them, waiting for one of them to fill me in on what happened. Neither of them looked my way, so consumed with what they’d found on that paper. He reached into his pocket and fumbled for his phone, still muttering profanities that Erin continually seconded.

  Frustrated, I reached out and plucked the paper from Daniel’s shaking hand. I smoothed the crumpled paper against my chest so I could read it. It wasn’t addressed or signed, but simply stated, “I can’t do this.” I had to read it three times before it sank in. Vanessa had abandoned her son. I was suddenly every bit as angry as Daniel.

  My thoughts went to that precious child in the next room. I found myself unable to grasp how anyone could see his face and not fall in love with him, especially his own mother. I turned and walked toward the glass. His small crib was across the room, and I could see nothing of him from where I stood, but I could feel him—the pull—the need within him matching my own.

  I barely registered the flurry of activity happening around me as the day progressed. Morning turned to afternoon, and the numerous calls made to Vanessa still went unreturned. There were whispered conversations between Daniel and Patrick, the quick reappearance of Daniel’s attorney, people coming and going, the faces of all those I loved strained and concerned as William Bailey made what seemed to be an unending number of phone calls. It increasingly wore at Daniel as he tugged on his hair and paced up and down the corridor. His expression was pained when he paused to peer into the quiet nursery where I rocked his son. I spent those hours meeting all of Andrew’s needs while he met mine, comforting the child at the center of the tumult happening just outside.

  I kissed Andrew’s forehead, wrapped the sleeping infant in his blanket, and placed him back in his crib, still unable to pull myself fully away. I held the side of his bed and gazed down upon the child I would forever adore.

  I felt Daniel enter and he came up behind me and wrapped me tightly against his body. He looked over my shoulder to peer down at his son and then leaned in and whispered heaven against my ear.

  “Melanie, let’s take our son home.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  He was so beautiful.

  The sun shone down over us as I sat barefoot, squishing my toes down into the damp grass, my legs drawn to my chest. I watched as my son ran, untroubled and free, across our backyard. His blond curls played around his face as the faint breeze gave way to sudden gusts of wind.

  “Mommy, watch,” he called. As if I ever stopped.

  He climbed the steps to his small slide, his three-year-old legs quick and adept in his favorite activity. His hazel eyes flashed with excitement when he reached the top. He swung himself up and onto his butt, digging his heels into the slide to propel himself forward. His face shown euphoric for the few brief seconds it took for him to reach the bottom.

  As soon as his feet hit the ground, giggles bubbled up from within him, his chubby, round face succumbing to a fit of laughter as he raced across the lawn and threw himself into my lap. I exaggerated the impact by shielding his body in my arms as I allowed us to fall back into the cool grass. Laughing, I hugged him to me and breathed against his head.

  “You are getting too big, Andrew. You knocked your momma right over!”

  H
e wiggled and sat up, grinning at me and showing all of his small white teeth. “Daddy said I’m a big boy now.”

  “Yes,” I confirmed, my own smile filled with the intense love I had for him. “You are a very big boy!”

  He was back on his feet, darting away. He sang the first line of his ABCs over and over while he settled down in the dirt to play with his trucks, leaving me to gaze at the little boy I still could not believe was mine.

  Even though it had never been her intention, Vanessa giving up this child had been the most unselfish act she’d ever committed. She had given me a son, a child not borne of my body but created specifically for me, just as his father had been. I’d known it the moment I had felt his pull, just as I’d known that very thing when I felt Daniel so many years before.

  Without Vanessa, though, Andrew wouldn’t be here. As much as I couldn’t stand the person she was, it didn’t stop me from waking each morning and silently thanking her for being the vessel that had brought my son into this world.

  As he played in the sand, the sun warming his pale, smooth skin against the cool breeze, I saw traces of her.

  No doubt, Andrew was his father’s twin, his golden curls a near perfect match to Daniel’s at the same age, small ringlets framing his precious little face and bouncing with each bounding step he took. Patrick had informed me on more than one occasion that most strangers thought Andrew was a girl, but I still couldn’t bear to see the curls cut away. Julia would only laugh and run her fingers lovingly through her grandson’s hair, reminding Patrick that he had said the very same thing when Daniel was young.

  Andrew already had Daniel’s smile, the same one that rendered me helpless. I found myself constantly grateful that Andrew was such a good child because I had no idea how I would ever discipline him. And those eyes, they were as if God had seen his perfect work in Daniel and simply replicated the same magic in Andrew.

  Still, Vanessa was there, seen in the faint freckles that ran over the bridge of his button nose and sprinkled out under his eyes, in the hint of red in his hair that could only be seen when the sun hit it just right. It was an odd feeling to be so indebted to someone I hated so much.

  That day in the hospital had been a harrowing experience for Daniel. Vanessa had left without signing anything, and the hospital staff questioned whether Daniel was even Andrew’s father. Though we didn’t need medical confirmation that Daniel’s blood flowed through Andrew’s body, the state did. Daniel had willingly yielded to a paternity test that confirmed him as Andrew’s biological father. As stressful as that all had been, it had become the single most important day in my life—the day I went home with Daniel and my son. Nothing could compare to arriving in front of our house and walking through the front door with my family. It was the first time in my life I had ever truly been home.

  That April, on what would have been Daniel’s and my anniversary, I was given the wedding I’d always wanted, a simple one in which Daniel and I stood hand-in-hand in Patrick and Julia’s backyard and professed that we would love each other forever.

  The very next day, I signed a petition to adopt Andrew, seeking that he not only be my son in spirit but legally as well. It didn’t take William Bailey long to track down Vanessa, and while I could never understand her reasoning behind it, she relinquished her rights to Andrew that day. Two months later, I officially became the mother of Andrew Daniel Montgomery. No longer did I have to live in fear that someday he would be taken away from me. He was mine.

  “Andrew, sweetheart, Daddy’s going to be home from work soon.” I stood, dusted the traces of wet dirt and grass from my pants, and extended my hand to him. “We should head in and start dinner.”

  His sweet face brightened at the mention of his father, and he barreled over to me, throwing his arms in the air for me to pick him up. I swept him off the ground and into my arms.

  “Here, let’s get your hands washed.” I walked to the kitchen sink and leaned over it, running his hands under the warm water and washing the residue from his afternoon of play down the drain.

  I kissed his forehead and set him on his feet. Andrew went straight for his little table standing in the corner of the kitchen. He settled into the small chair, picking a dark blue crayon, his favorite color. He set to work, drawing a picture for his dad, something he did most every day while I cooked dinner.

  I looked around the kitchen I loved, warmed by its comfort.

  I glanced down at my son, so intent on the picture he was drawing, his small hand flying across the page as he scribbled his wonderful, indecipherable thoughts for his father.

  I started on dinner, and seconds later, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I reached for a towel, patting down my hands before digging the phone out to see the name on the screen. I grinned. “Hey, Katie. How are you?”

  Katie and I were still very close, though we didn’t get to spend as much time together as we would have liked. The last few years had been rough on her and Shane.

  Nicholas had been sentenced to only three months in jail for the assault and ordered to undergo anger management classes. To me, the penalty had seemed much too lenient, but in the end, it had cost him his company. During the months he was away, their clients steadily dropped off and no new contracts came in. People seemed unwilling to do business with a company that had Nicholas’s name attached to it. Nicholas had always been about image, and he was forced to leave Chicago where people knew him for who he truly was. He’d sold his portion of the company to Shane and left town without a trace.

  Shane had changed the company name and Katie went to work for him. Unfortunately, their first year was incredibly trying as they tried to salvage what was left of Shane’s years of hard work. He’d used all his profits from Daniel’s building to buy Nicholas out, and Katie and he had struggled to stay afloat. Not surprisingly, though, considering Shane’s work ethic and skill, it all paid off. By the time Katie gave birth to their son Jordan a little more than a year ago, the business was flourishing, and she was able to turn her duties over to a new office manager so she could stay home to raise their son.

  “I’m great, babe, how are—” She was cut off by the shrill cry of Jordan, obviously coming through a baby monitor. Her voice was somewhat muffled but still loud as she pulled the phone away from her mouth, yelling, “Shane, I’m on the phone. Get Jordan.” I was unable to restrain my giggle. Their house was screaming chaos every time I spoke with her, but it was a happy, loving chaos in which they all seemed to thrive.

  “Sorry,” she laughed under her breath. “Every time I pick up the phone, one of my boys suddenly needs me for something.”

  “No problem. Everything is good here, just making dinner.”

  “Good. So, Shane and I are taking Jordan to the zoo on Saturday and wanted to see if you guys might want to meet us?”

  “I’m sure Andrew would love that. What time?”

  “Noonish? Thought we could just get lunch there. Why don’t you see if Erin wants to tag along?” Erin had settled in a house just ten minutes from us, and we saw her at least a couple of times a week. She’d always show up unannounced, saying she needed to practice with my son for the children she hoped to have in the near future.

  “Sure. I’ll give her a—”

  The sound of something crashing in the background interrupted us. Shane yelled for help and Katie snapped, her voice no longer directed at me, “Seriously, Shane?” She grunted her mild annoyance into the phone. “I’ve gotta go, Melanie, Shane just made a huge mess. See you on Saturday?”

  “Yep, we’ll be there.”

  “Okay, bye.”

  “So guess what, Andrew,” I said, drawing his attention from the paper in front of him that was now nearly black from all of the different colors he’d mixed together.

  He looked up, excited by the tone in my voice. “What?”

  “That was Katie, and she asked if you wanted to go to the zoo with Jordan on Saturday. Does that sound like fun?”

  He nodded his head, empha
sizing the movement. “Yes, I love the zoo, Momma.”

  I ruffled my hand through his curls and placed a kiss against his head. “Good, because I love the zoo, too.”

  With the sound of the garage door opening, Andrew jumped to his feet, squealing, “Daddy!” He grabbed the picture he’d colored and raced down the hall to meet his father at the door.

  My heart did its own little flip-flop, ever anxious for the reunion with its match. The door opened and Daniel’s voice echoed as it carried down the hall. “There’s my little man!” Shrill laughter and commotion followed as the daily round of tickling and loud, exaggerated kisses commenced. Loud steps hurried down the hall and Daniel shouted, his question obviously meant for me, “Where’s Mommy?”

  I hollered back, “Kitchen.”

  They rounded the corner and came into view. Andrew laughed hysterically as Daniel carried him upside down over the shoulder. Daniel’s face was alight with love, glowing with complete joy. “There she is.” His voice softened when he spoke, his words holding more meaning than any other could ever know. He stood before me, the energy thick, drawing me to the man I could never live without. He flipped Andrew and set him upright on the floor before he reached out to wrap his arms around my waist. He drew me into a closed-mouth, albeit fierce kiss.

  I grinned, my lips still pressed to his, and murmured, “I missed you too.”

  He nodded, smirking against my mouth, lingering for a second longer. He stepped away and took Andrew back into his arms. “So, what did you and Mommy do today?”

  Andrew proceeded to give Daniel a play-by-play of our entire day, his jumbled, sweet words clear to Daniel and me. He ended his speech by telling Daniel of our planned trip to the zoo this weekend.

  “The zoo! I can’t wait,” Daniel said, throwing Andrew into the air, an act I had long since given up telling him to be careful about.

  “Okay guys, dinner’s ready.” I took two of the plates I had already filled, and Daniel grabbed the special one for Andrew. We all settled around the table in the breakfast nook. Daniel’s hand found my knee, his thumb caressing over the fabric of my pants, distance for us never an option.