Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  Adrian out from under their control. Me out from under their control. A win win. If what Farah said last night holds any merit and Adrian’s feelings do run deeper than his libido, maybe we can explore that without fear of being destroyed by them. I’m running through my plan on how to do this as I’m putting away the groceries when that devastating call comes in. The one you hope you never receive, but chances are, you will receive one form of it at some point in your life and most likely when you are completely unprepared.

  I hear the distant ringing of my cell phone coming from my purse, so I act quickly, not sure how long it has been ringing. When I look at the screen, I can see that I have several missed calls, voice mails, and texts. A sliver of dread runs down my spine. And I know—I just know.

  “Hello?” I ask warily.

  “Celeste. Are you at home?” my sister-in-law asks.

  “Umm...yes, is everything—”

  I hear her muffled comment to someone else. “Tell him she’s at home.”

  “Natalie, what’s going on?”

  She adjusts her phone. “Honey, I’m so sorry, but there’s been an accident. We think he’s going to be just fine. As a precaution, they’ve airlifted him to Oshner’s. Louis is with him. We’re all headed there now. We’ve called Adrian; he should be there in just a moment to pick you up and get you there safely.”

  I’m trembling with every word, waiting for her to tell me exactly what is happening, and not just the logistics of the situation. “Is it Daddy? Did he have a heart attack?”

  “No,” she whispers and her anguish is tangible. “It’s Archer.” Icy dread washes through me and tears fill my eyes immediately. “He had a swimming accident. He was underwater for a couple of minutes, but they were able to revive him immediately.”

  When she says the word “revive,” I cry out and throw my hand over my mouth. I can’t speak. I hear knocking at the door and then a key. And all I can think is that I wasn’t there. I’m not there!

  “Celeste, we think he’s going to be absolutely fine,” she says in a strong voice. “He was responsive but sluggish. He ingested quite a bit of water, so to err on the side of caution they wanted to get him to a trauma center.” I’m nodding but still can’t fathom what to say. My mind runs through all possible scenarios. None of them good. One thread ties all these thoughts together—I’m not there. I feel the phone being slipped from my hand and then a hand comes to rest on my shoulder.

  “Natalie?” I jump at the welcome sound of Adrian’s voice. “I’ve got her. We’re on our way.” I hear my phone lock, feel my hand being pulled, and see my purse being grabbed. “Come on, baby. Let’s go see about Archer, all right?” I finally pull my eyes up to focus on his and they look calm and reassuring, which actually does make me feel somewhat calm and reassured.

  “OK. I’m OK. Let’s go.” I nod vigorously so he sees that I can do this.

  He doesn’t waste another moment, and he never lets go of my hand.

  ****

  THE DRIVE IS so silent for the first few minutes that I’m a little scared to speak. I don’t know what to say, and I’m terrified of the thoughts running through my head. “Do you know what happened?” I finally whisper.

  “Apparently they were fishing and playing around on the pier while Louis and the guys were getting the boat ready to launch. Your mother was with the boys. They said Archer was running around for some reason and slid off the pier. The other kids waited for him to surface for a moment because they know he can swim.

  “When he didn’t, Paris jumped in and tried to find him while Finn tried to get Claire’s attention. Finally, all the commotion got Louis’s attention and he jumped in and fished him out. He was able to perform CPR and get him revived. The fire department called in an airlift right away; being a child and being our family, they didn’t want to take any chances.” His gaze is focused forward the entire time. He gives me the facts straight and without embellishment. I appreciate this trait of his so very much right now.

  “Is Paris OK?”

  “Yeah, baby, he’s good.”

  When we reach the hospital, he drops me off by the emergency doors so that he can park the car while I get to Archer. As swiftly as my legs will carry me, I make my way in and find the information desk.

  “Hello? My name is Celeste Hebert. My son Archer Hebert was brought in on an airlift a little while ago. Can you tell me where he is, please?”

  “Yes, Ms. Hebert. If you’ll just go to those double doors, I’ll buzz you in and walk you back. They’re just getting him settled now.”

  I glance back at the entrance. I really don’t want to face this without him by my side. I don’t know if I can do it. I move toward the doors, hoping that he’ll beat me and we can go back together. When he strides through that door and his gaze locks with mine, I send up a little prayer of thanks. I’m counting on you for the big prayer now. I offer a small smile and motion with my head that we’re to go back. He joins me at the door, his hand comes to rest on the small of my back. It may just be a hand, but everything that is attached to that gesture feels like a pillar of support at the moment.

  The door buzzes and we enter, following the nurse as she quickly makes her way through the corridors. I release a deep breath. I know I need to be extremely calm right now. When we reach his room, the door opens with a swoosh. My eyes search the room to land on Archer’s wide ones. He’s asking the doctor how long can someone be underwater before not being able to be revived. Always so curious! I let out a relieved chuckle. His gaze flies to mine and a little smile lights his face.

  “Mom?” He asks hoarsely.

  “Archer, baby, are you OK?”

  “Yeah. I’m just tired. I’m sorry, Mom.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for, honey.” I glance over and see Louis worrying his bottom lip and give him a small smile. Entering the room, I set my purse down in the chair and move to the side of the bed. Leaning down, I bring my lips to his forehead. I kiss him about five times consecutively before looking up at the doctor. I feel Adrian move in behind me, and he runs his hand up and down Archer’s arm before resting one hand on Archer’s shoulder and one on my lower back again.

  “Is he going to be OK?” I ask the question the doctor’s probably heard a million times before.

  “Right now, we’re preparing to run tests to make sure his lungs are clear and there are no obstructions. What we’re most concerned about is pneumonia. We’re going to observe him until this evening to make sure he’s in no danger of developing that. Other than that, he will be lethargic and probably doze on and off for the next several hours.”

  A nurse enters the room and they explain that they’re going to wheel him for a couple of tests and will be right back. I kiss Archer and promise him I’ll be right here when he returns. Adrian ruffles his hair and tells him he loves him.

  “Celeste?” I hear Louis call me. “I’m so sorry.”

  I turn and take in his haggard look. He looks like he’s aged five years. “Louis, you saved my son’s life. A few more seconds and he would’ve drowned. Why are you sorry?”

  He blows out a tired breath. “Mainly, I’m sorry for not paying better attention to the boys. But I’m also sorry for being judgmental. You’ve never done anything but accept me, and the first time you need me to be understanding, I throw it in your face and turn my back on you.”

  Walking over to my baby brother, I throw my arms around him and kiss him and make him look at me. “Louis, I love you so much. Thank you for saving my son’s life and for always being there for me and my children. Yes, you’ve been a bit of a jerk lately, but I’ve also been quite frustrating,” I say with a smile, “so you’re forgiven. OK?”

  He nods and hugs me back tight. I hear the doors open and turn to see if Archer’s back already. In waltz my mother and father.

  Before I can fully process her arrival and the look on her face, I feel Adrian move in behind me and pull me in close, resting his hand on my hip.

  My
mother takes in Adrian’s possessive stance and narrows her eyes at him before she asks, “What is he doing here?”

  “Mother—” Louis starts.

  I pat him on the arm. “No, Louis, I’ve got this.”

  This is the person I’m upset with. “Adrian is my family, Mother.” I feel Adrian’s grip intensify and watch as her eyes widen at my tone. I figure by the time I’m done with her, they’ll have bugged out of her unnaturally nipped and tucked face. “He’s been here for me and the boys like no other, so I won’t be denying him.” I narrow my eyes at her and tilt my head. “What I want to know is where were you when my little boy fell into the water and nearly drowned?”

  Clearing her throat, she straightens and says, “I was just up from the water.”

  “What were you doing when my little boys were calling for your help?”

  “I was on the phone with my doctor.”

  My rage barely suppressed, I ask, “When you heard them calling for you, what did you do?”

  “Celeste,” my father warns.

  “No, Daddy, I want to know.” My eyes never leave hers. “What did you do when they begged you for your help?”

  “Celeste, I thought that they were horse-playing. I had heels and a suit on, for God’s sake. I got to the water as quickly as possible.”

  “As quickly as possible? Did you bother kicking off your thousand dollar shoes and throwing that designer jacket on the ground while trying to get help for my children? My two children who were in the water fighting for their lives?”

  She strengthens her resolve before she tells me, “Celeste, you’re overwrought. I understand because I’m also a mother and would be terribly upset myself had this happened to one of you. However, I will not take the blame or the verbal abuse you seem intent on dishing out as I do not deserve it, especially since you continue to defy your father on important matters. You, my dear, have not a leg to stand on in this family, so I’d watch myself.”

  I open my mouth to speak but before I can get anything out, Adrian’s voice booms from behind me. “Get out.”

  “Excuse me?” my mother says.

  Adrian continues in that scary calm voice, and I can’t believe my mother doesn’t tuck tail and run. “Get out. Your daughter almost lost her son today. She’s already lost her husband. She continues to try to appease this family to her own detriment. Her son needs her to be calm and focused right now. You’re not helping. Get. Out.”

  “You’re going to let him speak to me like that?” Her gaze flies from me, to Louis, and back to my father. “You’re going to let him speak to me like that,” she states incredulously. She turns and points at my father. “I think it best if you remember what’s at stake here.”

  I just roll my eyes. My mother and her threats. I’d been listening to those all my life. Her heels clicking and clacking down the hallway are the only sounds for a moment before my father turns back to me. He signals me over. I try to move toward him, but I’m immediately pulled back into the brick wall that is Adrian. I put my hands up helplessly and laugh a little.

  My father shakes his head and moves toward me. He picks up one of my hands and proceeds to blow my mind. “I’ve never been as scared as I was today, Celeste, watching helplessly as my grandson had to be revived.” His voice breaks slightly. “You’ve never done anything for this family except what has been required of you. I’m here to tell you no more—I want you to be able to live your life in peace. You’re my daughter and I’m proud of you and…I love you.”

  I throw my arms around my father even though Adrian’s hand stays anchored to my hip. Four times. Four times in my whole life had my father told me he loved me. I don’t tell him I love him back. I can’t. I’d been rejected too many times by him, so I hug him tight and nod my head. Maybe one day we can get there.

  He moves over and hugs Louis before leaving. I feel sorry for him because now he has to go deal with my mother. Feeling weak from the whole evening, I feel my body exhale and Adrian pulls me in to hold me tight.

  ****

  ADRIAN AND I climb the steps wearily. He carries a sleepy Archer all the way up the stairs while I cradle the other two boys next to my hips as close as I can get them. After Adrian tucks in Archer and I tuck in Finn and Paris, Adrian and I cross paths in the hallway. He reaches out and grabs my hand, holding on until we can’t any longer while we switch rooms to kiss the boys goodnight. A not-so-little thrill shoots through me.

  Archer is almost dozing off again as I sit down beside him. “I’m going to let you go to sleep as soon as I tell you this, honey. I don’t know what I’d do without my Archer. You are so special, so important to me. I can’t even find a word grand enough to tell you how much I love you and how much I need you in my life.” We are both sobbing when I get finished, so I wrap it up quickly. “You and your brothers are my heart, Archer, and I need you to be very careful with my heart. OK?” He nods his head profusely. “I love you. Sleep tight, sweetie.”

  “I love you too.” He blows out a little breath and sighs before continuing. “Mom, I’m sorry I scared you. I don’t want you to have anyone else that you have to live without every day. I see how sad you are sometimes, especially when Dad died. I don’t want to be the one to make you feel that way. Ever.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, thank you for saying that. I’m much better now though, don’t you think?”

  “I think you were for a while but not lately.”

  “Ah...” Adrian strain. “I loved your father, Archer, but I’m doing OK. I need you to understand that you are my heart and soul. No love compares with what I feel for you and your brothers. No love ever will, so I need you to take care of yourself and your brothers. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” he whispers.

  “OK. I’m exhausted. You’re beyond exhausted. Good night, love.” I brush his hair to the side and kiss him for probably the hundredth time of the night.

  “Night.”

  When I exit his bedroom, a vision stands before me—a beautiful beacon of a vision. He was my rock tonight, and I’m not going to give that up. Whatever we have to face is worth it, and if he’s by my side for it, I can handle it. He doesn’t say a word, just gives me a small smile and grabs my hand again. Much to my delight, he has not stopped touching me since he whisked me off to my son this afternoon. Would it always be this way between us?

  I snap the lights off and close the door to the hallway as we make our way to my sunroom. I’m so glad he’s in the lead. There’s something I need right now, but I don’t know that I would know how to ask for it. When we enter the sunroom, he closes the door behind us and leaves his palm on the door for a few beats before he turns to me, causing my heart to skip in anticipation. When he finally does turn the love that I see shimmering in his blue eyes is unmistakable and heart mending. Tears pool in my eyes a bit before he releases my hand to move both of his hands to cup my face, and I swallow hard.

  I know where my heart lies, and I suspect his is there as well. Are we finally on the same page? I’m afraid to ask. He just holds me there in place and I finally see the answer to my unspoken question shining in his eyes. Ever so briefly, I smile.

  When his lips brush over mine gently, I fight the urge to close my eyes and lose myself to his touch. His stare is so intense and makes me feel so precious that I don’t want to miss a moment of it. When his tongue darts out to tease my lips, my eyelids finally flutter closed, and my mouth opens for him immediately. Feeling his tongue softly dance with mine, I let myself go. Moving my hands to his hips, I pull him tightly into me. His answering groan is all the encouragement I need. Running my hands up his back, I feel his taut muscles tremble a little. I smile through my kiss. We’ve shared a few kisses, each one unique and wonderful, but none of them have been this meaningful, this sure.

  After a few moments, he pulls back but doesn’t stop placing little kisses all over my mouth for another moment. “You are so strong, so beautiful. You have no idea...”

  Tilting my head a lit
tle, I kiss one of the hands framing my face while he rains kisses over my neck. “No, Adrian, you have no idea,” I say with a smile. “I don’t know what I’d have done without you today. You are everything I need. I’m so grateful. I don’t know what I did to deserve to have you, but I hope I never have to experience it without you again.”

  Pulling my lips back to his, he gives me a long chaste kiss before pulling me over to the wicker loveseat. Sitting down first, he guides me to his lap so that I’m draped across it. He’s so smooth and quick that I don’t have time to question it. I pull my legs up on the couch and curl into him, relaxing into his strength and warmth. All those weeks of our refraining from touching are completely erased from my memory as I absorb him into me.

  Running his hands through my hair and down my arm, he rubs up and down for a second, before he asks, “You know what this means, right?”

  “Yes, I know. I’m ready. Let them try to inflict whatever damage they wish.” My voice shakes with indignation as I declare, “You’re worth it. I’m worth it. My children are worth it. You mean so much to all of us, and I can’t imagine denying ourselves any longer. So let them try to stop us.” I take a deep breath and struggle with how much I should admit right now. Not knowing how serious he wants to be with me is difficult, but I need him to know that what I feel is not a fleeting interest. “They’re not going to come between us, though, because I’m crazy about you and have been for a long time.”

  His gaze, still so intense, hasn’t left mine for a second. I watched as his eyes tightened with each word I’d just proclaimed. Was I wrong in thinking this is where his heart is? Tipping my head back, Adrian leans in and places a sweet kiss on my lips. “That’s not good enough for me,” he whispers against my lips. I still, thinking I’ve read him all wrong. “Although,” he says playfully with a smile, “being crazy for me is a good start.” His smile fades as he sobers up again. “It’s just not enough for me since I happen to love you.” My mind goes blank and I just stare at him wide-eyed as he places more sweet little kisses all over my mouth and chin, nudging my head back and continuing that sweet torment down my throat.