Play The Game

by Casey Crisp

  “I’ll keep apologizing.”

  “When will it get old?” I asked, slightly unnerved by his closeness.

  “It won’t get old,” he said, and I withheld a gasp when his voice sounded like it was right next to my ear, slipping into the most remote corners of my mind.

  “Alex, you haven’t proven yourself to be anything other than what you’ve shown me.”

  “Then I’ll open up.”

  “I don’t know if that’s good enough. It’s easier to make that promise when you really want something.”

  “But I’ll still try,” Alex said. “I like you, Brynn. It scares me and it hurts me, and I can’t sleep because of those feelings. I tried to push everything away and it didn’t work, so now I’m going to try and accept the way that I feel.”

  “What if it doesn’t accept you?”

  “I’ll keep trying,” Alex said. “Trying and apologizing.”

  “I don’t know if you’re capable of following through,” I said, doing my best not to shift away when his chest brushed against my arm.

  “Then you don’t know me very well.”

  “That’s also part of the problem.”

  “Then we should find out more about each other,” Alex supplied as if he had just solved an enormous crisis.

  However, even as I kept resisting the inevitable, I found myself desperately wanting to accommodate his demands. At the same time, I also owed it to myself to practice caution around someone like Alex Vonderheide, and I needed to pursue a potential relationship with more consideration. I voiced my concerns to Alex because we were both being honest. “I’ll need some time to think about it.”

  Alex smiled, nodding his agreement. “Take as much time as you want.”

  “I don’t think you can be that considerate,” I said because I knew that Alex was used to getting what he wanted with little effort.

  “Can you do just one thing for me?”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s just so I know that you’re serious,” Alex said, voice sobering to match his expression. “I’m asking for one kiss?”

  “Alex,” I whined, and he quickly reached out to hold onto my upper arms as if he was afraid that I might slip away.

  “I know that I don’t deserve to ask, but I need some kind of reassurance that you aren’t just humoring me.”

  “You’re making it harder,” I grumbled, but I allowed him to take a gentle hold of my chin and turn my face towards his own.

  “I’ll do everything that I can to make this easy and prove that I’m willing to change for you,” he said, and his words struck something deep inside of me. Distracted, I let him lean in closer to brush his lips across mine. Slowly, and in exactly the way that I needed, he added more pressure in a light kiss that stole my breath away. “Don’t hang around Chrystian,” he said when he finally broke our intimate contact. “At least, don’t do it around me.”

  “Are you suggesting that I go behind your back?”

  Alex grimaced. “I’m suggesting that we try to make this as easy as possible.”

  “Oh? Would Chrystian make things hard?”

  “He would,” Alex said while frowning. “Will you promise me?”

  “I make no such promise,” I said coyly and Alex threw his head back in disbelief.

  ***

  I never expected Alex to completely stay away because it simply went against his very character, which is why I wasn’t necessarily taken aback when I saw him standing outside of my classroom the following Monday. You see, the spring semester was a regular routine for most of my classmates, but there were still a select few students who decided to change their courses before the required deadline. I knew this perfectly well when I paused outside my morning lecture, waiting for Alex to close the distance.

  “Are you surprised?” he asked, taking another unnecessary step closer, leaving very little space between us, and the air was polluted with the thick smell of his cologne.

  “I heard you transferred into the class,” I informed him gently. “Why are you dressed up?”

  “I have a meeting after school,” he said. “An interested buyer wants to look at some of my art pieces.”

  I was, however, taken aback by the unexpected swell of pride that I felt for him over the news. “I’m glad,” I told him honestly, and his eyes sparkled.

  “I know what you must be thinking,” he said, swaying side to side in an entirely innocent manner. “You want to know why I’m in this class.”

  “Well, I happen to know that you aren’t really into creative writing.”

  Alex finally grinned, and it made him appear so much younger. “Don’t presume anything, Brynn, just do me a favor and sit at my table.”

  “It’s too late to warn me against presumptions,” I told him, “but I had always planned to sit next to you.”

  “You’re one step ahead of me.”

  “Yeah? Well, it’s usually the other way around.”

  Alex touched the small of my back, pushing me gently into the classroom ahead of him. Ignoring the eyes of my classmates, I chose a table near the back, throwing down my bag and taking the chair closer to the window. “Another class together?” Alex asked, and I shivered when his fingers found the back of my neck, massaging tenderly into the skin. “I’m beginning to think that I can’t stand to be away from you.”

  “That’s certainly true,” I remarked, ignoring the urge to close my eyes and lean into his relaxing touch.

  “I did say that I would try harder, didn’t I?” Alex asked, and I swallowed hard when he moved in closer, brown eyes searching mine. “Do you like it when I touch you, Brynn?”

  “As long as you don’t feel me up in class,” I said, immediately regretting the words when I saw his entire body react to the implications. What happened to the filter between my mouth and brain?

  “Do you think I’m clever enough to get away with it? You shouldn’t tempt me anymore than what I can handle. You’re making me do a lot of crazy things these days.”

  “Stop flirting with me,” I said, stiffening in his hold when I spotted Chrystian finally entering the room.

  Immediately, Chrystian’s gaze settled on the image of Alex and I together, but his expression was disarmingly unreadable. In fact, his eyes were downcast as he made his way over to a table near the front of the room. I quickly looked at Alex, but his attention was still focused on me. Did he even realize that Chrystian was in here? Or did he not care? “You know that I don’t like it when you’re not looking at me,” he eventually said.

  “Other people exist in the world,” I reminded him, returning his gaze steadily.

  “But I would like to be the most important person in your world,” he said, continuing to press his fingers into my skin with featherlike circles.

  “I told you to give me time,” I said, but I also tried not to pull away from him.

  “There’s no harm in trying to rush time, is there?” Alex asked, raising a questioning brow.

  “Maybe not for you,” I said, finally pushing his hand away when the instructor walked into the room.

  Alex chuckled. “It’s nice to know that you have your priorities in line.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  Finally, Alex addressed Chrystian from across the room with narrowed eyes. “You didn’t tell me to stop when he came in.”

  “So, you are here to keep an eye on me.”

  “It’s not so much you that I feel the need to keep an eye on,” Alex said, and I frowned at the implications of his words. “Haven’t I told you that I’m selfish?”

  “Am I something to be selfish over?”

  “The things most important to me are always worth being selfish over,” Alex said, reaching out to skim his thumb across my cheek. “Have you already forgotten what we talked about the other day? I’m more than happy to give you a summary of the end.”

  I finally broke our little staring contest and Alex smirked. “Are you willing to play dirty?”

&nb
sp; “Only if you’re willing to play back,” Alex said, voice taking on a suggestive tone that finally painted my cheeks with a scarlet-red color. He laughed at my obvious embarrassment and I usually despised his smug attitude, but I felt strangely endeared by his playfulness, and that’s when I knew that I was in trouble.

  Nicole

  “Candice was Beckett’s first love,” Aria said. “He tried to tell her, but she didn’t seem interested. It hurt Beckett’s pride, so he pretended like it didn’t bother him. Instead of confronting those problems, he started going to Alex who introduced him to some other girls. After that, Beckett constantly surrounded himself with women while acting like he was completely unaffected. But I guess when you really start to know Beckett, then it’s easy to see that he was suffering.”

  “Did he ever tell her?” I asked Aria. “That he liked her?”

  “He never told her.” Aria shook her head. “After that night at the formal, I think he regretted it.” She then offered me a meaningful look. “You understand, right? I don’t think he’ll let it happen again.”

  I shivered at the recollection of my earlier conversation with Aria. It was well-intentioned, but she effectively planted further doubts in my head about my tentative relationship with Beckett. Hopefully, he wouldn’t notice those uncertainties, especially once I parked next to a familiar white Hummer whose owner was patiently waiting.

  I watched him through the window before he entered my car, taking notice of his downcast features. “I think this is the first time I’ve ever driven you anywhere.”

  Beckett let out a grunt, leaning back in the passenger seat. “I wanted to stay in bed.”

  “Spending time in places other than school or your house will be good,” I said, reaching for my sunglasses in the middle console. “I know that we both have state playoffs coming up, but it’s nice to take a break.”

  “I feel like I’m a part of an experiment,” Beckett remarked, keeping his eyes focused straight ahead.

  “What’s wrong with that?” I asked. “A little unpredictability in your perfectly planned life will be fun.”

  “Yeah? Fun for the person who knows what to expect,” he said, and I rolled my eyes playfully at his attitude.

  “Are you ready to go?”

  Beckett nodded in response, and I carefully backed out of his driveway.

  Two Days Ago

  “Hi,” I greeted Aria warmly when she joined me for lunch.

  “How are you?” came her unexpectedly timid inquiry.

  “I’m fine,” I assured her, more curious about her condition. “What about you? Rose and Brynn told me things didn’t go so well at the formal.”

  “No, they didn’t.” Aria sighed. “Which is why I came here to talk to you.”

  I nodded, pushing aside my salad tray, deciding that I didn’t have much of an appetite. “Well?”

  “It’s been hard,” she admitted with a shrug. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that everyone's been acting differently, especially Beckett and Alex.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, recalling with startling vividity the unforgettable sight of Beckett Arlington slumped to the ground in defeat, his cries ringing in my ears like an unpleasant alarm.

  “I can’t stand it anymore,” Aria said, resting her chin on her folded arms across the table. “I want to do something to help.”

  The sentiment was admirable and I frowned at my discarded meal. “So do I.”

  Present

  I noticed that several people turned to look at us when we walked inside the restaurant, but I’m sure we made for an interesting sight. For example, I recognized students from the Academy because they were the ones who were blatantly whispering in our direction. Gossip had a nasty tendency to spread quickly, and I suspected that by the end of our meal, the whole school would likely know about my evening with Beckett.

  In the meantime, a kind server escorted us to a booth, spreading out two menus and those fancy napkins that seemed too proper for the small diner. Beckett sat on the opposite side, reaching for his menu before scanning its contents with interest. I didn’t bother opening my menu because I already knew what I wanted. This was one of my mother’s favorite places to visit, and my family were considered regular customers.

  “Should we just order drinks?” I asked him. “I’m not that hungry.”

  Beckett nodded. “Drinks are fine.”

  My eyes studied him from across the table. “Are you sure?”

  Beckett chuckled, raising his hand to attract a nearby waiter. “We’re ready to order.”

  “Lemonade, please,” I said, returning my menu before looking at Beckett, watching him talk with the waiter before my thoughts drifted once again.

  Aria’s earlier advice was running through my head, and I was preoccupied with her revelations. The idea of first love was dangerous, and I knew that it frequently led to heartbreak. For example, let’s only consider the disastrous end to Beckett’s unrequited feelings for his childhood friend and the way he ran from the school in uncharacteristic surrender. Accordingly, whenever I thought about it too much, it only forced me to realize the extent of my own private feelings for Beckett. What if the notorious playboy was my first love? The thought was nerve-wracking, and I feigned indifference as I cleared my throat.

  In return, Beckett gave me a distrusting look. “What are you going on about?”

  I gave him a mischievous smile, reaching over to playfully brush my hand down his arm. “I heard something today.”

  Beckett’s sharp intake of breath briefly disrupted my facade, and I saw goosebumps rising along his skin from where I had touched. His eyes had darkened, and he looked down at me with something akin to curiosity. Shaking my head, I struggled to reorient my focus.

  “What is it?” Beckett asked.

  “I heard Chrystian and my sister had a conversation the other day.”

  Beckett shrugged, and I was surprised that he didn’t seem more interested. “Chrystian told me.”

  He bit down on his lower lip while tracing the indented lines along the table’s surface. I inhaled deeply, wondering if Beckett had any idea just how much he affected me. “What do you think?”

  “It’s none of my business,” Beckett said before allowing a smirk. “That’s more of your expertise.”

  “You think I’d fail to be interested in the one thing that I’m good at?”

  “You’re good at a lot of things,” Beckett said, but then he quickly stiffened as if he suddenly realized what he had allowed to willingly slip free.

  The waiter briefly reappeared with our drinks and I greedily accepted the sweet taste of the ice-cold beverage to counteract the nervous bile gathering at the back of my throat. I swallowed hard, aware of the weight of his statement. “I never told you that night after the formal, but I’m sorry about what happened with Candice. Aria told me everything, and I want you to know that you deserve better.”

  “With you?” Beckett asked and I trembled. “I knew that it would be dangerous to tell Aria about Candice.”

  “It’s not her fault,” I said. “She thought that she was being helpful.”

  “Aria always wants to help everyone but herself,” Beckett said. “Even if that means helping an enemy.”

  “Is it so wrong to show some kindness to an enemy?”

  “I think so,” he said, and there was only conviction behind his tone.

  “Well, that’s one difference between us.”

  “I’m sure we have a lot of differences, Nicole,” Beckett said. “I’ve already started picking up on them, but we’re also very similar and that scares me. I had a lot in common with Candice too.”

  “Are you afraid of me?” I asked, deciding to abandon all pretense of decorum.

  “I’m afraid of what you’re making me feel,” Beckett admitted. “Last time, those feelings didn’t turn out so well for me.”

  “It was the wrong person,” I supplied. “It sometimes happens.”

  “Well, are you the right person?”


  “I don’t know,” I told him truthfully because I couldn't tell him that I was exactly what he needed since I hated dishonesty.

  “Well, I would’ve learned nothing if I just ignored things this time around,” Beckett said.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m not sure yet.”

  We were both silent.

  “I guess you’ll need more time to figure it out?”

  “Is that what you want?”

  His question exhausted me, and I suddenly regretted our decision to come here together. Instead of responding, I dug through my purse, pulling out enough money to settle the bill. “Let me take you home.”

  Beckett didn’t argue, sliding out of the booth and waiting for me to follow him before we walked to the parking lot in grim silence. I could tell that Beckett was struggling, and I wasn’t sure that he knew how to explain himself meaningfully. However, in a strange turn of events, I also didn’t feel like pushing him.

  The drive home was also silent, but there was a comfortable atmosphere to our shared solitude, almost like a settled complacency. I liked the way it felt, supplemented by the low volume of the radio in the background. It was enough to settle my restless thoughts from our conversation in the restaurant, and I resisted the urge to look over at Beckett while I navigated the dark roads.

  When I finally pulled into his driveway, Beckett refused to leave the car. “My reputation doesn’t mean anything to me, Nicole.”

  I looked over at him carefully. “It doesn’t mean anything to me either.”

  Beckett sighed, but he pursed his lips as if fighting back a smile.

  Spring

  Rose

  Ryder was normally an exuberant force, which meant that he wasn’t capable of enduring so much stress while trying to balance the tricky combination of final exams, college applications, and putting in extra practices for the state tournament. He was exhausted, and I was the last person who would deny him when he rested his head against my shoulder, eyelids falling heavy. There was a long bus ride ahead of us, and Ryder had earned the opportunity to sleep for the remaining duration.

  Arlington’s student population expressed their own mixed emotions when our school’s basketball teams were announced as number two seeds for both championship tournaments. Thereafter, the high school athletic association had scheduled us to compete against the same opposing school ranked fifteenth. We were traveling across the state to the mountains and, under any other circumstances, I would be excited to visit somewhere different, but this time I only felt weighed down by the impending tournament matchup. In fact, I was just as exhausted as Ryder. The only difference between our habits was that Ryder always wanted to sleep while I was unable to even close my eyes.