Soul's Survivor

by Navi' Robins

  Driving home, he began to reflect on his behavior and was instantly overwhelmed with deep feelings of shame and remorse. He was extremely mean today, and as his behavior replayed repeatedly in his mind, he could barely sit still in the driver’s seat. Attempting to calm his nerves, he turned on the radio and quickly turned it off again once a song began blasting through his BMW’s speakers, demanding all women in the club to shake their asses and grab their tits.

  What the fuck was that shit? They actually play that on the radio now?

  Daniel didn’t consider himself old enough to be converted to listening to anything other than “old-school” music, but with the direction music was headed in nowadays, it may start him much earlier than anticipated. With nothing to take his mind off his shameful behavior earlier, Daniel was forced to drive home in silence, tortured by the memory of his actions in the ICU. After showering, he collapsed on his bed, praying for one night of restful sleep so that he could have the strength to face his coworkers and muster up the courage to apologize to everyone . . . including Tim.

  * * *

  At 2:58 a.m., Daniel could feel the heat of the sun, but his body remained frigid. He could feel the life slowly ooze out of him from the countless wounds his attackers inflicted on him. His body, screaming out from the indescribable pain of dying slowly, lay in a pool of his blood while a few of his would-be murderers watched. They were smoking and laughing, seemingly amused by the spectacle of a man dying at their feet. Their disregard and lack of remorse for their actions tortured him as his body’s organs began to shut down, preparing his body for the coming darkness of death. How could men like this be allowed to get away with these acts of evil? How could they be allowed to live another second, let alone another day? He would soon be gone from this earth, and these men would remain, allowed to continue their wicked campaign to eradicate an entire nation of people.

  All he wanted to do was help, to give back to a people that needed and deserved more than the oncoming genocide. Good things are supposed to happen to good people and bad things to bad people. Daniel gave up so much to be here, working countless hours without pay in a hostile environment to help a people he didn’t know but grew to love like his own family. He taught, he healed, counseled, prayed, and allowed himself to learn. He thought a higher power ordained his mission, but in the end, the only payment he received for his sacrifice was pain, loss, and death. There were no words that could be spoken that could describe the pain his soul endured. Soon, he found it hard to keep his eyes open as his lungs stopped working. Blood began to fill up in his throat, and he felt himself suffocate on the metallic and salty taste of his blood. How ironic that the thing that gave him life would also deliver the final blow of his demise . . .

  The burning in his chest became unbearable, and his eyes widened as he began to lose himself, struggling to breathe . . .

  The loud thump of his body falling from the bed and hitting the floor shook his bedroom, jolting him from his nightmare when his head struck the nightstand. Gripping the side of his head, he rolled on his side while gritting his teeth. He wanted to curse, but he was still trying to catch his breath. He began to wonder if he would’ve killed himself had his body not fallen to the floor from his struggle to breathe. The nightmares were getting worse. The fact that he was on the verge of suffocating in his sleep made it evident. Suddenly, the sound of his cell phone’s ring tone filled the air. Reaching for it, he looked at the display to see the same strange number that’s been calling him for months.

  Without thinking, he accepted the call, placing the phone to his ear. Breathing heavily, he spoke into the phone. “Hello, who is this?”

  At first, the only answer he got was silence, and after waiting for a response for a few more seconds, he decided to hang up; then Ayana’s familiar voice filled his ear.

  “Hello, Dr. Bennett, this is Ayana. I know it’s not a respectable hour to call you, but I couldn’t sleep until I apologized for what I said to you the other day.”

  Still disoriented, Daniel remained silent, trying to process the reality that Ayana was the person that’s been calling him for months.

  “Hello? Dr. Bennett, are you there? Did I interrupt something?”

  Shaken out of his daze by her question, he immediately answered, “Interrupt something? Why . . . no . . . what . . . Why would you ask that?” he stuttered.

  “Well, you sound like you are involved in something physically challenging,” she responded, giggling. “You are breathing pretty hard, Doctor, and you seem distracted.”

  Looking at the clock and noticing the time, he responded sarcastically, “I’m distracted by the loss of sleep this phone call at three in the morning is causing.”

  “I’m sorry, Doctor. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day. I let my emotions get the best of me.”

  “Apology accepted, but this could have waited till morning.”

  “Yes, but the morning isn’t promised, so we should take the opportunity when it presents itself. I’m happy that you’ve accepted my apology, and again, I’m sorry for disturbing your workout session.”

  “It’s fine. I wasn’t working out anyway.”

  Ayana became increasingly concerned for the doctor because his breathing never improved throughout their call. Had he admitted to being in the middle of a workout or even a sexual encounter, although awkward, it would’ve explained his condition. As much as she didn’t want to offend the doctor further, she was concerned, and her nature wouldn’t allow her to hang up. Something troubled her. Knowing what she did about survivor’s guilt, she felt she knew exactly what troubled the doctor. She was afraid to push further, knowing if he became angry, she might lose any chance of him changing his mind about testifying. She couldn’t quite understand why, but she felt his well-being was more important than his testimony. Bracing herself for his anger, she decided to probe deeper.

  “How long?” she asked softly.

  “How long what?” he answered, confused by the question.

  Without hesitation, she responded, “How long have you been having the nightmares?”

  Daniel’s finger immediately pressed the end call button on his phone, and he tossed it across the room. He didn’t even think about it. It was an automatic response after hearing the question.

  How did she know? Who is this woman?

  Again, the phone began to ring a few seconds after it hit the floor. Daniel just sat on the floor, listening to the ringtone. He felt frozen and lost in his dark bedroom, sitting on the floor like a frightened child awaiting punishment for misbehaving. Ayana terrified and intrigued him. She reminded him of a time when he cared about more than his job, but now, the only thing that mattered was the distraction of the chaos of the ICU and how that chaos helped him to forget. He just wanted to be left alone . . . no emotions, no memories, and no reasons to give of himself, besides being a doctor. Let the suckers care . . . He was fine with not giving a shit. However, since Ayana showed up in his office, things were taking a turn he didn’t like, and he felt like he was losing his mind.

  The phone continued to ring repeatedly.

  Damn it, that woman is persistent!

  Knowing she wouldn’t stop calling, he decided to walk over to the phone intending to answer it and yell, demanding that she stop calling him before he files a harassment lawsuit.

  Slowly picking up the phone, he looked at the number again.

  Ayana.

  Inhaling deeply, he accepted the call, and just before he went into his threatening rant, he heard her say, “Meet me at the coffee shop downstairs in your building in half an hour.”

  Without thinking, he responded, “Okay.”

  After hearing his response, she disconnected the call immediately, not giving him a chance to change his mind. Ayana knew that he wasn’t going to stand her up, especially because he would be curious about her knowing where he lived.

  He can’t help anyone if he doesn’t help himself, she thought as she reached for her
coat and headed out the door to meet him.

  After ending the call, Daniel stood in the middle of his bedroom, covered in sweat and confusion.

  How does she know where I live and that there is a twenty-four-hour coffee shop in my building?

  Chapter 5

  Defibrillator

  The thought of not showing up did cross Daniel’s mind, but sitting here across from Ayana and taking in all of the intoxicating effects of her, he was glad he did show up. She had a concerned look in her eyes, and her face was void of the beautiful smile she’d greeted him with the first time they met. Even without her smile, though, she was still amazing, and the few people that were sitting in the coffee shop kept staring at her as if in a trance.

  “I’m happy you decided to meet me. I know it’s very early, so I won’t waste any more time and get straight to the point. How long have you been having nightmares?”

  “What nightmares?”

  “Doctor, let’s not play childish games, okay? You are a man that many people depend on to save their lives. Being in this state is dangerous for them and yourself. So, please, don’t insult me by pretending you have no idea what I’m referring to.”

  Daniel remained silent while forcing himself to look at her. She reached across the table, holding his hand, and without saying a word, he instantly felt her compassion, assuring him that it was okay to trust her.

  “Four years.”

  The words spilled out of his mouth with ease, and his mind tried to grasp the realization that no one has been able to pull that out of him since his near-death experience in Sudan. Not even all the sessions on a psychiatrist’s couch could pull those two words out. He barely knew this woman, and she was already getting him to tell a secret he vowed to take to the grave. He wanted to bolt and run back to his condo upstairs, locking his door and changing his phone number. But somehow, no matter how afraid he felt, no matter how vulnerable she made him feel, he remained seated with his hand in hers. She kept gently running her incredibly soft hands on his, the gesture easing his anxiety.

  How can this man function with so much pain inside of him?

  Knowing the pain that he kept inside of him, yet he continued to save lives in one of the most violent neighborhoods in this city, spoke volumes of his courage, and Ayana felt ashamed for calling him a coward. His bravery was incredibly rare, and she’d met some amazing people in her life. Most would’ve chosen another profession, something with very little responsibility, a job where no one depended on them. Not this man, though. He stood against the evil that had invaded his soul and continued to ease others’ pain while disregarding his own.

  “So, are you going to tell me I need therapy or closure? Somehow, tying my cure with testifying against the warlord?” he snapped at her, suddenly becoming angry with himself for easily opening up to this beautiful stranger. Unmoved by his anger, she smiled and responded, “No, Doctor, in your current state, you would hurt the case more than help it. I would not recommend you testify.”

  Shocked by her response, he leaned back in frustration while shaking his head.

  “So what was the point of this meet and greet, Ayana?”

  “I want to help you.”

  Laughing loudly and startling the other patrons in the coffee shop, Daniel slapped the top of the table, clearly amused by her desire to help him.

  “Help me. How can you possibly help me?”

  “You are not the only one that has suffered and experienced loss in the Sudan, Doctor. Millions have suffered worst fates than your own. Don’t assume or believe your experiences are the worst that those evil men can conjure up because I can assure you that your assumptions are false. That is the problem with people from so-called first world countries. The suffering of the third world isn’t a concern until you get a taste of it. What you experienced, albeit horrible, is just a small sample of what my family and I have had to endure.”

  Becoming increasingly offended by her words, Daniel decided to get up and leave. He’d heard enough, and there was no way he would allow anyone to downplay what he went through—no matter how beautiful and caring they appeared to be. Seeing he intended to leave, Ayana reached out and took hold of his hand. Her soft hands firmly holding his prevented him from getting up from the table. His attempt to leave her alone at the table was upsetting her, and she wasn’t going to let him get off that easily.

  “You are not leaving. I didn’t come over here for you to leave me alone at this table. Now, sit down and stop acting like a baby.”

  Her refusal to back down angered him further.

  Oh, man, I’m so out of here, he thought.

  Snatching away from her grip, he stood straight up and began to push his chair under the table.

  “Thank you for your visit, and I appreciate you are trying to help me, but I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help. Have a nice day, Ayana . . . oh, and by the way . . . lose my number. I would hate to testify in another court concerning a restraining order.”

  He then quickly turned and left the coffee shop, leaving her sitting at the table alone and in shock. Watching him leave, she felt like she just had a conversation with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. His passive-aggressive behavior was a clear indication that if he didn’t get help soon, he would implode and lose the little piece of the man he used to be forever. She tried to be understanding of his outburst, but she couldn’t get past the embarrassment she felt while everyone watched him leave her at the table as if she were a desperate woman begging for a date. Not wanting to remain here while people whispered and stared at her, she quickly got up and left, leaving behind a tip for the waiter even though they never got a chance to order.

  He doesn’t need therapy. He needs a pacifier and a diaper change, she thought while she walked out the door...

  * * *

  It was the weekend again, and Daniel and Timothy decided to spend their Saturday night at one of Chicago’s hottest reggae clubs. The loud club music could barely drown out Timothy’s half-drunken laughter after listening to Daniel tell him that he demanded Ayana to lose his number. Daniel wasn’t amused at Timothy’s response and started taking shot after shot in frustration. Noticing that his friend was drinking himself into a coma, Tim reached over and stopped him from downing another shot glass full of Patrón.

  “Dude, you need to grow the fuck up, seriously. You’ve held back your emotions so long that you don’t know how to act. Now that Ayana is bringing them out of you, you get angry when you should be happy, you get happy when you should be angry, and you run when you should be horny. Any other man that had Ayana anywhere near their building . . . Hell, even if she were ten miles away, would’ve tried to get her in their house. Man, at least they would’ve been nicer to her.”

  “Yeah, even though she got their number without them giving it to her?”

  “Fuck, yeah! What do you think? She works for the UN, not mall security. The Chicago PD can get your number, so I would expect a UN official would be able to get it too. I’m not sure why she was at your building that early in the morning, but for me, those are prime booty call hours.”

  Timothy began to laugh, and then he continued, “I know a lot more is going on than what you’re telling me, and if you don’t want to tell me, that’s cool. But don’t think I’m stupid. I know there’s more to this story besides a phone call, and then she just pops up at your building. She wanted something besides coffee at four in the morning.”

  Ignoring Timothy’s last comment, Daniel took another shot and turned around on the bar stool. He was half-drunk and looking at the dance floor for some much-needed sexual stimulation. Thinking about Ayana seemed to send his sexual appetite into overdrive. He knew he didn’t have the patience to share a bed with a woman, but at least he could grind and gyrate on a strange woman that was willing to do the same to him.

  Near the DJ booth, he noticed a very attractive woman dancing alone. She wore a very revealing dress that seemed painted on her incredible body. She was built for acti
on, and she didn’t hesitate to shake and twerk, showing off what she had to offer. Licking his lips, he took another shot and got up from the bar with intentions of taking her body for a test drive.

  Timothy, noticing what Daniel was about to do, stopped him momentarily to give him what he believed would be some valuable advice.

  “Dude, be careful with that one. If you ain’t willing to hit that, I wouldn’t even get her started.”

  Looking at him in disbelief, Daniel gave him a drunk smirk and backed away. “How do you know that? Have you fucked her?”

  “Hell no! I don’t know that bitch, but I know her type. She wants dick and money, not necessarily in that order. That body is made for making babies, bruh. She’s looking for that one good payday, and you being a doctor . . . well . . . Let’s just say she would fuck you right in this club if you let her.”

  “Whatever, dude. You don’t know everything about women. You think you do, but you don’t.”

  “I never said I did, but I do know about women like that. Okay, let’s make a gentlemen’s bet . . .”

  “Hell naw, I’m not betting on any ass, dude.”

  “No, not that. I wager that if you walk over to her and try to dance with her without saying you are a doctor, she will act like you ain’t there. But . . . but . . . Tell her you are a doctor and see how she responds. Just try it.”

  Thinking about it while watching the woman bounce and gyrate next to the massive speakers, Daniel nodded in agreement.

  “Okay, so what’s the prize?” Daniel asked.

  “If I lose, I refrain from sex for ninety days.”

  “Bullshit! Tim, you know you can’t go ninety hours without sex.”

  “True, but you know I’m a man of my word.”

  Nodding in agreement, Daniel accepted his end of the wager.

  “But if you lose, you have to call that fine-ass Ayana and do whatever she wanted you to do.”