Soul's Survivor

by Navi' Robins

  The more Ayana thought about everything Daniel said to her and everything she did last night to prove to him that it wasn’t just sex for her, the angrier she became. Gritting her teeth and clinching her fists, she slowly turned to face him. Her eyes possessed piercing anger that sent chills through the doctor’s entire body. He immediately decided it was best for him to climb out of bed and stand up, just in case her anger got the best of her and she decided to try to harm him. Watching him climb out of bed, while never taking his eyes off her, she began to feel an uncomfortable draft blow through her. Yes, she knew she was naked, but now she felt beyond naked. She felt exposed and dirty. The way Daniel looked at her with that alarming glare made everything she felt for him feel stupid and unnatural, but she needed to regain some measure of dignity after she showed out a few seconds ago.

  “Mutha . . . breathe, Ayana . . . breathe . . .” Don’t let this fool see you out of character any longer. “Doctor Bennett, I want to first apologize for my outburst. I am a guest in your home, and I have no right to behave in that manner. Second, I want to make it clear to you that I am not a fuck buddy or in-house pussy, and I’m certainly not the kind of woman to cook for a man that I just want to have sex with. Apparently, my efforts to show you my intentions weren’t clear enough for you. So, I’ll make it perfectly clear what my intentions were—”

  “Were?” Daniel asked, swallowing deeply.

  “Yes, were, because at this juncture. I think it would be unwise for me to continue with the same intentions in mind. I wanted to love you, Daniel, and be loved by you. Despite my better judgment and past experiences with you, I wanted to build something with you. But apparently, you saw my efforts only as a display of desperation for sex.”

  “Ayana, no, that’s not what I meant. I was trying—”

  “Doesn’t matter anymore, Doctor,” Ayana interrupted. “We’ve come to the point of no return for me. I made a commitment to see your treatment through, and I will do so, but I will no longer share a bed with you. We’ve gone way beyond a professional relationship, and neither of us can trust ourselves around the other. As much as I loathe you as a human being, I can’t deny how you make my body feel. So, it’s best I sleep in your guest room for the remainder of my time here.”

  Daniel stood there, feeling like the walls in his bedroom were caving in around him. He never intended to hurt Ayana with the things he said to her. After hearing her, he began to understand just how fucked up he’d made things. His intentions were good, but his delivery was bad . . . very bad. How could he fix it? He’d been so closed off and uncaring for so long that he didn’t even know where to begin. His entire being yearned for her, and no matter how he tried to rationalize his feelings, there was no denying his feelings were well beyond a simple infatuation. He did love her, and there wasn’t a woman on the planet he could imagine being with other than her. It seems he always found a way to ruin things just when they were getting good.

  After saying everything that she wanted to say, Ayana stood there looking at the doctor, biting her bottom lip as he seemed to be in some kind of daydream. She wanted him to say something—anything that would show her that he truly cared. She meant every word she said, but she was hoping to God that he would make sense of these past few weeks and change her mind. However, the longer he stared blankly at her, the more her hopes of him rescuing what they shared began to dwindle.

  I can’t believe I gave this man so much so soon, and all I can get from him is that goofy look on his face and silence.

  With each passing second of silence, Ayana felt her heart breaking, and soon, it became difficult for her to breathe and contain her emotions. She was hurt . . . no, better yet, devastated by his unwillingness to fix things between them, so she decided to leave before she allowed herself to break down in front of this selfish man she stupidly gave her heart and body to.

  Looking up at the ceiling, trying to fight back the tears that were forming in her eyes, Ayana sucked her teeth and started shifting her weight from one leg to another. Her skin felt cold and sticky, and suddenly, she yearned for a scalding hot shower to wash the scent of the doctor from her skin. Licking her lips, she inhaled deeply as the taste of the doctor’s skin seemed to invade her mouth. She wanted to wash her mouth out with bleach and peroxide so that she could remove his taste from her tongue forever. She wanted every sensation and feeling she had for Daniel permanently removed from her so that it could be easier to move on and forget how she felt about him and the optimism she felt about finally finding a man she could give herself to completely. Ayana had nothing but failure after failure with relationships, but none of them got inside of her like the doctor. He really did a number on her, and although it’s been only a few weeks, she had already started to dream about a life with him in it.

  Silly girl, tricks are for kids.

  Having had enough of the doctor’s blank stare, Ayana decided to leave before things got worse. As she turned to depart, she felt the doctor’s warm and sweaty hands firmly grip her arm and pulled her back toward him. Her heart started beating faster as she angrily snatched away from him, but somehow, he was able to grab hold of her again and spun her around. Now facing him, Daniel held her with both hands on either arm. Ayana was now terrified, expecting the worst from him. His grip was firm and tight as she tried to pull away, but he was much too strong. Afraid to see the careless rage she expected to glare back at her, she held her head down, looking at the floor and bracing herself for the first strike or profanity-laden rant intended to break her down physically and emotionally. Daniel looked down at Ayana as she closed her eyes and tightened every muscle in her body. She appeared to be bracing herself for something, and when Daniel figured out what that something might be, his emotional floodgates erupted.

  It was then that he understood Ayana’s anger and fear. Someone had hurt her, and it happened so many times that now, she expected a violent response from every man she met. The realization of her fear and pain tore into him, and he slowly loosened his hold on her. He never intended to hurt her. He reached out to her only to stop her from leaving. He had no words he could put together. He wasn’t very poetic or a muse with words. He’d certainly been out of practice of showing meaningful affection, and he knew any attempt wouldn’t seem genuine. All he had was his eyes and the pain and love he had in them. He was hoping if he could just let her look into his eyes, she would see everything he couldn’t say to her.

  But looking at her now, the only thing his soul yearned for was to hold this broken and abused woman close to him, to wrap his strong arms around her tightly and completely so that no one, not even himself, could ever hurt her again.

  Feeling his hold on her loosen, Ayana exhaled forcefully and started to back away until she felt Daniel reach out to her, wrapping his arms around her and gently pulling her close to him. Sweat covered his naked body, and she could hear his heartbeat inside his chest. Its rhythm seemed to be in tune with her now-relaxed breathing. Their bodies connected. Daniel began to hold her tighter and closer to him, allowing every muscular groove and indentation to connect with Ayana’s curves. She wanted to push him away, but something about the way he was holding her made her relax. Still slightly afraid and unsure of Daniel’s intentions, she refused to embrace him back and just let her arms hang down to her sides. Daniel noticed this but didn’t stop holding her. He wanted her to feel him without saying one word. He needed to be patient with her, and even if it took hours, he was not going to let her go until she knew exactly what his show of affection meant.

  Still refusing to look in his eyes, Ayana just stood there in his arms, limp and seemingly unmoved by the doctor’s show of affection. She initially thought about trying to pull away, but something inside her compelled her to stay right where she was. It wasn’t fear that kept her in his arms. It was curiosity, and she wanted to know where all this was headed. After a few more moments, she felt her muscles relax, and she slowly started to close her eyes as the vibrations of the doctor’s emoti
onal energy began to invade her. Before long, her head was comfortably resting on his chest, and slowly, her arms began to rise as her body and soul hungered to feel more of the affection Daniel was giving her.

  She started to run her fingers up his back, running them over the multiple bullet wounds that covered it like spots on a leopard. Then as natural as breathing, she wrapped her arms around his back and exhaled . . .

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  Chapter 14

  Back to Work

  Timothy watched Daniel walk into the ICU with the biggest smile on his face, and it nearly gave him a heart attack. He just stared at Daniel like a man under hypnosis, and soon, everyone in the ICU unit, including the patients, joined in on the rare spectacle.

  “Doctor Bennett, is everything okay?” Timothy asked with uneasiness in his voice.

  “Everything is great, Tim!”

  “So why are you here? You have two more weeks before you return.”

  “I know, but I think it’s time for you to get back to your research, and I get back to saving lives.”

  The entire room grew silent, and only the beeping sound of the heart monitor machines and the humming of the huge overhead fluorescent lights could be heard in the room. No one had seen the doctor smile or refer to his job as “saving lives,” so everyone was in awe at the doctor’s new attitude toward his job. Noticing the uneasy feeling invade the room, Timothy decided to pull the doctor aside and have a few words with him, hopefully to convince him to take the remaining two weeks’ vacation he had left, just to be certain the sessions with Ayana were working, despite their ongoing romance.

  “Dude, what the flying fuck is wrong with you? You can’t come barging in like this with that goofy-ass smile on your face.”

  “Why not? What’s wrong with me smiling?”

  “Seriously? When was the last time anyone in this hospital saw you smile?”

  Timothy’s question was answered with an uncomfortable ten seconds of silence. Standing there looking at Daniel as if he were a fool, Timothy gave Daniel five more seconds before he continued . . .

  “Exactly . . . You can’t even answer that question. I didn’t tell anyone about why you took a leave, but I’m sure if you walk in here with this brand-new ‘love guru’ attitude, they will put two and two together.”

  “So you’re saying I should come back with the old me attitude?”

  “No . . . Hell no! What I’m saying is baby steps, bruh! You got to ease this new you in to your colleagues. Especially Dr. Klansman!”

  “You mean Dr. Kohlman.”

  “Nope, I meant Klansman. I can’t even fathom how you worked with that racist pig for so long without beating the brakes off his ass. The shit he says to people in the ICU, and the comments he makes about black and Hispanic people are crazy as fuck! I had to remind myself repeatedly that if I fucked him up, you could lose your job because I’m covering for you.”

  Daniel started to chuckle, and the more Timothy ranted on about how much he hated Dr. Kohlman, his chuckling quickly turned into roaring laughter, imagining the torture Timothy had to endure listening to the racist doctor. Timothy gave Daniel a concerned and nasty look before leaning against the off-white wall behind him. Daniel could tell Timothy’s time in the ICU wasn’t the most pleasant, and he longed to return to his research, but because he wanted his friend to get better, he sucked it up and endured.

  That’s my boy right there, Daniel thought to himself proudly.

  Daniel couldn’t let Timothy spend another week in ICU, so although he respected Timothy’s concern, Daniel knew it was time for him to take over.

  “Tim, listen, I am grateful for everything you have done for me covering for me while I deal with my crazy shit, but no matter what you say to me right now, it won’t change my decision. It’s time for me to come back to work and you to go back to your research.”

  “Danny, it’s cool, man. I can handle it for two more weeks . . . I’m just—”

  “Tim, stop . . . seriously . . . You have to stop. I got this. I can’t keep you away from your research any longer. Every day you don’t work on your research is another day thousands of people die from cancer. I can’t be this selfish anymore.”

  “So, are you cured?”

  “I don’t know if I’m completely rid of my nightmares or issues, but I can say I’m working toward getting better, and that’s more than I’ve been able to do since I came home from Africa.”

  Smiling, Timothy nodded and placed his hand on Daniel’s shoulder, pulled him close, and embraced him. Timothy felt relieved that his friend was getting better, and he prayed everything worked out between him and Ayana because if things went south, he feared so would his progress. Stepping back and giving Daniel another look of encouragement, Timothy pulled the ICU identification card from his upper jacket pocket and forcefully placed it in Daniel’s hand before saying . . .

  “Fuck this place. I’m out!”

  Then he quickly turned and stormed down the hallway toward the exit. Daniel watched him leave, shaking his head and grinning at his friend’s antics. Once Timothy was out of sight, Daniel turned and looked at the double doors leading into ICU. The smile slowly disappeared from his face as he braced himself for the horrors of the inner city and the results of what the worst of human behavior can accomplish.

  * * *

  Eight hours later, Daniel slumped into his office chair and leaned forward, resting his weary head on his desk. The day’s drama in ICU seemed to be much harder to deal with than he remembered. Either he needed to get back into the groove of things, or something else was different that made his work more trying than usual. He was starting to doze off until he heard a gentle knock on his office door. He slowly sat up and invited the nameless visitor in. The door opened and in walked Ayana, with the biggest smile on her face. Her presence immediately lifted the doctor’s spirits, and he jumped out of his seat to greet her. She walked straight into his arms, and he wrapped her tightly in them. He could feel the frigid temperatures outside still clinging to her coat, and he shuddered momentarily. Ayana immediately started giggling at his response.

  “Damn, baby, I haven’t even touched you yet, and you’re already shivering.”

  Rolling his eyes, Daniel leaned back, laughing at Ayana’s crack on him. “What are you doing here? It’s too cold for you to be out like this.”

  “I know, but I wanted to bring you something to eat,” she responded while placing a bag on his desk. The aroma of her amazing cooking immediately filled his office as she began to remove each dish from the purple cloth bag she brought with her. The food was still hot as the steam lifted from it as she placed it on glass plates and set it up in front of the now-seated doctor. The smile on his face was massive as he watched her serve him with care. She would periodically brush her ass up against him or pretended she slipped and flopped down on his lap. While on his lap, she giggled like a silly schoolgirl and would say in the most seductive voice, “I’m so sorry, Doctor. I don’t know what’s come over me. Please don’t tell.”

  Playing along, he smacked her on the ass and called her a “bad nurse.” Both of them were enjoying their playful luncheon together, and a few times, they almost forgot the doctor still needed to eat food and not Ayana. Eventually, Ayana decided to sit on the left edge of his desk and watch him enjoy the meal she prepared for him. The doctor was thoroughly enjoying himself as he swallowed each tasty spoonful. Ayana noticed he was almost finished, so she seductively slid over closer to him on the desk and slowly placed her foot between his parted legs. She made sure she didn’t allow her now shoeless foot to touch his privates, but she placed it close enough to excite him. Daniel looked down at her foot and looked up at Ayana staring at him, biting her bottom lip. She had an almost animalistic look in her eyes as she stared at the growing bulge in his pants like a hungry predator. She was ready to pounce on him and ride him until she exploded all over his lap.

  Daniel slowly stood up
to allow her to unbuckle his pants. She was violently snatching at his belt buckle while moaning in anticipation of swallowing his candy cane whole. Daniel was now reaching behind her and pulling her closer while trying to get a firm grip on her ass to squeeze and caress it. He loved everything about her, but he was obsessed with her ass, and he wasn’t shy to show it. With his pants unbuckled and his zipper down, Ayana licked her palm before reaching inside his pants. Her wet and warm hand caressing him while attempting to pull him out and into her mouth made him roll his eyes in the back of his head and moan deeply. She didn’t pull him out immediately, but firmly and slowly stroked it in her wet hand inside his pants. She played with him from the bottom of his shaft to the tip, playing with the most sensitive underside of his manhood. The sensation caused him to shiver and brace himself against his desk.

  Damn, she’s good.

  Smiling at his reaction, Ayana slowly started to pull his pants down with her feet, never stopping with her playful, yet skilled massaging of his petrified muscle. Daniel feared that if she continued, he might pop before she got his pants below his knees, and he braced himself in an attempt to hold himself from exploding in her hand.

  “Mmmm . . . I want you inside my mouth, Dr. Bennett. I need you to probe my throat with your surgical tool. Can you do that for me, Doc?”

  Oh my God!

  Her voice, her accent, and the way she moaned became too much for the doctor’s self-control. He knew that when she finally placed him in her mouth, he wouldn’t last an entire minute before he would be giving in to his uncontrollable desire to come.