Soul's Survivor

by Navi' Robins

  At 8:15 p.m., Ayana slowly walked into the elegantly appointed luxury Manhattan restaurant, in an equally elegant midthigh black dress that fit her like the passionate embrace of a yearning lover. She wore her dreaded jet-black hair in a ponytail tied with a black and gold metal ring. Her shapely and dark chocolate frame was held high on four-inch black heels that caused an already voluptuous back side to poke out even more. During her journey to the restaurant, she caused a few near fender benders as amazed drivers and pedestrians alike marveled at her appearance. She was stunning, and regardless of how heartbroken and angry the doctor was, he swallowed hard as his pulse quickened when he saw her being led to the table by the waiter.

  The waiter pulled out Ayana’s chair, and she slowly sat down across from Daniel, smiling while looking him in his eyes, trying to read him and prepare herself for the storm that she knew was coming. Daniel smiled back at her while looking her over hungrily and then turned away, grimacing as if in pain. After seating her, the waiter took their drink orders and quickly left them alone. Trying to lighten the heavy mood at the table, Ayana started a conversation that was light and impersonal.

  “This place is beautiful. I’ve never been here before, but I’ve heard great things.”

  Looking around, trying to avoid looking her in her eyes, Daniel pretended to be taking in the luxurious atmosphere. Ayana could tell he was holding something in, and he seemed like a time bomb ready to blow. She felt any more small talk would set him off early, so she got right to it. It didn’t make sense for her to sit here and have him waste hundreds of dollars on a meal that neither of them would enjoy.

  “Daniel, I am so happy to see you, but I’m not feeling the same from you. So tell me what’s up.”

  Daniel stared at her for about ten seconds without saying a word before he adjusted himself in his seat and began to speak . . .

  “I find it hard to explain why I’m here because it’s throwing me for a loop. I’m sure you have an idea about what got me on a plane and sitting here with you.”

  Ayana held her head down and began moving the fork back and forth on the white tablecloth. What she feared would happen was now a reality, and she was hoping a miracle would intervene and give her the strength to deal with losing the man she’d accepted could just be the love of her life. Stalling or pretending wouldn’t help her, so she decided to voice the obvious.

  “You spoke with Satu, correct?”

  Daniel nodded and remained silent.

  “And I know he would only speak with you to let you know that a long time ago, I was once the wife of the man that tortured, raped, and murdered your daughter.”

  Daniel violently slammed both hands down on the table, causing the glasses and tableware to rise off the tablecloth. The loud boom of his hands striking the tabletop startled a few diners, and their waiter quickly made his way to their table in an attempt to divert more disruptions in this upscale establishment. Seeing the waiter getting closer, Daniel looked directly in his eyes and without saying a word, warned the waiter against his plans, stopping him in his tracks. He immediately turned back in the opposite direction. Looking around at everyone staring at him with disgust and fear, the doctor decided he’d better leave soon before someone called the cops. The last thing he needed was a run-in with NYPD.

  “I’m not going to ask you why you didn’t tell me, because it’s obvious. What I will say is I don’t ever want to see you or hear from you again. I won’t be used as a pawn for your personal vendetta against a man that took everything from me. You want him to pay for whatever he did to you . . . well, you’re gonna have to do it on your own. Goodbye, Ayana.”

  Ayana felt the muscles in her chest tighten, and her back started to feel like someone was twisting her spinal cord. She was trying to hold herself together as the words of heartbreak exploded out of Daniel’s mouth with a whisper that cut deep into her soul. Then suddenly, she looked up to watch him stand and toss a hundred-dollar bill on the table and start to leave. A war was now raging in her mind: a war between her pride and her emotional dependency on the love she felt for Daniel.

  Should I let him leave? Let my anger at the fact he was willing to believe a mass murdering bastard over the woman I let him see, feel, get to know, or do I see things from his view? Would I stay if he did the same to me?

  The war continued to wage in her head as he looked at her for one last time before turning away with eyes filling with tears from the pain of betrayal. He moved toward the door, and each step felt like one step closer to his own death. It was hard walking away from her, but he knew if he stayed, she would take advantage of him, and he couldn’t bring himself to love the wife of the man that took Victoria from him in the most brutal and grotesque way. As much as it was hurting him to leave and having to face a life of loneliness, he felt he had no other choice. If he couldn’t trust her, he couldn’t love her.

  As he walked out, the waiter walked toward him with his eyes almost bulging out of his head. His mouth was wide open while he pointed at a spectacle that soon caught the entire restaurant’s attention.

  Daniel turned around to see Ayana standing in front of their table bent over, holding her stomach as if she were experiencing tremendous pain. She was sobbing loudly as she looked at him with eyes filled with regret and anguish. Seeing her like that pulled at him, but he fought his urge to reach out to her. Seeing his uncaring demeanor sent Ayana into a panic. She could no longer hold in the pain she was feeling and began yelling at Daniel about a life so full of pain, she brought the entire restaurant to tears.

  “He raped me! I was only 12 years old when Kronte attacked my village, killing my parents, and raping me before claiming me as his wife. I was his prisoner and punching bag for years—forced to lie next to the man that murdered my family.”

  Seeing everyone’s reaction to Ayana’s revelation, Daniel tried to stop her, but she continued . . .

  “I was 16 years old when he decided to give me as a one-night reward to one of his soldiers, who blew up an entire school filled with children. He wasn’t as brutal as Kronte, so for a 16-year-old girl with no experience in life but pain, he was my savior. I fell for him and continued to see him in secret after that night. Then I got pregnant, and Kronte knew it wasn’t his because he can’t have children due to an injury he received during his early career as a soldier.

  “That monster beheaded the father of my child and then chained me up like a dog until it was time for me to have my baby. He let me see my baby one time, then took it away, commanding one of his soldiers to drown it. I don’t know if it was a girl or a boy. All I remember is my baby’s eyes. So, yes, I have a personal vendetta against Kronte, but my vendetta has nothing to do with you or how much I love you. Now, you know everything! Does it make you trust me more?”

  Ayana was now on her knees, brought there by the pain of hearing her ordeal as a child through her own voice, echoing throughout the restaurant, exposing her inner demons with the love of her life and strangers alike, attempting to prevent losing the first man in her life that actually treated her like a human being and not a piece of meat. Daniel stood there, feeling like the biggest asshole money and stupidity can buy. He never considered when Satu told him at gunpoint that Ayana was Kronte’s exwife, that maybe her holy matrimony wasn’t so holy. He was so caught up in his own pain and anger that it never dawned on him that a man who could rape and murder a 5-year-old girl was incapable of being a loving husband. Everyone in the restaurant was now looking at the doctor with disgust and surprise at his attitude toward the beautiful woman weeping on her knees.

  He didn’t know what to do. He was frozen in place, because he was so wrong for his judgment of Ayana, and he allowed Satu to poison his feelings for her. He didn’t know how anyone could come between them with the strong feelings they had for each other. Suddenly, everyone just faded away, and all he could see and hear was Ayana. Daniel couldn’t take seeing her that way any longer, so he rushed to her, lifted her in his arms, and carried her out
of the restaurant. The frigid night air didn’t seem to affect him as he walked down the busy Manhattan street, carrying Ayana in his arms like a weeping child. Ayana kept her head down on his shoulder, refusing to look at anyone who was looking at them as if they were insane. Daniel maintained a stern and rocklike look on his face. His expression startled onlookers and kept any probing questions at bay. They feared this physically intimidating man in the dark grey suit, carrying a grown woman like a baby, may be just as crazy as Ayana looked in his arms.

  When Daniel was satisfied they were far enough away from the restaurant, he stood along the curb and began to probe the oncoming traffic for a cab. Usually, when the doctor visited New York City, he would have an exasperating time trying to get a cab, but on this unusually tragic evening, he found himself stepping into the cab with Ayana in less than three minutes. It was a good thing too because Ayana was starting to get heavy, but he felt so horrible, he refused to let her touch the ground again after spending several minutes on her knees back at the restaurant, crying her heart out to him. She deserved better, and he was determined to give it to her if she would still have him because, after tonight, he wouldn’t be the least surprised if she decided to break things off with him.

  Damn, I really fucked up tonight.

  Ayana moved over to the other side of the backseat and leaned her head on the cold and foggy window, looking outside at the city continuing with its nightly chaos, oblivious to her most recent ordeal. As the cab pulled off, Daniel came out of his suit jacket and gently placed it over Ayana’s shoulders. Seeing the distance she placed between them, he decided to sit toward the other side of the cab to avoid any more conflicts. He would periodically look over at her, watching her trace her fingers along the window, drawing shapes on the glass like a bored child on a long road trip.

  The traffic conditions were considerably light during this holiday shopping season. Once the cab pulled in front of Ayana’s high-rise building, Daniel was sure he would be making his return to his hotel room alone and without Ayana in his life. Ayana looked up and noticed she was home, climbed out of the cab, and made her way around to the sidewalk in front of her building. Daniel watched her attentively from the cab’s window, filled with regret for how he behaved at the restaurant. He wanted to get out of the cab and wrap his arms around her and never let her go, but he was afraid she would reject him. Looking forward, Daniel instructed the driver to take him back to the Waldorf. Suddenly, he heard a loud tap on the window and saw Ayana yelling at him to get out of the cab.

  “Get out! Why are you still in there?”

  Stepping out of the cab Daniel, looked completely confused. Seeing his reaction, she forced a smile and tapped on the top of the cab, letting the driver know he could leave. Daniel momentarily watched the cab speed down the street before turning to Ayana, still bewildered with the fact he was standing outside her building instead of heading back to his hotel.

  “I got on my knees for you in public. You ain’t getting off that easy, Danny. As much as I can’t stand you right now, I can’t deny how much I need and want you in my life. So let’s go upstairs. It’s freezing out here.”

  The elevator ride to her apartment was silent and awkward, and Daniel figured Ayana would unleash the beast once they were behind closed doors. To his surprise, once they were inside her apartment, she pleasantly asked him to have a seat; then she went down her hallway to her bedroom. Seated on her outlandishly comfortable couch, Daniel looked around, surveying his surroundings. Ayana was from Sudan, and her pride in her African culture bled through every inch of her apartment. There were elaborate African artifacts on almost every wall. The décor throughout the living room accented the cultural theme that seemed to transport Daniel back to Sudan in the middle of Manhattan.

  He nodded his head in approval at her eclectic yet tasteful style in decorating her home. He then noticed that there wasn’t a television installed on the built-in entertainment area on the largest wall in the living room. Instead, the elaborate and massive area was filled with so many books. It looked like it would explode in a tidal wave of paper and cardboard if another book were forced inside of it. Ayana walked into the living room and stood, silently watching Daniel stare at her wall of books. He was so engulfed in looking over the wall that he hadn’t noticed her standing there.

  “I love to read.”

  Her voice startled Daniel, and he jumped like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

  “I see. How many books are there?”

  “I would say around four hundred books . . . maybe more, and I think I’ve read them all at least twice.”

  “Wow, that’s a lot of reading.”

  “Not to me. I have many other books I would love to read but don’t have the time anymore. As more conflicts erupt around the world, my job has become too demanding for me to read as I once did. You are welcome to borrow a few if you want. Just make sure you give them back.”

  She then walked over to the couch and sat next to him. Sitting this close to each other sent a sexual chain reaction through both of them, and they both inhaled each other’s scent at the same time. Noticing the other’s reaction, they both straightened up their postures, clearing their throats.

  “Daniel, listen, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my connection with Kronte. When I first met you, I didn’t see a reason why I should share that with you. I mean, you were a real piece of work, and I didn’t like you very much. Then when we became closer, I wanted to, but I still wasn’t sure. The night before I came back to New York, I wanted to tell you everything, but then you told me about Victoria, and as much as I wanted to tell you, I believed it was the wrong time.”

  “Yeah, telling me that night would’ve been the wrong move. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure when it would’ve been the right time to tell me that. Kronte is a very touchy subject for both of us. I had no idea how much pain he’s caused you. I do know he’s a common denominator, which fuels our connection. I just wished we trusted each other more.”

  “Me too. I don’t know what to do, Danny. I love you so much, but I have so much anger inside me, and tonight, it all came out of me at the restaurant. I’m sorry about embarrassing you like that.”

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. The menu was too expensive anyway. A hundred dollars for a steak? Who raised it? Jesus Christ?”

  The two lovers laughed together, which lightened the mood and gave Daniel the confidence to reach over and pull Ayana closer to him. Feeling his arm around her relaxed her immediately. She lifted her legs onto the couch and lay her head on his chest. Ayana inhaled deeply and began to go into detail about the day that changed her life forever, the day she met Kronte “The Terror” Kroma.

  “I was born in a village not far from the border that now divides Southern Sudan from Northern Sudan. My father was ex-military, and when things got really bad, he decided to use his military experience to help our village. The people made him chief, and he trained all the men in the village how to fight so that they could protect the village. A few years later, Kronte rose to power, and my father had another evil to fight besides the Northerners. He had over two hundred well-trained villagers at his command, and they were able to keep our village safe, despite the constant attacks and threats from enemies on two fronts.

  “Kronte tried several times to destroy my village but was driven back by our fighters. He knew that rich in oil deposits lay under our village, so he convinced my father to have peace talks and broker a land deal that would benefit our village. I can still remember that day as if it were yesterday. I was playing out near the water pump when I saw the dust cloud in the distance, created by Kronte’s motorcade of Jeeps. My father, believing Kronte was a man of his word, didn’t rally the men to arms, and once Kronte and his men were in the center of our village, they began to slaughter my people like animals.

  “They saved my family for last, raping my mother and sisters, forcing my father to watch every agonizing second. They sav
ed the youngest of us for dessert.”

  “You,” Daniel responded, with deep sorrow in his voice.

  “Yes, me. Kronte raped me repeatedly and then cut my family’s throats one by one, forcing each of us to watch our loved ones choke on their own blood. I can still smell the heavy alcohol on his breath, the stench of it seeping through his pores as he sweated like a horse. I can still see his fat, hairy gut exposed and bouncing from his opened camouflaged shirt as he moved from one person to the next, running the edge of his blade across their necks. Each time they fell to the ground, arms tied behind their backs, eyes wide open and gasping, their blood pouring from their necks, Kronte and his men would celebrate as if someone were taking birthday shots of liquor. When he was done, he turned to me. He looked me over like a hungry beast, trying to decide how he wanted to make me suffer. Suddenly, he smiled at me and instructed his second-in-command at the time and soon-to-be my baby’s father, Samir, to take me to his Jeep.

  “I was forced to sit in the back of that Jeep, covered in blood, sweat, and Kronte’s semen, and watch those animals burn my village to the ground. I thought that day was the worst day of my life, but I was so wrong. Each day after that, for the next seven years, felt like the worst days of my life. I was raped, abused, tortured, and forced to sleep with any man that made Kronte proud. I was looking for a way out, and I believed Samir was it, but after Kronte murdered him for impregnating me, I decided I had to devise my own escape. So, after years of fighting, I pretended I had accepted my role as Kronte’s wife and whore. He soon began to train me and take me with him on raids and massacres. I was there the day they slaughtered all those Christian people that came from the US to help.”

  “I remember that! That was years ago. They said they couldn’t find the bodies or something along those lines. What was the televangelist’s name that led that group? Bill . . . Will—”