Defiance Falls War: Defiance Falls Book 3

by Dean, Ali

  He looked at me for a long time, and I couldn’t read what he was thinking or feeling. He’d gotten so good at hiding his emotions. That scared me too.

  “What about you, Hazel? Three years ago you didn’t fight for me when I pulled away. Maybe I need you to fight for me now.”

  Before I knew what I was doing, my hand came up and I slapped him clear across the cheek. Hard. It hurt my hand and I shook it out, too shocked to look at him. Embarrassed? Maybe. It was all reflex, and I couldn’t decide if I should apologize.

  “I don’t know why I did that,” I mumbled.

  Cruz grabbed the hand I’d smacked him with and held it between his hands. He stepped between my legs. “I do. I deserved it. I can’t keep bringing up the past. You’ve let it go. I know you have. You’ve accepted it for what it is. I need to do the same.” Cruz reached up to tuck a hair behind my ear. “Besides, what I just said was dumb anyway. I broke up with you and you didn’t know any of the real reasons for it back then. It was a stupid thing to say.”

  “Is that what all this is about?” I asked. “The years we weren’t together and what we were each going through without each other? Will that always be baggage for us?”

  “Only if we let it.”

  Cruz’s eyes searched mine and with my free hand I traced his sharp jaw line, and the curve of his lips. I’d already let it go. But he had to do the same. And I knew that was only a tiny piece of what was going on with him anyway. An easy out.

  “Your features are too perfect,” I whispered. “Sometimes it looks like you’re wearing make-up.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Stop distracting me,” he whispered back.

  “So what’s all this about? I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore. All I know is, something isn’t right with you. With us. And it’s really pissing me off.”

  “I have a confession,” he said and my heart began pounding in my chest. My eyes widened and I started to pull away.

  “This is my confession, Hazel, and I want you to know, it’s not fucking easy to admit, but I have to do it.”

  “Just say it, Cruz.”

  “You terrify me. Us, together, it’s the scariest shit I’ve ever faced in my life.”

  I blinked, waiting for him to get to the real confession. When he didn’t say anything more, I felt laughter rumbling in my chest. A smile started to spread on my lips but I managed to force the laughter down. It was only from relief, but I knew it’d come off wrong. He looked so damn vulnerable right now.

  He pulled one of his hands away to bring it to cup my chin. Then he slowly traced the tiny smile on my own lips. “Why are you smiling about this, Hazel?”

  “Because I love you, Cruz, and you love me. There’s nothing to be scared of. If that’s what’s wrong, then there’s nothing to worry about.”

  “How do I stop being scared, Hazel?”

  “Well,” I said in an exaggerated sultry voice, “you can start by fulfilling your restroom fantasies.”

  That got me a little smirk out of him. “Hazel, I haven’t had a woman in my life since my mom. That was six years ago.” And she had been snatched from him in the night, with no warning. “Well, I had you, but here’s my other confession: part of me was relieved I had to let you go. I’ve never admitted that to myself before. But it’s true. You terrified me then too. The idea of having a person, a girl I love, it’s always scared the shit out of me. What I feel for you, Hazel, I don’t know if I’d survive it if I lost you.”

  There was bewilderment in his voice, on his face, like he couldn’t believe he was saying this, like he was recognizing it for the first time as he was sharing it. And I saw the fear there too. But I was smiling in earnest now. Because he’d dug deep and revealed this truth to himself, and then given it to me. Seeing a guy like Cruz Donovan, in all his perfect glory, open and raw and vulnerable like this, it was a rare sight indeed. And it was downright beautiful.

  When his eyes filled and the first tear escaped, I rubbed my thumb over it. “I’m not going anywhere, Cruz. And I will fight for you, for us. I’ve committed to Harvard unofficially, and cancelled the visit to UMass this weekend.” I was happy I could give him this and through the emotion taking over him, I could see this gave him some comfort. It was a start. “I know you trust me and it’s the world you don’t trust. But I’ll take on the world too, for you, for us. I’ll start by keeping those Harvard girls away from you, but I know there will be other challenges.”

  “I think I need to be done with challenges, Hazel. Sure, I’d love to see you stake your claim to me in college, that will be hot as hell, but it’s time for me to realize I can actually have a life, a relationship with you, without major hurdles. Eventually we won’t even have to be looking over our shoulders all the time, and I need to realize that’s a good thing.”

  My hands slipped around his neck. “It is a good thing, Cruz. It’s okay to not always be plotting, scheming, fighting, or running and hiding. That’s when we can actually be us.”

  Cruz ran his nose down the length of mine. “I did like taking you at our tree Saturday night. A little bit of risk and danger isn’t such a bad thing.”

  I started to chuckle but he captured my lips in a hungry kiss. He pulled me forward on the counter and my legs wrapped around his waist as we greedily tasted each other.

  “Hey! Who locked this?” We heard pounding on the door, and it didn’t sound like a student. The late bell had rung a while ago.

  “Shh.” Cruz lifted a finger to his lips to hush me as he pulled away.

  We waited a moment and then we heard footsteps stomping away. “I bet she’s getting the keys, whoever that was.”

  “Damn. I was really looking forward to finally getting it on in a bathroom,” I admitted.

  “We will,” Cruz promised. “But we should get out of here while we have the chance. There’s no point in going to class so late, right? Maybe we can move this to the guys’ restroom.”

  He grabbed my hand and slung my backpack over his shoulder as we made our way to the door. Unlocking it, he looked both ways.

  I squeezed my thighs together, where the heat was burning hottest. “I’m game.”

  Grinning, we made a dash to the guys’ restroom across the hall and locked it behind us. I don’t know if it counted as make-up sex but whatever it was, I’d never experienced so much passion. I’d asked for Cruz to come back to me, to really be present, and when he took me against the wall in the boys’ restroom at Defiance Falls High? It was anything but detached. He was back. And he was all mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Cruz

  “I’m definitely ready to start playing soccer,” I told Hazel as we snuck out of the guys’ bathroom right as the bell rang ending second period.

  “Oh yeah? When’s your follow-up with the doctor?”

  “Today actually. After school.”

  Students started pouring out of classrooms, and we got some curious looks, but no one questioned us. When we passed my locker I pulled her to me. Damn it felt good to have her close. To stop denying myself this. The fear was still there, it lurked inside me, but it seemed lighter now that I’d uncovered it. Brought it out in the open.

  I’d just had her but I couldn’t help it as my hands drifted to palm her ass. My mouth dropped to her neck and I inhaled deeply, soaking her in. This wasn’t like the talk and sex under the tree Saturday night. That felt more like a temporary fix. Now that I’d admitted my fears, really looked them in the eye and wrenched them out of me into the open, I was so much lighter. I knew how to fight this battle. Understood the enemy now.

  “Aw, my favorite couple’s back to groping each other in the hallway.” Spike was standing next to us, grinning wide.

  “We’re not groping, creeper.” Not that I was about to chat with the guys about this fear. This particular one would stay between me and Haze. When Moody and Emmett joined us a moment later, I cringed inwardly at the expressions on their faces. Those idiots knew exactly what I was afraid
of, even before I did.

  “Where’s Bodhi?” I asked, remembering he and Moody had second period together.

  Moody’s eyes darted around us and he stepped closer. “We taking a huddle or something?” Emmett asked, already throwing an arm around me and Moody. Spike rolled his eyes but completed the circle, with Hazel in the middle, still in my arms.

  “Bodhi’s at the Spot with Ruby,” Moody said quietly.

  My muscles tightened at this revelation, my chest constricting. “He told you this or you tracked them?”

  “He told me because he knew I’d track them.”

  “He tell you?” Spike shot the question at Emmett.

  “No. We came to school together this morning and he didn’t say shit.” I could hear the same betrayal in his voice that I felt in my veins. Sure Ruby was our girl, but we’d made a collective decision a long time ago that no one else would know about the Spot. That she would only know what was absolutely essential to help us. What was he thinking?

  Hazel raised her hand from the middle of our huddle. “I say good for him.”

  “What?” I asked at the same time Emmett asked, “Why?”

  “He was turning into a grumpy little shit without her.” Hazel said it like it was so damn simple.

  Emmett started to say something about the risk, but Hazel interrupted him. “At some point, cuz, you gotta say screw the risk. There would always be one with them being together. If he has to do it in secret for a while, that’s better than nothing. We’ve got the Spot exactly for that reason.”

  “A secret sex pad? I don’t think that’s why we went through the trouble of –” Spike started and Hazel cut him off too.

  “No, dumbass, you know what I mean. A safe place no one knows about. Good for Bodhi for putting it to use.”

  My hands were still tight around her waist and I mumbled, “He could have run it by us first at least.”

  “Uh-huh, like you ran your plans by us last weekend you mean?” she sassed.

  The bell rang, signaling the start of third period, and I wondered why I’d even bothered coming to school today. Emmett must have been thinking the same thing, or maybe he was just pissed his twin hadn’t confided in him. “You know, we should all skip. Crash Bodhi and Ruby’s little shindig at the Spot to teach him a lesson about going behind our backs.”

  “Agreed,” Spike said. “Plus we can celebrate these two making up again.”

  “Don’t forget plotting our taking down of the Harvard hockey guys,” Moody reminded us.

  “Can’t forget that,” Hazel said.

  We started breaking apart, and I added another reason to cut classes. “Oh, and we have something else to celebrate too.”

  “Yeah? What’s that?” Emmett asked.

  “Hazel’s going to Harvard.”

  I glanced down to see how she felt about me spilling the beans and found her smiling. “Yeah, but I haven’t been officially accepted so maybe cutting classes isn’t so smart.”

  We ignored that comment and headed down the hallway. Hazel would get in without any help from my end. Even if they weren’t dying to have her on the soccer team before, after the stunt that went down on her recruit visit, Harvard had extra incentive to admit her. But she’d get in on her own merit anyway.

  We opened the doors to leave school and started down the steps to the parking lot, the guys bantering about whether to shoot Bodhi a warning text.

  “They’ve got the whole upstairs, but the last thing I want to walk in on is my brother’s bare ass pumping –” Emmett stopped abruptly as he plowed into Moody, who was looking at his phone. He’d frozen mid-stride, a frown on his face.

  “Cruz?” Moody asked without looking up.

  “Yeah?”

  “Any idea why your dad just signed into visiting hours with Seamus Malone at the Defiance Falls Jail?”

  “Uh, no way man. I don’t know what kind of system you’re relying on for alerts, but there’s no way. Dad hasn’t driven a car in over two years.” I would know this better than anyone. On my sixteenth birthday he gave me sets of keys to both his cars. It was the biggest outward step he’d given us to relinquishing his independence. He said he didn’t feel safe driving anymore, and could just hire a driver. It was only a few months later when we ended up hiring a full-time caregiver.

  Moody was moving his fingers and I waited for him to find the error. Before he could, my phone rang. It was Gramps. My heart stopped beating for an instant when I hit the green button, answering his call.

  “Gramps?”

  “Cruz, your dad disappeared from his room. He was napping, and when Simon went in to check on him, he was gone. Have you heard anything?”

  I started running to my car. Dad’s old car. “Moody just got an alert for someone checking in to visit Seamus Malone. It was Dad.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  “Me too.” Moody tossed me his keys and I beeped open his car. Hazel was right on my heels, sliding into the passenger seat as I started the engine. Moody, Emmett and Spike piled into the back.

  It hadn’t been all that long since I’d been in that same jail, and I knew where to go. Seamus would be transferred to a more secure prison, one for more permanent residence, but for now he was still living right around the corner.

  It hadn’t felt that way this past week. His presence had been like a dark cloud over this town, and with him knocked from his pedestal, there was a distinct shift in the atmosphere. I was certain I wasn’t alone in feeling like shackles had been ripped off Defiance Falls. As we drew nearer to the jail, it became harder to breathe, the air grew more oppressive, and my heart raced faster.

  I was sweating, and my hands were so slick I could barely turn the steering wheel.

  “Cruz, it’s going to be okay. You said he was having a good day. He was able to sneak out and drive himself all the way here.”

  “A good day doesn’t mean he won’t blow this all up,” I bit out as I pulled into a parking space for visitors. “You heard him the other day. He goes down memory lane, but who knows what compelled him to come here?”

  We opened our doors before the car was even in park and as we ran inside, I grabbed Hazel’s hand. I hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, didn’t mean to lash out at her for trying to soothe me.

  She didn’t make me apologize though. “It’s okay, Cruz. I know.”

  Our eyes clashed for a moment before we went inside. This wasn’t only about years of planning getting ruined, or putting any of us in danger. It was about Dad, and his well-being. What in the world had driven him to trick his caregiver and sneak out? He must have been planning this for a while, because it couldn’t have been easy for him to follow through. The man struggled dressing himself and occasionally didn’t make it to the bathroom. Multi-step tasks had been nearly impossible for months now. But somehow, he was here. Speaking to the man who had played a role in murdering his wife.

  Gramps had beaten us, and by the time we went through security, Gramps and Dad were already walking down the hallway toward us. I let out a breath, praying that not too much damage could have been done in less than ten minutes. Or had it been longer? I didn’t know if Moody’s alerts were instant or delayed from real time.

  Dad looked fine. Unharmed. I mean, he was wearing pajamas and slippers but he didn’t look frazzled or concerned. Actually, he looked… shit, he looked more content than I’d seen him look in a long time.

  I took long strides to meet them. “Dad?”

  “Cruz, I’m sorry. But I had to do this.” He put a hand out on my shoulder and I had the urge to hug him. He was speaking to me in a Dad voice, that stern and confident tone I’d missed. But there was another sentiment there too, and when I looked into his eyes, I saw it. Respect.

  Gramps spoke quietly. “Come on, let’s head home. We can regroup there.”

  Glancing around, I noticed there were nearly a dozen guards in the security checkpoint. When I’d been booked here, there had only been a couple. Granted, I hadn’t been arou
nd for visiting hours, so maybe they had more come in for that.

  I was burning with the need to know what had been said between Dad and Seamus, but we returned to our cars in silence. The guys were idling in the lot in Moody’s ride. Dad stopped by the passenger window, and shocked the hell out of all of us when he held up his keys.

  “I’ll go with my dad. Which one of you wants to drive the Beamer home?”

  Emmett hopped out of the backseat and we caravanned in three vehicles back to Gramps’s place.

  The caretaker, Simon, met us at the door, apologizing profusely, but I didn’t blame the guy. After all, Dad wasn’t a prisoner. If he was in a clear enough state of mind to orchestrate leaving on his own, then we shouldn’t force him to stay inside.

  Dad led the way to the back porch and Hazel and the guys followed. I lingered a moment, eavesdropping as I heard Simon explaining in a hushed voice to Gramps that he’d found notecards Dad had written himself telling him what to do. I swallowed past a lump in my throat as I watched Dad striding down the hallway toward the screened door. He seemed to be at his best outside, and he also seemed to have a plan. Letting him take charge sent an ache to my chest; it was foreign and nostalgic at the same time.

  No one said a word as we all gathered on the back porch. Dad stood on the edge, his back to us, almost like he was waiting for dramatic effect, but I suspected he was only trying to gather his bearings. Eventually, he turned around.

  “I used to be friends with Seamus. Laura used to be friends with Seamus. We knew who he was, what his family was, but he somehow ended up in our circle of friends. We were all business majors, and studied together.”

  As he spoke I looked around, but everyone kept a carefully blank expression. He’d told me this just last week. I wanted to interrupt, to tell him to get to the point and tell us what was going on, but I knew I couldn’t do that.

  “I went there today to get some answers. He gave them to me.”

  My hands gripped the back of a chair and I was thankful for the support as my knees buckled. But I remained standing, like everyone else.