by Lauren Runow
“I’m glad you like it. More wine?”
“Yes, please.”
After dinner Allison helps clear the plates and clean the kitchen. We work together in my small kitchen, brushing against each other intentionally but both trying to hide it.
Once clean, another silence sets in as the question of what’s next comes over both of us. I wipe the counter, for the third time, just trying to act busy, since I’m not sure how to transition into what’s next.
Allison looks down at her hands while walking back to the breakfast bar. The silence grows and starts to become awkward. Allison must sense it, too and she starts to pick up her bag. “Ok well, thank you for dinner,” she says trying to hide her frown but I see it and I feel it, too.
My heart jumps into my throat. No – don’t go… I walk to her, grabbing her by the waist, “You don’t have to go. Um…” I pause, looking around the room. “Do you want to watch a movie?”
A smirk comes over her face, “Um. I don’t see a TV…?” she giggles at my question.
I look pleadingly into her eyes, “I have one in my bedroom.”
Her breath hitches and I can’t help but smirk. “Oh, ok. What should we watch?”
“I have Netflix so you pick.” Thank God she’s staying.
We walk into my room and she walks over to the other picturesque window. “Amazing, you have the same view from your bedroom. This must be nice to wake up to every morning.”
Just the thought of waking up next to her, looking at the beautiful view both out my window and in my arms makes my heart feel like it’s about to burst.
She looks around and I know she’s noticed that I only have a bed in the room, no other chairs to sit on to watch the movie and I’m wondering what’s going through her head.
I sit down on the bed, grab the remote and turn on Netflix, scrolling through the selections to choose from. “What kind of movies do you like? Thrillers? Action? Love stories? Documentaries?”
“How about a documentary. Those are always interesting.”
I look over to her still standing by the window and smile, “That would be my choice, too,” then I tilt my head down to the bed next to me, suggesting she sit down. She walks over but doesn’t sit.
I give her a few options then come across an old movie called Resurrection, the story of Tupac Shakur. I smile because I’ve always wanted to watch it and before I can say anything she pipes in, “Oh, I’ve always wanted to see that!”
“Perfect – me, too.” I start the movie. Pushing myself back on my bed, fixing the pillows upright to give us something to lean against and sit with my legs out in front of me. She timidly sits on the side of the bed, removes her shoes then moves closer to me, sitting by my side. I wrap my arm around her, pull her in and kiss the top of her head as we sit quietly watching the movie.
Once it’s over, we discuss little parts of the movie and Allison recalls, “Man, Poetic Justice, that brings back memories. My best friend, Sonia, and I used to watch it over and over again when we were in junior high. Have you heard the song that talks about it? I think it’s even called Poetic Justice. It’s by Kendrick Lamar and they sample Janet Jackson in the background.”
I haven’t heard it so I shake my head no.
“Oh well, it’s a good song.” She smiles and moves in closer to lie on my chest.
I grab the remote, clicking it over to E! channel. Fashion Police is on and Allison laughs saying, “I love this show. It’s great that they kept it going after Joan Rivers passed away.”
I’m thankful it was so easy to find something else for us to watch and that we avoided another awkward moment; it’s getting late and I knew I couldn’t just put on another movie.
Holding her tighter I lean down and kiss the top of her head. Yes, I’m going for it, and I really think I can do it this time.
I’ve loved every second with her and haven’t felt any fear since she’s been here. I know I’m totally falling for this chick and that’s all it was. I can do this…
Allison’s breathing hardens as she slowly moves her head, looking up at me, directly into my eyes. I lean in and kiss her softly before moving back and looking for her reaction. She gives me a kiss-me-now look and I lean in again, kissing her, slowly moving her down so she’s on her back and my chest is on top of her with my legs lying to her side.
I stop kissing her and pull back once more just to look at her. I still can’t believe that someone, this beautiful woman, can make me feel so whole, so happy.
I move her hair out of her face, giving her a warm smile before I kiss her again. The passion grows between us with each breath. I reach underneath her shirt, wrap my arm around her back, feeling her soft bare skin before grabbing the bottom of her shirt and slowly pulling it up over her head, taking it off and throwing it on the floor beside us.
She reaches for my shirt, pulling it up over my head as well. We are skin to skin, feeling each other’s heartbeat as we continue to explore one another.
Allison reaches for my pants and starts to unbutton the top button and there it is again. That scared feeling I felt before, making my stomach turn and my heart leap into my throat. I try to push it out of my mind, not understanding what’s going on or why this is happening. My heart beats harder and harder until I can’t breathe and I have to stop kissing her, dropping to my back so I’m lying beside her.
What the fuck?
My breathing is so strained I have to focus on breathing slowly, in through the nose, out through the mouth, to try to calm it down.
Why am I so nervous? It’s like I’ve never done this before.
Then it hits me.
That’s why. I’ve never done this before. Every time I’ve had sex it was with a client. I’ve never had feelings for anyone I’ve been with and the realization is overwhelming.
Allison leans to her side and I can tell she’s concerned, “Charlie, what is it?”
“God, Allison, I wish I could explain it to you.”
Putting her hand on my face, she whispers, “So try…”
I take a deep breath in, letting it out very slowly and covering my eyes, “I can’t…” I pause before I put my arm down and look into her eyes. “But please stay here with me. Stay the night and sleep here with me.” I know I can’t hide the pleading coming out from deep within and I hope I don’t sound too pathetic.
She smiles, turns her back to me and curls up in my arms, grabbing my hand and pulling it up to her lips, kissing it saying, “Ok.”
Nothing else is said and we fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.
I’m back at my childhood home in Vacaville, California, sitting at the breakfast bar, chopping onions while I help my mom cook. We’re making a special dinner for Allison who’s coming over to meet them for the first time.
“Man, just wait till you meet her. I really think she’s the one. We have so much in common and I just feel so alive when she’s near,” my voice is eager as I confess my feelings to my mom.
With a huge smile on her face, she replies, “Oh, baby. I’m so glad you finally found someone. Your father and I couldn’t be more happy.”
Just then, my dad walks in from the backyard announcing, “Coals are ready! What am I happy about? Just kidding son. We’re so glad to see you happy. Just like your mom and I. By what you’ve told us, Allison seems to be the one for you.” He slaps my back jokingly, which shakes me to the core as I spring out of bed, putting my head in my hands in disbelief.
Allison jumps up, “Charlie, what is it?”
I turn to her, hugging her tightly, “Oh, Allison, it’s my parents.”
“What’s your parents? You had a dream, baby.” She wraps her arm around me, hugging me back, trying to calm my nerves. I just sit there in her embrace, not wanting her to let go. “Charlie, you can tell me. I’m here.”
I take a deep breath and pull back, leaning on my elbow propping myself up and looking into her eyes. I feel so safe lying there with her and I open my mouth, spilling out my soul. “My parent
s died when I was seventeen. We all went to dinner for my seventeenth birthday. We were driving home when someone ran a red light and slammed into the side of the car. I was sitting in the back and my parents were in the front seats.”
Allison listens attentively trying to hide the tears filling up in her eyes but I see them.
“We were all taken to the hospital in an ambulance. I blacked out and don’t remember much after being hit. I was in a coma for a few days and I found out later that both my parents were dead on arrival to the hospital.”
I’m talking so fast, like I’ve been waiting years to get this off my chest. I’ve told other people what happen and even seen countless therapists about it, but telling her here, now, feels more freeing than ever before.
“I’m an only child and both my parents were, too. Both sides of Grandparents had already passed so I had no family to speak of. Once I was released from the hospital, my best friend’s parents took me in.”
I pause remembering the horrible feeling. “God, that was such a hard year. I’m not proud of who I became. They were so nice to me, taking me in and I was so angry at life and I took it out on everyone around me. I just didn’t care about anything anymore. When I turned eighteen, I left. I left Vacaville, left my friends and didn’t look back for a few years. I had nothing but my car. The same Mustang I have now. It was a project my dad and I were working on fixing up when the accident happened. I lived in it for a few months, trying to work odd jobs and stealing anything I could to feed myself.” I stop, making sure I don’t go too far into my story; I’m not that ballsy yet. I look at her trying to gage her reaction.
Her eyes are open wide in shock. “Oh, Charlie, I’m so sorry.” She throws herself on me, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly.
“But the dream,” I remember the point of me spilling my guts to her at four in the morning. “It was of both of them. We were back at our old house cooking dinner.” I pause to look deep into her eyes. “Dinner for you. I was going to introduce you to them and they said they were happy to see that I found someone and that they, too, were happy.” My eyes light up as the revelation of my dream set in.
Allison looks at me with the most beautiful, loving smile on her face. She doesn’t say a word as she reaches up to kiss me softly before turning back around wrapping herself in my arms. I kiss her hair and for the first time feel complete and comfortable in my own skin.
Holding each other, we drift back to sleep until morning arrives, shining sun through the window.
Allison placing a light, sweet kiss on my lips awakens me. It’s officially the best day of my life and I just opened my eyes.
“Hmm… I could get used to this. Good morning,” I say with a big smile on my face.
“Morning. Did you sleep well?”
“I did. Better than I’ve slept in years.” I wrap my hand around her neck, under her hair, “Thanks to you.” Pulling her closer, I kiss her delicately.
There’s a different charge between us now, one of love but also one of comfort. Allison sighs at my touch, melting into me more when I ask, “Do you have plans today?”
“No, I don’t. What do you have in mind?” she suggestively asks.
“Go away with me,” my voice is higher than normal and I’m acting like an anxious little boy, excited for Christmas.
Allison’s face lights up when she asks, “Where did you have in mind?”
“I want to surprise you. It won’t be too far. Just for the night. We can drive there.”
Allison touches her hand to my face in the sweetest manner, “Sounds great. I just need to go home and get ready, ok?”
“Great!” Now I really feel like a little boy as I hop out of bed excited. “I’ll make us breakfast then we can go to your house so you can get ready.”
Allison laughs, watching me in amusement as I undress and hop in the shower. She’s never seen me naked and I swear I saw her face flush as I took off my pants. I wanted to give her a sexy little show but that’s not me anymore. I’m not cocky Mr. Ashley.
No more games, just me and I’m thrilled at the thought.
I cook us blueberry pancakes with sausage and fresh squeezed orange juice then drive to her house so she can get ready.
While she showers, I scroll through my phone dialing Jason, my best friend who still lives in Vacaville.
Jason answers on the second ring, “Charlie, man, what’s up!”
“Hey Jay. What’s going on, man?”
“Not much, bro. Same ‘ole, same ‘ole. Kids kicking my ass. How ‘bout you?”
“Good,” I pause, reflecting, “Really good. Hey, I’m coming through town in a few hours, want to meet at the Nut Tree? I have someone I want you to meet.”
“We’d love to. What time?”
“Say three?”
“Sounds great. See you then.”
“Cool man. Later.” I hang up, even more excited about our trip and introducing her to Jason.
Allison comes out dressed in skinny jeans and a black Guess top and I literally feel my cock harden in an instant.
She looks to me, questioning, “Will this be ok? I’m not sure how I should dress.”
I can’t help the silly grin on my face as I respond, “Yes, you look beautiful.” I walk up, giving her a kiss on her cheek. “Grab your camera, you can take pictures along with way.”
We head out over the Golden Gate Bridge heading North on 101 toward Napa.
“So, are you going to tell me where we’re going?” she questions with a big smile on her face.
“First, lunch. A buddy of mine is the bartender at a place in St. Helena. I’ve always wanted to try it so I figured today would be the perfect day.” I give her a small wink then look back to the road, not giving her any more info.
“Wine country, cool. Will we stay the night there?”
“Nope, that’s just the beginning of our journey. Be patient,” I smile at her again. “Good things come to those who wait.” I can’t hold back my excitement and she giggles in anticipation.
Our drive is a little over an hour but flies by as we talk about everything and nothing all at once. We are so comfortable together and I’m falling in love that much more with each passing minute.
One of her favorite songs comes on over the radio and she turns it up, singing loudly to the lyrics and I can’t help but laugh, “Who is this again?”
“Florida Georgia Line, hello, Cruise!” She looks at me in disbelief of my question.
Laughing even harder and in a sarcastic voice, I respond, “Sorry, how dare I not know that?”
“Get it right, baby,” she replies in an even more sarcastic voice and goes right back to singing the song carelessly.
Before we know it, we’re pulling into the small town of St. Helena. Little shops line the downtown and Allison smiles at the simplicity of it all. We turn onto a side street and park a block up. Allison looks around and I’m sure she’s questioning where the restaurant is.
I point to the side, “That’s it…”
She looks over to see an old house covered with trees making it look very inconspicuous. There’s a crushed granite walkway and a small sign reading Goose and Gander tucked away in a big oak tree. Walking through the first line of trees, we see a walkway wrapping around the side of the building where tables sit. Trees line the walkway leaving the area shaded and very serene.
We walk up the steep steps to enter in the front door where a hostess greets us, “Hello, welcome to Goose and Gander. Just two of you today?”
“We wanted to sit in the bar if that’s ok with you? Can you point us in that direction?”
“Of course, Sir, it’s just down these stairs. Help yourself to any table.” She points to a staircase behind her and we walk toward it.
The entire place is dark wood and the staircase is wide enough to have people walking up and down it at the same time with ease. There’s one turn in the direction of the stairs and at the bottom we turn to the left, entering a room lined
with dark wood walls, windows wrapping around two sides of the room, a big stone fireplace and a bar centered in the middle. We decide on a private booth-like table in the corner with high pleated black leather backing on two sides. The table is only big enough for two people and we sit adjacent to each other.
The bartender comes from around the bar to greet us and I love that he’s so surprised to see me sitting there. “What’s up, bro?” He holds out his hand and I grab it in a complicated handshake dance.
“Hey, man. How have you been?”
“Great. You finally made it up here. Glad to see you!”
“You too, man. This is my girlfriend, Allison.” I look to Allison to search for her reaction since I just called her my girlfriend.
She smiles sweetly, reaching out her hand to greet him. “Nice to meet you…” She pauses and I realize I never told her his name.
“Nick, nice to meet you, too. What can I get you two to drink?”
I speak up, “You’ve bragged to me about the wonderful drinks here, surprise us.”
“You got it.” Nick walks back to the bar and begins making his concoctions.
Allison looks to me asking, “How long have you known Nick?”
“Since I first moved to San Francisco. He was one of the first friends I made. Kind of helped pull me out of my funk. Got me my first job.” I purposely leave out the fact that the job was as a stripper in North Beach, hoping she doesn’t ask.
Allison nods her head in approval of my description and I’m thankful she doesn’t ask any more questions.
Nick walks back with two drinks in hand. His presentation on both is over the top, making our eyes light up. One drink is in a short wide-open glass, more representing a bowl, with little yellow and pink flowers floating on the edges. There’s a lime rind turned inside out where Nick poured a shot of rum and lit it on fire so it glows a soft blue. The other is in a taller, curvy glass with long narrow leaves poking out the side with a pink flower and a very thin slice of lemon peel rolled up and a grape in the middle. Hanging on the side are three little red and yellow plastic monkeys along for the ride.
“Wow, man! You weren’t kidding,” my voice showing my approval.
