Will She Be Mine

by Jessica L. Jackson

  The air in the room seemed to vanish and for a moment Amelia felt as if she couldn’t breathe. She swayed in her chair and had to lean against its back. She could hardly meet the ladies’ searching gazes. A swift glance at each was all that she could manage.

  “Very well,” Amelia agreed, then took several long moments to marshal her thoughts. “Eight months ago a gentleman came within my sphere. H-he was charming, handsome, elegant and older. H-he was very much a man of the world.”

  “We know the type,” Miss Ann muttered bitterly. “Slick and wily and full of themselves.”

  “Hush now, Ann,” Miss Sadie ordered. She settled into her chair more comfortably. “We are hearing a round tale and I don’t want you interrupting.”

  Amelia proceeded with her story. When the tea tray arrived Miss Sadie did the honors so that their hostess could continue. The ladies clucked and tutted, depending on the event mentioned in the recounting. Amelia shed a few tears and accepted Miss Ann’s handkerchief to dry her cheeks.

  “I was inexperienced and foolish,” Amelia confessed at the end of her story. “When I think of him now, I cringe.”

  “It is an injustice that these types of men are not punished for this particular sin as harshly as women,” Mrs. Creston commented caustically. Mrs. Teasel looked at her and raised her eyebrows. “I know. I know. Such men will be justly punished on Judgment Day. However. We women must be doubly punished, both now and in the hereafter.”

  “Enough. It is the way of things,” Miss Ann said, setting down her teacup and saucer. “We can only do what we can to mitigate the damage. As the Guild leaders, we’ve discussed your situation. We insist that you tell Mr. Milborough everything that you have told us. Not the intimate details,” she hastily added. “The essentials should be adequate. He has a right to know before this courtship goes any further.”

  “I had come to that conclusion myself,” Amelia admitted. She smoothed her hands over her arms as if a sudden draft had chilled her. “I’ve asked him to take me on a drive on the first fine day. I will tell him then.”

  “Very sensible.”

  The Misses White stood up, signaling to the others that it was time to leave. Mrs. Edley awaited them in the hall. She handed each lady her umbrella and held the door open for them in such a way that did not encourage them to tarry. Mrs. Teasel, however, having summoned the courage to speak, spoke to Amelia.

  “I hope you enjoyed that nice liver Mrs. Edley came by the shop for,” she said, revealing when she smiled the extra-wide gap in her front teeth.

  “It was delightful. Thank you, Mrs. Teasel,” Amelia lied politely. “I’m certain we will require more liver from you soon since my doctor insists that it is in for me.”

  “That’s champion. I’ll let my Mr. Teasel know.”

  “Thank you.”

  Once the ladies had left, Amelia tottered up stairs, lay upon her bed and wept bitter tears of regret. Gradually, the anxiety of the afternoon washed away and she felt more optimistic. Those four women had the power to make her future life here in the village a living torment or a haven away from the prying, unforgiving eyes of others. This proffered chance must not be squandered. If she disappointed them by not confessing to Thaddeus, then her status as a pariah would begin again. All the inroads into acceptance she had made would disappear. She must tell him and pray for the best.

  Chapter Ten

  On the third rainy day, Amelia answered another knock at her door, Mrs. Edley being at the chandler. To her surprised pleasure, Thaddeus stood on the tiny porch, hunched against the driving rain, wearing one of the new Macintosh coats designed to keep the wearer dry.

  “Thaddeus,” Amelia said, searching behind him for anyone on the street who might have noticed his arrival. No one appeared to be about on this gray miserable day. “Please, step in out of the weather. I will leave the door open, though, as Mrs. Edley is out.”

  “Of course,” her neighbor agreed, stepping into the wide, green, brown and cream tiled hallway where puddles immediately began to form around his feet. “How are you?”

  “Very well, thank you. I wish the rain would end, though, as the house has been very gloomy.”

  Thaddeus’ appreciative gaze roamed over her. He took a deep breath and ventured, “I hoped, foolishly perhaps, that you were disappointed that our drive has been delayed.”

  “That also,” she admitted, chuckling softly. She noticed he carried a package tucked under the edge of his overcoat. “What have you there?”

  “Ah, yes.” Thaddeus pulled out a bundle and unwrapped it. He handed her three books. “These are some botanical texts I thought might interest you. Also, this is the published diary of a traveling botanist who journeyed throughout the Orient collecting specimens and seeds to bring back to England.”

  “How exciting,” Amelia said, gratefully accepting the books. She turned and placed them on a small side table set against the wall. After facing Thaddeus again, she admitted, “I have been longing for something to read. These will do nicely.”

  “Excellent.” He fell silent, staring at her and playing with the oilcloth wrapping he held between his hands.

  “Is there anything else?” Amelia asked, feeling flushed and pleasantly stimulated by his continued close scrutiny.

  “I’m wet.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m dripping all over your floor.”

  “Yes, you are. Mrs. Edley will have something to say about it, I’m sure.”

  “She frightens me to death,” he admitted. After another long silence, heavy with expectation, he hoarsely whispered, “I want to kiss you so badly that I’m aching inside.”

  “Oh,” Amelia gasped. “But…you cannot.”

  “I know,” he agreed, the hint of a moan coloring his response. “Never?”

  Amelia discovered that her breathing had quickened and the urgent desire to fling herself into his arms was almost more than she could resist. With immense reluctance she took a small step backward. “After our drive. Maybe then. If that remains your wish.”

  She watched understanding gleam in his eyes and he nodded. An anticipatory grin brought forth his dimples.

  “There is naught that you could tell me that would remove my desire to kiss you,” he promised. Without approaching nearer, Thaddeus managed to capture her hand with his long reach and press a hot, lingering kiss into her palm. Feeling her pulse leap he ventured another kiss upon the soft skin of her wrist, his eyelids half closing in heavy yearning.

  Amelia discovered that somehow her feet had disobeyed her mind and followed the direction of her heart instead, for now she stood much closer to Thaddeus than was wise. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. He opened his blue-green eyes and stared directly into hers. The heat she saw there startled her. He’d noticed.

  Hesitantly, she reached up and delicately touched his cheek with the fingers of the hand he still held loosely. He released her hand but kept his hovering over the back of hers. No sound intruded on them except that of their breathing. He turned his head beneath her caressing fingers so that she could feel the shape of his cheek, then the outline of his lips, then his stuttering warm breath, then his other cheek. When he turned his head back again she held her breath while she felt his lips again. His ragged warm breath again. His cheek. Again.

  Boldly, Amelia reversed their hand positions so that hers gently held the back of his while she guided his hand to her cheek. His fingers trembled as they caressed her skin.

  “So soft,” he whispered, not daring to get any closer to her. She moved her head beneath his hand so that he could trace the outline of her parted lips, then the velvety softness of her other cheek.

  When she turned her head back again and his fingers reached her lips he felt her warm breath as she whispered, “Your hands are beautiful.”

  Shuddering with ill-timed desire, Thaddeus forced himself to pull away and step back. His breath came in a rush and he realized he’d been holding his it. He watched her sway on her feet and the knowledge t
hat she wanted him thrilled him to the core of his being.

  “I need to go now,” he said huskily. “Please take care of yourself.” She nodded while touching her fingers to her lips as if she could still feel his touch. Damn, but he did not want to leave her. “I am going to pray for a sunny day tomorrow.”

  And then he was running down the walk. He glanced back and saw her standing among the puddles, her palms pressed to her blushing cheeks.

  Mrs. Edley found her in the workroom not long afterward. Amelia sat at the table beneath the large window with her patterns laid out before her. A neat stack of finely sewn baby clothes sat on another table. There were white nightgowns, bonnets and booties, all exquisitely embroidered with tiny flowers and green vines. Miniature jackets, their seams picked out with piping and lace, lay next to gowns adorned with intricately smocked bodices.

  Hearing her come in, Amelia said, not looking up, “I think I will start on a wool cape next. What do you think, Mrs. Edley?”

  “With the babe coming in October, ‘tis a good idea.” Mrs. Edley held up the wet towels she’d found lying over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “Now look thee here, mum. What’s happened while I was out?”

  Amelia skewed around in her seat. Catching sight of the towels dangling from her servant’s hands, she smiled and blushed. “Oh. Those. Mr. Milborough called. He brought me some books to read. He’s very thoughtful, is he not?”

  Mrs. Edley, secretly pleased with the couple’s progress, harrumphed and said, “He’d be a might more thoughtful if he didn’t drip water all over my clean tiles!”

  “Mr. Milborough was fully conscious of his transgression, I assure you,” Amelia said, twinkling at her. “He says you scare him to death.”

  “Humph,” was all she said before she turned and bustled back to the kitchen secretly thrilled to be considered frightening.

  Chapter Eleven

  Later that same afternoon, another unexpected guest arrived. Amelia had taken herself severely to task for that morning’s near disaster. Heaven help her if she should lose herself to another man like the wanton her parents seemed to think her. If the caller was Thaddeus he would find her correct and politely distant. She was determined not to let her emotions control her actions again.

  It was not her neighbor, so all her efforts to resist him remained untested. Mrs. Edley slipped into the front parlor, closing the door firmly behind her, shutting out anyone who might be waiting in the hallway.

  “It’s Mrs. Knox, mum,” she said, her lips folding in disapproval. “She’s sister to Mrs. Teasel, the butcher’s wife.”

  “What is her business with me?” Amelia asked, frowning. “Have I met her before?”

  “Not so as I know, mum,” Mrs. Edley replied. “I’ve got nothing against her, mind, but she’s come right up to the front door, bold as brass. I know I’m new at being in service but even I see that she should’ve come round to the kitchen door.”

  “Did she say what she wanted?”

  “No, mum.”

  “I will see her.” Amelia set down the botanist’s journal that Thaddeus had brought her. “You could bring us some tea.”

  “That one can have a glass of buttermilk and be thankful,” Mrs. Edley retorted, forgetting herself again. An extremely disapproving sniff accompanied the comment.

  “Nonetheless. She’s likely cold and wet from the rain. Tea would do her good,” Amelia insisted.

  “As you say, mum,” Mrs. Edley said dourly. She opened the door and gestured to the woman waiting outside. “Please to come in, Mrs. Knox. Miss Horton will see you.”

  A well-worn middle-aged woman entered the front room, looking ill-at-ease but fiercely determined. Her sharp chin stuck out at a belligerent angle and Amelia couldn’t tell if the skirmish with Mrs. Edley had brought on the pugnaciousness or if the woman was just uncomfortable with her mission. The thin woman dropped an awkward curtsy and when Amelia indicated that she should sit, Mrs. Knox sat on the edge of a chair holding her straw bag on her lap like a shield.

  “While we are waiting for the tea to arrive, Mrs. Knox, please be so kind as to inform me how may I be of service,” Amelia said pleasantly but in such a way so as not to encourage familiarities.

  “Well, I don’t rightly know how to begin, mum,” the woman said. Amelia blinked at her, surprised to hear such a lovely voice coming from such a plain, no-nonsense woman. “It’s my oldest daughter. She needs a position and I was hoping that you might find your way to hiring her.” Mrs. Knox looked at Amelia keenly but when she didn’t stop her from speaking the woman rushed on.

  “My Beth has a right good hand wi’ the young ones, mum. It’ll be a sore loss to us to part wi’ her, she’s that good wi’ them, truly. She’ll be ever so good wi’ the new baby. Y’see, mum, she’s made up sixteen earlier this month and it pains a mother to say it, but my Beth is a plain girl wi’ no prospects. She’s got to make her way in the world, she has. Else I don’t know what may become of her.”

  “I see,” Amelia said, frowning lightly in thought. Before she could say anything, though, the woman continued.

  “Our Beth can turn her hand to any housework that needs doing, too, mum. I taught her good and she’s always been a quick learner,” Mrs. Knox promised, leaning forward eagerly. “Mrs. Edley is a hard-working woman and she’s always been house-proud. But a babe is a lot of extra work. I’m thinking she’ll be happy for more help.”

  Mrs. Edley entered the front parlor carrying a tray laden with tea things accompanied by bread and butter.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Edley. Would you stay for a moment, please? I think you should be consulted in this matter.”

  “Yes, mum?” she asked, suspicion in every line of her stiff body. She plunked the tea tray down on a table and glared at Mrs. Knox.

  “Mrs. Knox has suggested that her daughter, Beth, would make an excellent nursery maid and maid-of-all-work.”

  “But I’m your maid-of-all-work,” Mrs. Edley stated blankly.

  “Ah, yes, but if I hired Beth, you would need to be promoted to housekeeper.”

  “A proper housekeeper?”

  “Yes. A proper housekeeper, with staff to direct,” Amelia said, smiling at her dazed henchwoman.

  Mrs. Edley visibly shook herself back in control. She pulled a chair from where it sat against the wall and placed it beside Amelia’s.

  “Mum?”

  “Please, sit.”

  “Thank you. Now, Mrs. Knox. Can your Beth sew at all?”

  “Out of course, she can,” the affronted mother asserted. “She has a right pretty hand and makes up all the clothes for the young ones.”

  Amelia leaned close to Mrs. Edley and whispered, “You are thinking that Beth could make the baby’s clothes? I’ve been making those.”

  “Those are beautiful clothes, mum, but babes are messy and many more will be needed. There’s also the nappies to consider. You’ll need dozens,” Mrs. Edley whispered back.

  “Dozens and dozens, mum,” Mrs. Knox agreed, overhearing their conversation. “And they all need hemming or they unravel at the edges in the laundry, so they do.”

  Amelia’s eyes widened. “I will have to bow to your greater experience, Mrs. Knox. And, yours as well, Mrs. Edley.” Amelia moved over to the tea table and poured them all some tea. She understood the significance of Mrs. Knox’s arrival here today. The common villagers had decided to accept her in spite of her situation—most likely because they believed that her situation would soon change. She prayed they were right. “Ladies, let us make some plans.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Dressed in her prettiest white gown of sprigged muslin—adjusted at the front hem to allow for her added bulk—a lavender corduroy Spencer fitting snugly over her bodice, and a silk bonnet adorned with lavender satin ribbons covering her curls, Amelia waited on the porch for Thaddeus. He had sent word around this morning to be ready for ten o’clock. She’d been ready for ten minutes. Inside her York tan gloves she could feel her palms begin
to sweat.

  She moved toward the street when Thaddeus’ Tilbury drew up. He jumped down and came around to meet her. As soon as she reached the street she saw that a fair number of villagers had managed to find excuses to be out in the street today. Amazingly, when Amelia caught the eye of this one or that, they either dipped a small curtsy toward her or touched their caps in respect. Thankful tears gathered but she blinked them away and gave them all a smile.

  “You look very pretty today, Miss Horton,” Thaddeus praised. She smiled at him. With apparent ease he lifted her up into the open carriage so that she did not have to climb. “I’ve put the top up so that you will feel more secure.”

  “How thoughtful.” The sporty vehicle did feel safer with the folding top raised.

  “I thought we would drive through Ellerby and then circle back toward Hinderwell by Runswick Bay. Does that meet with your approval?”

  “Delightful, Mr. Milborough,” Amelia said, conscious of their audience.

  They spoke of nothing of import until they had passed through the village and were into open countryside.

  “Did you wish to speak to me of something in particular, Amelia?” Thaddeus asked, glancing away from the lane for a moment so that he could see her expression. She had sucked her full bottom lip into her mouth and looked very grave.

  “I cannot find the words,” Amelia lamented. “I have thought and thought, but every entrance into this subject seems barred to me.”

  “Is there any way I could make your revelations, if revelations you mean to make, any easier for you?”

  “You are all kindness, sir,” Amelia remarked in a choked voice. “I wish to speak to you of the circumstances that resulted in my coming to live in Hinderwell.”

  “As I surmised. Let us hold off this conversation until we reach Runswick Bay. There is a spot I know where we can pull up and talk without distraction.”

  In spite of what lay ahead, Amelia enjoyed being out in the sunshine, away from her cottage. They reached the cliffs overlooking the bay too soon for her liking, but she was determined not to put off the dreadful task any longer. Thaddeus pulled the horse to a stop within the shade of a mature bird cherry tree. Gulls cried and wheeled above them before they swooped down over the sea.