Full Measure [Mastering Holly Oaks] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour)

by Rayna Stone

  * * * *

  Jay had to close his eyes and do a rundown of the times tables. He sucked at math. If he concentrated enough, he could usually tame his libido by the time he got to thirteen by thirteen. He didn’t even care if he looked ridiculous. Kitten was driving him insane, and he needed to calm down before he got in trouble. This night was for her. There was a plan, goddamnit! Nothing his cock said was going to interfere. Shit, he was screwed. Good ole math wasn’t helping one bit.

  Their poor pet looked terrified. Her face was red, not unusual for her, but her eyes were so big right now he wanted to scoop her up and run out of here. God, would she be able to do this? Was this already too much for her? Nothing very intense occurred on this level. Play was mostly restricted to the third floor, but this was where the BDSM community came to socialize with like-minded friends. They would often come to the second floor after scening to wind down and enjoy a drink or some food. Sometimes people just came to talk and catch up, but the attire was something to get used to, as were some of the protocols.

  When he saw her notice a couple at the next table, he knew they’d be okay. Master Keith had his lovely sub and wife on his lap. He was hand-feeding her bits from his plate and offering her wine from his cup. Some people might not care for that, but kitten’s whole body softened as she gave them the sweetest smile he’d ever seen. Their honey liked the show of affection. She would get that from them. Shit, if it made her happy, he’d feed her every meal for the rest of their lives.

  * * * *

  Kat took a look around the room. There were plenty of people in leather, some in latex. There were also plenty of people in practically nothing at all. One very well-endowed gentleman was walking behind a woman in a cat suit. He had some sort of painful-looking harness on his cock and balls. Ouch. Another woman had nothing but a thong and some nipple clamps. Jesus. She felt exposed in her tiny dress! It was like entering the twilight zone.

  She’d never been in a room full of naked bodies. Shit, she never even got naked around her ex without the lights off. This was definitely a new world. It struck her that obviously some of the things she read were actually happening in real life. There apparently were BDSM clubs. She always kind of thought authors just made that up. Nope. They existed, and she was now officially in one.

  As soon as she realized that she was the only one staring, she started to relax. This was normal for these people. Nobody was acting rude or disrespectful. They all seemed so happy and at ease. What went on here was just a choice in lifestyle, not good or bad, no moral police shouting about shame. No judgments about body type. It seemed there was something much deeper than what you looked like that was important here. It was a revelation.

  The social code was so different. It was nothing like being at her ex’s Christmas party where everyone was sizing her up. They would look at her dress and judge if she had fashion sense or if she was beautiful enough to merit talking with. The girls would talk behind each other’s backs and plaster on fake smiles the next second. The men tried to look self-important and generally ignored their partners so they could huddle in groups to talk business or one-up each other.

  Here, everyone seemed so focused on their partner. She knew not all these people were in relationships, but they still gave their date for the evening all their attention. They talked with others around them like they were genuinely happy to see each other. It was actually the most refreshing situation. She never imagined something like this. She was afraid it would be a bit cheap and tawdry. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

  When she saw the couple at the next table, she almost started to cry. A very distinguished-looking middle-aged man was feeding the woman on his lap. She looked so happy and relaxed. The moment was more tender than Kat could have imagined. There was real love between those two. She couldn’t fathom what that level of devotion was like. It was just so beautiful. She felt like a voyeur. It was almost like she was stealing a bit of their happiness. What if life could be like that for her? Well, she damn sure wanted to find out.

  By this time, Mac had rounded the table to stand at her side. She felt him run the backs of his fingers down her spine. His touch was feather light but still so intimate. He wasn’t groping her or even being sexual. His touch was meant for comfort, like the reconnection of skin on skin eased them both.

  “You please me, pet. I’m so happy that you’ve come to us. Are you prepared to offer yourself to me? I need the words, kitten. I need to know that you want this.” Mac was so serious, but he didn’t need to remind her. She knew what she wanted.

  “I’m yours, Sir.” She was simple and to the point. She was his. She belonged to both of them now. If she failed, if she got hurt, it wouldn’t be because she was too afraid to try.

  Chapter Eight

  “Come sit, pet. Slave needs you, we need to hold you.” Kat looked to Jay, who was smiling fondly at them. She rushed over to him and he pulled her into his lap. She sighed as she held him close and whispered into his ear, “I’m yours, too, Jay. I want you both so much.”

  “Oh, baby. We’re going to make you so happy. Thank you for being so brave, pet.” Jay gave her a gentle squeeze and graced her neck with a reverent kiss before pulling her away. “Sit with Master, pet. We’re just going to talk for a while. We have all the time in the world, honey. Just relax for us.”

  She felt so relieved now that she had given them her answer. They would take care of the rest. They would tell her what they needed from her. It was easy to relax when she didn’t have to worry about being a disappointment. Mac opened his arms, and she cuddled into his lap. Jay took her hand, and they all settled in for a drink with James, Ry, and Kelly. Everyone was smiling at them. It was a weight off her shoulders to realize that these people, who meant so much to Mac and Jay, seemed genuinely happy for them.

  “Do you have any questions yet, pet?” Mac murmured.

  “Well, okay. I guess I have some. Why are some people kneeling for their Doms but we aren’t? Do you guys not do the kneeling thing? And how am I supposed to behave toward other Doms here?”

  “Good questions. First we’ll go over club etiquette. It’s fairly standard to lower your eyes for other Doms. Some people think it’s disrespectful and a challenge of sorts to look a Dom in the eye. We don’t feel that way in regard to our subs, but while you’re here at the club, you should show deference to any unknown Dom. With time you’ll learn what’s acceptable with others we may socialize with. While we’re not in a scene, we all generally prefer our subs take part in our evening.

  “You have to remember that most of these people aren’t involved in the lifestyle outside this club. Many don’t have permanent subs, or they restrict their play to the club. It’s common to delineate specific times or locations for play. That eliminates confusion for everyone. They know the rules are in place here and not at home, for instance. Since they don’t get to play often, they tend to use stricter protocols.”

  He had Kat’s full attention. It was nice sitting in his lap and sipping on her wine, listening to him tell her about this world.

  “As far as kneeling goes, generally Jay only kneels during a scene. Sometimes he will kneel to greet me at the end of the day or if there’s something important he wants to tell me. I know that if he’s kneeling, and we aren’t scening, that he needs me. It’s his way of telling me that for whatever reason, he needs his Master more than his partner. I will never let him down when he needs my strength. Whether you’re kneeling at my feet or hissing and spitting, kitten, I will never let you down, either.” She could handle this. He seemed so earnest. He really wanted her to know that she could rely on him to be what she needed when she needed it. Even if he couldn’t solve all her problems, she wouldn’t have to carry the burden of them alone anymore.

  “Sometimes Jay will kneel at the table, but it’s for his benefit that he does this, and it’s very rare. I want you to do what’s comfortable for you when we’re not in a scene. I will never leave you to wonder if I expect your
submission. If you need something from me, like Jay occasionally does, and we aren’t actively scening, you find a way that’s comfortable for you to let me know. Understand?”

  “Well, not entirely. Jay, why do you sometimes kneel at the table? What did Mac mean when he said it was for you?” That part was definitely confusing for her.

  Jay contemplated his answer for a minute. They weren’t just paying lip service. This was really serious for them. It gave them something emotionally, and she wanted to know what. She felt honored that they wanted to help her really understand.

  “Well, sometimes when I’m stressed out or I feel emotionally overwhelmed, I find that submitting to Mac eases me in a way nothing ever has. For instance, I don’t often take cases for Mac’s company, only when they need a consult. That work isn’t really gratifying for me. I’ve found that working with the prosecutor’s office in Denver makes me feel like I’m contributing to the community.

  “I don’t want a full-time job, but I do want to help. I take a second counsel role for two or three cases a year. The negative for me to that is how emotionally taxing the work can be. These cases often involve very violent crimes. Sometimes I get too attached to the victims or their families. It’s why I can’t do it full-time. When you’re around the worst of humanity and can’t separate, you can lose yourself. Worse, you can make mistakes.

  “When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I like just kneeling for Master. Everyone knows that this is my time to disconnect from myself in a way. It’s almost like meditation. I regulate my breathing, and my only focus is my connection to Master. I actually achieve subspace in that way. I trust Master to ensure that no one will approach me, that he will, in a way, take my burdens for a few hours. I’m free. Free to just breathe, just be in the moment.

  “I don’t have to think about the parents of a little girl who was murdered. I don’t have to worry that I missed something and a criminal will walk. I don’t see the pictures of the crime scene in my head. It’s like I’m finally able to feel peace. Even if Master doesn’t say a word, I feel his touch and know that I’ll be okay because the love of this man will hold me safe. It’s an inadequate way to describe it, I guess, but it’s the most freeing experience.” Jay looked sheepish, and his voice was starting to crack.

  “No, Jay. I think that was the most wonderful explanation for anything I’ve ever heard. You have a beautiful soul.” Kat could feel a stream of tears roll down her face for this amazing man. He had so much emotion for one so strong. She realized that this wasn’t going to be a game for her in any way. She was falling in love with these men.

  Jay released her hand to cup her face. He tilted his head until his forehead rested on hers. “Thank you, sugar.” He rubbed his nose to hers. Though it was such a simple show of affection, it was more powerful than she could have dreamed. Then he pressed his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. This was not about sex, this was about love.

  It took Kat a moment to gather herself. She realized that because of the very nature of a D/s relationship, trust, honesty, truly connecting to your partner, she was learning more about these two men than she had learned about Mark after years of commitment. This wasn’t about handcuffs and spankings. They may be a tool, but the real foundation to all of this was truly meeting another’s needs. Understanding them. It was beautiful.

  “I think I’m starting to understand the psychology here, and I know it will take time to find my place, but I have one more question. Just a curiosity, really.”

  Mac nuzzled the top of her head and quietly chuckled. “Pet, you can ask anything you want.”

  “Subspace. I’ve researched a little about it. I thought a sub reached subspace when their brain released endorphins in reaction to pain? But Jay said he can get there just from kneeling and breathing. That doesn’t make sense. And will I ever get there if I don’t like pain?” She really wanted to know what that felt like, but she really didn’t like pain. Can we say conundrum?

  “Ah, pet, I love how inquisitive you are,” Mac said with a smile. “Your research was partly right. Subspace is like a natural high. When the brain is flooded with endorphins, you feel floaty, a bit out of yourself, not much unlike some chemical highs. Often, a sub will get there during a scene through pain. The brain does release endorphins in response to painful stimuli. There are some people who achieve this in other ways, though. People who practice yoga, meditation, or deep breathing sometimes find they experience what we call subspace. Jay can get there either way. I’ve even seen subs go under from bondage alone. I’m not saying everyone can experience it, but I’ll do my damnedest to get you to fly, pet.”

  Well, okay then. Enough said.

  For the next two hours they talked at the table. Sometimes the conversation was serious, often just flirtatious and fun. Kat remained in Mac’s lap, and Jay sat close, always touching her in some way. Her breathing accelerated when Jay slipped his hand from her knee up the inside of her thigh. Jesus. The heat she felt from him was amazing. She stared in his eyes as he started to alternate between gentle squeezes on her thigh and long strokes up and down. He practically had his hand up her dress, and she could care less. In fact, she spread her legs under the tablecloth a bit wider, because if he didn’t touch her soon, she might die.

  Mac had one arm around her stomach, his hand resting on her hip. His thumb was painting circles over the silk of her dress. The other hand came up to ghost over her collarbone. When he started to slide down the center of her cleavage, he pressed a kiss to the pulse point at her neck. Holy God. She no longer noticed anyone else in the room. She was breathing heavy and her breasts started to swell. When Mac sucked on her neck, she felt him move his hand over to cup her breast. Her nipples were so hard they were aching. She jumped a little when his thumb started to circle her areola. She couldn’t help the little moan that escaped. Everything felt tight. She could actually feel the muscles in her pussy clench in search of something to squeeze. Her cream had long since soaked her panties.

  “I want to take you to a private room, pet. This is the only time I’ll ask permission.” Mac’s voice was low and husky. His pupils were dilated, and his eyes had turned the deepest blue.

  “Please, Sir.” She didn’t even know what she was asking for. She needed something but couldn’t find the words. She had never felt like this. Not even when she tried to play with herself. Her body had never reacted this way.

  “Slave, let’s enjoy our pet.”

  Mac didn’t even help her to stand. He just scooped her up and carried her across the room. No one had picked her up since she was a kid. She felt a moment’s panic, thinking he might break his back or drop her. She relaxed into him as soon as she realized that he wasn’t having any difficulty with her weight. He was so big he made her feel delicate. She definitely liked that feeling.

  Jay opened the door to a room painted a lovely shade of lavender. There was a massage table in the center and a huge rocking chair in the corner. Both were covered in supple black leather. She heard music, a subtle jazz, but not the sounds of the main room outside.

  “This is one of the few private rooms on this floor , pet. It’s completely soundproofed, and we won’t be disturbed. I want you to remove your panties and sit on the table for me. Let us take care of you.

  “You’ve awed me with your trust. I’m so proud of you. Your questions in the last two days have shown me that you truly want to give our relationship the serious effort we’d hoped for. I always reward my subs when they please me, pet. You have definitely pleased me.”

  Oh, thank God! She really wanted that fucking reward. If they wanted to take care of her first, she was not about to stop them. She needed to see what they could make her feel. Kat practically ripped her panties off and hopped on the table. Eager, much?

  Mac approached her and ran his hands up her arms to the straps of her halter top. “I want to see these lovely breasts. I’ve been imagining them all damn night.” He looked her in the eye as he started to untie the silk. She instinctively
raised her hands to stop the dress from falling down. Some of her excitement began to wane.

  “Stop. This is my body, pet. You will not hide what is mine. We’ll work on that, but for tonight Jay and I are going to help you. Stay still. I want to play with this beautiful body. You take what I give you.”

  “Okay.” She squeaked. “I mean, okay, Sir.” She was losing it a little. This always fucking happened. She got so nervous during sex that the minute it started, she just wanted to hurry up and get it done. She felt a little resigned now. That amazing feeling was rapidly slipping away, and she was mentally preparing herself to endure like always.

  Mac huffed out a laugh. “Yes, pet, you’ll just have to hang on I suppose,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll try to make this painless. But I will do what I want and, unless you safeword, you have no say.”

  “Slave, I liked it better when our pet was flushed with arousal instead of anxiety. Why don’t you get to work on getting us back there.”

  “With pleasure, Master.”

  “Lay back, pet. Give me your hands.” He was all authority now. He was using his Dom voice. She lay back against the cool leather and reached out her hands to him. He took both in one hand and brought them up over her head. Mac applied just enough pressure to make her feel helpless but not hurt her wrists. The leather was warming against her back, and he was staring at her while Jay moved to the other side and slid her top down to her waist.

  They both sucked in air as soon as her breasts were revealed.

  “Jesus, that’s a gorgeous sight.” Mac breathed.

  “Master?” Jay was actually whining a little.

  “Yes, slave, worship those breasts. Show pet how much you want her.”