“Slow down, Baby Girl. Don’t want to take too much and make yourself sick.” I want to slap him, but he’s probably right.
“I’ll go grab the doctor and call everyone to let them know she’s awake,” I hear Louie say. I try to turn my head to look at him and smile, reassure him that I’m okay, but I can’t seem to move fast enough before he’s already out the door.
I frown, wondering why he didn’t even say hi or seem even the slightest bit happy that I’m awake.
Zane, of course being able to tell what I’m thinking, answers before I can say anything. “He’ll be all right. It just really shook him up what happened.” Understanding dawns on me and I can see now why he didn’t even look at me. Louie is my best friend, aside from Zane. Of course he would be really upset that something could have happened to me and the baby.
“He’s the one who found me, isn’t he?” I ask, thinking that may be another reason he’s so upset, but Zane shakes his head.
“Actually, it was Jaxon. He rushed you to the hospital, but no one knew what happened to you. Then Louie showed up at the shop and saw the blood. You really gave us all a scare, Baby Girl.” I feel awful about what happened and what I must have put everyone through, but again, hearing him say baby nudges those maternal feelings in me—I need to see our child.
I nod and take one more drink of the water. “Please take me to our baby.” I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to stand not meeting my son.
Zane gets this look on his face, something between excitement and caution, and just as I think he’s going to tell me, a doctor walks in with Mack right behind him.
“Well, hello there. Finally decided to wake up and join us, huh?” the doctor says with a warm smile. His words have me realizing I have no idea how long I was asleep.
“How long was I out?” I don’t remember anything besides being in pain at the shop and passing out. Then I remember waking up and hearing my baby before I was out of it again. How long ago was that? The only thing I know is that I’m in a hospital, I’m no longer pregnant, and that I need to see my baby.
“You came in four days ago. You had a placental abruption, which caused you to lose a lot of blood. We did an emergency C-section, but during delivery, you starting having seizures, which caused your brain to swell and fluid to build up. You’ve been in a coma for the past four days, but the swelling and fluid have gone down almost all the way and everything looks good. Congratulations, by the way. You have a very healthy baby boy and a smaller, but getting healthier by the hour, baby girl.”
I just stare at him, waiting for him to say he’s joking or for Zane to tell him that he must have the wrong patient. I didn’t have twins; I was pregnant with only one child. He has to have that wrong. But Zane just looks at me with the same expression on his face and when I look to Mack, he’s smiling bigger than I think I’ve ever seen him smile.
“Um, can you repeat that? I don’t think I heard you right. I thought you said we have a son and a daughter, but that can’t be right,” I say with a strained laugh.
The doctor laughs, but Zane’s the one who answers. “Baby Girl, I know it’s a shock. Shit, I was confused too, but it’s true. We have a son and a daughter, and they are both perfect.” I can see on his face that he’s telling the truth and I can tell how excited and happy his is.
I feel tears rolling down my cheeks, but I think they are happy tears. I smile. “I want to see them.” Zane just nods and then looks to the doctor.
“Absolutely. I just want to do a quick check on you and then I’ll have a nurse bring in a wheelchair to take you up to see your babies.” Not able to say any more, I just nod.
Ten minutes later, I’m sitting in a wheelchair, nervous and excited to meet my son and daughter for the first time since they were born four days ago.
Chapter 14
Four Days Old
First Meeting
Dani
Zane takes me to the NICU first to see our daughter. I’m told that she was smaller and less developed than her brother, but she’s doing remarkably well. She’s already gained almost a pound since she’s been born and they think she’ll be able to able to go off the breathing machine as soon as tomorrow. Once she’s breathing on her own, they’ll see if she can eat by herself, and if she does well with that, it will only be a matter of days before we’ll be able to take her home.
When I first see my daughter, I start to cry. It’s hard to see your son or daughter looking so small and have all sorts of tubes and wires connected to her.
“Shh…don’t cry, Baby Girl. She’ll be fine. She’s a fighter, just like her mama,” Zane says close to my ear as he kneels down and takes me into his arms. His words just make me cry even harder. She shouldn’t have to fight. She should have been able to stay inside my womb until she was ready for the world, but I couldn’t keep her there. I feel like I failed her somehow.
I calm myself down, knowing it’s not helping anything. I look up at one of the nurses who also looks to have tears in her eyes. “Can I hold her?” I ask, not sure if that’s even possible with all the wires hooked to her.
“Of course you can,” she says with a smile, then gently picks her up, maneuvering around all the wires.
When she’s placed in my arms, I feel a piece of my heart go out to her. This is my daughter, a part of me and Zane. It’s hard to believe how much love I already have for her. She looks like a mixture of both of us too. She has my nose, but her father’s mouth. I pray that she’ll have his eyes too.
“Hello there, my little angel. I’m your mama,” I say quietly. At my voice, she opens her eyes and stares right at me, like she already knows who I am. I feel another tear trail down my cheek and then Zane reaches out and wipes it away.
I look to him and watch as he strokes our daughter’s back while she’s perched on my chest. “How’s Daddy’s little girl today? See who I brought with me? Your mommy is awake and couldn’t wait to meet you,” he says in the gentlest voice I’ve ever heard him use.
We sit like this for what seems like hours—me holding our daughter with him looking between us while he never moves his hand off her back.
“Did you name her?” I ask, just now realizing I have no idea if she has a name or if we need to come up with one. We never talked about names before, so I don’t know what Zane thinks we should name her. I honestly never thought we’d have a girl, so I never even thought of girl names.
“Of course I haven’t named her yet. We were waiting for you,” he says, smiling at me.
“What should we name her then? I haven’t even thought of any girl names to be honest,” I tell him, feeling like we need to name her right now before another minute passes.
Zane is thoughtful for a minute before he speaks. “Well, I thought of a couple names.” I smile at him, encouraging him to tell me the names he likes.
“I was thinking either Rose after your mom and Gram, or Harley since we found each other again through the MC.” I feel tears threaten to fall again at the mention of both names. I can’t believe he put so much thought into this, but I guess he’s had more time to think about it than I have. Or heck, maybe he’s been thinking about them for a while.
Thinking the names over for a bit, I throw in my thoughts. “What about Harley Rose? That way, we can use both names.” After saying the name out loud, I fall even more in love with it and think it’s perfect for our daughter. And by the look on Zane’s face, I can tell he likes it too.
“I think it’s perfect, Baby Girl. Just like her and her mama.” He leans over and kisses me softly on the lips, then leans down and kisses Harley on the top of her head. “Does that sounds good to you, Harley Rose?” he asks to our daughter. She must like it because she looks up into her father’s eyes and I swear I see a smile grace her beautiful face.
We spend another hour just sitting there with her. Zane tells me he hasn’t held her yet, that he was too scared to pull on the wires and tubes.
I ask the nurses to bring a chair ov
er and once he sits down beside me, I situate her into her father’s arms. He looks worried at first, but after a minute of nothing going wrong, he seems to relax a bit and just enjoys holding his daughter for the first time. I’m actually kind of glad that he hadn’t held her yet. I wasn’t only able to be the first to hold her, but I’m able to see the look on his face when he held her for the first time.
I know he’s already held our son, so I won’t be able to see the first time he held him and bonded with him, but at least I get this first. I missed so much being asleep for the past four days, but now I’ll have the rest of my life to live out all the firsts for the little family we’ve created.
Chapter 15
Four Days Old
Watching Mommy Meet Her Son
Zane
For some reason, I feel a little more anxious taking Dani to meet our son than I did when we went to the NICU to see Harley. Maybe it’s because I feel closer to our son than I do to our daughter, though that can’t be right because I should feel the same way about both of them. I do feel the same way about both of them. But I’ve been able to spend more time with our son and I’ve been able to actually bond with him. Yeah, maybe that’s it.
Walking into the nursery, I see the nurse that usually takes care of our son laying him down, but she stops and a huge smile overtakes her face when she notices me walk in. But when she sees I’m not alone today and I have Dani with me, the smile drops instantly and a small frown takes over her face, but it’s gone just as fast.
“Hello there. Who do we have here?” she asks. There’s something in her voice but I can’t place it. Maybe it’s just that I’ve never been here with anyone else or maybe she’s just surprised that Dani is up and about after just waking up from being in a coma for the last four days. I couldn’t care less, though. I have my girl, we just spent time with our daughter, and now I’m here to introduce our son to his mother for the first time. I can’t help but smile and be extremely happy.
“This is Dani. I’m bringing her to meet our son for the first time.” I look down at Dani and smile at the look of awe on her face when she looks at our son. She can’t seem to look away. Leaning down, I kiss the top of her head.
I reach out and take our son from the nurse and bring him over to Dani. “Hey, little guy. Look who came to see you,” I say as I kneel down next to her, holding our son up so she can see him.
She smiles a teary smile. “Hey, buddy,” she says, then reaches out to hold onto his little hand. He latches right on and I can tell he instantly knows who she is just by the sound of her voice.
Handing him over to her, I stand up and watch as mother and son get acquainted with each other.
I stay silent for a while and just watch, awed with seeing Dani with our son. She looked amazing holding our daughter, but she looks even better holding our son. I can’t wait to see her with both of them at the same time. But until that day comes, I’ll bask in this moment. It’s one of the happiest times of my entire life. It’s right up there with some of the first moments I spent with Dani, the day I found her again, the day she told me she loved me, and that day at the hospital when we found out we were having a baby.
Finally, Dani looks at me. “Can we name him now?” I can’t help but laugh at her question.
“Yeah, Baby Girl, we can.” She smiles so big that you’d think I just told her I hung the moon or maybe won the lottery.
“Have you thought of names for him too?” she asks, looking a little unsure. Wanting to see if she’s thought about it, I don’t tell her that I have thought about it.
“No, have you?”
She’s hesitant for a moment, maybe thinking about which names she wants to throw out there.
“Well, I actually only have one name that I thought would be perfect for our boy.” When she doesn’t say anymore, I take her hand and squeeze it, silently telling her to go on.
“I was thinking we could name him Ezekiel James. We could call him EJ or Zeke for short.” I now understand why she was hesitant. It wasn’t because she was thinking, it was because she was worried about how I would react to hearing my brother’s name.
We haven’t talked a lot about Zeke in the past years, not since before I left for college, but what she doesn’t know is that I’ve come to terms with the fact that he’s gone. And I’ve even taken to talking to him, more so recently than before, but still.
I smile at her to reassure her. “I think it’s perfect,” I say, not needing to say more because it is. It’s perfect for our son and exactly what I was thinking of naming him too.
“Really? You don’t mind?”
I can’t help it. I laugh. “Of course I don’t mind. I think it’s a great name and that his uncle would be proud his nephew is named after him.” She looks at me for a couple of seconds, probably trying to see if I’m telling the truth.
When she sees nothing but happiness and love in my eyes, she finally relaxes a bit and smiles. Then looking down at our son, she says, “Hello, Ezekiel.”
He doesn’t react like his sister did to her name. Instead, he lets out a loud fart and then you can hear him filling his diaper. Seconds later, the smell hits.
Dani starts laughing so hard it must scare him a little because he starts crying. “Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she says, still with a smile on her face.
The nurse who had him before we came in rushes over and tries to take him from Dani. “Here, let me take him. I’ll get him changed and make sure he’s taken care of.” I don’t like her tone or her insinuating that Dani or I can’t do it ourselves.
I stand and hold my hand up, stopping her. “No, we’ve got it.” I try to keep the venom out of my voice because I’m sure she’s just trying to help, but it still pisses me off.
“I don’t mind. I just love taking care of our little guy,” the nurse says, still trying to take him out of Dani’s arms, but Dani isn’t letting go, as she shouldn’t. He’s our son, not this bitch’s.
“I said we’ve got it. Now leave.” This time, I let the threat show in my voice, not caring if I sound like a prick.
The nurse stands up straight and looks at me like I’ve slapped her and broken her heart at the same time. I give her one last look, then completely ignore her, turning my attention back to Dani. She seems pissed about what the nurse just did too, but she’s doing better at keeping a handle on her emotions. Looking at me, she gives me a small smile, then looks around, I assume looking for some diapers.
Remembering where one of the other nurses got some from under his crib, I push past the still-stunned nurse and grab a diaper and some wipes. I pay no attention to the nurse, but if she doesn’t step the fuck off soon, I’m going to physically remove her.
“Here you go. After we get him changed, what do you say we take him back to our room, huh?” I ask, just wanting to get out of here and away from that bitch of a nurse. EJ doesn’t need to stay up here anymore anyway. Now that Dani is awake, I bet she won’t want him away from her for too long.
“Yeah. I like the sound of that,” Dani says, looking behind me. I bet the nurse is still standing there. When I turn to see for myself, she must see the hard glare I have because she scurries away. About fucking time, bitch.
I do my best to help Dani change EJ’s diaper, but I’m not much help. That’s something I’m going to have to learn to do, but I’ll get there with Dani’s help. She’s like a pro already. You’d think she’s been changing dirty diapers all her life. That thought makes me laugh and has her looking questionably at me.
“What’s so funny?” she asks when I don’t say anything.
“Nothing. I was just thinking that you’re already a pro at that. But it doesn’t surprise me, you’re one amazing woman.” At my words, she tears up again. It’s so unlike Dani to get emotional, but with this pregnancy, it’s been a common occurrence. I wonder if once she fully recovers from the births if that will change. I kind of like the way she’s been lately. I don’t mean this in a mean way, but I think it makes her
seem more human. Sometimes, before she was pregnant when things would happen, it was like she didn’t feel it or didn’t feel it like I thought she should. It was like she was a robot, like she didn’t care. Now, though, she shows her emotions so I always know what she’s feeling. I don’t think I want that to change.
Once EJ is all changed, I take him from Dani and place him in his crib. I make sure we have everything that we need and tell a different nurse that we’re taking him down to our room with us and that he won’t be back. The doctor already said that he’s ready to be released, but since his mother and sister are still here, they’ve kept him in the nursery to help me out. Now we don’t need the help, and if the doctor needs to do anything with EJ, he’ll be able to do it all in Dani’s room.
It’s time that she bond with him and she can’t really do that with him in the nursery.
When we walk out the door to leave, I look to the side and see the bitch nurse staring at us. No, she’s staring at our son. There’s something in her stare that worries me, but knowing that he’ll no longer be here and under her care, I brush it off.
Chapter 16
Two Weeks Old
Homecoming
Dani
Today is the day my family will finally be whole. Last week, when I was released from the hospital, I was severely depressed. It was so hard leaving my baby at the hospital and going home with Zane and our son. Again, I felt like I had failed my daughter. She was still so small and looked so vulnerable. Even though she’s been getting stronger every day, it killed me to leave her.
When we got home last week, Zane stayed by my side twenty-four-seven. He didn’t go to the club and didn’t work on his new business. Everyone was coming over to see EJ and me, but I just wasn’t up for company. Not even when Jax came by to see how I was doing. I hated not having both my babies with me and no one could get my mind off of it.
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