The Truth About Faking

by Leigh Talbert Moore

  And with that the senior, head-cheerleader, hottest girl at school who’s about to leave for college in California walks out, her pet freshman right behind her, leaving me standing there with my mouth open.

  I quickly shut it and look at myself in the mirror. I glance at my hair. I didn’t think about it at the time, but Mom gave me that same braid I was wearing the day Jason derailed my luau date with Trent. I’m even wearing a similar dress. My heart’s thumping and with shaking hands, I smooth a few flyaway strands back and then touch up my lip gloss. Assertiveness. Break the Cycle. Backbone.

  I have no idea what I’m about to do.

  Seventeen

  The bell’s ringing and Jason’s already in his seat as I sneak into class. I can’t look at him. Stephanie’s words are still swirling in my head. She didn’t exactly say he’s still interested in me but what else could she have meant? Something must’ve happened.

  Mrs. Gipson’s droning on about some formula or the order of operations, but I can’t follow her right now. All I can think about is him just inches away from me and trying to figure out what he’s thinking. I have to sneak a peek at him. My book and notebook are open on my desktop, and I lean forward in my seat so that my hair falls sort of past my face on the side. I raise my hand to my cheek and carefully turn my head just enough to glance in his direction. His brown eyes lock on mine and I jump, sending my textbook sliding off the side of my desk.

  Wham! It hits the floor, and Mrs. Gipson stops speaking and turns to look at me. My cheeks are flaming red, and I quickly bend down to pick up my book. As I sit up again, I glance at Jason. He’s looking at the teacher, but I can see him struggling not to laugh. Great.

  When Mrs. Gipson turns around again, I hear him whisper. “You okay?”

  I nod, but I don’t look at him. At this point, the only cycle I’ve broken is the one where I have any dignity left.

  Finally the bell rings, and I don’t move as Jason stands and collects his things. He pauses for a moment beside me, but I continue making pretend notes in my book. I’m too flustered, and all my confidence is gone. I can’t say anything to him right now.

  After another moment he starts walking to the door, and I peek after him just in time to see Stephanie waiting in the hall. They walk off, and I turn back to picking up my things confused. They still seem to be together.

  I sit with Robin and the other cheerleaders at lunch, watching Jason next to Stephanie at the other end of the long table. They aren’t talking, at least not the way he and I always do.

  “He was too perfect to be straight. And the way he dresses,” Robin’s discussing Trent with Meg and one of the other senior girls. Then her voice lowers. “I can’t believe Stephanie dated him so long. That means she never…”

  She raises her eyebrows and tilts her head toward the other end of the table. The girls snicker. I glance at Stephanie and Jason again, wishing I knew could tell what she’s saying to him, if she’s telling him they shouldn’t go out anymore.

  Brian’s approach interrupts my thoughts. He puts his tray right between Robin and me and sits, scooting us apart. I roll my eyes. He’s been a big goon since kindergarten, but Robin and the other girls giggle. I notice a few playing with their hair, suddenly blinking and smiling, and I feel like I missed a memo. Shelly and Brian were together so long, I never thought of him as a potential love interest. I glance at him and decide I still don’t think of him that way.

  “God, Brian. You’re so rude,” Robin complains, but when she pushes his arm, I notice her hand lingers before she takes it back.

  “I figure this is the only safe table these days,” he says, leaning back to open his drink. Meg picks up the conversation like nothing’s changed.

  “David says there’s a For Sale sign in front of his house now.” She slides a perfectly highlighted strand of hair behind her ear. Brian watches her, and I can tell he’s looking for a way to impress her.

  “I heard his Mom threatened to throw him out,” Robin continues.

  Brian groans loudly. “It’s the great fag invasion of Shadow Falls,” he says. “Shit. I’m just glad he never joined the team. I can’t be worrying about that at my backside.”

  My teeth clench, and I stand up, sliding my tray off the table. “You’re an idiot, Brian,” I snap.

  All eyes fly to me, but I don’t care. I don’t care if Brian’s just trying to impress Meg. I can’t sit and listen to this anymore. Shelly is totally right about him. Jerk.

  Robin shoots me an apologetic look, but I keep walking. Maybe it isn’t much, but I can at least walk away from them, not sit by and pretend to agree with their ignorance. I catch Jason’s eyes as I pass. He can tell something’s wrong, and as I push through the heavy cafeteria door, I see him frown.

  The rest of the day’s pretty quiet, and by the time the final bell rings, my anger’s subsided. Shelly’s beaming rainbows and sunshine in the car. It’s nice she’s having such a breakthrough in her personal life and all, but it just reminds me of Stephanie and Jason.

  Was she serious about breaking it off with him? And if so, then what? Will he be all hurt and need a recovery period? No. They only went out once. But it only took me once to be hooked on Jason.

  “Okay. Frown police,” Shelly glances at me while turning onto my street. “What’s going on?”

  I sigh. Since the whole Aaron-love thing, I figure it’s safe now to tell her. “I was just thinking about Jason.”

  “Jason? I thought you got over him weeks ago.”

  I chew my lip. She technically was going out with Jason during all our encounters at the creek.

  “Well…” I’m not sure how to say it.

  “Well, you’ve finally realized what a super hottie he is?” she smiles. “I told you that the first day, but you were so into Trent.”

  “I guess. But I can’t stop thinking about him now. And he’s all with Stephanie.” I exhale, hoping it’ll ease the pressure in my chest.

  Shelly turns into my driveway and kills the car. “Okay, I’m going to tell you something.” She turns in her seat to face me. “I should’ve told you weeks ago, but I didn’t think it mattered.”

  “What?” I frown, and she reaches across and presses her index finger between my eyebrows.

  “Piece of tape right there,” she says. “Supposed to break the frown-habit.”

  I bat her hand away. “Just tell me.”

  “Don’t get big-headed, but the whole time we were dating, I could tell he was still into you,” she says. “You could so get him back if you wanted, I just know it.”

  My heart jumps. “But what if he really does like Stephanie?”

  “Too soon,” she says. “And have I taught you nothing, Grasshopper? If you want him, go get him! Assertiveness. Break the Cycle!”

  I fall back against the seat. “I tried that,” I say. “I texted him and asked him to meet me at the creek.”

  Shelly’s eyes widen with her smile. “Now we’re getting somewhere!”

  I shake my head, looking down. “No we’re not. He thinks I’m only into him now because of what happened with Trent.”

  “Ew.” Her smile fades. “Gotcha.”

  “Tell me about it,” I sigh again.

  I watch her thinking a few moments, then she jumps. “Go to his house,” she says.

  I shake my head and reach down for my bag. “I can’t do that.”

  “Old Harley can’t, but Assertive Harley can,” she says. “Go there and stand in his driveway and tell him how you feel. It’s in all the movies. The ultimate romantic gesture.”

  I think about it. He did come to my house that night—and the next day—to ask me not to date Trent. And he did at least show up to meet me at the creek the night I texted him.

  “But what will I say?”

  “Just say what you feel.”

  I walk back to my room after dinner. Mom’s washing the dishes. Dad’s in his study reading as usual. My conversation with Shelly is the only thing on my mind. I go over and
sit on my bed, pulling open the little drawer under my lamp where my old list is hidden. Also stuffed in the drawer is my copy of the police report from the day Jason hit me with his car. I wonder for a split second if I should’ve given this to mom, but more importantly, I see written on the top right side Jason’s address. I know exactly where his house is. I can do it, I can go there tonight. But how can I get out of my house?

  I walk back to Dad’s study. He glances up at me and smiles. “How’s it hanging, biker-chick?”

  “Missing the open road.”

  He chuckles. “Kids at school behaving?”

  I nod. “For the most part. There’s been some gossip, but I just ignore it.”

  He puts his book down, smile disappearing. “It’s hard, I know,” he says. “I’m sorry if the gossip hits home sometimes.”

  “It usually doesn’t bother me,” I say, looking down. “I mean, we’ve all grown up together. We all know each other.”

  “But when it’s your mom—”

  “Oh, it’s not that. Ricky killed all that with his big reveal. It’s just… this other friend. He didn’t get so lucky.”

  Dad frowns, but I don’t have time to get into it with him now. I have something else on my mind.

  “Would you mind if I rode my bike for a few minutes? Just around the neighborhood?”

  He’s still serious. “It’s a little late, honey. And cars don’t always expect bikes at this hour.”

  “I won’t leave the neighborhood. I just need to clear my head.”

  He glances at the clock and hesitates.

  “I’ll be careful,” I say. “And honestly, I won’t be gone more than just a little bit.”

  “Don’t leave the neighborhood,” he says.

  I nod and start to leave, but then I stop. “Hey, Dad?”

  He looks up at me again. “Yeah?”

  I study the door frame, running my fingernail down one of the lines in the wood. “How did you know… I mean, when you met Mom. How did you know she was The One?”

  Concern crosses his face, and he sits forward in his chair. “Well, for starters, we were both adults, Harley. College graduates.”

  “I know. But I was just wondering, like if God told you or something. Or like if there was some sign.”

  He smiles. “Your mother’s very beautiful and she liked me, so that was a big neon sign when I first met her.”

  “C’mon, Dad, you know what I mean. Did you like, maybe have a dream about her? Or maybe you read a scripture or you made a list or something?”

  He gets serious again. “I met your mom when we were undergrads, and we liked each other very much,” he says. “Then we graduated and I left for seminary.”

  “Right…”

  “I was gone several years, but when I came back and saw her again and we could still talk and our interests had converged rather than grown apart,” he pauses. “We had found ourselves first, what we wanted to do with our lives and who God wanted us to be. And then we were able to find each other.”

  I look back at the lines in the wood, thinking about his words.

  “Why are you asking me this, Harley?”

  I shake my head. “I just had this thing. It’s really stupid. I thought God had brought someone here, this guy, just for me. But I was wrong.”

  Dad’s face grows thoughtful, and he picks up his pencil. “You know, God can bring people into our lives for reasons other than romance.”

  I glance back at his blue eyes, then I looked up at his blonde hair and feel like such a dork. Of course nine-year-old me made a list describing my Dad. He was the only example of an ideal husband I knew.

  I smile and step forward to kiss his cheek. “You know, you’re really good at your job.”

  “You’d better scoot. And don’t be gone long.”

  “OK,” I say as I dash out the door.

  In less than five minutes I’m approaching Jason’s house, but when I see the place, I almost lose my nerve and keep riding. It’s huge, with a big stone entrance and bronze lanterns hanging at the door with real flames. I feel like I’m walking up to a small castle. And it takes me a few seconds to find the doorbell.

  This is a mistake, I think as the door starts to open. Then right in front of me appears what has to be Jason’s dad. He looks a lot like Jason, only with little lines around his eyes and gray hair at his temples.

  “Hey,” he says in the same casual-friendly manner as his son. “Are you from the school? Jason didn’t tell me he was expecting—”

  “Oh, no,” I shake my head. My whole body is trembling for some reason. “I mean, I’m sorry. He isn’t expecting… I mean, I’m Harley.”

  I try to smile and appear normal despite my completely psychotic behavior meeting him for the first time. I hope he can’t see me shaking.

  He smiles and opens the door a little wider. “I think he’s mentioned you,” he says. “Come in?”

  My cheeks feel hot at the idea of Jason discussing me with his dad. “Oh, no,” I say, looking down then shoving my hair behind my ear. “I was just thinking,” I swallow a hard lump in my chest and try to get a grip. “Maybe I’ll just come back another time.”

  I turn to leave when I hear Jason’s voice from just inside the house. “Hey, Dad,” he says. “It’s okay, I got it.”

  I glance back and see Mr. James smile at his son. “It was nice meeting you, Harley,” he says as he leaves the doorway and goes inside again. I nod, still moving away, toward the drive. Jason takes a step toward me and closes the door behind him.

  “What’re you doing here?”

  Seeing him melts all the confidence I was feeling. I stop moving back, but I’m not sure I can form a coherent sentence now. It reminds me of that first day he appeared in church and I had to sing. Only tonight I just had dinner, so there’s no way this is low blood sugar.

  “I really wanted to see you,” I manage to say.

  He takes another step toward me. “News travels fast,” he says. “So you heard Stephanie called it off?”

  “No… When? What’d she say?”

  There’s a hint of his old smile in the corners of his eyes. “Something about going away to college,” he says. “And not wanting a long-distance relationship.”

  I almost laugh, and I feel the smallest bit of hope, like I can actually do what I rode over here to do.

  “I’m sorry.” I clear my throat and try to act sympathetic. “I hope you’re not too disappointed.”

  “I’m not,” he says, watching me.

  I’m quiet again, and as I search for the right words, I realize I’m not very good at saying how I feel. I think about what Shelly said, and I think about Stephanie, too. They both say he still has a thing for me. I think about everything that’s happened, and I know this is it, time to make my assertiveness move—only this time with the right guy. Fifty cents. Break the Cycle.

  “Jason,” I blurt. “I know I acted stupid and you’re mad. And you’re right to be mad. But…” I close my mouth and breathe, trying to slow down, to be cool. “I really do want us to be together. And it has nothing to do with Trent.”

  He crosses his arms over his chest, still watching me. I step forward and reach out to touch him. I’m actually doing it, and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

  “I think you do, too,” I say, looking directly into his brown eyes. My stomach is completely clenched.

  He looks at me for a beat longer and then slides his arms down. “You think so?”

  I nod taking another step toward him. “I mean, we did have fun, didn’t we?” I steal his question from the night we played Truth or Dare. Only it’s my turn now to get the truth. “And aren’t you just a little sorry we’re not together anymore?”

  He doesn’t answer, but I still see that little smile lurking in his eyes. “I don’t know,” he says. “I kind of enjoyed watching you not look at me in class today.”

  “Are you saying I’m not very sneaky?”

  He reaches up and slides that stray piece
of hair out of my face. “Not even a little bit,” he says softly. I lean my cheek toward his hand, closing my eyes for a moment. And in that brief space he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine.

  It’s the same tiny kiss as that last night at the creek, our lips barely touching, but my knees get weak and all the feelings I’ve been holding for the last three days go rushing to my head. I catch the front of his shirt for balance as he opens his arms, and in one movement I’m back in them again, warm and strong and not giving up. We’re quiet for a moment, and I can feel my heart beating so fast.

  “I guess you’re right,” he says. I look up at him, and he smiles back. I study his face, his brown hair, then I start to giggle.

  “What?” he smiles.

  “Dark chocolate with milk chocolate highlights.”

  “Shelly,” he groans, rolling his eyes.

  “She was seriously hoping something would happen with you two.”

  “No shit. Talk about an octopus.”

  I slant my eyes, and he quickly changes it. “I mean, yeah. Tell me about it.”

  I pull myself close to him again and feel him inhale at the top of my head. “Mmm,” he breathes. “Missed that.”

  “What?”

  “You always smell like… like little flowers or something,” he smiles. Then he leans close and lowers his voice. “It’s very distracting in class.”

  The butterflies zoom through my stomach. “It’s honeysuckle,” I say, lifting my chin for a kiss. He pulls me close, sealing his lips over mine, warm and perfect.

  “I wish we were at the creek.” I move my head to his shoulder and think of the currents that would be trickling downstream right now.

  He holds me, and I feel his fingers playing with the ends of my hair. I think of our first dance all those weeks ago at the luau.

  “So is it our turn to come out now?” he asks. “We’re officially together? For real?”

  “Yes,” I say, nodding. “For real.”

  He leans back, eyes twinkling. “If that’s the case, does that mean skinny dipping?”