Hidden Hearts

by Olivia Dade

  God, he’d missed sharing his life with Teddy. “Not much, to this point. Watching movies. Reading. Spending as much time as possible with Mary. But I was thinking about writing a book.”

  “About all the places you’ve traveled?”

  Miles nodded. “I’ve dictated a few pages. Don’t know if they’re any good, though.”

  “What…” Teddy sounded tentative again. “What about the job offer?”

  Had his brother somehow mind-melded with Earl? How did Teddy know about the mini-golf repairs? Whatever. Miles was too tired to work it out right now.

  “I’m not sure I’m interested. I think those days are gone. For obvious reasons.”

  His brother appeared cautiously enthusiastic. “I’ve been doing research, and I found you some great possibilities for a new manager. So if that’s been worrying you, I think you’ll be fine. And with a prosthesis, I’ll bet you could do almost everything you used to.”

  What the hell?

  Miles’s brows drew together. “Maybe a prosthesis would help. Maybe it wouldn’t. But why would I need a manager to fix a small bridge and windmill on a mini-golf course?”

  His brother’s mouth opened, then closed. “Have you listened to any of my recent messages? I mean, even one of them?”

  Miles had been dodging everyone associated with The Naked Carpenter, including his brother. He didn’t answer his cell when they called, he didn’t listen to their voice mails, and he deleted their texts and e-mails unread. No need to remind himself of a life and a job he couldn’t have anymore.

  “No. Why?”

  Excitement dawned on Teddy’s tired face. “Haven’t you wondered why I’ve been calling so often the past week or two?”

  “Honestly?” Miles shrugged. “Not really. I’ve been kind of busy.”

  Teddy was almost bouncing on the sofa. “Then you don’t know. You have no idea.”

  Miles loved his brother, but it was getting late, and he still needed to talk to Mary tonight. He didn’t have time for vague proclamations or confusing conversations.

  Doing his best not to sound curt, he tried to get some clarification. “What? What don’t I know?”

  “Holy shit, Miles. I can’t believe you haven’t heard.” At Miles’s glare, Teddy threw his hands up in the air, clearly thrilled by the news he was about to deliver. “HATV wants you back on your show!”

  18

  Miles blinked. “I don’t understand.”

  What the fuck? Why would his old network want to bankroll a show featuring a carpenter who couldn’t actually do carpentry anymore?

  “Because I’m still officially your manager, and since you weren’t responding to calls or e-mails, your old producer contacted me. He said the network thinks there’s still an audience for a show starring you. With a functional prosthesis, you should be able to do a lot of jobs on your own without a problem, and they’ll modify as many of your tools as possible for one-handed use. They even talked about getting you an assistant for stuff you can’t do alone.”

  “They want to make a show about their poor, one-armed former star and how he’s coping?” Miles clenched his fist. “That sounds like a nightmare.”

  No way in hell he was setting himself up to be a figure of pity. Or, even worse, inspiration. He’d rather cut off his other damn arm.

  “No.” Teddy leaned closer, shaking his head violently. “No, Miles. Not at all. They don’t want to hide your injury, and the show will need to address your recovery at times, but the execs are hoping to keep the fundamental premise of The Naked Carpenter. It’ll be a show about travel and building with a star who happens to have one arm, not a show about a one-armed guy who happens to do a little carpentry and traveling on the side.”

  Miles’s fist relaxed, and he could almost feel his blood pressure drop. He’d always respected his producer, Alan, throughout their many years working together. He was glad to know that respect hadn’t been ill-founded. The premise Teddy was describing…Miles could live with it. Which Alan obviously realized.

  But Alan and the HATV execs didn’t understand the situation, did they?

  He forced out the words. “I think everyone is overestimating how much I can do now. And a show starring a guy whose assistant does everything for him isn’t much of a goddamn show.”

  “Okay.” Teddy nodded. “So what can you do without help? Use a hammer? A saw? A sander? What have you tried so far?”

  “Umm…”

  Heat flooded his face as he finally acknowledged just how fully he’d hidden from reality these past few months. How his self-pity and fear had led him to avoid any situation that would make it clear, once and for all, what he couldn’t do anymore. How his grief and anger over losing his full capabilities had stopped him from maximizing the resources he had left.

  “I don’t know what I can do,” he finally said. “I haven’t tried using any of my tools. Not even a hammer.”

  Teddy looked shocked. “Shit, man. I…” he trailed off and took a deep breath. “I’ve seen pictures of you as a toddler hammering away at your plastic construction set. You’ve always kept your tools close. Hell, the only time I’ve ever seen you angry before now was when that guy on your crew hid your tool belt as a joke. And you’re telling me you’ve let all your tools collect dust for months now, without even checking if you could use them?”

  A spark of renewed fury jolted Miles upright on the couch. “Fuck you. I lost my fucking arm. I had a right to be scared.”

  Teddy held up his hands, his own face turning ruddy. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  Miles’s anger slowly died, but the fear remained. What if he couldn’t handle even simple jobs anymore? Would his crew laugh at him when they watched him struggle? Or worse, would they pity him? And what about the millions of people watching HATV? Did he really want to expose his vulnerabilities so fully on national television?

  “We could figure out ahead of time what you can and can’t do. The occupational therapist could help you compensate for the missing arm. And like I said, the network could help modify some of the tools.” Teddy’s voice was low. Pleading. “Don’t you miss your crew? Or your friends?”

  Miles had spent months dodging anyone who could compare the man he’d become to the man he’d been. Still…

  “Of course I miss them.”

  Another understatement. His crew had become an extended family over the years. They’d traveled the world together. And whenever he’d come home to California, he’d always spent a lot of time with Teddy and all their friends.

  He missed his brother. His friends and crew. The people he’d shut out of his life.

  And as much as he hated to admit it, he kind of missed being famous.

  Some people in the public eye hated their fame and avoided their fans, eschewing their notoriety however they could. Not Miles. He’d loved people knowing his name. Loved chatting with fans and learning about the lives of everyone on his job sites. Loved posing for pictures and signing autographs.

  Sure, all the hubbub had proven exhausting at times. But after a couple of days holed up in his LA home, he’d always recovered and reentered the world, eager to engage with strangers and friends alike.

  “Don’t you want to know what you can do?” Teddy flashed an unexpected grin. “In my research, I discovered one advantage to having a prosthesis. You never have to worry about hitting your thumb with a hammer again.”

  Miles had to smile too. “Good point.”

  Since childhood, he’d always challenged himself. Always liked to push the limits and find out what he could accomplish. And he’d loved his job. Genuinely. The money and the fame had pleased him, but they hadn’t driven him to work so hard.

  And maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible for other amputees to see someone like him on their television every week? Not as a figure of pity, a freak, or a source of easy inspiration, but as a normal guy working around obstacles unexpectedly thrown in his path?


  “I’m sure Mary would love California,” Teddy said, his tone coaxing.

  And that’s when reality punctured his burgeoning excitement.

  He had a happy life in Nice County with his girlfriend. His girlfriend, whom he loved with all his heart. His girlfriend, who’d lived in Maryland pretty much her entire life. His girlfriend, who’d fled from LA, and who feared the scrutiny of strangers would conjure old demons.

  If he decided to return to California—and that was a big if—would she agree to come with him? Or would he lose her?

  “I don’t know.” Suddenly restless, he drummed his fingers on his thigh. “I need time to think about all this. And I want to see the offer in writing and have a lawyer look it over.”

  “Of course. I have the documents out in the car, and your producer said to call with any questions. But you might want to think fast,” Teddy warned. “The network’s offer won’t stand forever. You’ll have to figure out what you want sooner rather than later.”

  “I know.” Miles heaved a huge sigh. “Believe me, I know I need to make a decision.”

  And so will Mary, if I decide to move back to California.

  * * *

  “HATV wants me to return to my show.” Miles pulled Mary closer, until her head was resting on his shoulder. “They need an answer soon. And I don’t know what to tell them.”

  Mary suppressed a flinch. “Wow. How...” After a hard swallow, she tried again. “How much time do you have?”

  “Probably until the end of next week.” He exhaled slowly. “My mind is a mess right now, beautiful.”

  She stroked his chest, trying to soothe him, as her own thoughts tangled and knotted.

  A few minutes after midnight, he’d arrived at her apartment, alert and full of nervous energy. He’d apologized for coming to her so late, but she hadn’t been sleeping anyway. Not with the memory of his distress at the sight of his brother so fresh in her mind, worrying her. Not with her heart aching, hurt that he hadn’t shared something that obviously troubled him deeply. Not with her suspicions about what was going to happen.

  When she’d answered her door, Miles had greeted her with a passionate kiss, undressed them both, climbed under the covers with her, tugged her close, and begun talking with an ease she’d never seen in him before.

  Within minutes, he’d told her about the fiasco with Teddy and his money. He’d apologized for not telling her earlier, explaining that he hadn’t wanted to deal with his anger toward his brother or face his own culpability in the financial disaster.

  She didn’t care about his money, although for his sake, she wished his brother hadn’t mismanaged it. And she certainly understood why he hadn’t talked to her about the issue before. It was painful on a variety of levels—familial, professional, financial—for him, and he was still dealing with the aftermath of his accident in so many other ways. She’d told him no apology for his reticence was necessary, and she’d meant it.

  But this offer from HATV…

  That was a different concern. A much, much bigger one.

  Her needs and fears weren’t important right now, though. His were. And if he could use help sorting through his options, she wanted to assist.

  “What worries you about their offer?” She laid an arm across his chest, trying to memorize the feel of his body pressed to hers. The warmth that radiated from him, soaking into her tired bones. The tickle of his chest hair against her breasts. The way his hand rested on the small of her back, possessive and gentle.

  Everything. She wanted to remember everything.

  He heaved a huge sigh. “Oh, God. So much.”

  “Such as?” She tracked the rhythm of his breaths, of his heart. Stored the information away for a lonelier time.

  To her surprise, he didn’t hesitate before answering. “I don’t know whether I can still do the damn job, even with the assistance they promised me.”

  The thought obviously troubled him, but he didn’t seem paralyzed by it. Not anymore.

  “You could run a few experiments here before giving them an answer, right?” She nuzzled into his neck, inhaling the spicy scent she loved.

  “I’m not sure I really want to know, Mary. It…” He pursed his lips, obviously searching for the right words. “It’ll hurt. The gulf between all the things I used to do and what I can do now. And God only knows how much harder I’ll have to work for the few things I can do.”

  “It may not be that few,” she reminded him.

  “Yeah. Maybe not.” His legs moved restlessly in the sheets. “But I don’t want to fumble on camera for all of America’s amusement.”

  Oh, God. He would hate showing that kind of vulnerability to the world. “I’m sure HATV wouldn’t let that happen.”

  He snorted. “I work with good people. But it’s a business, beautiful. If watching me drop a handheld sander on my foot brought in enough viewers and advertisers, they’d show it in slo-mo twelve times a day.”

  “Let me rephrase. You wouldn’t let that happen.”

  At that, he smiled. “True enough. Smart lady.”

  “What else concerns you about the job offer?”

  She knew what he was going to say, and she needed to hear it. At least one more time.

  “I have a life and friends here in Maryland. And most importantly, I have you.” He met her eyes, his fierce with determination. “I love you, Mary. I don’t want to lose you.”

  He meant it. She could tell. But she could also tell that just as many factors, crucial ones, were drawing him back to his old life in California. Factors they both needed to acknowledge.

  So she didn’t react to his words. Didn’t ask him to elaborate. Didn’t beg him to stay, even though she wanted to.

  “Okay, those are your worries. What about the offer makes it tempting?”

  The lines on his forehead carved deep. “I enjoyed my job.” He paused. “Not just enjoyed, actually. Loved.”

  She waited patiently, knowing he had more to say.

  “I love the show. Partly because of the work, but mostly because of my crew. I’ve kept the same people for pretty much the entire run of the show. They’re like my extended family. I don’t know how many backwater bars we’ve been kicked out of, but it’s at least a dozen. And we have certain rituals for each episode. Inside jokes and pranks.”

  “Like what?”

  “Someone on the crew always chooses a random, bizarre word and dares me to say it during filming. I have to do it in a way where it sounds natural and won’t get edited out.” His worry lines disappeared as he laughed. “You haven’t lived until you’ve tried to work blueberry into a show about constructing a Siberian church.”

  He slipped into present tense when he started talking about his crew. Telling.

  She forced a smile. “I’ll have to watch that episode.”

  He sounded contemplative. Wistful. “I think they took the accident harder than any of my other friends. Maybe even harder than my brother. When I was in the hospital, they came by all the time. God, they wouldn’t stop crying. Wouldn’t stop blaming themselves for my fall.” He shook his head. “Like they could have stopped whatever stupid crap I was going to do.”

  He clearly adored his job. Not just because of the money and fame, but also the people involved. And there were more people he hadn’t even addressed yet.

  “What else do you miss about California?”

  “My brother. The rest of my friends,” he said immediately. “I know I haven’t talked to them recently, but I care about them. A lot.”

  Her face felt like it was going to crack. How much longer did she have to keep smiling?

  Long enough to let him work through his dilemma and come to the inevitable conclusion.

  “Tell me about them,” she said.

  He let out a slow breath. “My parents died in a car accident a few years back. Maybe you saw that when you Googled me?”

  “I did. I’m so sorry, Miles.” She wiggl
ed even closer, trying to offer comfort with the warmth of her body.

  “It’s okay.” He gathered himself for a moment before continuing. “We were never close to our other relatives, so Teddy’s my only real family. My best friend, too. When I’m in town, we usually go out to dinner a few nights a week. And we have a great group of friends. Some people in the industry, and some with regular jobs. We all get together every month or two. At beaches, amusement parks, someone’s house. Even mini-golf courses. Non-haunted ones.” The signs of his grief disappeared, and a reminiscent smile lit his face. “And wherever we go, we make way too much noise and eat way too much food.”

  “Sounds like fun.”

  Mary could almost see the dam that had broken somewhere inside Miles after his brother’s visit. Suddenly, he was full of words, of stories, of insights into his past and his mind. He was even telling her about his friends and his work at long last.

  In the space of a single evening, he’d transformed into a different man, one she’d only seen in glimpses before. This Miles was more confident. More open. Happier. Maybe a bit more cautious than the star she’d seen mugging for the camera on rooftops around the world, but much closer to that star than the grieving recluse she’d met several months ago.

  She loved Miles in all his incarnations, including the one lying beside her in bed right now. But whether she could keep this version of Miles…well, that was a different story.

  When he sighed again, his chest lifted and lowered beneath her cheek. “At least, I used to get together with my friends every month or two. Until I moved out here and stopped answering my phone. I just…” He hesitated. “I just couldn’t stand to see or hear their grief. It felt like pity to me. And I was angry about the situation with Teddy, which made things even more awkward. Because they care about both of us.”

  After months of piecing together tidbits of data pried from his closed mouth, part of her welcomed the flood of new information. No more mysteries. She now understood the reasons he’d fled to Maryland, as well as the lures tempting him back to California.