Crooked as a Dog's Hind Leg

by Toni L. P. Kelner

  That got a little smile out of her. "I do enjoy getting Christmas cards," she said. "Of course, people don't send them like they used to. They cost so much now."

  "That's true." I snuck a look at my watch. Only ten minutes gone.

  "How's work?" Aunt Edna asked, and I gratefully launched into a description of my latest project. I know she wasn't really interested in the advantages and disadvantages of programming in Visual Basic, but I figured that anything was better than dead silence. I finally stopped when I saw her eyes start to glaze over.

  "And Richard?" she prompted. "How is his work?"

  That gave me a chance for another monologue. Then I asked about her son Linwood, his wife Sue, and their kids. That helped a little. Then she caught me up on her church activities, the real focus of her life.

  Another look at my watch. We were now up to twenty–five minutes, and had already exhausted our best topics. I'd have even welcomed her asking me when Richard and I were going to start a family, a question I usually dread. Instead, we fell into a strained silence. There are companionable silences where people just enjoy each other's company, but this wasn't one of them.

  In desperation, I looked up at her Christmas cards again. "Who's Caleb?"

  Aunt Edna started so hard that she spilled hot chocolate on her dress. "What?"

  "That card is signed 'Caleb,'" I said, surprised that the question had caused such a reaction. "I was just wondering who he is."

  She stared at the card. "Just a friend. An old friend. Somebody I used to know."

  That was the last time during that interminable hour that Aunt Edna seemed to know I was there. Oh, she said the right things at the right times and she offered me more hot chocolate, but I could tell that her mind wasn't in the same room as I was. It was a relief when enough time passed that I could politely leave.

  * * *

  After that, I couldn't wait to get to Aunt Nora's, where I walked right in, got enthusiastic hugs from Aunt Nora, Uncle Buddy, and cousins Thaddeous and Willis, and was promptly installed in the kitchen with more hot chocolate. Aunt Nora was shorter and rounder than Aunt Edna, kept her hair nicely styled and dyed, and she smiled all the time. Even her hot chocolate was sweeter.

  After we had gone through the preliminaries of work and gossip, I asked, "Aunt Nora, do you have any idea of what I can get Aunt Edna for Christmas? I can't think of a thing."

  "Well, you could get her a sweater. Or a nightgown is always good."

  "Didn't Ilene get her a nightgown last year? And I know Carlelle got her a sweater the year before that."

  "And I gave her a nightgown and robe myself three years ago," Aunt Nora said. "Edna's not easy to shop for."

  "I'll say." Then I remembered that odd Christmas card. "Do you know somebody named Caleb? A friend of Aunt Edna's?"

  She didn't jump like Aunt Edna had, but she did look mighty surprised. "Caleb? She used to know a Caleb. Why do you ask?"

  "She got a Christmas card from him. When I asked her who it was, she acted real strange, and I just wondered why."

  "Surely it can't be that Caleb," she said, more to herself than to me. "What did the card say?"

  "'Merry Christmas and I hope things have worked out all right.' Something like that. Who in the Sam Hill is Caleb?"

  "Caleb is Edna's ex–boyfriend. One of them, anyway. She dated lots of fellows, but Caleb was the one she fell for. She's never been the same since they broke up."

  "Aunt Edna dated around?"

  "Oh yes. She was the most popular one of us sisters. Your mama was the smart one, just like you. Nellie was the dreamer, Ruby Lee was the pretty one, Daphine was the one with common sense, and I was the hard worker. But Edna––she was the one with spirit. You should have seen her. She was a pistol."

  "My Aunt Edna?"

  "You young people think the world didn't exist until you came along," she said, shaking her head. "You never knew the Edna I grew up with. All the boys were crazy about her, and she broke half a dozen hearts before she decided just which one she wanted. And that was Caleb."

  "So what happened?"

  "Caleb left Byerly a long time ago. After Fannie Topper died."

  "Fannie Topper?" That name sounded familiar. So did Caleb's, now that I heard it in that context. "You're not talking about Caleb Wilkins, are you? The one who killed Fannie Topper?"

  Every kid in Byerly knew about Marley's ghost. Fannie Topper used to run a barbeque and beer joint in Marley, the black section of Byerly. One night her little boy Tim came downstairs looking for her and found a man standing by her dead body, covered in blood. They say Fannie didn't believe in banks and she had a lot of money hidden somewhere, and that the man came looking for it. When she caught him, he killed her. Since nobody but Fannie knew where the money was hidden, it was never recovered. The story was that her ghostly figure appeared either to guard the money or to show somebody where it was, depending on who was telling it.

  The man found over Fannie's body was Caleb Wilkins.

  "He was found not guilty," Aunt Nora said firmly.

  "I know, but everybody always said that the only reason he got off was because there wasn't enough evidence."

  "Well, everybody saying something doesn't make it so. I didn’t think he did it then, and I don't think so now. More importantly, Edna never thought Caleb did it."

  "The trial and all must have been awful for her."

  "Well, it wasn't easy to get through, I can tell you that. Of course, all of us Burnettes knew he didn't do it, and when he was found not guilty, we thought it was all over and that he and Edna were going to live happily ever after."

  "What happened?"

  "What happened is that the people in this town drove Caleb away. They started walking by him on the street like he wasn't there, and whispering behind his back, and things like that. Oh, not everybody, but enough that he said he didn't feel at home here anymore. Can you imagine that? His family had been in Byerly for years and years."

  "So he left town."

  She nodded. "It was just about this time of year when the trial ended and Caleb saw how people were going to be treating him for the rest of his life. He came over to the house Christmas day and we sang carols and ate Mama's coconut cake and visited. That evening, we sisters played music on the record player so we could dance."

  She looked up at me. "You were there, too. Just a little thing, and your mama and daddy were holding you between them so the three of you could dance together. Then Paw took you so they could dance." She smiled, remembering that night. I wished that I could remember it, too. My parents and grandfather were gone now, and I still missed them, especially at Christmas.

  "Anyway, it got late and Edna went out on the porch with Caleb to kiss him good night. Then he left. The next morning Paw gave her a letter, said that Caleb had asked him to give it to her."

  "What did it say?"

  "It was Caleb saying goodbye to Edna. He said he couldn't stay in Byerly anymore, that he had to make a fresh start. He said he couldn't ask her to come with him, not when he didn't know where he was going or how he was going to make a living, so he thought it was best to just go alone. He said he hoped her life would be everything she had ever dreamed about."

  Aunt Nora was quiet for a long time, and I finally asked, "Didn't she try to find him?"

  "Lord no! She didn't want to find him. After she read that letter, she was so mad that she ripped it into little bitty pieces. Then she threw it and everything he had ever given her into the trash can. Every bit of it."

  "I can't imagine Aunt Edna that angry."

  "Laurie Anne, I'd never seen anybody so fired up. Here she had stayed with him all through his being arrested and in jail and on trial. When people stared at them on the street, she stared right back. She did all that for him, and then he up and left her. If he had come back that same day, I think she would have slammed the door right in his face."

  "Do you think she would have gone with him if he had asked?"

  "I
know she would have. She loved him that much. But he didn't ask. It wasn't long afterwards that she started dating Loman, and they were engaged within the month and married that summer. You know how things turned out with them."

  I knew that Loman hadn't been much of a husband to Aunt Edna, and I was fairly sure that she was better off now that he was dead.

  As if guessing my thoughts, Aunt Nora shrugged and said, "Maybe Loman wasn't the best man in the world, but at least he was here. Still, I don't think Edna ever got over Caleb."

  After that we talked about other things, but now I was preoccupied, just like Aunt Edna had been. Only I wasn't dreaming about a lost love; I was thinking that I had stumbled on something I could give Aunt Edna for Christmas.

  * * *

  "I never would have guessed that Aunt Edna had a past," Richard said after I got back to Aunt Maggie's house and told him the story.

  Actually, first I gave my lanky, dark–haired husband a hug and a kiss. Then I asked him where Aunt Maggie was, and found out that after she made sure that he still knew where the kitchen and the bathroom were, she had headed out. Aunt Maggie sold collectibles at flea markets and auctions, and Christmas was such a busy time for her that we probably wouldn't even see her until Christmas day. That's one reason Richard and I liked staying with her when we came to Byerly. She went her way, and let us do the same.

  Richard asked, "Why do you suppose no one ever told you about Aunt Edna and Caleb Wilkins?"

  "Maybe it's just something nobody wanted to talk about. You know how the Burnettes are. We talk about each other all the time, but we don't really say a whole lot."

  "'Full of sound and fury,'" Richard quoted, "'signifying nothing.' Macbeth, Act V, scene 5."

  Frequently quoting the Bard is the closest my husband has to a fault, at least as far as I'm concerned. I was used to it, but my relatives still wonder how a Yankee who teaches Shakespeare at Boston College ended up in our family.

  "Wouldn't it be great if we could find Caleb and bring him back home?" I said. "Wouldn't that be a wonderful present for Aunt Edna?"

  "May I assume that you want to investigate this murder?"

  "No, I'm not interested in the murder. I just want to find Caleb Wilkins." Richard looked suspicious, but I went on. "The question is, is he the kind of man I want in Aunt Edna's life? What if he really did kill Fannie Topper?"

  "I thought you said he was found innocent."

  "He was found not guilty, and that's not always the same thing. There just wasn't enough evidence to prove it beyond the shadow of a doubt."

  "Aunt Edna is convinced."

  "And look at Aunt Edna's late husband. He wasn't exactly a model citizen. No offense to her, but I want a little more to go on than her trust in her boyfriend."

  "So you do want to solve the murder."

  "No, I don't," I insisted. "I just want to make sure that it wasn't Wilkins."

  "'The lady doth protest too much, methinks.' Hamlet, Act III, scene 2." I started to object, but Richard kept going. "How do you expect to get evidence of Wilkins's innocence without solving the crime?"

  "I don't need evidence. I'll settle for an objective opinion."

  "And which aunt, uncle, or cousin shall we consult for objectivity?"

  "Not a cousin, because they're too young to know any details, same as me. And not an aunt or uncle, either. They all knew Wilkins, so they'd be biased, too. I think I'll talk to Chief Norton."

  "Junior?" Richard said, meaning Byerly's current chief of police and a good friend of ours.

  I shook my head. "Junior was just a kid when Fannie Topper was killed. I mean her father, Andy Norton." He would have been in charge then, and he had been as good at his job then as she was now.

  I looked up the Nortons' phone number and dialed it. Chief Norton himself answered.

  "Chief Norton? This is Laura Fleming."

  "Well, hey there, Laurie Anne."

  I didn't bother to correct him on my name; it wasn't worth it. Instead we chatted about life in Boston and folks in Byerly for a little while before I got down to business. "Chief Norton..."

  "You better not call me 'Chief,'" he said with a smile in his voice. "Junior wouldn't like that. You can call me Andy."

  "All right," I said, but I knew I wouldn't. In Boston I call people of all ages by their first names, but I just can't do it when I'm in Byerly. "The reason I'm calling is to ask you if you remember when Fannie Topper was killed."

  "Laurie Anne, do you think there's been so many murders in Byerly that I'd forget one? Especially a case that was never closed."

  "I guess not."

  "What are you asking about Fannie Topper for, anyway? That was twenty–five years ago."

  "My Aunt Edna got a Christmas card from Caleb Wilkins, and I want to find him."

  There was a pause. "Edna never did believe that Caleb Wilkins killed Fannie."

  "Do you?"

  "That's not an easy question to answer." Another pause. "Laurie Anne, my wife has gone Christmas shopping with the girls. Why don't you and your husband come on over here and we'll talk about it."

  * * *

  Chief Norton must have been watching for us, because he had the front door open before we got to the porch. "Come on inside," he said cheerfully. "It's colder than a polar bear's behind out there." He wasn't a tall man, but he had that same sense of presence that helped make his daughter a formidable police chief. His hair was all gray now, and he was dressed in slacks and a cardigan instead of the trim uniform he used to wear when I was young.

  I introduced Richard, and once we got our coats hung up, Chief Norton led the way into the kitchen. Though I knew from previous visits that Mrs. Norton usually kept her kitchen spotless, this time every bit of counter was covered with sheets of decorated sugar cookies.

  "Sorry there's such a mess. Daisy got all the cookie sheets ready so I can stick them in when the timer goes off." He grinned. "It was either do this or go along with her and the girls to carry bags. Sit yourselves down and I'll fix us some coffee."

  We took seats around the kitchen table, cluttered with cookie supplies, and accepted the steaming mugs. "It smells heavenly in here," I said. It wasn't quite a hint, but I do love fresh sugar cookies.

  Chief Norton held out a plate of broken cookies. "Help yourself. Daisy said I could have any that broke." He grinned again. "It's amazing how clumsy I can get if I work at it."

  We spent a minute or two munching and complimenting cookies before Chief Norton asked, "Now what do you want to know about Fannie Topper's murder?"

  I explained my idea for a Christmas gift, and finished with, "I know Aunt Edna thought that Wilkins was innocent, but before I track him down, I want to hear the facts from somebody else."

  "Don't you believe your aunt?"

  I didn't want to admit to somebody who wasn't family that I didn't trust Aunt Edna's judgment, so I said, "It's not that I don't believe her, it's just that after what happened with Loman, the last thing Aunt Edna needs is to be hurt again."

  Chief Norton nodded, and I guessed I had given him the right answer. "Given what Junior has told me about your poking around in this murder and that, I might have guessed that you'd go after this one some day. What do you know about the case?"

  "I know part of it just from hearing about it when I was young, but I don't really know the details."

  Chief Norton settled himself down in that way that told me that a long story was coming, so I took another cookie and put on my best listening expression. Not only was it more polite, but you hear the most interesting stories that way.

  "Fannie's Place was the most popular bar around Byerly at that time. Oh, there were fancier places, but hers was the best place to go to have a few beers and maybe a plate of barbeque. Fannie was just a little thing, and to see her, you'd never have thought she could run a bar like that. Always a smile on her face, and as nice as she could be, but she was as tough as they come. She made it a good place for people to go and have some fun.

>   "It was late summer, and the Walters Mill baseball team had just won the mill championship. Big Bill Walters was so tickled at having something to brag on that he threw a party down at Fannie's the day they won. He paid for a couple of kegs and the barbeque, even came by himself to shake the boys' hands. He hinted that there might be a little something extra in their pay packets that week, but of course after what happened, he wasn't about to pay no bonuses.

  "The party went on into the wee hours. I was there myself for part of it, and it was a good time. Loud and rambunctious, but not rowdy. Fannie didn't let things get rowdy. Her brother Eb watched out for her, and he was the biggest man in Marley. Plus she had a shotgun behind the bar if people didn't want to listen to Eb.

  "Caleb Wilkins was on the team, and he and Edna were there, dancing up a storm."

  I found it hard to think of Aunt Edna dancing. Then I remembered what Aunt Nora had said about her.

  Chief Norton went on. "As you might expect, the bar was one mess in this world after the party ended, so Caleb and Edna and a few others stayed on for a little while to help Fannie sweep up and take out the trash. I don't imagine they were much help, as high as they were, and Fannie finally chased them out, saying that she could get more done by herself. They all left at the same time, about two in the morning.

  "Caleb took your aunt home, and your grandfather said they got there at about two–twenty and stayed out in Caleb's car for about twenty minutes before he turned on the outside light to let them know it was time for Edna to come inside."

  I remembered Paw doing the same thing with me.

  "For the rest of the story," Chief Norton said, "all we have is Caleb's word to go on. He said that he was on his way home when he realized that he didn't have his baseball cap. He figured he must have left it at Fannie's Place, so he turned around to go after it."

  Chief Norton shook his head. "I asked him why he didn't just wait until the next day, and he said that he wished he had. It's just that he was a bit drunk and so happy about winning the championship that he didn't want to take a chance of losing that hat.