Ledmore Junction

by Ian Todd

  Silence.

  “Oh well, oan that happy note,” Tony said, getting in there quick. “Why hiv ye subjected me tae Pearl’s company at this time ae the morning, Donna?” Tony asked, glaring a warning tae Pearl tae back aff.

  “Why dis there need tae be a reason fur me treating youse pair tae yer breakfast? Maybe Ah jist want tae see how youse ur daeing,” Donna replied, dabbing wan ae her eyes wae the paper hanky, careful no tae smudge that mascara ae hers.

  “Because Ah know ye, that’s why,” The Atalian reminded her, smiling, as Pearl reached across and gied Donna’s haun a wee squeeze and Donna smiled gratefully at her.

  “Okay, Ah wis gonnae jist invite Pearl here oan her lonesome, bit decided tae invite you as well, because Ah realised she’d probably go running tae you efterwards.”

  “Naw, Ah widnae hiv,” Pearl protested.

  “Anyhow, whether youse pair hiv an arrangement or no, his nothing tae dae wae me. However, if Ah’m being compromised by some unscrupulous selfish basturt who disnae even know me, then that’s a different story, so it is. So, rather than hiv tae explain ma story ae woe twice, Ah thought Ah’d kill two birds wae the wan stane…plus, Johnboy and Senga ur unwittingly caught up in there as well.”

  “Johnboy?” Tony exclaimed, sounding surprised at the mention ae his name, looking at Pearl tae see if she wis tae.

  “Remember Ah mentioned ma middle ae the night telephone call?” Pearl said tae him. “Believe you me, Ah wis jist as surprised as you ur noo.”

  “Right, then, before we get tae Johnboy and Senga. Hiv any ae the pair ae youse heard ae a Robert Hamilton?” she asked them. “Naw? Aye, Ah didnae think so. Robert Hamilton is the civvy in charge ae aw the finance…money that is, across the whole ae Strathclyde Polis.”

  “So?” Pearl asked.

  “So, the question is, how his this Mr Hamilton managed tae squirrel away hundreds ae thousands ae Strathclyde Polis’s money intae his ain bank account fur the past five years withoot anywan cottoning oan tae whit’s been happening?”

  Silence.

  “Dae youse want me tae carry oan?” she asked, lighting up a fresh fag, as baith heids nodded. “Right then, before Ah start, let’s get a bit mair comfortable, shall we?” she asked, looking across at the coonter, as Pearl took oot her wee notebook fae her bag. “Excuse me, hen? Could ye come and clear these plates away and bring us another big pot ae tea, please? Ta.”

  Pearl and Tony sat and listened in silence, as Donna explained the story so far, since first receiving Johnboy’s phone call fae the phone box up in the Highlands. Pearl couldnae help hersel and started tae butt in a few times, wanting tae ask aw sorts ae questions that she’d thought ae, efter coming aff the phone in the middle ae the night, bit finally goat the message efter Tony tapped her shin wae the toe ae his Oxford boot a few times under the table.

  “And there ye hiv it,” Donna said, as the wee lassie came and replaced the full ashtray wae a fresh wan.

  “So, whit dae ye want fae me then?” Tony asked her.

  “You? Ah don’t want anything fae you, Tony, son. As Ah said earlier, Ah’m jist making sure that whit Ah’m daeing and saying here is aw above board and won’t be construed as anything else further doon the line.”

  “How did Johnboy react when ye telt him that ye wur sending that sleazy prick, Cleftie Hannan up north?”

  “Ah widnae say that he wis over the moon, if that’s whit ye mean. He offered tae provide aw the relevant info himsel, bit Ah wanted Cleftie oot ae the road fur a few days while Ah collected ma thoughts.”

  “Whit’s Senga saying aboot aw this?” Pearl asked.

  “Ah’m no sure. Ah suspect he hisnae telt her.”

  “Whit, aboot buying the hoose?”

  “Well, he probably telt her that, bit as fur the full story, Ah’m no sure. He wisnae gieing much away oan the phone.”

  “Poor Senga. This is aw she needs,” Pearl murmured, shaking her heid, lighting up a fag.

  “Anyway, Pearl, hen, that wee phone call ye made fur me through the night? That wis jist a wee starter, tae thicken the gravy, so tae speak.”

  “Aye, well, Ah don’t know if they’ll run wae it. The Northern Times, like us, awready hid their front page feature ready tae go. He wisnae very happy sounding when Ah came aff the phone, so he wisnae.”

  “Ach, well, Ah’m sure he’ll live. So, obviously, Ah cannae be seen tae be involved in this carry oan wae Hamilton, so it’ll be doon tae you, hen…wae a wee bit ae assistance fae masel, that is.”

  “Ah’ll need tae get the go-aheid fae the paper…”

  “Naw, ye won’t…at least, no until the last minute. This his goat tae stay within the group.”

  “Group?” Tony asked, eyes narrowing.

  “Ma wee planning group. Ye don’t think Ah kin dae aw this masel, dae ye?”

  “Ah kin understaun Harry Bertram, the hairdresser, bit a chief inspector fae the fucking fraud squad? Surely messing aboot wae somewan fae that crowd is risky.”

  “Tony, believe you me, son, Arty Bruce sees me as the ma he’s never hid.”

  “Whit, she died when he wis young like?” Pearl asked.

  “Naw, naw, the auld bag is still oan the go. She’s a control freak, despite him being married wae weans. Anyway, whit Ah hiv oan him is enough tae make The Virgin Mary weep, so it is. Youse’ll jist hiv tae trust me oan this wan.”

  “So, ye’re saying Ah’ve tae jist haud ma horses until ye’re ready tae come up wae the goods?” Pearl asked her.

  “Naw, that’s no whit Ah’m saying, hen. Ah hiv tae get this done and dusted as soon as,” she said, turning tae Tony. “Arty, fae the fraud squad, phoned me before Ah left the office tae tell me that Hamilton suddenly asked fur a week aff…something aboot his poor wee maw suddenly falling seriously ill. The jungle drums hiv obviously started as tae whit’s happening up the road. Ah explained tae him whit Ah telt Pearl here oan the phone, in that Cleftie Hannan phoned me at three o’clock this morning tae tell me that aw Hamilton’s men, including the chookter in the plus-fours, who came doon tae convince me tae sell them Senga and Johnboy’s hoose, goat lifted fur drapping aff the boxes ae black fish in some smugglers cove behind Johnboy and Senga’s hoose last night. They’re aw in the jail as we speak. Ah asked Johnboy tae try and set something up…a wee distraction, that wid entice Hamilton oot ae the toon fur a few days while Ah went tae work this end, withoot causing any ripples tae appear in the pond doon here.”

  “Ah find it hard tae believe that Senga wid be intae aw this kind ae shite. That’s wan ae the reasons that she wanted her and Johnboy oot ae the toon,” Tony reminded her.

  “Ach, well, Ah’m sure Johnboy knows whit he’s daeing at his end. Pearl, hen, Ah’ve arranged a meeting in ma office wae the main players, which includes you by the way, oan Monday,” she informed Pearl. “In the meantime, Ah need ye tae start preparing the story, based oan whit Ah’ve jist telt ye, as well as working oot how we convince your bosses tae run wae this at short notice. Don’t worry aboot the finer points at this stage, as ye’ll get aw that at the meeting. Ye might also want tae join us, Tony.”

  “Whit time?”

  “Ten o’clock oan the dot.”

  “We’ll see,” he replied.

  “Why dae Ah hiv tae be there?” Pearl wondered.

  “Because as Ah’ve jist said, Ah want that basturt exposed fur whit he is within the next week, that’s why. By being there, you’ll get the full ins and oot ae whit everywan’s been daeing.”

  “Bit, Ah’ve no tae raise it wae ma boss jist noo?”

  “Furget The Rat. You jist work oot how this his tae be done at your end, Pearl, hen. Leave the rest tae me. The timing his tae be right.”

  “Whit’s so special aboot the timing?” Tony asked her.

  “Nothing.”

  “Aye, there is.”

  “Okay, bit this his tae stay between us. Nowan his tae know.”

  “Whit?”

  “Ah’m…me…Ah’m getting an honour…f
ae the Queen hersel, so Ah am,” Donna said, suddenly beaming like a lighthoose.

  “You?” Baith Tony and Pearl exclaimed.

  “Aye, me! Why should something like this be so surprising tae people like youse? Ah’m enterprising, nice tae people who ah like and don’t take shit fae anywan…a role model fur wummin,” she pouted defensively, as the pair opposite her laughed.

  “Fuck’s sake, Ah only asked. There’s nae need tae get yer knickers in a twist,” Tony laughed.

  “So, is it like a knighthood or something?” Pearl asked her.

  “Naw, that’s jist fur the men. This is a BEM… stauns fur British Empire Medal. It’s the first wan oan the ladder, bit it’s a start. Ma name’s been put forward, bit Ah’ve been telt that if the cat is let oot ae the bag, then Ah kin furget it. The other no-no is if Ah’m hit wae a whiff ae any scandal or that background ae mine is mentioned that could compromise ma good reputation here in the toon.”

  “God. Ah cannae believe it. Wan ae us getting an honour fae the Queen?”

  “Aye, Ah know, Pearl, hen,” Donna squealed wae excitement. “Ah couldnae bloody believe it masel. Seemingly, it’s in recognition ae me being the fine businesswummin that everywan knows Ah am, despite hivving tae be competing wae aw they sharks like Shuggie Fraser and co, who think they’re the best thing since sliced breid.”

  “Look, Donna, Ah’m gonnae hiv tae shoot the craw. Ah’ll take care ae the breakfast tab oan the way oot. And you, Pearl? Watch this wan like a hawk. Ah widnae fucking trust her as far as Ah could throw her,” he said tae a bout ae chuckling, leaning across and gieing Donna a wee peck oan the cheek.

  Chapter Sixty Two

  “Johnboy, whit the hell ur ye daeing?” Senga demanded tae know fae the bottom ae the ladder, making him jump.

  “It’s been sitting here since first light this morning and hisnae moved. Ah’m seeing if it’ll eat something,” he replied, looked doon at her, waving the slice ae breid he hid in his haun.

  “Bit…”

  “It’s awready eaten a slice.”

  “Look, Ah, er…Ah need tae talk tae ye…before Ah heid aff tae ma work.”

  “Whit aboot?” he asked suspiciously, looking across tae the door ae the crofthoose, relieved tae see that she hidnae slung his clothes oot intae the yard.

  “Look, kin ye hurry up. Ah cannae be late fur ma clinic.”

  She sat drumming her fingers impatiently oan the table. She’d wanted tae tackle him the night before, bit he hidnae showed up until the early hours ae the morning. At wan point she’d goat up tae check if he’d taken his clothes wae him. She’d been annoyed efter discovering that nothing seemed tae hiv been missing. She’d been swithering aboot whit tae say aw throughoot the previous day at work. Wan part ae her wished he’d jist go, while the other part wis filled wae terror at the thought ae him leaving her oan her ain. She wisnae sure whether she wanted him tae leave noo, despite his ducking and diving. She heard his footsteps approaching. The next few minutes wid help her decide.

  “Aye?” he asked, appearing through the living room door wae the cat in tow.

  “Where wur ye yesterday…last night?”

  “Oot and aboot.”

  “Okay, Ah’ll rephrase that. Where wur ye tae efter three in the morning?”

  “Ah wis across at Flintlock’s.”

  “And?”

  “And ye asked me tae get shot ae that gun and Ah did.”

  Silence.

  “Whit, tae three o’clock in the morning?”

  “Naw, Ah goat shot ae it earlier in the day, bit while Ah wis disposing ae it, Ah goat caught up wae yer pal, PC Long Face,” he replied, thinking back tae the day before, when him and the cat wur heiding across tae the cliff.

  “Dirty Harry? Never heard of him,” PC Long Face hid admitted, picking himsel up fae the grass efter keeling o’er when Johnboy pulled the trigger oan the PPK.

  “Clint Eastwood…played a right dirty basturt ae a polis inspector who wis trying tae track doon some psycho killer in San Francisco.”

  “I’ve seen The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…great whistling tune when you’re on your own in one of the local village halls.”

  “Same type ae character, different film.”

  “So, can I have a go?” Long Face hid asked, nodding tae the gun in his haun.

  Silence.

  “Ach, why no,” he’d replied, shrugging, taking wan ae the magazine’s fae his back pocket and snapping it intae the haungrip, making sure the safety clip wis oan.

  He’d stood watching the polisman weigh it up in his haun fur a second or two, before Dirty Harry raised it up and pointed it straight at his heid.

  “What makes you think I won’t now arrest you…now that I have possession of the gun?” he’d asked. “It’s obviously illegal.”

  “If ye want tae try and arrest me, feel free. It’s your call,” he’d replied, looking at the bizzy, trying no tae smile at the indecision written aw o’er that long face ae his.

  “Assault with a deadly weapon, threatening the life of a serving policeman whilst on duty…that must be worth at least ten years behind bars.”

  “Aye, we kin always share a cell thegither efter you get sentenced fur aw the harassment you’ve colluded in, in helping The Laird and that gofer ae his, Humphries, intimidate that poor auld wummin that used tae live here.”

  “But…”

  “Fuck, the amount ae evidence Flintlock McBean, Findlay MacLeod and Ewan MacKenzie hiv put thegither oan you, Lachlan, ye’re probably talking aboot a five, maybe a seven-year stretch…no furgetting that ye’re a bizzy. Dae ye know whit happens tae corrupt cops in the jail?”

  Silence.

  “Anyway. Ur ye wanting a shot ae that or no? Ah’ve goat a busy day aheid ae me,” he’d said, bending o’er and picking up an auld sheep’s skull, before walking across and placing it oan tap ae a fence post. “And make sure Mr Hopkins isnae in the road. He’s aboot here somewhere.”

  “Mr Hopkins?”

  “Ma cat.”

  “The polisman?” Senga asked, interrupting his thoughts.

  “Aye. Tae prove tae you that Ah dae take in whit ye say, Ah spent aboot an hour wae him up the back ae the hoose, explaining whit the score wis wae Heckie MacLeod and that boss ae his, The Laird. Ah also telt him that seeing as it wis high tide, there wis probably gonnae be boxes ae fish aff-loaded doon oan the beach last night.”

  “Bit…”

  “Ah also telt him that me, Flintlock, Ewan and Findlay wur gonnae be heidin doon in tae Lochinver tae speak tae the customs guy aboot whit wis aboot tae take place doon oan Vestey’s Bay. Ah also informed him that we hid evidence ae him colluding wae Heckie and The Laird.”

  “Oh…”

  “Anyway, tae cut a long story short, he wis the wan that goat in contact wae the customs guy. That fat prick, MacLeod, and the rest ae then goat huckled while landing the fish oan the beach in the early hours ae this morning. Me, Flintlock, Ewan and Findlay lay oan tap ae the cliff watching whit wis gaun oan. That’s why Ah wis late back.”

  “And the private detective that Donna sent up here?”

  “Cleftie Hannan? He’ll be back in the toon by noo. He filmed aw the action oan a wee cine camera, so he did. The customs’ boat rammed The Pride Ae Assynt. It wis pretty spectacular, so it wis. Cleftie drapped the film through PC Long Face’s letterbox at the polis station oan the way hame.”

  “So, whit aboot the gun?”

  “Ah’ve jist telt ye. Ah goat shot ae it…even Ah couldnae get ma hauns oan it noo, even if Ah wanted tae.”

  Silence.

  “Ur you trying tae tell me that ye goat involved wae the polis in solving a crime? You?”

  “Hoi, Senga, ye might think ye know me, bit ye clearly don’t. Mr Snow White himsel, that’s whit they’ll be calling me up aboot these parts, so they will,” he declared, extracting a smile oot ae her fur the first time in days.

  “So, dis that mean you’ll be called up as a witness then?”

  �
��Christ’s sake, Senga…don’t be daft. PC Long Face and Gibby Munro, the customs guy will be strutting their stuff aboot here, trying tae convince everywan that they’re worth their weight, so they will. They’re the heroes aboot here, no me.”