Ledmore Junction

by Ian Todd

  Silence.

  “Oh, Pearl, ye should hear yersel. Ye make it aw sound so normal, as if that’s how people ur supposed tae live. Ah cannae remember the last time Ah locked ma front door at night up here.”

  “Senga, aw Ah’m saying is that ye need gie tae Johnboy a bit ae time. He’s changed…a lot. It wis evident when youse wur still living in the toon, so it wis. The fact that he’s up here speaks volumes, so it dis. Johnboy’s Johnboy, no matter how much you want tae shape him.”

  “Aye, so the lassies back in the toon kept reminding me,” she said, sounding bitter.

  “Ach, Senga, that wis jist Michelle and Aggie noising ye up. Ye know whit that pair ur like, bit there wis an element ae truth in there. Ah saw a programme oan the telly a wee while back. It wis aboot this family that brought up an abandoned fox cub. It acted like any real family dug, daeing tricks, gieing a paw when asked, running fur a baw and bringing it back.”

  “Ach, no another leopard cannae change its spots story, like Michelle used tae hit me wae?”

  “Listen, let me finish. So, anyway, wan day, three ae the next door neighbour’s chickens escaped o’er the fence intae their garden and the fox killed them. It didnae eat any ae them, so hunger wisnae the issue. Of course, the fox’s adopted family wur terribly upset and scolded the poor thing who didnae know whit it hid done wrang. The family spoke aboot getting shot it, bit at the end ae the day, where wur they supposed tae put it…back tae the wild that they’d taken it away fae in the first place?”

  “And yer point is?” Senga turned and asked her, her voice laced wae sarcasm.

  “Ma point is that Johnboy’s instinctively still operating and thinking according tae how he wis brought up. Remember, his schooling wis remand homes, approved schools and long stints in the jail, as well as running aboot the streets wae Tony Gucci and the others fur years. Deep doon, you and me know fine well that he’s no a bad person, bit he’s probably goat a way tae go, especially when it comes tae being in a relationship and in an environment that he’s still trying tae feel comfortable in. The fact that he’s up here and no in the toon is a good start, bit it’s only a start. At least when he’s impulsive up here, the consequences wullnae be a matter ae life and death fur him or some other poor soul. He’ll be looking tae see where he fits in tae the bigger picture. Christ, the fact that he’s away aff buying a herd ae sheep, speaks volumes, so it dis.

  “Flock.”

  “Ach, you know fine well whit Ah mean, Senga Jackson. It sounds tae me that the issue here isnae wae him, bit wae you. Ah’m no saying you’re tae blame, bit aw Ah’m saying is, think long and hard before ye throw the baby oot wae the bathwater. When Ah said earlier that Ah’d willingly gie up an erm tae hiv hauf ae whit ye’ve goat gaun fur yersels up here, Ah should’ve said, that the hauf you’re talking aboot walking away fae is the hauf that’s missing in ma life. If you don’t want him, then Ah’ll still be there, waiting fur him, so Ah will…and that isnae a threat, by the way.”

  Silence.

  “Senga, believe me, ye’ve goat the best ae the bunch…he’s changed. How ye cannae see that is a total mystery tae me. Is he perfect? Clearly no, bit then again, who is? Johnboy Taylor’s always worshipped the ground that ye’ve walked oan. Don’t underestimate how big a decision it wid’ve been fur somewan like him, a Manky, tae follow you oot ae the toon up tae a wee paradise like this. Gie him time and he’ll get there.”

  “Oh, Pearl.” Senga sniffled, as they baith turned and hugged each other, the gathering storm clouds oot tae sea starting tae draw closer tae the coast. “Ah really don’t know whit tae dae.”

  “Look. Ah’d better be getting back. Slipper will be waiting oan me and we’ve goat a long drive back doon the road tae the manky city,” Pearl said, as they baith stood up and looked intae each other’s eyes. “Oh, in case Ah furget. Donna gied me something tae pass oan tae ye.”

  “Whit is it?”

  “Ah’m no sure. It must be important if she didnae send it through the post. Ye know whit she’s like?” Pearl said, taking a broon envelope oot ae her shoulder bag, as they baith slowly walked back towards the croft, erm in erm, the big black crow suddenly taking flight aff the rock that Johnboy hid hidden behind, the day he clocked Jimmy Hill’s wee brother creeping aboot behind the crofthoose, and followed them back alang the rabbit path.

  She hoped Pearl and the auld photographer wid be awright driving back doon the road. It wis a horrible journey, she remembered, as she took a sip ae her coffee, sitting watching the rain lash aff the windae. She wis glad ae the quiet, other than Joni Mitchell’s soft voice wafting oot ae the speakers fae the Blue album, which she’d put oan the deck while waiting fur the kettle tae boil. She’d goat used tae the auld ticking clock that hid been there when they’d moved in, which Johnboy religiously wound up every night before they heided upstairs. Pearl hid said that she hid the place looking lovely. She’d felt a wee bit guilty by no admitting tae her that maist ae the stuff in the room hid been Johnboy’s, apart fae the colours oan the walls that they’d baith agreed wae. She hidnae wanted tae take any part ae Glesga wae her, except whit she could carry in her suitcases. It hid been strange hivving wan ae the lassies in the hoose. She’d been glad that it hid been Pearl. The baith ae them hid been terribly upset at their parting ae the ways earlier, even though each ae them hid made their life choices. Despite the stories and laughter coming fae her, she still detected a sense ae loneliness in Pearl. The fact that she’d hinted…naw, admitted, that she still hid feelings fur Johnboy in there, shouldnae hiv surprised her. She’d always known how Pearl felt. In a sense, it wis crazy how intelligent wummin like them could hiv their emotions held hostage by the same man, when the world wis full ae them. It wis hard tae comprehend. Thinking back tae Christmas Eve, when she’d left her ma at hame in tears, sitting in the passenger’s seat ae her da’s car, getting a lift doon tae Johnboy’s flat in Otago Street, it seemed like a million years away noo. Whit if she hidnae dashed oot ae her mammy’s hoose that night and stayed where she wis? She knew she’d been prepared tae chuck her dreams and aspirations away fur him that night if he’d insisted in staying in the toon wae The Mankys. She knew fine well that she wid never hiv been happy or satisfied at her compromise and wid’ve spent the rest ae her life always asking ‘whit if?’ The fact that it hidnae come tae that meant that she’d never know. She’d finally goat whit she’d wanted, a life oot ae the toon wae the boy she loved, withoot the shadow ae Tony Gucci hinging o’er them. Despite the apparent calmness oan that poker face ae his, she knew fine well that he’d never furgive her, efter Johnboy’s announcement tae everywan at Tony’s party that he wis heidin up north wae her the following month, tae somewhere near a place called Ledmore Junction. The fact that Ledmore Junction wis a crossroads in the middle ae naewhere, hid been irrelevant. The damage hid been done and she’d finally goat which she’d wanted. Tony Gucci wis well known fur being a bad loser. He’d always been like that, even as a manky-arsed wee snapper running aboot the streets in the Toonheid, back in the early 60s. Oan the surface, he always made the effort tae come across as being Mr Nice…in fact aw The Mankys wur like that, she supposed…bit underneath that smooth, thin shell ae his, she knew he wis a nasty, dangerous killer that took nae prisoners wae anywan or anything that stood in his way. That wis why the announcement hid tae hiv come fae Johnboy himsel. She knew then that there wid be nae turning back. It hidnae jist been the announcement by Kim Sui that she wis pregnant at Tony’s birthday party that hid spoiled the moment fur Johnboy though, as Silent hid turned up oot ae the blue that night as well. Even though Tony hid claimed that Silent’s early release hid nothing tae dae we him, none ae the lassies hid believed a word. The fact that Tony hid become well-connected enough tae be able tae influence something like that hid only reinforced her conviction that they wur gonnae be getting oot before the last train left the station. It hid been a close thing. If she wis being honest wae hersel, she’d never believed that Johnboy wid’ve left Silent behind
. Given the influence ae Tony, coupled wae the presence ae Silent being back oan the scene, versus her argument ae a better life fur them elsewhere, she widnae hiv wanted tae place a bet oan which way he wid’ve turned. So, why then wis she hivving aw these doubts aboot him and their relationship? Wis it because she knew that Johnboy wid always hiv a hame tae go back tae, despite Tony’s unforgiving reputation? She’d challenged Johnboy wan night wae that very fact.

  “Who says Ah’d ever want tae go back tae the toon? No me,” he’d scoffed at her.

  “Aye, bit the fact that ye hiv that option, is still there.”

  “Look, Ah don’t know why ye’re even bringing shite like this up fur. Ah’m here through choice, wae the wummin Ah love, in a place that Ah like. Ah’ve never gied ye the impression that the toon is always there as a fall back position if it disnae work oot between us. Stoap being so negative and insecure.”

  Insecure? That wan hid hit hame. She wisnae insecure, wis she? Maybe she wis jist looking fur smoke when there wisnae even a fire. Pearl hid been right. He’d only been oot ae the jail fur eleven months. Of course, he still needed time tae come tae terms wae life. She could accept that. The fact that she’d waited so long tae be happy, and hid goat sick ae waiting, hid still hung aboot her, even efter they’d moved up north. She wanted tae be happy noo, no in five years. She truly couldnae understaun why she wis still doubting him. Okay, when they wur living back in the toon, bit up here? She knew he loved her. He telt her practically every day. Maybe he saw writing books as a career choice while she didnae…no that he’d said that. Bit if it wisnae writing, whit else wis there fur him? He’d made it plain tae her oan many occasions that there wis no way he wis gaun tae work as a painter and decorator. Nobody she’d spoken tae in Lochinver ever made any money oot ae rearing sheep. Iona and Arlene wur baith scraping a living in part-time jobs in the Spar, despite Ewan and Findlay putting in sixteen hours a day raising sheep. She looked across at the turntable. Joni Mitchell’s ‘River’ always reminded her ae Christmas. October wis fast approaching. This coming Christmas wid be their first proper wan thegither as a couple, she thought tae hersel. She spotted the broon envelope sitting oan the mantelpiece, as the keys oan the piano wistfully followed Joni’s voice singing aboot hivving a river she could skate away oan. Mr Hopkins wis lying in front ae the coal fire and opened wan ae his droopy eyelids as she stood up and leaned across him tae pick up the envelope.

  “You’re gonnae set yersel oan fire, ya stupid cat, ye,” she warned him.

  Back at the table, she squeezed the envelope wae the fingers ae baith hauns, before carefully tearing it open and retrieving the thick folded document. She gasped, feeling her heartbeat accelerating up a notch, as she speed-read through the document. Part ae it seemed tae be missing. It wis the title deeds fur Little Vestey’s Croft…in her name. She went through the sheets a second time. It aw appeared tae be there, including a sheet wae an auld boundary line map, highlighting the land that belonged tae the croft, stating quite clearly that Senga Jackson…her…wis the sole legal owner ae the crofthoose and a hunner and seventy acres ae land belonging tae Little Vestey’s Croft. She reread it a third time, bit couldnae get her heid roond it. Why? If anything, it should’ve been his name oan the document. He’d purchased the place efter she’d telt him tae leave, so he wid’ve known fine well that he widnae hiv hid any claim oan the place if they ever split up.

  “Oh, fur God’s sake, Johnboy!” she cursed, wondering whit the hell he wis playing at.

  It hid taken her a wee while and another few cups ae coffee, bit she believed she’d finally managed tae figure oot where the hell he wis coming fae. Heiding up north hid been her idea, her plan. Despite whit she’d been thinking earlier, aboot him hivving a fall-back position, the stupid bugger wis making sure that whitever happened between them, she widnae be left destitute up in Lochinver and that she could still continue wae her dream, even if it meant he widnae be part ae it. She looked across at the windae. It wis dark ootside noo. She wondered whit wis keeping him. She thought they’d be back by noo. She looked doon at the title deeds and started tae weep. If the shoe hid been oan the other fit and he’d telt her tae take a hike, wid she hiv left him tae it, withoot claiming back her share ae the croft, if she’d bought it? She doubted it. Christ, they still hidnae touched her savings that wur supposed tae go towards the purchase price. The fact that he’d still gone aheid and bought the place in her name, no knowing if he hid a long-term future wae her, spoke volumes aboot who he wis. Wae the way she’d been feeling, before speaking tae Pearl earlier, she wid’ve probably jumped tae the conclusion aboot his intent and wid’ve viewed her name being the only wan oan the title deeds as proof that he did indeed hiv a fall-back position. She felt terrible noo. He must’ve been wondering aw this time if he’d done the right thing efter the way she’d been treating him.

  Chapter Seventy Three

  Senga quietly tip-toed across tae the wardrobe door, the insides ae her tummy fluttering wae excitement. She usually dried her hair in the mornings before heidin doon the stairs, bit she hid the day aff, so hid decided no tae bother. And anyway, she didnae want tae waken him. She slipped oan a T-shirt before padding across tae the curtains tae see whit kind ae day it wis. Still raining. No matter. A day lounging aboot doonstairs in front ae the fire, reading his book, suited her jist fine.

  “Seriously…it’s finished?” she’d exclaimed, as he lifted the thick folder doon fae the shelf and placed it in the middle ae the table jist before they’d scrambled up the stairs. “Bit, ye should’ve said earlier. Why did ye no say?”

  “Aye, well, Ah wisnae sure.”

  “Aboot whit?”

  “Aboot telling ye it wis finished…Ah mean, obviously Ah wis gonnae tell ye, bit Ah wis a wee bit nervous…aboot yer reaction.”

  “Johnboy, it’s nearly midnight. Ye should’ve said. Ah could’ve started reading it hours ago,” she’d chastised him, getting up aff her seat.

  “Look…don’t start gaun through it the night. It’s late. Wait until the morra. It…it means ye kin hiv a good run at it. Also, it’s probably no…”

  “Whit?”

  “Whit ye’ve been expecting, so it isnae,” he’d finally admitted, looking and sounding shifty.

  “Whit, ye’re no trying tae tell me that it isnae a love story, ur ye?”

  “Oh, it’s definitely a love story, bit…”

  “Ah’m no in it?” she’d butted in, no being able tae hide her disappointment, as he burst oot laughing.

  “Of course ye’re in it. Jist don’t go expecting whit you probably think a love story should read like…expect the unexpected,” he’d garbled.

  “Well, Ah’ll jist hiv a quick wee peek ae the first couple ae pages then,” she’d said, as he lay his haun oan tap ae the file. “Whit?”

  “Ah’d rather ye didnae.”

  “Why?”

  “Ah don’t know. Ah’d rather that ye wur oan yer ain…at least tae start wae.”

  “Ah won’t sleep noo,” she’d accused him, gieing him a playful slap.

  “Aye, ye will. Ah’ll make sure ae that,” he’d growled, before suddenly picking her up and slinging her o’er his shoulder, bounding up the stairs and throwing her doon oan tae the mattress, as she screamed the place doon laughing.

  She turned roond and looked at him in the semi-darkness. He actually looked quite angelic. Their lovemaking hid been wild and passionate. Efter he’d fallen asleep, she’d wanted tae nip doon tae the living room and start reading the book, bit hid decided against it. Her body hid still been tingling and aw she’d wanted tae dae wis snuggle up beside him. She’d been wanting tae confront him aboot receiving the title deeds fae Donna, bit hidnae hid the opportunity. He’d been too hyper and hid prattled oan maist ae the night aboot his day across at the sheep sale in Lairg. She couldnae understaun why he’d been so excited aboot buying four sheep, bit there ye wur. He never ventured oot much, so that probably explained it. She supposed maist ‘would be’ crofters wi
d be the same until the reality ae their situation hit them.

  “Well, ye hiv tae start somewhere,” he’d said tae her, shrugging his shoulders, efter admitting that he’d decided no tae gie them pet names…like a real crofter.

  She peered through the running droplets oan the glass. The sky wis pitch black, a sure sign that summer hid departed. A couple ae weeks earlier, it hid been light at this time ae the morning. She peered across at the shed, hauf lit up by the glow ae the ootside light above their front door. It wis a pretty eerie looking scene, like a shot oot ae some scary film that she couldnae remember the title ae. The big crow or Majestic, as he’d started calling it, wis staunin there, stock still, up oan the apex ae the roof, seemingly oblivious tae the lashing rain, staring straight across at her fae his perch. Aw that wis needed wis the crashing sound ae thunder or a flash ae lightning, and she’d be scurrying back across the flair, tae hide under the new duvet that Donna The Prima Donna hid gied Pearl tae take up tae them, in beside Johnboy and Mr Hopkins. She involuntary shivered, wondering whit wis gaun through its mind…if crows hid minds, that wis. She’d wanted tae mention it tae Pearl, aboot how she felt, bit she widnae hiv known where tae start and anyway, they’d only hid an hour thegither before her and the auld photographer hid hid tae get back doon the road. She’d been up at auld Miss MacKenzie’s wae her monthly medication supplies the previous Friday. She’d nearly blurted oot that she wis convinced that the big crow that hid freaked her oot doon at Ledmore Junction, that stormy efternoon oan her first visit up tae her wee lonely cottage, hid followed her hame and hid taken up a permanent roost oan the shed at Little Vestey’s Croft. She wis noo glad she hidnae. It jist seemed too creepy tae explain, withoot her sounding as if she wis gaun aff her heid. Also, she knew fine well that auld Miss MacKenzie wid’ve freaked her oot even mair, wae her ghoulish tales ae crows eating the eyes oot the heid ae their victims. She didnae need much encouragement tae sit there chewing the cud, recounting the spooky tales aboot the area, her favourite wan being An Dubh Majestik…The Black Majestic. When Pearl and her hid been sitting across oan the edge ae the cliff, she’d turned roond a couple ae times while Pearl wis talking ninety tae the dozen in that breathless voice ae hers. The crow hid been perched oan a big rock nearby, watching them. Why that rock? The hills surrounding them wur full ae bloody rocks that looked mair inviting than that wan. Oan the stroll back, she’d still been trying tae convince hersel that it wis jist another run ae the mill crow. That’s whit crows did, wisn’t it? Wander aboot the place, foraging fur scraps…upsetting people gaun aboot their business? When she couldnae contain hersel any longer, she’d eventually turned and looked back at the rock. The thing hid been nowhere tae be seen. By the time they’d reached the crofthoose, it hid been staunin there, up oan its perch oan the shed roof, looking doon at her. Efter the excitement ae telling Johnboy that Pearl hid been up visiting and filling him in oan whit she’d been saying aboot whit wis happening back in the toon, she’d telt him aboot the crow sitting watching them fae the rock. He’d jist shrugged his shoulders and smiled.