The Wayward Sons: Starlee's Heart: WhyChoose Contemporary Young Adult Romance

by Angel Lawson

  “Star, honey, sit down at the table and I’ll make some tea. We can talk over this whole thing.”

  “No, Mother, I’m not going to sit down. Not until I find out what this is about? Why are you being asked to be a witness in a hearing for that boy?”

  I swallow the lump. “Because when I first got here, someone tried to rob me. And Dexter stopped him. He’s on probation and getting into that fight could cause problems for him. I’m going to testify for him.”

  My mother’s hard expression crumbles. Not into one of understanding but panic. Sheer panic. She stumbles toward the table and falls in a seat.

  “Mom?”

  “You were robbed? And witnessed a fight? How could you not tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to worry you. You’d barely returned home.”

  Her eyes shift to Leelee. “How could you let this happen? Were you there?”

  My grandmother shifts. “No. I wasn’t.”

  “You were alone?” she asks incredulously. “But we had rules established. No going out alone.”

  “I know. I just wanted a view of the sunrise and after that, I was safer. I never left the yard.” Until I met Jake and we left the yard every day. And then I met George and Charlie and they helped me move past my fears. “I helped Leelee every day and I did all my school work.” My chest pounds with the truth, bursting to come out. “I also made friends here, Mom, real friends.”

  “That boy out there isn’t your friend.”

  “Yes, he is, and so are the other boys that live in the house next door.”

  Her face pales. “Other boys?”

  “And Katie, who lives in the trailer park, and Sierra, Dexter’s sister.”

  “No. That is not why I sent you here.”

  I sit in the chair across from her. Leelee stands worried at the sink. I look at my mother. “Then why did you send me here?”

  The room falls silent. Only the ticking clock connected to the old stove can be heard. I reach across the table and take my mother’s hand. “Mom?”

  “Because I screwed up, Starlee. I moved mountains to keep you protected. I set up systems and security and everything we needed for you to be safe but it didn’t work. You found a loophole online. You snuck out and broke the rules and frankly I had a meltdown. All those years of vigilance and worry? What for? I figured there was only so much trouble you could get into here. I guess I didn’t realize how quickly you’d find it and latch on to it.”

  “You may have kept me safe,” I say, trying not to shout, “but you made me fearful. Terrified. I spent the first half of this summer scared of my own shadow.”

  “It’s one thing to protect someone,” Leelee says, “and it’s another to hinder them.”

  “See?” my mother waves her hands in surrender. “I told you I screwed up.”

  “Star,” Leelee says, “you did the best you could, no one is accusing you of anything different.”

  My mother exhales with complete exhaustion. “If you want to know the real reason that I sent you here, it’s because I wanted you to have the childhood I had; safe, secure, busy.”

  I frown. “You hated it here.”

  She looks at Leelee. “I thought I did, but in hindsight it wasn’t so bad. I should have known that it’s changed like everything else in the world. The house next door wasn’t filled with handsome boys. And we didn’t have assaulters in the street.”

  “It’s not that bad,” I protest, but to her I know it is.

  “Well now that you’re back and in one piece, you can spend the day packing your stuff. We’ll leave in the morning.”

  “What? No. The hearing is tomorrow!”

  She shrugs. “And you won’t be there.”

  “That’s not fair. Not to Dexter. He saved me.”

  “You never should have been out there, Starlee. You never should have been involved.” She stands and grabs her purse off the table. “Whatever you had with that boy is over. Completely over.” She shoots Leelee a glare. “I thought I could trust you to take care of her—that I could trust this place, but I was wrong.”

  “Mom, this is extreme, even for you.”

  She heads to the door that leads to the back of the house but pauses midway. “I’m sorry this is upsetting to you, Starlee, but you knew this was only for the summer. It was an experiment and you failed. Badly.”

  She walks out of the room, leaving Leelee alone. My grandmother walks over and wraps me in her arms but it’s little consolation for the truth.

  I’m leaving Lee Vines.

  Tomorrow.

  23

  The suitcase is spread across my bed and I stuff my few belongings inside. I have my tie-dye from the Fourth and a Wayward Sun shirt that Charlie let me borrow when we went hiking one day. There are smooth, round rocks from the rivers and streams that roll through Yosemite and a dried, purple flower from the ghost town. I walk over to the closet with a stack of books, thinking my grandmother will take them to the Goodwill when she takes my mother’s clothes. I leave them in a pile on the floor and stand, coming face to face with the halter top and cotton pants I wore to the concert and fireworks. On a whim, I take them off the hanger and fold them carefully in my bag. I want to take anything that reminds me of here—of them.

  It’s late afternoon when I finish and I’m contemplating what to do next. Run away? Cry? Go back out and fight my mother?

  A knock on the door stops whatever plan I haven’t quite made.

  It’s Leelee.

  “Since it’s our last night, I thought maybe we could watch Supernatural together. Finish season five? Sierra tells me it’s a doozey.”

  “Sure,” I say. “That’s a great idea.”

  I pass my mother’s closed bedroom door while my grandmother grabs the snacks and I settle into the couch. She rests a pie on the table and hands me a plate.

  “He brought it to the office,” she says quietly. “He’s worried about you. They all are.”

  “Did you tell him?”

  She shook her head. “I think you’re going to have to do that.”

  “When?” I ask. “It’s not like she’ll let me out to go over there.”

  She smiles and places a gooey piece of apple pie on my plate. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” She points to the TV. “Let’s watch.”

  I switch on the DVD but I look at my grandmother, not the screen. She knew more about what was going on with me and the boys than I gave her credit for. She probably knew I got up every morning with Jake and all the other times I snuck away to be with them.

  The season revolves around “The Cage” that keeps Lucifer trapped. The boys barter with the Four Horsemen, trading their lives, their souls to keep Lucifer under control. They acquire their rings and Leelee says, “Oh. I’ve seen those before.”

  “Sierra uses them on some of her packaging.”

  She shakes her head. “Such a clever girl, although if I’d known I was eating Pestilence’s Pecan Scone, I probably would have passed.”

  I sense a figure in the back of the room and turn to find my mother standing in the doorway. “What in god’s name is this?”

  “Supernatural,” Leelee answers. “Shhh…we’re almost at the season finale.”

  “Supernatural? Since when do you watch TV?” Her eyes flick to the TV, where Dean is bartering with Death. He gets what he wants—the ring--and the show ends. “Trashy TV at that.”

  I shrug, too tired to fight with her. “Since I moved here.”

  “It looks ridiculous.”

  Of all the things my mother has said since she arrived, this one hurts the most. I grab the TV remote and pause the show between episodes. “If you don’t like it, then you can leave. This is not your house. It’s Leelee’s house and this is something we do together.” I hear my voice rising. “What you don’t get is that it’s not some trashy, stupid show. It’s a show about family. Trust and loyalty. It’s about how family is more than the people you’re related to. It’s the people you pick, and when
you abandoned me here with a grandmother I didn’t know, I had to learn how to make my own family. One where you didn’t exist.”

  She looks like I’ve slapped her, and after a moment of gaping she turns and leaves the room. Leelee watches me carefully and says, “You forgot one thing about the show.”

  “What’s that?” I snap.

  “It’s about sacrifice. And your mother did sacrifice—look at Dean. Always thinking he’s making the right decision for Sam and always screwing it up. He doesn’t trust Sam to make his own decisions. He constantly steps in and overprotects them.”

  I’m not sure how I feel about this comparison—I know what she’s getting at. She wants me to understand my mother. What I understand is that she’s taking me away from here—tomorrow.

  “True but that overprotection usually makes things worse.”

  Leelee cuts her eyes at mom. “Yes, it usually does. You can’t beat nature.”

  I press play on the final episode of season five and it’s oddly fitting that it’s called, “The Cage.” But I’ve seen enough Supernatural episodes, there may be hope on the horizon. Maybe not in this episode but one coming up. The room fills with the song that binds us all together. It binds Sam and Dean. It binds the boys next door to one another, to Sierra. Every time I hear it I’ll think of this little town, this summer, and all the firsts I had.

  Here or not, I’ll carry on. With or without my mother’s approval.

  24

  I have no problem waking up before sunrise…I barely slept all night. I didn’t risk sneaking out the night before and I kept my curtains closed. My mom would be watching…waiting for any new violation of her rules, but like Leelee said, I had to tell them myself.

  I fling open the curtain as though it’s some kind of signal. It’s been weeks since Jake and I met in the yard, so who knew if he even looked anymore. I grab two books, my hoodie and my shoes, and creep past my mother’s closed door.

  Outside, fresh air hits my face and I think about how tomorrow I’ll be back in the land of oppressive heat and humidity. I inhale deeply and walk down the path toward the street as I have every morning for weeks. I see the shine of his blond hair before I get to the sidewalk, relief and sadness flooding through me. I’ve barely made it down two steps before strong arms pull me behind the fence.

  “I was afraid you wouldn’t come.” Jake has left no room between our bodies and he kisses me almost immediately.

  I touch my lips and reply, “It’s sunrise, right?”

  He casts a glance back at Leelee’s house like he’s afraid someone will come out. Glances at the books as he takes them from me, recognizing that they’re the next two installments of the series. I won’t be here to read them to him. His hand slips into mine. “Come on.”

  I have so much to say on the walk to our boulder. So much and not a word comes out of my mouth. His, either. A heavy weight clings to every step. At the overlook, three figures wait.

  “Did you…”

  “I brought them. I had a feeling it may be a good idea.”

  “Thank you,” I say. Tears prick my eyes. This is hard. So hard.

  George rushes up to meet us, engulfing me in a massive hug. I feel his heart racing in his chest, his hands moving to cup my face. For the first time since we met, he doesn’t speak. He just kisses me good morning—goodbye? And I focus everything on the moment. Everything.

  “The sun’s starting to rise,” Jake says. Reluctantly, George steps away and the three of us approach the boulder. It’s the first time I’ve seen Charlie, head wrapped in a bandage.

  “Oh god,” I say, walking right up to him. They’ve shaved the hair near his temple. I stop myself from touching it. “Does it hurt?”

  “Like a dull headache. They gave me drugs.”

  “I’m so sorry you got caught up in that. I can’t believe he did it.”

  “He’s an asshole.” His green eyes bore into mine and he touches my cheek. “I’m just glad he didn’t hurt you.”

  Jake climbs up the boulder, impatient. I get it, it’s our last sunrise.

  I grab onto Charlie’s arm before he can move.

  “Finish those books with Jake for me, okay?”

  “I will. I promise.”

  I nod to George to help Charlie up on the rock. The last thing he needs is a fall. The twins scramble up, leaving me on the ground with Dexter.

  My body flushes thinking of the last time we were together. How good it was. How good he is. His eyes are dark and angry. I haven’t seen that look in weeks.

  “Hey,” I say, moving close. He doesn’t do the same.

  “I knew better.”

  “What?”

  “I knew better than to let someone like you in my life. Everything we touch goes to hell. The minute I saw you in that dusty, weird museum I should have told you to run.”

  A bubble of laughter surges in my chest. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You’ve done nothing to me but make my life better. I’m the one that broke all the rules. I’m the one that screwed up.”

  He sighs and leans against the boulder, hand reaching out for my waist. “She’s making you leave, isn’t she?”

  I nod, blinking back tears. “Today.”

  He clenches his jaw.

  “She won’t let me go to the hearing.”

  He drops his face into his hands and rubs his eyes. “I didn’t want you there anyway.”

  “I know.”

  “Guys…” Jake says.

  I lift my arms and he pulls me up. Dexter pushes my feet. A moment later he’s up on the rock with us and I’m surrounded by these boys that have changed my life so epically.

  Arms wrap around me, intertwined. I have no idea whose belong to who, but they’re warm. Safe. I have no doubt they’re stronger than when I got here—just like I am, too.

  Together we watch the sunrise, my sunrise, the one that ushered in the new life I got the chance to taste, even if it was just for this one, tiny summer. The sun may be the same but the Sons are not. And neither is the lost daughter they brought into the fold.

  25

  “Thank you for everything,” I say to Leelee. We’re on the porch of the office. My bag is in the car. My mother is impatiently sitting in the front and I just don’t care. My heart left thirty minutes before for the hearing in June Lake. The little bit left I have to give is for my grandmother.

  “It was lovely having you,” she tells me, squeezing my hands. “I’ve missed having someone your age around.”

  “So, we agree…one episode a night. We keep on the same schedule so we can talk about it.” We made a deal to keep watching Supernatural together. Just three thousand miles apart. “We have at least eight more seasons to get through.”

  She laughs. “I hope I have that many years left.”

  “Stop.” I give her a hug and it feels so good. So perfect.

  “Tell Sierra I said goodbye.”

  “I will, sweetie.”

  “And you be careful. Don’t work so hard. Let Katie work in the office more.”

  She squeezes my hand. “If we’re offering advice, I just want you to try to work things out with your mother—”

  “I can’t—”

  “Wait. I know what has been going on is rough. I don’t think she’s right. I don’t and I told her as much last night after you went to bed. But I do think you’re not the same girl that came out here. Use what you’ve learned to change your situation—maybe you can change her.”

  I’m angry at my mother and there’s no room in my heart for her right now, but I love Leelee and I know she just wants her daughter and granddaughter to work things out. “I’ll try.”

  Her eyebrow lifts skeptically but she doesn’t push any further.

  “I better go.”

  “Good luck, Starlee.”

  “Bye, Leelee.”

  I get in the car and wave one last time to my grandmother, to the little town of Lee Vines and the life I’ve built here.

  “I need to stop fo
r gas before we head into the desert. Probably buy a few bottles of water too, just in case.”

  It’s the first time she’s spoken since we left Lee Vines. Each mile we get closer to June Lake makes me feel sick to my stomach, and when she pulls into the gas station I almost tell her to keep driving. Just knowing the boys are so nearby and that Dexter needs my help makes me nauseous. The fact that my mother is willing to violate a subpoena to keep me away from them is telling.

  She’s terrified.

  I know fear. I lived in it and with it for so long, and my mother reeks of it. For a long time, I thought fear kept you safe, but really it makes you vulnerable. My mother’s eyes meet mine and that’s when it hits me.

  She has none of the power here.

  None.

  She’s too scared. She’s weak, and for once in my life I hold the upper hand. I’m not afraid and I sure as hell have nothing to lose.

  I wait until she’s hooked the nozzle back in the tank and walks across the parking lot. The instant she steps into the store, I open the car door and run.

  I run down the sidewalk and across the street. I dart through the grocery store parking lot, dodging cars and carts. I slip down the side road and I head to the office I know is next to the Methodist church. I know because Dexter pointed it out to me on the way back from the cabin when we made the plan for me to speak at the hearing—when we thought maybe we could stay together.

  My sandals slap against the sidewalk and I don’t dare look behind me the whole two blocks. My heart pounds in my chest, my knees hurt from the cement and bad shoes. I don’t stop when I reach the building, instead running up to the door and quickly stepping inside. The woman at the desk looks up at me, eyes wide, watching me struggle for breath. “Can I help you?”

  “I’m here for a hearing.” I dig through my bag, still slung around my back. I find the paper sent to Leelee’s house and give it to her with a shaky hand. “Sorry I’m late.”

  She points to a door down the hall and I try to steady my breathing before I go in.