by L. M. Heidle
I heard myself screaming, but I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t dreaming anymore, but that didn’t erase the accident from my mind. It played in high-def excruciatingly slow as if I was there. I could still hear the crunch of shattered glass under my feet, the coldness of mangled metal at the tips of my fingers, and the ashy smell of smoke.
“Alex, wake up! Alex!” Kass’ pleading finally broke through my haze. I blinked at the brightness of the light and fell out of bed when her hands on me registered. “I could strangle those cops,” she said underneath her breath.
I shook my head, trying to push the memories back in their box. “It’s not their fault. They didn’t know I was listening.” How would they? I’d been in a comatose state since they pulled me off the floor.
“They shouldn’t have been talking about it in the house. For crying out loud, you can’t be touched after a nightmare because they grabbed you, dragging you away kicking and screaming.” After I’d heard them say the accident was less than a mile away, I took off on my bike until I found it.
“I remember,” I snapped. I took a deep breath as I reined in my temper. Absolutely none of this was her fault. She’d stayed up with me all night many times because I was too scared to sleep. “Just drop it.”
She stared at her hands as she whispered, “Alex, maybe you should talk to someone.”
“No.” The venom in my tone surprised even me, but she needed to drop the counselor talk. “I’m fine.”
“If you’re so fine why are you dripping with sweat, screaming so loud I wouldn’t doubt the neighbors called the cops. You’re not fine. I know this isn’t the first one you’ve had recently.”
“You don’t know anything,” I snarled. I started changing into my running gear. I had to get out of here.
“I know that I’ve sat outside your room four times this month alone, crying as I listened to you remember.”
I pulled my running shorts up before turning to her. “I’m so sorry I’m interrupting your precious sleep. I never asked you to sit there.”
She leaped forward, gripping my biceps so tight she’d probably leave bruises. “DON’T. Don’t you dare, Alex! You will not push me away. I’ve been with you every step of the way, and I will continue to be there. I’ll be right next to you tear for tear as the worst nightmare hits, because you know it’s coming. They always follow the same progression.”
“Stop!” I screamed so loud she fell back. “I’m not doing this right now.” I ran past her as her words truly registered. She was right. The one about my brother was next. The one that had me terrified to sleep for weeks. The one that had my uncle drugging me any way he could. When I refused to take the Ambien he found ways. He’d put it in my dinner, my drink, and even in my ice cream.
I put my ear buds in, blaring Shinedown as I tried to drown out the pain and the memories. I’d made it ten miles before I fell to the ground, exhausted. I laid back in the grass staring at the rising sun. I used to wonder if what they said about staring at the sun was true. At one point I’d give anything to stop seeing the pity in others and the sadness in my eyes. The only thing that stopped me from risking it was the one question. If I went blind, did that mean I’d be locked in my nightmares?
Seconds after I closed my eyes someone sat down next to me. I cracked an eye to see Trayton sitting there in running gear. I groaned. I was not in the mood for this.
He pulled the bud from my ear. “You okay?”
“Fine,” I replied with no emotion.
“You don’t look fine.” He stood, putting his hand out. “My car’s around the corner, let me take you home.”
I swatted his hand away and stood. “No. I’m not done running.”
“Alex, this is at least a six-mile run from your apartment. Let me drive you home.”
“It’s ten if you take the long way and no.” I turned to head home when he grabbed my bicep.
I tried jerking free, but his hold was tight. “I’m sorry.”
I whipped my head to face him, inches from his face. Unlike before I didn’t want to kiss him, spit in his face maybe, but definitely not kiss him. “Why be sorry? It was bound to happen. Now let go of my arm or I’ll start screaming.” I knew I was being unfair, but today was not the day to mess with me. He dropped my arm and without another word I took off. I’d made it less than a mile when I caught him in my peripheral. I skidded to a stop, rounding on him. “I told you to leave me alone!”
“Alex, I don’t know what’s wrong, but you’re obviously upset. If you won’t let me drive you home, then I’m following you there to make sure you get there safely.”
“Suit yourself.” I turned my music up louder and took off, running harder and faster than I ever had. By the time I got to my apartment my legs were already cramping to the point my vision was blurry from the pain. I didn’t look to see if he truly followed me. I flew up the stairs to my apartment.
I opened the door expecting to see Kass ready to give me another lecture, but she wasn’t here. I walked into my room to see a note on my pillow that simply said I love you. I dropped to my butt on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest as I cried.
TRAYTON
I sat across from her apartment long after she’d gone inside. Part of it was because I might pass out if I moved. Pretty sure she tried to kill me back there. The other part of me sat there trying to understand what just happened. I know I had made her mad. I’d got that with the unanswered calls and the screw off text. What just happened had nothing to do with me. The only time I’d ever seen hostility like that was when my father’s jobs didn’t go as planned.
I contemplated banging on her door demanding she let me in, but with my luck, she’d shoot me. This was Texas, and they loved their guns. In New York, there were two main reasons someone owned a gun. One, because they were criminals. Two, for protection. Down here it was a rite of passage for fathers to give their children a gun.
After another ten minutes, I finally stood, wincing at the pain shooting down my leg. As I hobbled across campus, I spotted Kass talking to a guy. Mark, I think his name was. I didn’t even bother politely interrupting, I just busted into their conversation.
Kass took one look at me and smirked. “Tried to run with her?” I winced at the word run. She chuckled as she faced Mark. “I’ll catch you later.” She walked past me, thankfully sitting on a nearby bench. She didn’t speak, only watched me.
When I couldn’t take the scrutiny anymore, I asked, “What’s wrong with her?”
She let out a humorless laugh. “That’s a loaded question.”
“How about why does she run?”
“She’s trying to outrun her problems.”
“You going to tell me those problems?”
“No.”
“Figured.” We sat there for a few moments in strained silence.
Finally, she whispered, “How many miles?”
“Twenty.”
She squeezed her eyes closed tight as she sighed. “That’s not the worst.”
I choked in shock. “She’s run more than twenty before?”
She gave me a smile. The pain in her eyes left no doubt that it wasn’t from happiness. “She took up running after. I think the most she’s run at one time is twenty-eight miles. We had to hospitalize her after that one because she was so dehydrated.”
Hospitalize her? “After what, Kass?” She jerked at the sound of my voice, almost like she’d forgotten I was sitting there. “After what?”
She shook her head as she stood up. “Not for me to tell. Don’t give up on her, Trayton. Even though the phone call was a dick move, I still think you’d be good for her.”
Hours later I was still contemplating what happened to Alex. It had to be something serious for her friend to look relieved that it was only twenty miles. I contemplated calling my uncle to see if he could find out for me, but that felt like betrayal. I would find out, but I wanted it to come from her. Plus, I’d have to explain who she was to my uncle, and I wasn’t ready for tha
t. Alex and I were on shaky ground as it was. Okay, in her opinion, no ground. The point is my family was an issue we didn’t need right now.
My thoughts were interrupted by my phone. Speak of the devil, my uncle. I picked it up. “Since this isn’t your cell I guess this isn’t about pleasantries.”
“Has your dad called you?”
“Yes, my father has.” I stressed the word father because dad to me meant love. “Why?”
He said a few choice words before answering. “He’s stirring up things. I told him to back off, but he refuses. Who does he think did it?” I debated how to answer this. Did I tell my uncle about Eddie? He’d always had a soft spot for him, but this was about more than feelings. “Trayton?”
“Yeah, sorry. He wanted me to hack into prison records to see what I could find.”
“Did you do it?”
“And risk prison for him? No.”
“Good, good. Anything else?”
“He thinks it was a side job.” A few more expletives left his mouth. “A job he did with Big Larry.”
After a long sigh, he said, “Damn him. I made it clear to stop those.”
“Yeah well, you know he doesn’t take orders well.”
“I’m tired of cleaning up his messes. This is it, after this, he takes care of his own. I’m only doing it for you.”
“Hey, don’t do it for me. I couldn’t care less what happens to him.”
“That’s a crock, and you know it, but if it makes you feel better, I’ll pretend to believe you. Did he have any idea as to who?”
Decision time. “No, but I do.”
“Who?”
“Eddie.”
“Eddie McMaster?”
“Yeah.” I rubbed my forehead hoping I hadn’t just gotten him killed.
“Why would he do this?”
“Who hates both him and Big Larry?”
“Still, do you have proof or just your intuition?”
I thought back to our talk or lack thereof. “No physical proof, but I talked to him. He’s definitely involved.”
I heard a creak over the phone which meant he was sitting in his office. Probably drinking brandy and smoking a cigar. “Will things ever be easy?”
“When you retire to Florida and start wearing Hawaiian print shirts.”
He chuckled, “Don’t see that happening anytime soon. So what do you want to do? I’ll let you make the decision. Who are you helping, your friend or dad?”
“Ex-friend and father.” I leaned my head back against my leather couch, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t want Eddie to suffer, and he will if Vince and Anthony get a hold of him. As much weight as his name holds in that prison, I’m sure he could get work release and torture him daily, or get Eddie in prison with him on some trumped up charge. I also don’t want to betray my family, even if I can’t stand them.”
“You better decide soon. One thing your father isn’t is dumb. He’ll figure it out.”
“I know.”
“Let me know what you decide. I’ve got a meeting to get to.”
“Be safe.”
“Always.” I hung up and dropped the phone at my side. What the hell do I do? I was contemplating calling Eddie when a someone pounded on my door. I stood slowly, still feeling the soreness even after the handful of Tylenol and Ibuprofen I took. I swung the door open to find Eddie standing on my doorstep.
“Trayton,” he said as he shouldered past me.
I closed the door, slowing turning around. “Why yes, come on in.”
He snapped his eyes to me. “This was a mistake.” He started to leave, but I blocked his path.
“You came here for something, now what was it?”
His jaw ticked as he stared me down. “Help.” From the torture on his face, I bet that one word was sickening to say. He’d always been proud. To need my help, someone he hated made it that much worse.
I sat down as I contemplated making him beg. I really should make him, but instead, I said, “Sit.” It was obvious by his hesitation that he was still considering leaving. “Eddie, either sit or get out. I don’t have all day.” He dejectedly sighed before sitting down. “I’m assuming you’re here about your stupidity.” His head jerked to mine. “Don’t even pretend you didn’t screw up. Why the hell would you go after my father?”
“Because the world would be better without him.” He got no argument from me there. “And you needed to feel what it’s like to lose a dad.”
“Are you delusional? You know I don’t care what happens to my father. How could you do that to Viv, though? She was like a mother to you.” Regret flashed through his eyes. “You didn’t think about that did you?” He stayed stoically silent. “Fine. What was your brilliant plan?” Silence. “Eddie, I have things to do so either talk or get the hell out.”
“I bought a burner and called Larry.” The word Larry was said with so much disgust, I’m not sure how he got it out. “Offered him $5 million.”
“Where did you get that kind of cash?”
He gave a maniacal laugh. “From Larry. The fat idiot didn’t even realize it was missing.” At my look of disbelief, he continued. “You aren’t the only one good with computers, Russo.”
“How did he not notice?”
“I transferred the money the day of the hit.” Smart. “It was a brilliant plan, but I didn’t realize the ferocity of Bob’s—the guy I hired—hatred for Larry. The plan was to take your dad out first, then deal with Larry. The idiot went after Larry first, leaving himself wide open for your father. He killed Larry and then shot at your father, but not before getting shot. Then the DA finally found something to hold your dad on at the worst possible time, so I panicked and found Bob’s cousin Eric, who was already in prison. He was supposed to kill your dad, but that didn’t go right either.”
My mind was racing trying to look at this from every angle. “Is there anyone who knows you’re involved besides me?”
“No, it was all online. I used the internet at the airport, bouncing signals all over the world. Once the money was transferred the laptop hit the landfill, in several pieces.”
“Cell?”
“Different burner every time. Landfill for them too.”
“How did you pay Bob?”
“Didn’t. He was supposed to get the money after.”
“Good, good.” I ran a hand through my hair, trying to think if I was missing something. “Seems like you have all your bases covered, why come to me?”
“My sister. After you had mentioned her, I started thinking. Vince isn’t above torturing family before he kills me. I can’t let that happen to her,”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you tried having my father killed, not once but twice.”
“Will you help me or not?”
“Yes, I just don’t know how.”
“I do.” He explained his plan to plant evidence on Bob’s computer because apparently, the cops hadn’t figured out who he was yet. Or more like didn’t care. A dead thug is a good thing in their books. Then I’d ‘follow’ a trail and find this information, relaying it to my father.
“This all seems a little too easy. What about the attack in prison?”
“Your dad killed Eric, so that’s covered.” That did work in our favor. We could spin it so it seemed like he was trying to finish the job.
“Any other family?”
“No, Larry had them killed.” I took in my old friend and saw nothing of the boy I grew up with. Losing his father changed everything about him.
I stood up, walking to the bar to pour a drink. “Want one?”
“No, I’ve stayed long enough.” Well, guess my saving his butt didn’t change anything. That’s fine. This would erase any guilt I had about his father’s death. He walked toward the door. “I’ll let you know when it’s done.” I saluted him with my whiskey as the door closed.
ALEX
It’d been two weeks since my nightmare. At first, I walked on eggshells around Kass, but then thi
ngs slowly went back to normal. Neither one of us had actually apologized, it was just swept under the rug in a sense. She knew I loved her, and I knew she was only doing what she thought was best.
I walked outside and shivered. Texas or not it was chilly this morning. After stretching I put my earbuds in, catching movement to my right as I did. I slowly turned and frowned. Trayton was walking, no sauntering, toward me like I was his prey. It’d been two weeks since I’d seen or talked to him too. Time definitely hadn’t taken away his impact on me. My stomach fluttered as desire ran through my veins. He was dressed in typical running gear, but the way he filled it out should be illegal.
I smacked him on the shoulder. “You scared me.”
“Good morning to you, too.”
“Cut the crap, why are you here?” I was trying to act like I didn’t want him here, but the truth was I’d missed him.
“I was driving by and saw you, thought you could use a running buddy.”
I looked down at his running clothes. “Let me guess… Kass.”
“She may have mentioned it.” Damn her and her meddling ways.
I closed my eyes and growled low, “Well, I don’t.” I put my earbuds in and took off. I can’t believe she’d do that to me. She knew I didn’t need this right now. And why the hell wouldn’t he go away? I turned my head slightly and glared before increasing my speed.
I ran for a little bit longer before I ripped my buds out and spun around. “Would you go away?”
“What? I’m just running here.” With that, he ran past me.
This is ridiculous! We both know he’s not here to run, but I’d be damned if he was going to ruin my run. Some of the best memories I had with my dad involve running.
I followed him, completely ignoring the way his shorts highlighted how great his butt looked. After a mile, I was able to completely block him out. Liar, liar pants on fire. I was able to put one foot in front of the other without falling, which in my book was pretty good.
