“Arizona, did you hear what I said?”
Chris’s voice jarred Arizona back into the present. “Yes, I did. I just have so much on my mind that I can barely focus or think straight. But what I do know is that I need a little time to decompress.”
“I understand, but I thought it would be nice to see you so we can decompress together, especially since I’m leaving Wednesday and I’ll be gone for two weeks.”
Arizona had almost forgotten that in two days Chris would be going to Washington, DC, to help out at one of the St. Hamilton’s sister properties, filling in until their new general manager was in place. In the past, whenever Chris was about to go out of town for business they always spent as much time together as they could before he left. Even though she didn’t want him to come over tonight, she also didn’t want him to travel without first seeing him off.
Arizona regrouped her thoughts and put a smile into her voice. “I’m almost at Solomon’s school. Once I pick him up I’m going to start dinner and you can come over in another hour or two.”
“Okay. I love you, Arizona.”
“I love you, too, Chris.”
Arizona pushed the button on her car’s Bluetooth system to end the call and let out a deep sigh filled with frustration and lots of troubling questions. As she turned onto the street that led to Bourbon Preparatory School, she focused on her son, and how excited he was going to be to see Chris tonight, and, how disappointed he would be that the man whom he called dad would be gone for the next two weeks.
Chris was the only father that Solomon had ever known, and as far as the well-behaved five-year-old was concerned, Chris was his daddy, period. If a day went by where Chris didn’t come over to Arizona’s house, she didn’t bring Solomon to his, or they didn’t speak by phone, Solomon would tell Arizona, “Mommy, I miss Dad. Am I gonna see him tomorrow?”
Arizona knew it would crush Solomon if Chris disappeared from their lives. She remembered the huge smile on Solomon’s face when she and Chris had told him that they were going to get married. Arizona had taken delight in the fact that her son was excited about his role as ring bearer in their wedding and that he’d started practicing by walking around the house carrying a pillow from the sofa to replicate the real thing. Arizona knew that Solomon was looking forward to having a father in the home on a permanent basis, and he was extra excited when he’d learned that they’d be living in Chris’s house after the wedding.
Arizona’s thoughts became more and more complicated as she navigated her car toward the after-school pickup line. She smiled when she saw her handsome little boy standing outside with one of his teachers, patiently waiting for Arizona to pick him up. Once he got into the car Arizona glanced back at him in her rearview mirror as Solomon buckled himself in. She couldn’t get over how much he was growing.
Even though Solomon was only five, people often mistook him for a child several years older because not only did he look more physically mature, he carried himself at a more advanced level than was expected for someone his age. When Solomon was three, and upon his Head Start teacher’s urging, Arizona had agreed to have him tested for an academically gifted program. No one had been surprised that Solomon’s IQ was already at a first grade level, essentially placing him in line with kids who were twice his age. Now he was in third grade and was outpacing everyone in his class, in and out of school.
“Mom, is Dad coming over tonight?” Solomon asked.
“My day was fine, and how was yours?” Arizona replied. She was determined to instill manners in her son.
“Sorry, Mom, how was your day?”
“Long but good now that I’m officially working for myself. How was your day?”
“It was good . . . is Dad coming over?”
Arizona smiled. “Yes, Solomon, your father’s coming over tonight after I make dinner and get things settled around the house.”
“Yaayyyy! How much longer until you and Dad get married?”
“Four months.”
“That’s a long time.”
“That’s not a long time, Solomon. As you get older you’ll understand how fast days and months can pass by. Trust me. It seems like just yesterday I was changing your diapers and now look at you.” Arizona took another quick glance at her son in her rearview mirror. “You’re getting so big.”
“I’m the tallest person in the entire third grade. I’m even as tall as some of the fourth graders.”
“You get your height from me.”
“No, I get my height from Dad. He’s really tall.”
Arizona remained silent as she crossed the train tracks, headed on her way back home. She wanted to tell Solomon that he was partially right. Chris was indeed tall. But Solomon’s biological father’s identity had been a mystery.
“Why can’t you and Dad get married now?” Solomon asked.
“What?”
“Why do you have to wait?”
“Because I’m not ready,” Arizona blurted out before she could censor herself. “What I mean is that your dad and I need time because weddings take a lot of planning.”
“I can help you. I’ve been practicing how to carry the ring and I’m ready.”
Arizona laughed. “It’s not that simple, baby.” She knew she needed to change the subject before she said something she’d regret. She was about to ask him about school when she turned onto her street and saw Chris’s SUV parked out front. What’s he doing here this early? Arizona asked in her mind.
“Dad’s here!” Solomon shouted.
Arizona had barely put her car in park before Solomon unbuckled his seat belt, grabbed his overstuffed book bag, and raced toward the house. “Slow down and wipe your feet before you go inside,” she called out to him.
Arizona was frustrated because she had specifically asked Chris to come over after she’d had time to cook dinner and get settled in. She’d had a busy day trying to schedule appointments, sketch new color palettes, arrange and organize her makeup collection, which consisted of well over five hundred products, and then work on adjusting her business plan that she needed to finalize soon. Throw in the stress she’d felt about her and Chris’s relationship, and Arizona was reaching her breaking point. She took a deep breath and prayed she wouldn’t say something that she couldn’t take back.
When Arizona walked through her front door she was touched by what she saw across the room. Chris was standing at her dining room table, unpacking a take-out bag from Olive Garden.
“Can I have a breadstick?” Solomon asked. “I’m hungry.”
Chris shook his head. “Not yet, big man. You need to wash your hands and help me finish setting the table while your mom gets settled in.”
Arizona dropped her handbag on the couch and walked over to Chris. “How did you find time to stop by Olive Garden and then beat me home?”
Chris smiled. “I had already called the order in before I called you. Now go and get settled while Solomon and I set the table.”
After a satisfying meal of spaghetti, salad, and breadsticks, Chris helped Solomon with his homework and then made sure he was bathed and in bed by eight thirty. Initially, Arizona had been against Chris coming over tonight because as she’d told him earlier, she’d wanted time to decompress and think about things. But as she sat at her work desk that was neatly situated in her small bedroom, she knew that if Chris hadn’t come over there was no way she’d be working on her business plan like she was now.
Arizona felt guilty and shallow for the thoughts she’d been having. Here she was, able to work on her business plan to advance her dreams because the man who loved her unconditionally was helping her to make it happen. Chris was kind, loyal, and supportive, and he accepted all parts of her. Arizona knew she needed to do the same for Chris. She knew that sex was only one aspect of their relationship, and that other things were just as, if not more important, like honesty, trust, dependability, and love. Chris demonstrated all these things.
A knock on her bedroom door drew Arizona away
from her thoughts.
“Can I come in?” Chris asked.
“You better.”
Chris walked in and took a seat on the edge of Arizona’s bed that was just a few feet from where she was sitting at her desk. “Solomon’s out for the count. And is it me, or does he grow an inch every week?”
Arizona laughed. “I was just saying that on our drive home. I can’t believe how big he’s getting.”
“Our baby isn’t a baby anymore.”
Arizona nodded. “Thank you, Chris.”
“For what?”
“For being you. Being kind and thoughtful and incredibly good to Solomon and me. There’s a lot of men out here who don’t take care of their own child, let alone someone else’s. But that’s exactly what you’re doing, and I know it’s from your heart. I appreciate that more than you know.”
Chris smiled. “Baby, you and Solomon are all that matter to me, and as far as I’m concerned he’s my son from day one.”
Arizona rose from her chair and sat next to Chris. “I apologize for acting distant for the last few days.”
“I know you’re disappointed in me . . .”
“Shhhh.” Arizona pressed her fingers against Chris’s lips to quiet him. “Let me explain.” She rose from her bed, closed her bedroom door, and then returned to where Chris was sitting. “Yes, I’ve been disappointed because of a few things. For one, we broke our vow of abstinence, which I didn’t think we’d do. But I’m actually glad that we did because now we can deal with this before we get married.”
“There’s not much to deal with, baby. I told you, I’m gonna do better because the more we make love, the stronger my stamina will be and I’ll last longer.”
This was Arizona’s opportunity to let Chris know that stamina was the least of her concerns. She didn’t care if he only lasted two minutes, as long as they were two good, satisfying, toe-curling, sweat-your-hair-out minutes. But she couldn’t bring herself to say what was really on her mind because she knew it would hurt Chris’s feelings. She didn’t want to utter anything less than encouraging words to such a kind, sweet and thoughtful man. He’d thrown her a birthday party fit for a queen, he’d paid off all her credit cards so that she could start her business virtually debt-free, and he’d just taken care of dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and put Solomon to bed in order to relieve her stress. No, she wasn’t going to tell her fiancé anything that would hurt him.
So once again, Arizona decided to take Bernadette’s advice and explore different ways of reaching sexual satisfaction with Chris. She leaned into him and delivered a delicate kiss to his lips. It was the same kind of kiss they’d shared a thousand times before, but this time instead of cutting it short as they usually did, she decided to step it up a notch, hoping it would lead to better results than Saturday night. And to her delight, Chris returned her gentle kiss, but suddenly in a flash his moves went right back to the way he’d handled her Saturday night—and it was all wrong.
Arizona tried to hold back her frustration, but not only was Chris’s kiss unappealing, his sandpaper hands were at it again. She knew she needed to move him in another direction, toward something that would bring her pleasure. She stood, unzipped her jeans, and slid them down the length of her legs. She could see Chris’s eyes light up and she smiled. “Take my panties off,” she said.
“Gladly.” Chris obeyed.
Arizona could see that he was becoming overly excited again so she stepped away and seductively delivered another command. “Take off your clothes and then pull back the comforter and turn down the sheets.”
“Baby, you’re turning me on. I love it when you take control.”
Chris eagerly did as Arizona instructed and followed her second round of commands as she removed her sweater and bra. She was praying that he would continue to follow her directives, and most importantly, that he’d be good at what she was about to ask him to do next.
Slowly, Arizona eased her body onto her soft, cotton sheets, spread her legs wide, and looked into Chris’s eyes. “Are you ready to eat dessert?”
“Oh, yeah, baby!”
Chris practically dove onto the bed, and within a matter of a few seconds his head was buried between Arizona’s legs. She gasped and had to inhale deeply in order to catch her breath because she was so overwhelmed. She felt a numbing buzz between her thighs. What in the hell is he doing? Now Arizona was completely fed up. “Chris!”
He looked up, startled. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” Arizona closed her eyes and bit her tongue. She was tempted to unleash her dissatisfaction, but she stopped herself. She knew that if she said what was on her mind, in this moment, that her harsh words would leave a mark that she couldn’t remove. And as Bernadette had told her, once you say it you can’t take it back. So she inhaled another deep breath and spoke as gently as she could. “Baby, take your time. We don’t have to rush.”
Chris nodded, seeming to understand, and to make sure he did, she reiterated her point by telling him exactly how she wanted him to perform oral sex. Step by step, as if giving classroom instructions. Arizona verbally guided him through a tutorial of her vagina. She told him how to lick it, kiss it, and massage it with the amount of pressure and rhythm she liked. When she was confident that he’d listened and was ready, she closed her eyes, threw her head back, and waited to receive pleasure.
Two minutes later, which to Arizona felt like two hours, she was staring up at the ceiling in stunned silence. She didn’t have a clue as to what Chris was doing, but whatever it was, she was certain oral sex wasn’t a part of it. She’d been with quite a few men in her day, who’d all had different techniques and skill levels, but she’d never, ever, experienced anyone who was as bad in bed as Chris. When she’d told him to eat dessert, he’d taken it literally, because he was gnawing on her labia to the point that it was now numb, as if he’d given her a shot of Novocain. She let out another deep breath—this time out of utter defeat—and then closed her eyes. She started thinking about the emails she needed to send and respond to tomorrow, the errands she needed to run, and the business book she needed to check out of the library. Her mundane thoughts were interrupted when she heard a load groan. Oh, no! This can’t be happening . . . again! Arizona thought.
“Uuuggghhhh, baby,” Chris moaned. He panted and slowly lifted his head, resting it against her thigh.
Arizona moved her leg, causing Chris’s head to fall against the mattress. “I’m so confused right now. I’m the one who should be coming, not you!” she nearly hissed.
“Arizona, I’m so sorry, baby.”
“I’m tired of hearing you say that, Chris.”
Chris propped himself on one elbow and slowly sat up, looking into Arizona’s eyes. “Baby, you tasted so good, and I was caught up.”
“Chris, I’ve tried to be patient and understanding, but now I have to let you know how I really feel.” Arizona sat up and gathered the sheets to cover her chest.
“I know you’re disappointed, but . . .”
“I’m not disappointed. I’m concerned and worried, Chris. I’m thinking to myself, is this gonna be our future? I’m telling you right now, I can’t deal with this. I just can’t.” Arizona was about to unleash about Chris’s small penis, elementary-level skills, and cluelessness about lovemaking, but she stopped herself. Even though she was at her breaking point, she was aware enough to know that her words, however truthful, were going to come out brutally cruel, and again, she wouldn’t be able to take them back. So instead of going off, she leaned back against the headboard and looked up at the ceiling.
Uncomfortable silence fell over the room. Arizona was determined not to say another word because she wanted to hear what Chris had to say. She wanted him to explain what was really going on with him. A micropenis was one thing, but not having any other sexual skills, or self-control, was a potentially disastrous deal breaker in her book. Arizona shifted in her body in an attempt to spur Chris into some type of action. She not only wanted, bu
t she needed him to say something. Anything. But to her dismay, he remained silent. She looked over at him and her heart sank. Chris had fallen asleep.
She wanted to kick Chris into consciousness so she could continue the conversation they should have had last Thursday night. She nudged him. “Chris, wake up!”
Chris yawned and then turned on his side. “Good night, Arizona. I love you, baby.”
“We need to talk, so wake up!” she demanded.
No matter how much she wanted to talk, Arizona knew it wasn’t going to happen tonight. She rose from bed, walked over to her chest of drawers, and pulled out a long, flannel nightgown. She turned around and looked at Chris’s naked body, which was turned away from her. Arizona roamed her eyes over her fiancé’s tight behind, broad, perfectly sculpted back, and overall muscular physique. He looked like a model straight out of Men’s Health magazine, and Arizona was sad that his lovemaking skills didn’t match his aesthetic. She was so frustrated that she didn’t want to sleep in the same bed with him, but she also didn’t want to sleep on her uncomfortable living room sofa.
Arizona was tired and she needed to rest her mind, so she quietly slid back into bed, positioning herself as far away from Chris as she could without falling off the edge. She closed her eyes and made up her mind. When the sun rose she was going to let Chris know that she wanted to call off their engagement.
Chapter 15
TESS
Tess’s day had started off with an obscenely early flight out of O’Hare. She was a night owl, not a morning person, so getting up at 3:00 a.m. in order to make her 6:00 flight was a herculean task wrapped around a heroic effort. But Tess was determined to get to Bourbon as soon as she could because she knew if she stayed in Chicago a minute longer, something bad was going to happen.
She’d arrived at the airport in plenty of time, only to find that her flight had been delayed without warning. Then when she’d landed in North Carolina, she was told that there had been a mix-up with the baggage, so she had to wait an hour until it arrived on another flight. When she went to pick up the Mercedes-Benz rental car that she’d reserved, she was informed that the only car available was a Honda Civic. By the time she finally got her car and her luggage, she still had a two-and-a-half-hour drive from the Raleigh-Durham airport in the state capital to the quaint town of Bourbon, tucked quietly in the eastern part of the state. Needless to say, she was tired, slightly cranky, and ravenous by the time she reached Bernadette’s house.
The Other Side Page 15
