The Amish Marriage Bargain (Love Inspired)

by Marie E. Bast

  May’s heart felt like it had just been punched. “Why are you saying this to me?”

  “I can read it in your eyes. Your heart loves me and has forgiven me...but your head is saying stay away from him.”

  His words stabbed her. She hadn’t really thought it all through.

  He patted her hand with his large, calloused palm. “I’ve asked the bishop to let us divorce.”

  “He’ll never grant that. Amish can’t divorce.”

  “Let’s wait and see.”

  “You and Leah could come back and live at the haus.” She wrung her hands in her lap.

  “Nein. I think it’s better that we are apart right now, and that we don’t confuse Leah too much. Mamm is going to watch her for a few days. Let’s each take some time away from each other. You could even go to Shipshewana like you’ve always talked about. Maybe then you could decide where you want to live. Edna wanted to leave the café to you if you’d move out there. That is a gut opportunity for you. She has no other close heirs and wants you to work with her.”

  He didn’t want her.

  He removed his arm from her shoulders.

  Her heart had already told her where she wanted to be. She got up and walked to the door.

  Thad followed. “May, it’s for the best. I can see the distrust in your eyes. Your heart might want me, but that’s not enough. No matter how much you think you want this. I want you to liebe me and to accept all that I am, including my flaws and the choices I made in the past, whether they were good or bad.”

  The heat from the stove and her jangled nerves made it hard to breathe. “Jah. We’ll talk later.” She reached for the doorknob, but Thad got it first and opened the door.

  “I’ll walk you out.”

  “Nein. I’m okay. Stay in here with Leah.”

  Gumdrop was waiting in the drive. He stomped his feet, snorted and shook his head when she approached. Jah, she felt that same way.

  She rubbed a hand down Gumdrop’s nose, then put her arms around his neck and gave him a hug. “I want someone to liebe, so it looks like you’re stuck with the job.” His sympathetic big brown eyes looked at her. “You have gut intuition.”

  She climbed in and tapped the reins on his back. “Let’s skedaddle, big boy. I feel a gut cry coming on.” He took off as if promised a big bucket of oats.

  She turned him onto the road, and urged him into a faster trot. The fence posts flashed by and field after harvested field disappeared as Gumdrop flew down the road.

  Her heart felt like those fields...picked clean.

  * * *

  A knife stuck in his heart when May walked out the door. She was the air that he breathed. He didn’t want to let her go, but this time he needed to do what was best for her. For them. Thad could tell by May’s eyes when she spoke about finding April’s diary that it was more a matter of she wanted to believe. Not what she actually did believe.

  Thad wandered through the haus. What had he done? He knew he’d been selfish to have married her, he should have waited, but nein, his heart had ruled over his head and all reasoning had fled. What was he thinking of to put her through it again? Her eyes held a sadness that cut to his core.

  He had to be the dumbest man on earth when it came to women.

  When Leah awoke, he fed her, then left her with his mamm while he attended the dairy meeting.

  He shuffled around three men sitting at the end of a row, and sat next to Caleb. He plunked down on the chair as if he didn’t really want to be there.

  Caleb eyed him. “Is everything okay? I drove by your place and saw you carrying out some suitcases.”

  “It’s nothing to worry about.” He stared straight ahead. He wasn’t ready to explain it to Caleb or anyone else.

  As they called the meeting to order, he had to shake the image of May from his head.

  The president of the dairy association stood wearing a somber face and waved a letter that Thad could see had the USDA logo. The president wasn’t smiling. Thad’s heart nearly stopped. The dairy was a big part of his livelihood. The knife plunged deeper and twisted. No doubt, that reply was going to mean he’d lose business on his dairy cows. They had the co-op cheese business that May started, but now he had no frau to make his cheese and sell it.

  Finally, a smile broke out on the president’s face. “The USDA has agreed to review the information brought to them regarding the big producers violating the organic rules. The letter also states the USDA inspection agency would write a citation to those producers who knowingly violate the regulatory definition of organic. Each producer could receive a fine for each violation, which means if the producers are not meeting the grazing requirement, their milk will not be classified as organic.”

  A roar of whooping and hollering went up. After a few minutes, the room buzzed with talk. Caleb patted Thad on the back and raised his voice over the noise. “Hopefully, we will see big results from this action.”

  A huge wave of relief washed over Thad. “I’m praying that this is the fix for the small dairy farmer.”

  The noise in the room grew louder with all the men talking at once. Thad leaned back in his chair and pretended to listen to what others around him were saying.

  His mind wandered to his earlier conversation with May. What had he done, sending her away? But he wanted her to make the decision about their marriage based on what both her heart and head wanted, not something forced on her by April’s diary or the bishop.

  May had to forgive him completely and say so, or it wouldn’t work between them. If she couldn’t, then he was going to set May free.

  He owed her that.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  May worked for days cleaning the attic, sorting and writing a description for each object and piece of furniture, explaining what it was, whom it belonged to and how old it was. If it had a story behind it, she wrote it down.

  Leah would know about her mamm and all her grosseldre. May was going to tell her how beautiful April had been from the inside out. How her gut heart shone and that made her outside glow.

  When Daed had cancer, April had taken care of him day and night. She’d spent all her time caring for and helping him, or sitting next to him in his room sewing. She’d made rag rugs, quilts, boppli blankets, and all kinds of doilies and dresser scarves the Englisch loved and had placed them in a consignment shop to help pay the medical bills and the mortgage that had to be taken out against the haus for daed’s bills.

  May wrapped up all the things that April had made. They would make a nice addition for Leah’s hope chest when she got married. May wiped away the tears that rolled down her cheek. She regretted her jealousy of April. That was hard for her to admit.

  The attic was finally organized and cleaned of years of dust and annoying spiders. Working in the attic had given May plenty of time to think about her life. Maybe Thad was right, and she should visit Aent Edna.

  * * *

  On Sunday morning, May checked the church schedule. Preaching was at the Millers’ farm this week. She hitched the buggy and headed off.

  At the farm, she glanced around for Janie, didn’t see her but found a spot on the bench next to Sarah and Mary. She searched the men’s benches on the opposite side of the barn for Thad. Row after row, she scanned faces. Finally, on the last bench, she spotted him, his head down, probably avoiding her. Her heart jumped at the sight of him.

  Bishop Yoder’s preaching that day was about finding the perfect mate. He said that meant working together for the future, but also working individually, selflessly, to make the other person happy. Only then could a person have the perfect marriage. His message touched May’s heart. It was a gut recipe for success. He and his frau seemed to have a great marriage. His testimony also spoke to her. Forgive and move on. Don’t allow the past to possess you. Had she done that? Had Thad been right all along?

  The b
ishop ended the service, then glanced from side to side. “I have a wunderbaar announcement to make. Janie Conrad and Jonah Hochstetler will be married in four weeks.”

  Janie and Jonah? Getting married? May hadn’t thought Gretchen would ever let that happen. She looked around and found Gretchen. She was staring at May and gave her a smile. May returned the affection. Ach, it seemed like Gretchen’s heart had truly changed. What a blessing from Gott.

  On the way to serve the meal, May caught up with her mother-in-law and gave her a hug.

  “Ach, what was that for, May?”

  “You know very well, Gretchen. You and Aaron gave Jonah and Janie your blessing.”

  “Jah, and we gave it to you and Thad, too. Now you two need to make up and quit this foolishness.”

  May glanced away, then back and nodded. Her mother-in-law was right. And May knew what she had to do.

  When she sat for the common meal, she glanced over the tables for Thad, but couldn’t find him. She walked into the Millers’ haus and around the yard, but there was no sign of him anywhere. He must have gone home right after church. She hadn’t seen Leah either. Her chest felt as empty as a hollowed-out log.

  She helped clean the tables and carried leftovers into the haus. Making her goodbyes, she hitched her buggy, and urged Gumdrop into a fast trot. Her excitement spurred her all the way home.

  Her friends were happy and getting married. And Gretchen was right. She never thought she would be saying that. Now she had to convince Thad that she loved him with all her being.

  * * *

  The next day dawned crisp and bright with only a few clouds puttering across the sky. May hitched Gumdrop. “You have been lazy.” She scratched his ears. “You need to get out before it gets too cold. You can sleep all winter, eat oats and get fat until spring.”

  He shook his head as if he understood her teasing.

  She pulled up in front of Bishop Yoder’s haus and knocked on the door.

  Mrs. Yoder answered the door. “Gut mornin’, dear.”

  “Morning, Rebecca. Is the bishop in?”

  “He’s in his office. I’ll get him.” She swept May with an examining look before she waddled down the hall. There were probably only a handful of reasons most people visited the bishop. Nein. Boil that down to two: good news or bad news. Most likely Mrs. Yoder was looking for a hint as to which this was. Amish women liked to spread the news and gossip. May waited by the front door, her hands twisting around in her apron.

  After what seemed like an eternity, the bishop finally appeared from a doorway down the hall. “Nice to see you, May. What brings you by?”

  “I’ve need of a Schtecklimann—a go-between.”

  The bishop raised his brow. “Let’s go into the kitchen and talk about this over a couple cups of coffee.” He closed the front door after May entered.

  She took a sip of the strong brew, then added a little of the cream sitting on the table. For the most part, the bishop would know her story. He listened as she talked. When she finished, he chuckled.

  May stared at him. “Is this funny to you, Bishop?” Her tart words slipped out.

  The bishop reached over and patted May’s hand. “Nein. Nein. Someday you will look back on this and tell the story to your grandchildren. My advice to you is the same as I give everyone—settle the problem on a buggy ride. You and Thad work all the time. He worries about the dairy farm, you worry about cheese, and you each worry is the other person in liebe with me.”

  May felt heat creep up her neck and burn her cheeks.

  “You dwell too much on the past, May. That’s why people set the old in the attic. It’s past history. We must live in today’s world and deal with our present issues. It’s okay to go up to the attic and see those old treasures from time to time.”

  He paused for a moment, his eyes searching her face for a clue to her heart. How did he know she’d been snooping around in the attic?

  “The old things were placed there for a reason.” He looked at her intently and continued. “Live in the present. Thad is a wunderbaar man and he loves you and wants to do right by you. You need to decide what is right for you, then tell him. Liebe isn’t that complicated. Don’t hurt that little mädel. She is innocent in all this. Leah loves you unconditionally. You and Thad are all she has right now, jah?” The bishop eyed May.

  She knew he wanted an answer but she was fresh out of words.

  “I’m always telling folks, go on a buggy ride and get to know each other.” He patted her hand. “I’ll talk to Thad.”

  “Just one more thing, Bishop. My aent Edna from Shipshewana asked me to come to Indiana and help run her café and bake shop. She gave me three months to make up my mind. The time is up. I called Edna and told her I would take the train Tuesday, the day after tomorrow. I am packed and ready to go, so if Thad wants to see me about our marriage, it will need to be before then.”

  Before May climbed into the buggy, she gave Gumdrop a few pats on the nose. He raised his head up and down. “Jah, you are a smart horse. You knew all along. I think Gott whispered in your ear. He probably whispers in mine, too, but I’m too busy talking to listen. What I wanted was right under my nose all this time. Let’s stretch your legs.”

  The bishop’s words helped her put her life in prospective. The fall fields were bare and lifeless. They were in a state of restful sleep, a time to replenish strength by letting the natural course of nature wash over the land.

  She jerked her head around when Gumdrop turned into the drive. She hadn’t even been paying attention; she was home already. The horse passed the haus and trotted to the barn. She unhitched and fed Gumdrop, then hurried into the haus.

  May needed to keep her hands busy and her mind off Thad until it was time to get on the train. Why not start ripping up April’s dresses so she could take the strips with her to make rag rugs and save them for Leah.

  She was going to miss Leah...and Thad terribly.

  * * *

  Ever since Thad had seen May at church, she kept appearing in his head. Her smoky-gray eyes and auburn hair set a fire in his heart that was hard to put out. Every time he saw her, he wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go.

  Gott, I don’t know what you want from me. I felt called to marry April and give her and Leah a chance at a family. Yet the woman I loved and wanted most to have a family with, I alienated. Gott, I’m drowning here. I wanted a family with May, and now I’m afraid I’ve lost her forever.

  Buggy wheels churning the dirt in Jonah’s driveway pulled Thad from prayer. He peered out the window. It was Bishop Yoder. Must be important for him to drive all the way out here in the country, and it couldn’t wait until Church Sunday.

  “Bishop, gut to see you. What brings you out here?”

  The bishop didn’t smile. “Thad, I’d like a few words with you.”

  He motioned the bishop inside the haus. “What’s going on?”

  “May stopped by to see me. She told me everything. She said you tricked her into marrying you by leading her to believe there were many complaints about your living arrangements.”

  Thad’s heart almost stuttered to a stop.

  “You fibbed to her. Jah? You will need to talk to the Lord about that. Do you truly liebe May or did you marry her just because Leah needed a nanny?”

  The words slammed into Thad’s chest. “I regret saying all that. I liebe her, and I’ve done nothing but hurt her. That’s why I wanted to make it right by setting her free.”

  “Thad, she still wants to be your frau. You must go talk to her and make it right. But she said to tell you her Aent Edna gave her three months to make a decision on whether she was going to move to Shipshewana. She has a train ticket for Indiana for the day after tomorrow, and she will leave if you do not contact her.” The bishop looked him squarely in the eye. “You know what you have to do, Thad.”

&
nbsp; * * *

  May heard a buggy come up the drive and peered out the window. It was Ethan, one of the youngies who helped do chores.

  Her heart felt like a hollowed-out tree stump without Leah and Thad as part of her life. Tears were blurring her vision and she could hardly breathe. As soon as she arrived in Shipshewana, she’d get settled and start to work at the café and stay busy.

  She couldn’t imagine life without Thad and Leah. The life that she once never wanted, and now she couldn’t imagine how she would get along without it.

  She waited hour after hour. But Thad didn’t come and ask her to stay. Tears welled in her and an ache tore through her heart.

  When she heard wheels crunching over the rock in the driveway, she ran to the window. But it was only the SUV that was taking her to the train station. Her throat clogged with emotion as she took one last look around the haus.

  She told the driver she had luggage, and he said he’d be happy to come into the haus and help her.

  May walked toward the kitchen door, and stopped. Footfalls sounded coming up the porch. She took a deep breath. A knock sounded loud and firm. The knock of a man who knew what he wanted.

  She smiled and slowly opened the door.

  Thad stood there holding Leah.

  “You didn’t have to knock,” May said.

  “I did, just this once. I needed you to open the door and let me in, not just into your haus, but into your heart. I liebe you, May. I always have and always will. I know I hurt you by trying to do what was right for someone else. I hope I never have to do something like that ever again.”

  “Nein, Thad. I know why you married April. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, but I promise you, I have. Our belief is that we serve our Gott and our community above ourselves. You did what was best for the community, and I wallowed in my own self-pity. I wasn’t living our faith. But Gott is gut and faithful. Marrying you was always my dream and losing you my worst fear come true. I liebe you, and now I can live my dream.”