Practically Married

by Karin Beery

  His face brightened. “I’d like that too.”

  “You should probably let me go, though.”

  “Probably.”

  His arms tightened, closing what little space remained between them. Her pulse quickened. He lowered his head toward hers, his breath brushing across her face.

  The front door opened. “Ashley?”

  Rose.

  Russ turned to face the door, keeping an arm around Ashley’s waist. “You must be Rose Dodge. I’m Edgar Russell, but everyone calls me Russ.”

  “Ashley’s mentioned you.” She stepped outside, flashing Russ a genuine smile. “She didn’t tell me you were coming.”

  “Actually, I didn’t tell her. I hope you don’t mind the interruption.”

  “Of course not. We could use the distraction. Please, come in.”

  They entered the house, Russ’ hand resting on Ashley’s waist. In Rose’s presence, Ashley couldn’t decide whether she wanted to shrug away or lean into him. Her aunt motioned to the table before heading to the kitchen. Ashley touched Russ’ shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get my uncle.”

  “Should I worry about your aunt?”

  “She’s barely five feet tall, and I doubt she weighs a hundred pounds. You should be able to handle yourself.” Ashley rushed away before she could overanalyze the feelings rising in her chest. She raced past the kitchen, where her aunt was arranging glasses on a tray.

  When she stepped into the garage, John held up a pink plastic umbrella. “You remember this? Rosie’s oldest sister bought it a million years ago. They kept passing it through the family, hoping someone would use it. I wonder how it made it back to our house?”

  “We’ve got company.”

  “Company?” He tossed the umbrella on a pile, hopefully the donate pile, and practically jumped to his feet. “Who’s here?”

  “Russ.”

  “Ah, your young man.”

  “Uncle John.” She smacked his arm.

  He chuckled. “Let’s get inside before Rosie talks his ear off.”

  CHAPTER 33

  Russ opened the car door and offered Ashley his hand. “We have two hours until we pick up your aunt and uncle. What do you want to do?”

  Ashley took his hand, her fingers cool but soft, and climbed out of the rental car, shivering against the breeze. She pulled him up the front steps and across the porch. “Whatever we do, let’s go inside. You didn’t need to bring the Michigan weather with you.”

  Russ moved ahead of her and unlocked the front door. “This is barely coat weather.”

  She stepped on his heels as she pushed past him and into the house. “How long before there’s snow in Boyne Heights?”

  “Five days ago.”

  She spun around, her face shriveled like she’d eaten a rotten pickle.

  He chuckled. “You realize we get a lot of snow up north, right?”

  “Sure, but it’s hard to imagine snow on the ground while I’m here.”

  He kicked the door closed while helping Ashley slip out of her jacket. When his hand brushed her shoulder, she shivered again. He stifled a smile. “It won’t stick. We usually have a few weeks of snow and warm-ups before it gets cold enough to pile up.”

  “Snow in November? That’s a long winter.”

  “They don’t all start this early.”

  “Really? How lo—” Ashley turned, nearly bumping into him. Pink brightened her cheeks. “Do you want a drink or snack?”

  She stepped back, but Russ took her hand. “I fly out first thing in the morning, and we still haven’t talked.”

  “I know.”

  “We need to have this conversation.”

  “I know.” Ashley sighed and straightened her shoulders.

  For two days the sparks had continued between them when they were alone, but with her aunt and uncle, Ashley sat back, put on a smile, and treated him like an old friend. Russ didn’t want to admit what he saw in her eyes and posture, but he needed confirmation. “You aren’t coming back to Michigan, are you?”

  She pursed her lips.

  Silence punched him in the gut. He inhaled deeply, battling an onslaught of emotions as he pulled Ashley to the couch. “What’s going on?”

  She sat on the cushion beside him but far enough away that they didn’t touch. She rubbed the tops of her thighs, her gaze intent on her hands. “I’m not sure what to do.”

  “About what?”

  “About everyone.”

  “What does this have to do with everyone? This is between you and me. Do you want to get married?”

  “Yes?”

  “That’s not an answer. What’s confusing you?”

  She shrugged.

  Frustration built in his chest. “Is it me?”

  “No.”

  “Is it because of Jess?”

  Her gaze slammed into his. “What about Jess?”

  “I messed up. I get that now. I should have talked with you about the farm, about everything, first. I won’t make that mistake again.”

  “She’s a better match for you.”

  “In what universe?”

  “She understands farm life and finances, and she seems to have gotten the stalking out of her system.”

  “Yeah, sure. What does any of that have to do with us?”

  “When you had a problem, your knee-jerk reaction was to call her. That should tell me something.”

  “It tells me she’s good at her job. Give it a few years, and you’ll understand it too.”

  “I can’t learn a lifetime’s worth of experience in a few years, but Jess—”

  “Is gone! I told her I wouldn’t be able to meet with her again until you could meet with us. Last I heard, she’s working on the other side of the state. Why are you trying so hard to match us up?” His heart skipped. “Did you change your mind?”

  Ashley sagged back against the couch, arms crossed over her chest. “I have no idea what to do. I made such a big deal of making sure you wanted to get married, but when my aunt freaked out, I promised her I wouldn’t commit to anything right now. Then Rachel called to plan the reception, so I did commit, but I didn’t tell Aunt Rose.” Ashley glanced up at him, her face deflated. “I don’t want to let you down, but I don’t want to make my aunt worry. My mom would like you, so I know this would make her happy, but maybe Jess is better suited for you.”

  “Would you forget Jess? And what does your mom have to do with this?”

  “I know it sounds silly, but I want her to be proud of me, even if she’s not here to see me. Sometimes I do things because I think she would have wanted me to.”

  “Like get married?”

  “Yes.”

  The immediacy of her response caught him off guard. Would she really marry him for her dead mother? “Ashley, what do you want to do?”

  She folded into herself against the tan, tweed couch

  The uncertainty of the situation pressed against Russ. He’d never considered himself a talker, but somehow Ashley inspired him, probably because he’d never cared so much what someone else had to say, even if it broke his heart. “Ashley, I need to know. Why do you really want to marry me?”

  “It makes sense, doesn’t it? We co-own the house and possibly the farm. We’re both alone. My mom was—”

  “This doesn’t have anything to do with your mom.”

  She looked at him like he’d sprouted horns. “Yes, it does.”

  “No, it doesn’t. You’re a grown woman. You can make your own decisions. You either want to marry me or you don’t, but you can’t blame this on your dead mother.” She flinched. Maybe he’d crossed a line, but it needed saying. So did his own frustrations. “I don’t want someone to marry me because she thinks her mother would like me. You have to like me.”

  “This isn’t about emotions.”

  “It wasn’t at first, but you can’t deny that something is happening between us. Something beyond our agreement.”

  Ashley sucked in a sharp breath bu
t didn’t respond.

  Reality slapped Russ. “This really is all about everyone else, isn’t it? Does it have anything to do with us?”

  “Of course it’s about us. How could it be about anyone else?”

  How indeed, yet everyone else had a say in this relationship. Russ scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to rub some understanding into his head. “I don’t understand what you’re doing, and I don’t think you do either. I don’t care that our arrangement is unconventional, but I thought it was what we both wanted. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who’s looking to please her mother.”

  “That’s not the only reason I want to marry you.”

  “Then give me another.”

  “Well, I …” Her gaze shifted as she twisted a piece of hair around her finger. “I told you that I would.”

  He waited for more, but she kept twisting her hair. His gut clenched. “That’s it? You’re going to marry me because you told me you would?”

  “Of course. We’re committed, remember? I mean, I thought you wanted it too. Don’t you?”

  “That’s not good enough for me.”

  She popped upright, finally focusing on him. “What? Why not?”

  “I’m honored that you think your mom would like me, but I want more. This is supposed to be about companionship and a future. I didn’t realize it was a mission to appease the memory of your mom.” Anger pooled in his heart. “Did Tom know?”

  Ashley’s mouth opened and closed, her face a shade of red Russ couldn’t identify. “He didn’t, did he? And this is what you couldn’t tell me. That you want to marry me for your mom, and you don’t want to marry me for your aunt.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “I just … I don’t know.”

  Russ shoved himself off the couch, trying to reconcile the information with his emotions, which surprised him more than anything. It shouldn’t bother him that a woman he met a month ago didn’t want to marry him. This should be his way out of an unusual marriage, but he didn’t want out. Despite their agreement, his heart was involved. He wanted her living at the house, sitting beside him at church, exploring the farm together, but he didn’t simply want her presence. He wanted Ashley. Their conversations. Fixing meals together. The softness of her hair between his fingers.

  Now what? Russ paced the room. He cared for her more than he’d realized, but what was the point in telling her now? If he told her, she might marry him to make him feel better, but that wasn’t good enough for him. Not anymore. He turned back toward her. Ashley had curled up on the couch, arms wrapped around her legs and eyes closed. He understood how she felt. He’d consider clamming up too, but all of his pent-up anger and frustration would probably launch him off the couch like a rocket. Part of him wanted to comfort her. The other part wanted to walk out the door.

  A tear rolled down her face, crushing the remains of his heart.

  Fool. He never should have agreed to this arrangement. He’d already lost too many people he cared about. Then he invited Ashley in and gave her his heart without realizing it, and she was leaving him too. He couldn’t stop the ache, but for once he had some control. “It’s time for me to go home.”

  Ashley’s eyes popped open. “Now?”

  “I need to think. So do you.”

  She slid to the edge of her seat, hands clenched and eyes wide. Sympathy overwhelmed him. She must have noticed, because her mouth tightened and eyes narrowed. “Don’t pity me, Edgar Russell. I’ll survive.”

  “Probably, but you’re only surviving. You’re trying to fulfill everyone else’s dream for you, but what about your dream? What about the people you’re pulling in with you? Have you considered them?” Or their hearts? He shook his head as he walked to the door.

  “What do you want me to do?” Desperation dripped from her voice.

  “Figure out what you want.” He looked over his shoulder. “I care about you, Ashley. I still want to marry you, but I won’t do it for your mother or your sense of duty. This is between you and me, no one else.”

  Before he could change his mind, Russ walked out the door.

  *******

  The door closed, and he was gone. All of the air rushed out after him, sucking the breath from Ashley’s lungs.

  He was gone.

  Her chest burned. “Russ?” An engine revved. Tires squealed. Ashley ran to the window in time to see the rental car drive around the corner.

  Now what? She needed to talk to someone, needed to get some advice, but who was she supposed to call? She craved her mother’s journal, but it wouldn’t reveal anything. Besides, wasn’t it the reason Russ left?

  No, she couldn’t blame the journal. Russ was right. She had no idea what she wanted, and the thought of figuring it out alone caused her insides to quiver.

  What had she done? Ashley dropped onto the cushion Russ had vacated, desperate for any remaining essence of him. He knew exactly what he wanted. Maybe some of his confidence would rub off.

  Did she want to move to Michigan? Her mom had wanted to.

  Did she want to marry a farmer? Tom had wanted her to, and Russ liked the idea.

  Should she stay in Florida? Aunt Rose would stop worrying.

  She couldn’t please all of them.

  Ashley looked around her aunt and uncle’s home. Black-and-white photos of relatives she’d never met hung on every wall. Photos covered the walls of Russ’ house too—her house—but she’d met Kathleen, her girls, and their kids. Florida offered a life of familiarity surrounded by memories of a life Ashley could never live. In Michigan, she had the chance to add her picture to the wall. Maybe add a new branch to the family tree. She’d still have Rose and John, but she’d also have Russ.

  Overwhelming peace surrounded Ashley, calming her to the core of her being. Every thought of him brought peace, but was it enough?

  CHAPTER 34

  Alarm bells clanged. Silence. Bells. Silence. Was it an emergency or wasn’t it? Ashley rolled over, and something slick stuck to her face. No, not alarm bells. The phone.

  John and Rose!

  She jumped up, slipped on a brochure, and landed back on the floor, burning her palms as they slid across the carpet. Ignoring the sting, she shuffled over to the phone. “Hello?”

  “Sweetheart, are you okay? Why are you still at the house?” Rose’s voice trembled.

  “I fell asleep. I’m leaving right now.”

  “Don’t speed. We’ll be fine until you get here.”

  Despite her aunt’s wishes, Ashley struggled to keep the accelerator off the floor. It wasn’t even dinnertime yet, and she’d already pushed Russ away and forgotten to pick up her family. How selfish could she be, mistreating the three people closest to her? On the plus side, she’d run out of loved ones to hurt, but there were plenty of strangers in Lakeland who didn’t deserve her carelessness. She tapped the brakes as she took a deep breath.

  Approaching the movie theater, she spotted her aunt and pulled up to the curb, rolling down the passenger window. “How was the movie?”

  “It was delightful.” Rose beamed as she slid into the back seat.

  John sat beside Ashley and huffed. “I’d like my ten dollars back.”

  “It wasn’t that bad.” They bickered all the way home, correcting each other’s summaries of the plot. When they walked through the front door, vacation brochures covered the floor.

  “What’s this?” Rose walked to the nearest pamphlet and picked it up. “Are you still trying to plan your vacation?”

  “Sort of.” Ashley sank to the floor in the midst of the mess.

  Her aunt handed her the booklet and looked around the room. “Where’s Russ? Did he go back to his hotel?”

  “Not really.” Might as well get it over with. “He went back to Michigan.”

  John hobbled his way toward Ashley. “What happened?”

  “He asked me why I want to get married, and he didn’t like my answer.”


  Rose sat beside her. “What did you tell him?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know what you told him?”

  “No, I told him I don’t know why I want to get married.”

  “Oh, sweetheart. Maybe it’s a good thing you’re not rushing into this. If you can’t answer that question, you need time.”

  Her uncle snorted. “Hogwash.”

  “John!”

  “This is nonsense, Rosie. She knows exactly why she wants to marry him, but she won’t admit it to you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means she’s so busy trying to make you and her mother happy that she’s not thinking about herself or that young man who flew down here to meet you.”

  “That’s ridiculous. Ashley would never—”

  “I would.” A familiar weight settled on Ashley’s shoulders. “I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, but I ended up disappointing everyone.”

  Rose rested a hand on Ashley’s knee. “This isn’t about anyone other than you and Russ. You can’t decide whether to get married based on someone else’s feelings.”

  “That’s what he said, but you were so upset. I couldn’t let you worry about me.”

  “Ashley.” She chuckled. “I’d worry about you even if I handpicked a husband for you. That’s my job.”

  “But you and Uncle John were fighting about it.”

  He pulled a chair toward them and sat down. “And tomorrow we’ll fight about how much salt to put in the eggs.”

  “Sweetheart, I could never live with myself if you made life-changing decisions for me and not yourself. I appreciate that you’re willing to consider a longer engagement, but you can’t change your mind for me. We’re different people. That’s what makes us special. I love everything about you, not just the things I understand and agree with.”

  The pressure eased, but Ashley’s need to please nipped at her like an anxious chihuahua. “I want to live a life my mom would be proud of.”

  “She would be proud of you, no matter what you do.”

  Hope simmered. “Do you think? I mean, she wanted me to have a career and a family and—”