“Fuck this,” I mutter.
How could he? He led me to believe tonight was an actual date. That he really wanted to be with me, but here we are, further apart than ever. For the first time since we’ve arrived in Thailand, we are sleeping in separate bedrooms. Unsteadily, because I am so devastated, I walk to the bathroom. In the mirror, my eyes looked crazed. Blankly, I remove my makeup and get out of my designer knock-off. I was so in love with it. I had such high hopes when I picked it out to wear tonight. Now I hate it. I’ll never be able to look at it again and not remember tonight’s humiliation and hurt.
I take off my stockings and suspenders then nearly sob with the memory of how he ate me out this evening. God, how stupid I’ve been. I climb into the big bed. The bed I shared with him the night before. I turn my head and I swear I can smell him. His cologne, his skin. It’s too much. I don’t think I can sleep here tonight. I grab a pillow, pull the blanket off, and make my way over to the couch. I’ll sleep here. Far away from any reminders of him.
I punch the pillow a few times and lie my head on it. For an expensive hotel suite, the couch is awful to sleep on. I guess nobody ever thought someone would try to sleep on it. I know it has a pull-out bed, but I’m not going to put the work into getting it pulled out and situated. I’m too mentally exhausted. I know that I won’t be able to sleep tonight.
I think back to the first day he hired me. I remember thinking to myself that I was going to have a hard time keeping my hands off him. For two months, I did just that. Then, I come on this trip with him and almost every single one of my fantasies came true. I was so close to what I thought might be a fairytale romance. Maybe that’s the problem. They are fairytales for a reason. Girls eat them up because they want it so bad, but in reality, there are no prince charmings. Just bosses that use you and throw you to the curb without explanation.
I grab my phone. It’s ten in Bangkok, so it’s nine in the morning in New York. I could call my best friend Emma. I need someone to talk to. She might be sleeping, but maybe she’ll wake up.
I dial her number. It rings and then goes to voicemail. I don’t want to worry her, so I leave a generic sounding message. “Hey, Emma. Just checking in. From Bangkok. I still can’t believe I’m here. Anyways. I’ll try again later. Miss you.”
I hang up the phone. I have no one to talk to. I’m hurt all over again, and I feel even more lonely. I punch the pillow again and try to go to sleep, but it’s impossible. The tears are threatening to take over and drown me.
“No,” I snarl. “I’m not going to cry.”
Because more than anything, I don’t want to cry. Crying is a sign of weakness. I’m just tired and need sleep. Maybe if I can sleep on it, I’ll wake up and won’t have feelings for Luke anymore. Maybe I won’t even remember his name.
A girl can dream, can’t she?
My phone starts vibrating on my lap. I almost forgot I left it there. I pick it up and see that Emma is calling me back.
“Hey!” I say, trying to sound cheery. I don’t want her worrying about me.
“How’s jolly old Bangkok?” she asks.
“It’s amazing,” I say. A few hours ago, it wouldn’t have been a lie. It is now.
I’m holding back tears. The sound of her voice is making me miss her and home so much more now. I just want to get back there and retreat to a time when none of this happened. Back in my old bed and my old fantasies about my boss. No longer having to deal with these feelings. In fact, I want to go back and choose to not apply for this job.
“What’s wrong?” Emma asks.
“Nothing at all. Why?”
I hear her sigh. “Dude, come on. We’ve been friends for long enough. You think I don’t know when something is bothering you?”
I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. Tears sting my eyes. I try hard not to cry. I don’t want her to hear my voice crack. I clear my throat. “I’m homesick I guess.” My voice cracks. Ugh. Now she’s going to know.
“You’re crying,” she says. “What happened?”
“It’s Luke,” I reply.
“I’ll kill him.”
“Thanks, I appreciate the thought.”
“Honey, before you carry on, I have to tell you the sex is never as good when you’re sober.”
I laugh through my tears. “No. It’s not the sex. That was even better when I was sober.” My voice cracks again. I really hate that.
“Then why are you so upset? Come on. Tell Aunty Emma what happened?” she prompts soothingly.
“I have feelings for him,” I confess sheepishly.
“You think I don’t know that?” She laughs. “I’ve known since the moment you told me you got the job there in Danny’s Bar. Your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when you talked about him.”
“Really?” I wish I was better at hiding things. I wish I was like him.
“Yes, really.”
“He asked me out on a date, tonight,” I say.
“And it didn’t go well?”
A tear rolls down my cheek. I dash it away. “No, it didn’t.”
“What happened?”
I tell her about the date and how well it was going, how he acted when he came back from the bathroom, and what he said about mixing business and pleasure because of his dad.
“Now I feel like a complete idiot,” I finish.
“Sweetie, this is all on him. If he’s got some weird daddy issues, he should have stayed away from you. He especially shouldn’t have asked you on a real date. Listen, I’ve got to get to work. I’m running really late. But don’t let that son of a bitch get you down. If he’s too scared to be with you, that’s his loss not yours.”
“Thank you, Emma,” I say.
“No problem.”
We hang up, and I instantly feel alone again. I felt better when I was talking to her, but now that the loneliness has sunk in once again, my heart is starting to hurt all over.
I know it’s going to be a long night for me.
Chapter 18
Luke
It’s morning and bright outside the window. I didn’t get much sleep last night. The way the night ended with Jade drove me crazy. I wanted to say more to her, but everything I could think of saying felt like it would make me sound even more pathetic than I already am.
I don’t feel good.
I kept mulling over how things could have been different if I hadn’t run into Matt last night. Jade and I would have left and came back here. I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands off of her. Hell, maybe we would have even had sex in the limo. If we didn’t have sex in the limo, we would have tumbled into bed together and went wild. It would have been amazing.
Damn Matt for ruining our night. The way he spoke about her made me see red. I overreacted and took it out on her. There was another way, a much better way to do this. I spring out of bed, shower, and leave the suite before Jade wakes up. I don’t want to see her yet. I’m not ready to face her. I need to think and figure out what the hell I’m feeling.
I don’t feel good.
I almost wish I hadn’t brought her with me on this trip. That I could go back to the uncomplicated days when she was my plain PA. So fucking drab sometimes, I didn’t even know she was there. The job just magically got done. Fuck! I really am a bastard.
I go downstairs to the restaurant and all I can think of is being here with Jade. I look at the long buffet table heaped with every kind of breakfast item imaginable and find that I can’t even face the thought of food. I pour myself a cup of coffee, find a seat at a table facing the large windows, and go back to thinking about Jade.
Maybe it was a good thing I ran into Matt. It woke me the fuck up. I don’t want to be like my father, but I am starting to be more like him. How on earth did I get to this point? It’s pissing me off.
Then I think about how she looked last night, right before we quit talking. Her face fell. She looked as if her heart broke. I never intended to do that. Not to beautiful, sexy, smart, funny, amazing
Jade. I put my coffee cup down slowly and stare incredulously out of the window.
Oh! Jesus! I’m in love with her.
There is no doubt about it.
I’m in love with Jade Emerson.
What happens when I take her back and people find out I’m dating my assistant?
The knives will be out for her. They are going to say that she gets special privileges because we are together. I can weather the storm, but it’ll destroy her reputation. I think about my mom and how her friends all acted like she had some disease. It wasn’t her fault that my dad couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. I don’t want Jade to go through what my mom had to go through. No one deserves that kind of torment. No one.
People are going to talk. It’s what they fucking do. They’re lives are so goddamn boring, they search for any kind of drama to gossip about. They don’t know how to mind their own damn business. I don’t want our relationship to hurt Jade in any way. I need to sit down and talk with her.
I stand up to go back upstairs and run into Mr. Hatanaka, one of the Japanese businessmen.
“Remington San. Just the man I was looking for.” He holds his hand out to me.
I firmly grip his hand and shake it.
“Mr. Hatanaka, it’s good to see you. I hope you’re not here to deliver bad news.”
I laugh. He laughs, too, but I think more out of courtesy than because he actually found my joke funny.
I’m a little nervous that he is here in my hotel looking for me. I did not expect him, or anyone from his company, to reach out to me so soon. I don’t know whether to take it as a good or a bad sign. I’ve been so consumed with thoughts of Jade and what I should be doing with her, for the first time in my life, I’ve actually put my business on the back burner.
“I would like to discuss with you the opportunity you presented us with the other night,” he says, nodding gravely.
Discuss the opportunity? I thought it was a done deal. I keep my expression neutral and interested. “I was just leaving, but if you would care to sit down, I’ll be happy to go through any details that you are still unclear about.”
“Please. That would be excellent,” he replies.
With a smile, I indicate the chair across from me. He sits, clasps his hands on the table surface, and looks expectantly at me.
It’s hard to read him when he isn’t smashed. The other night he was slapping my back and regaling me with dirty jokes that he would tell, then immediately apologize to Jade for telling them. This morning, his mouth is set in a straight line and his lips are pressed firmly together. His facial expression screams that he is in work mode.
“Can I get you something to drink? Coffee?” I offer.
“No. Thank you.”
“Right. What is it that you wanted to discuss?”
“We are happy with the figures you drew up for us. They are perfect, and your company sounds like the kind of company that we would like to develop a partnership with.”
This sounds like good news, but I don’t want to count my chickens just yet. If they are so happy with my figures what the hell is he doing here? I don’t want to be disappointed.
Like I’ve disappointed Jade.
The thought comes out of nowhere and causes me pain. I push down the strong urge to simply leave this blathering idiot here and go up to apologize to Jade. I’ve been so caught up with my own drama, I’ve hurt her. I force myself to concentrate on what Mr. Hatanaka has to say.
“So…we want to sign with your financial company,” he continues with a big smile. “We think that by going with your company, you can lead us in a newer, more innovative direction. A direction that we can see our company thriving in. Yours as well, of course.”
“That’s great news.” I plaster a big, happy smile on my face. I’m still waiting for the catch. For the ‘but’ with some added stipulations.
“Yes,” he says. “I’m excited to be working with you and your company. I know you’ll bring great things to us.”
“Oh, I will. You don’t have a thing to worry about.” I know I sound cocky. But I hope he takes it as confidence. “I’ll have my lawyers send over the paperwork to you.”
“I look forward to hearing from them,” he says with a polite nod.
A waitress approaches our table and asks if we need anything. Mr. Hatanaka dismisses her politely, telling her that he’s just getting ready to leave. I wave my hand to indicate I’m fine, and she walks away.
Mr. Hatanaka stands up. “I’ll be sending a gift over to your room soon, to honor our newly formed business relationship,” he says.
I stand to shake his hand one more time. “You don’t need to do that, Sir,” I say. I flash my ‘I’m-a-good-guy’ grin. I’m weird about receiving gifts.
“In Japanese culture, we do not deny our friends the pleasure of giving,” he says this with a smile.
I nod my head. “It’s a good practice. Thank you. It’s very kind of you. I’ll be looking forward to your generous gift.”
We say our goodbyes, and I watch him leave. Then my brain immediately switches back to Jade. I want to tell her about the impromptu meeting I just had with Mr. Hatanaka. She was crucial in landing this deal, so I know she’ll be over the moon. But the way things are right now, she’ll probably slap me in the face before I can even open my mouth.
I get up and head back upstairs. A group of smiling, chatting conference attendees wait by the elevators. The last thing I want is to be stuck in a confined space with them while they try to strike up a conversation with me.
I hang back then get into the next free elevator. The doors close, and I’m thankful to be alone inside the elevator car. The elevator comes to a stop on my floor. I get out and go straight to her door. I rap on it. There is no sound from inside. I turn the handle and step into her room. She’s not in it.
This is driving me insane. I want to talk to her. I want to kiss her. I want to tell her I know I acted like an ass last night. I want to tell her that I’ve never felt this way before and it scared the shit out of me. I want to tell her how sorry I am for hurting her. Then I want to tell her I love her and want to be with her. No matter what, we’ll work it out.
I pull out my phone and call her, but her’s is switched off.
I pace the floor. Well, she has to come back. All her things are still here. I decide to get started on my talk for the following day. I sit down on my bed with my laptop, but I can’t concentrate. My inspiration is gone. Jade isn’t here to help inspire me. And it hurts.
At that moment there’s a knock on my door.
“Finally,” I mutter. Thank God, Jade has more sense than me. She’s making the first move to crack the icy wall between us. I rush through the lounge and pull the door open.
“You’re not Jade,” I say, a frown creasing my brow.
Chapter 19
Jade
Luke and I haven’t spoken since last night, but he is speaking at the conference tomorrow, and I still have a job to do. So I woke up at four am and I’ve spent all this time arranging and preparing for that. It didn’t help keep my mind off of Luke, though. I’ve thought about him non-stop.
I wonder what he’s doing. Is he thinking about me? Does he feel bad? Probably not. Why would he, after the way he treated me? You don’t treat people that way if you care about them. It’s obvious he doesn’t give a damn about me.
I want to talk with him and work something out.
I walk into the elevator and ride up to our floor. I step out, and as I’m walking down the hall the door to our suite opens and a local girl with long black hair and a pink mini skirt steps out. Her heels are at least six inches high. She’s tarted up like she’s going to a club, but it’s the middle of the fucking morning. My insides burn with jealous rage at just the sight of her.
What the fuck is going on?
She closes the door softly and starts walking towards me in her high heels. She’s got that cat got the cream look on her face. The look I see in the mirror after Luke
has fucked me good. She would have passed me by without even a glance if I had not stopped in front of her.
“Who the hell are you?” I’m aware that my voice is hard and cold and I’m being mean, but I can’t help it. I hate her.
Her dark eyes flash. “Who are you?” she asks me cockily.
“Did you just have sex with him?” I ask her.
She gives me a sly smile. “Which guy?”
“The guy in that suite? Did you fuck him?” I don’t want to play games. I just want to get to the bottom of everything. If she says yes, then I’m fucking done with Luke Remington. The moment I get back to New York, I’ll walk away and never see him again.
“It’s none of your business.”
I’m so angry I feel like punching her smug face. I’ve never wanted to punch anyone before. She’s smaller than me. I can take her. I grab her hand. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll report you to the hotel. How would you like that?”
A flash of fear passes her eyes before she masks it. “Yes, I did,” she admits defiantly. “Happy now?”
It’s the exact opposite of how I feel.
“Let go of me. It’s not me you have to be angry with. It’s just my job,” she says quietly. And suddenly, I feel ashamed of myself. She’s such a small thing. Even in her ridiculously high shoes, she only comes up to my chin. It’s a wonder to think that Luke’s big cock could possibly fit inside her. The thought sickens and disgusts me and I immediately release her.
She straightens her top and walks away without a care in the world.
I’m still staring at the empty space where she was standing when I hear the elevator doors close behind her. Only then, I realize I haven’t moved since she said she had sex with him. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t to hear her actually say yes, but she did.
Too hot to handle: A curvy girl romance Page 39
