Shades of Gray: A Jude Magdalyn Novel

by L. M. Pruitt

  Lesson learned. Never tell a man you’re not going to have sex with him when you’ve already sucked on his tongue in public. Nothing says challenge like a definite no.

  “Perhaps you’d be kind enough to tell me why you’re not going to have sex with me.” Theo’s voice might sound reasonable, but I wasn’t stupid enough to think he wasn’t a little annoyed with me. Despite the fact I once again occupied his lap, he didn’t feel as happy to have me there as he would have a few minutes ago.

  The knowledge stung, but I’m nothing if not temperamental.

  “Not just you. I’m not planning on having sex with anyone, anytime soon. My life is complicated enough at the moment, and sex would make it worse.”

  “Jude, you make your life too complicated.” One hand threaded through my hair at the nape of my neck, tugging just hard enough to trip my pulse into double-time. The other worked some sort of magic, of the purely chemical sort, on the spot behind my ear. It took every bit of self-control to not agree with whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

  Another lesson. Never sit in a darkened room with a man you’re attracted to when you both really, really want to jump each other’s bones unless you plan on following through.

  Which I wasn’t going to do. Really.

  His mouth held the same crazy heat from our previous kiss, and I couldn’t help but sigh as it moved over my jaw line. He burned everywhere he touched and the dirty thought of him being hot in other places had me pushing closer. Our clothes were still on. Sex stayed off the radar; Or, on the very, very outer edges.

  There’s something illicit about making out with a guy in a darkened room, trying to convince yourself you’re not going to have sex. Like being back in high school again, you know what you want to do and what you shouldn’t, and the two are completely opposite of one another. I thought so, anyway. I’d never made out with guys in high school.

  “You what?”

  Damn my totally inactive filter. My voice sounded hoarse and shaky, from desire and shame. Theo knew about my time on the streets, so I couldn’t understand why the fact shamed me. “I never kissed a single person until after I left the orphanage. Until I was on the streets.”

  Theo’s mouth stilled next to my ear, and some part of me I hadn’t been aware of tensed up. This would be the thing to make him duck and run. “You were a virgin when you ran away?”

  “For about a week. Then I had the choice of either selling drugs or selling me.” Somehow my head had settled against his chest, and I couldn’t help but hide my face in his neck. “I didn’t have the money or the stomach to sling drugs. Not at first.”

  The hand playing with my ear slid down my back, then back up. It took a long moment to realize he tried to soothe me for things beyond his control. Not condemning, or questioning, or brushing it under the rug. Just accepting the truth, and doing what he could for me.

  If I had to pinpoint one moment, just one, I think it would have been there, in the darkened room, with death and sex and survival swirling in the air.

  I seriously started to fall for Theo in that moment.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Again, Jude. It’s important you learn how to master as many skills as possible before the final battle.”

  “Oh, we’ve set a date, then? We’ve marked the day on the calendar and all that jazz?” Maybe I was a little more sarcastic than usual but God was I tired. My little interlude with Theo consisted of the only time in the past twenty-four hours I’d done anything other than eat, sleep, or train.

  Gillian glared at me, and I felt my tongue burn for a split second before I sputtered and spit. When I no longer felt like hot cheese stuck to my tongue, I rasped out, “Not nice, Gillian.”

  “Much like your attitude. Since even I am forced to admit you have a way with sarcasm which outstrips almost any person alive, more physical means are necessary to put you in your place.” Gillian strode across the room to where I sprawled in a chair, yanking me to my feet. “Time grows short, Jude. No pretense, no bullshit. We don’t have much time left, and still so much to accomplish.” She sighed, eyes dropping as she turned away. “I greatly fear we simply do not have enough time to do what needs to be done.”

  I’ve never been the scared type. I didn’t like the feeling on the streets, didn’t like it off them, and I had really learned to hate fear in every form in the past couple of weeks. But nothing scared me like Gillian almost admitting defeat. Gillian was invincible – the thought of her giving up, something I couldn’t comprehend.

  “Do you know something I don’t know? Seriously, has Rian or Celia seen something and you’re just not telling me because you’re worried I might freak out or something?”

  “No, Jude. There has been no vision.” Gillian turned back toward me, and her age struck me again. Once all this ended, I’d use some of the huge trust fund I’d come into and send her on a vacation. Maybe on a cruise or Vegas. “Only the feeling in my bones that my time grows short.”

  “What am I supposed to do without you, Gillian? Who’s going to teach me all the crap I have to know to win this war?” My stomach clenched. I did not need more emotional trauma in my life.

  “Whatever we don’t learn together, you’ll discover on your own. No need to worry about that little bit future at the moment. For now, you need to concentrate on making these vines grow as you will.”

  I nodded numbly, silently agreeing to table the conversation. This particular lesson proved hard enough without other thoughts swirling in my head. I moved past Gillian, shoulders squared, facing my nemesis – a pair of potted plants.

  I’d discovered the tactic I used for calling air and fire useless when it came to earth. I couldn’t force the earth to do anything. The key, I discovered, coaxing it to action. Given my general track record with patience, one can only guess how well the lesson turned out.

  I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. I thought about the warmth of summer sun on my skin, a crisp breeze blowing off the river, and tried to push those thoughts into the plants. Something inside me sparked for the briefest of seconds before the window or door slammed shut.

  “Hell.”

  “Your technique is solid, your execution misguided.” Gillian’s voice murmured softly in my ear, and I felt my muscles relax in response. “The vines do not grow on their own. They grow from the earth. Try again.”

  Rolling my neck and popping my joints, I closed my eyes. I thought again of summer sun, warm breezes, and misty rain. I pictured the black potting soil taking in all the elements, using them to grow and thrive. The meditative picture lulled me into relaxing, and I jumped more than a little when I heard Elizabeth’s voice. Hell if I knew when she walked into the room. “Holy crap.”

  “Language, Elizabeth.” Amusement and pride colored Gillian’s voice. “Open your eyes, Jude. See what a little patience can accomplish.”

  I opened my eyes, blinking in surprise. “That’s a little patience? What if I’d had a lot of patience?”

  “We might have finally replanted the flower beds in the courtyard.” Elizabeth’s voice held a mixture of humor and awe. The two potted plants had overgrown their containers, vines trailing over the floor for at least three feet. I didn’t recognize the delicate blossom dotted among the vines, but Elizabeth did.

  “Honeysuckle. Nice choice, although I’m pretty sure that’s not what the plants were originally.” Elizabeth moved forward cautiously, kneeling down and breathing in deeply. “Fragrant, and useful in more than one magical concoction. A multi-purpose flower.”

  “Well, I do aim to please.” No longer concentrating on making the plant grow, fatigue hit me like a silk covered hammer. I couldn’t think of a polite way to plant my butt on the ground without disclosing how weak I felt.

  I sat down, no explanations. I didn’t fool Gillian.

  “Out of all the elements, Earth is the hardest one to use as a weapon. The element is more defensive than offensive. If capture of yourself or your compound is imminent, you can us
e Earth to shore up your defenses.” Gillian’s hand on my shoulder pushed me until I laid flat and I didn’t put up any fight at all. Jesus, I was tired.

  “So, note to self, hire a gardener. Don’t attempt to work on the garden by myself. Check” The floor wasn’t the most comfortable place to try and take a nap, but I overlooked the fault. Or I would if Gillian hadn’t started talking again.

  “You should never attempt to draw life from the earth. Strength or power because they can be replenished. Life cannot.”

  “You wouldn’t by chance have all of this written down anywhere, would you? Some secret book which actually has really useful information, and not just love and sex spells?”

  “Sex spells?” I don’t know if Elizabeth was intrigued or embarrassed, but I would go with intrigued. I’m pretty sure an almost eighteen-year-old girl with the overwhelming responsibility of raising a five year old with evil ass relatives, would be pretty intrigued by sex spells. Hell, if my life were slightly less screwed up, I might have shown interest in them.

  “If there is indeed a book which can be used by you, in the event I am no longer around to assist you, you can rest assured a way will be found for you to access it.” With the disturbing statement hanging between us, Gillian brushed any talk about sex spells and magical books to the side, and turned back to the true matter at hand. More instruction, followed by more instruction, followed by more instruction.

  Two hours passed before I realized Elizabeth had yet to tell us she’d come down to the R.R.. “Did something need my attention, Elizabeth?” Something, anything. Muscles screamed, my head pounded, and I wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment.

  “Some people requesting an audience with you, Jude. Well, they were a few hours ago. They might still be around.”

  “Oh, shit. You waited two hours to tell me this?” I pushed out of the chair I’d collapsed into after another round of potted plant practice, swaying only slightly at the sudden change in elevation. Woohoo for sheer determination.

  “You were slightly busy and it would take more than visitors to have me interrupt one of Gillian’s lessons.” Nice to know Elizabeth possessed a spine. I’d had a hunch. Nice to find out I wasn’t wrong.

  Gillian smiled, like she knew the real reason the people upstairs concerned me. She folded her hands at her waist and inclined her head in the direction of the door. “We’ll continue at a later time, Jude. You and Elizabeth run off and see to your visitors. Have Bridget give you something for your head before the ache gets any worse.”

  “She has archery training with the Silent Ones at three this morning.” Elizabeth knew my schedule better than I did. Good, because I had forgotten completely about training. Bad, because I really didn’t want to attend the session now I’d been reminded of it.

  “Hmm. In that case, have Bridget put a mild tranquilizer in with the herbal she gives you.”

  “Nice to know everybody can maintain their sense of humor while I’m being forced to walk the plank. Come on, Elizabeth. Let’s go see if my mystery visitors turned to stone while waiting or if they simply gave up and left.” The room spun, but I managed to stay upright. Elizabeth gave me her arm to lean on, which let me know I looked as bad as I felt.

  Gillian stayed behind, either to tidy up or prune the fifty feet or so of vine rambling across the floor. Elizabeth and I made it up the first two flights of stairs before I needed to sit down. Since I had the choice of either sitting or falling and two flights was a long way down. I went with sitting.

  “Maybe I should go get Theo, or Rian. I may haul Celia around, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to have a chance in hell at picking you up.”

  “I would have to agree with your assistant, Jude Magdalyn. But as I am here at the moment, perhaps I might offer my services in assisting you up to the main floor.”

  And in two seconds flat, the night went from screwed up to fucked up. I hadn’t seen hide or hair of Williams since he’d left two nights ago. Since I still wasn’t allowed outside the house without a guard – scratch that, if I got outside at all – I assumed he hadn’t been able to track Hart down and finish him off.

  I couldn’t argue, Williams carry me up the stairs would be a lot quicker than struggling up them. I nodded reluctantly, and Elizabeth moved up a few stairs to keep from crowding Williams. He lifted me like I weighed nothing, but when you’re super frickin’ strong, a lot of things must seem like they weigh nothing. His arms supported me, and he kept his hands away from anything too personal.

  After a flight of stairs, Williams shifted me in his grip, and I couldn’t help a groan when the movement set off a fire alarm in my head. The really loud kind, not the nice electronic tone. Williams sighed, his breath ruffling my hair. “Elizabeth, why don’t you run along and see if you can locate Bridget. The last I saw of her she was in the storeroom off the kitchen. Jude Magdalyn would seem to be in need of a restorative aid.”

  I’ll give Elizabeth credit. She hesitated for a long moment, only turning and hurrying up the stairs when I nodded my head. Williams followed, albeit at a slower pace. Whether to jostle me less or because he wanted a little quiet time, I wasn’t sure. Either way, we were alone.

  Something that’d always worked out so well in the past.

  “You’ve acquired another admirer in young Elizabeth.”

  “Elizabeth helps keep me organized. And Celia’s a trip. Can’t be in a room with her for more than five minutes before she does something absolutely hilarious.” We could have a normal adult conversation while reenacting Gone With the Wind.

  “Theo seems to be quite attached to you as well. One would go so far as to say utterly devoted.”

  “Williams, if you have something in particular you want to say, I’m guessing now would be the time. I’m not seeing anybody around but the two of us.”

  “Nothing that hasn’t already been said. You appear to have made your choice.” Back to being cryptic as hell. I really wasn’t in the mood and I did my best to ignore him. Not easy, since he carried me, but I tried.

  Neither of us said anything until we reached the main floor and the hallway which ran next to the kitchen. He set me down gently, supporting my lower back with his hand until I stood steady. I wouldn’t have let him carry me for everyone to see how crappy I felt, and I appreciated not having to tell him.

  Not second too soon, Bridget and Elizabeth stepped out of the storeroom. Bridget held a cup filled with steaming liquid, and Elizabeth held another cold compress. Sighing, I stepped forward, taking the cup from Bridget. I wrinkled my nose at the smell, shuddering at the thought of the taste.

  I blew on the liquid, trying to cool it off. “Well, bottoms up,” I muttered. The tea burned going down, but wasn’t nearly as disgusting as imagined. Whatever it contained was nothing short of a miracle. Before the heat in my chest began to ease every other part of me relaxed.

  “Alright, now that I look like I’m only one level below living and not five, I guess I should go meet whoever, if they’re still here.” I might have been exhausted, but I could still notice when people exchanged nervous glances around me. “Okay, what gives?”

  “These visitors might require Gillian’s presence as well. Just to ensure things stay on an even note.” Williams’ voice remained as calm as usual but, since very little threw him into a tizzy, I didn’t look to him as a weather vane. I raised my eyebrows, hoping someone would take the hint and clue me in.

  “It’s a group of parents. Some of their children are among those planning to fight in the final battle. All would prefer their children not fight.” Bridget resembled Gillian in that very few things ruffled her feathers. I guess the parents weren’t happy about having to wait for so long, because she looked pretty frazzled.

  “What the hell am I supposed to say to a group of angry parents? I mean, do I even remotely remind you of a school principal?”

  “I imagine you could start by telling them whatever they need to hear, Jude Magdalyn.”

  “Thanks, sma
rtass. Nice to know I can count on you for in-depth advice.” I squared my shoulders, pulled my hair up and twisting it into a bun. “Alright. Time to go beard the lions in the den.”

  I was pretty sure the good guy won out in that Bible story. Pretty sure.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  They lied. These parents were furious. I hadn’t seen adults this angry since the time Tessa Moore and I snuck pages of Catcher in the Rye into the sixth grade reading primers. The sixth graders learned some interesting vocabulary. Tessa and I got six months’ worth of daily detention. I skipped out before I was halfway through, and I’d always wondered if the nuns gave Tessa the rest of my detention in addition to hers.

  I would have turned on my heel and walked out of the parlor, but Williams and Elizabeth were directly behind me. I pushed my shoulders back, sucked in a deep breath, and strode to the center of the room. Might as well try for a little self-assurance.

  The parents moved out of the way and did the whole head bowing thing. I didn’t see any change to the looks of ire, outrage, and on some faces, sheer dislike. Some parents are apparently interested in their children’s well-being before anything else, no matter their youngsters’ age. Lucky kids.

  “Gabrielle is ten years old. Ten, and she asks me why she can’t join the fight.”

  “Jonas was up half the night researching protective spells, and the other half practicing damn archery.”

  “Michael does nothing but mix potions and talk online to outsiders about more potions.”

  They were surprisingly vocal. The other night you could have heard a pin drop with close to a thousand people in the room. Now with a little over two dozen, I could hardly hear myself think. I tried a few ‘excuse me’s’, but they were too worked up to listen to anything but the sound of their own voices. Finally, I stuck two fingers in my mouth and whistled.

  The whistle shut them up. All of them, all the way. I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “Now that I can actually hear everybody, why don’t you all take a seat and we’ll discuss your concerns.”